Laura enters the cell area of the Las Hadas jail. Steele is sitting on the cot against the far wall. "You all right?" she asks through the bars.
"Um hmm," he mutters, and then waves away a mosquito. "You wouldn't happen to have that mosquito netting handy, would you?"
"What happened?"
"What happened. You want the official version or the truth?"
"I've heard the official version."
He looks at her. "Uh huh, yeah, well-they're both painfully similar," he tells her, crossing to join her at the bars. "Except for one minor detail. Keyes was already dead when I found him."
"Why didn't you call someone?" she asks him. "The police The hotel manager?"
"And tell them what? That the man I knocked off a fifty foot balcony had the audacity - the bad manners- to expire on my floor?"
"It might have been better than being discovered trying to hide his body in a tent on the beach."
"Remind me not to hire you as my defense attorney," Steele comments, walking away.
"Did you know he as at the Hotel Del Amor the day before we arrived?" Laura asks him.
"Keyes?"
"It appears as though you've been following him across Mexico!"
"That's why our travel plans changed," Steele realizes. "Huh."
"Why don't you have a name?!"
"What?"
"I feel like a fool calling you Mr. Steele or Remington at a time like this. Why don't you have a real name like everybody else?" He sighs. "If ever there were a time when we needed to be completely honest with one another, this is it. There was many a time when I wanted to kill Keyes myself. With my bare hands."
"But you didn't." Now Laura sighs, looking at him. "And neither did I."
"What I'm trying to say is, I'd understand if he goaded you past the point and you lost control -"
"I didn't kill Keyes!" he insists. Laura looks uncertain. "Now, the first order of business is to get me out of here so I can prove it!"
"No chance. I've already checked."
"I'm not gonna sit in this jail and watch them build my gallows outside, Laura," he tells her.
"Then do a little praying. You can start by praying I'm as good a detective as I claim to be."
Steele looks angry.
***
Laura and Fernando talk, and then part with a handshake. Tony hails her and she stops for him to catch up. "Laura! I just heard about your husband. Is there anything I can do to help you?" he offers.
Before she can answer, a noise nearby draws Laura's attention. She looks at the hotel van. Mildred is there with the driver, trying to get her luggage, which has fallen. "I just bought this luggage!" she declares angrily.
"Mildred?!" Laura says, running to help her. "Mildred!"
"Oh, look at this," Mildred says. "It's all scratched!"
A heavily made up Hispanic woman moves past them to Tony and gives him a sexy smile. "Excuse me. Would you happen to know where the adult pool is?" she asks.
Tony gives her a look. "Hang a right at the square," he tells her.
She smiles more. "Gracias."
"De nada." He watches as she sways away from him.
"What are you doing here?" Laura asks Mildred.
"Well, I just thought I'd come down and straighten out the travel arrangements," she says. "Maybe mix a little business with pleasure, you know?"
"I'm afraid it's going to be *all* business," Laura tells her. "The police think Mr. Steele killed Norman Keyes."
"What? Oh ho! God for the Boss!"
"Mildred, use the telephone in my suite and get a list of all the insurance cases Keyes was working on. We need suspects. Fast."
"See? I'm useful already," Mildred tells her.
"Go!" Laura tells her urgently. "Go!"
"I'm going, I'm going!" Mildred says, running off.
Laura turns to Tony. "Is that offer of help still good?"
"You name it."
"How are you at acrobatics?"
Tony looks surprised.
***
A guard is outside of Keyes' room. Laura watches from nearby as Tony drives a cart around the corner and loses control of it, which sends him to the ground. The guard runs to help him, leaving Laura in the clear to get into Keyes' room.
The guard reaches Tony, who's laying on the ground. He speaks to Tony in Spanish, and Tony responds, groaning in pain as the guard touches his leg. Tony looks up at him and says, "Get me un medico. Rapido!" The guard takes off.
***
Inside Keyes' room, Laura opens his suitcase, then closes it as Tony enters. "You pick a mean lock," he tells her.
"My uncle was a delivery man," she says, looking through the case. "A very determined deliveryman. Taught me all his secrets."
"Something tells me that you're not your ordinary housewife," he says, coming up into the bedroom with her.
"I'm just a girl trying to have a honeymoon," she tells him, going to a carryon bag in a chair. "Only it's a little difficult when your husband's behind bars."
"Isn't this slightly illegal?" Tony asks her.
"No," she says. "It's *very* illegal. But the hotel manager told me that the police haven't been here yet."
"You wanna tell me what we're looking for?"
"Something. Anything to prove that Remington didn't kill Norman Keyes."
Tony has gone to a desk. "Then you don't wanna see this."
"What is it?"
"It's a letter that Keyes was writing to someone at- Vigilance Insurance? 'And I'm more convinced than ever that Steele may try to silence me.'"
Laura listens to him, then joins him. "Let me see that," she says. She picks up the letter and reads it silently.
"Why did Keyes think your marriage was phony?" Tony asks as she reads.
"He was cracked," she explains.
"Yeah, well, right over here, he said that he was sure he could prove it."
She folds the letter and moves away. "It's a long story, Tony," she says, and puts the letter into her purse.
"Oh, you've got a lot of those, Laura."
She passes him to go into the bathroom. "Check the door, will you?"
"Yeah," he says. The minute she's in the bathroom, he rushes to her purse and starts to take the letter out. When Laura starts talking, he leaves it and moves away from the purse.
"Well, well, isn't this interesting."
"What?" he asks, standing near the entry to the room as she comes from the bath with her hand behind her back.
"Keyes checked in alone, correct?"
"Hm mmm."
"And what's a bald man doing with a hair brush in his bathroom?" she asks, pulling one from behind her. She shows him the ornate design on the back of the silver brush.
"Maybe he was an optimist," Tony suggests, moving closer to Laura's purse.
"You have a very warped sense of humor," Laura tells him. "Just like somebody else I know."
"Sorry."
"This proves that there's someone down here who knew Keyes. Knew him well enough to be invited to Keyes suite." She pulls a hair out of the brush. "Someone with long, blonde hair."
***
Tony enters his much smaller hotel room and latches the door, only to freeze as he hears a woman's voice. "Antonio," she calls seductively.
He looks angry, and goes to the bedroom, where he finds the woman from the hotel van lounging on his bed in a shimmery bathing suit. She waves her fingers at him. "What are you doing here?" he asks.
"I waited for you by the pool," she tells him.
He shakes his head. "I mean, why aren't you in Mexico City?" he asks, coming closer.
She kneels on the bed. "I wanted to celebrate with you," she tells him, smiling, her arms out to him.
"Yeah, well, there's nothing to celebrate." He starts removing his shirt.
She frowns. "But when you called last night, you said everything was perfecto."
"Yeah, I know. That was before Mr. Steele decided to kill someone."
She looks worried. "Is this what you call a glitch?" she asks.
"Yeah," Tony says, wiping himself down with a towel. "But it's nothing that I can't work my way out of."
"Then we are still going to the States?" she asks, crawling toward him.
He hesitates slightly before saying, "Sure. Just- don't go buyin' any plane tickets yet."
She gets off the bed. "Oooh, three years I have followed you. All over South America, do you think I only did this because you *promised* to take me to the States?"
He's getting a clean shirt. "Yes."
"And did I ever threaten to leave because you were not a big shot in the Immigration Department anymore?"
"Every day," he says, putting on the shirt.
"And did I ever ask why your bosses were so angry with you that they sent you to all those dirty little towns in South America?"
"Every OTHER day," he says.
She comes around and drapes herself on him. "You see, Antonio, I have been your loyal secretary. As well as your faithful companion." She pushes away. "And don't bring up that bull fighter again. I told you- he was just showing me where he had been gored."
"Conchita, go home."
"Please?" she says, moving back to him. "Oh, tell me you haven't-how do you say- screwed up again?" Tony looks angry. "I couldn't stand another disappointment."
He takes her hands off of his shirt. "As soon as I prove Steele's marriage is a fraud, I'll be back in solid with my bosses." He looks at her with a smile. "We'll be across the Rio Grande."
She runs to him and gives him a kiss. "Then do it. I've already packed, and my clothes are getting wrinkled."
"First, I have to get Steele out of jail. Because if that doesn't happen, we can kiss Disneyland goodbye- Adios."
She smiles at him and pulls him toward the bed, but he doesn't move. "Antonio."
"What?"
"You haven't told me how you like my new bathing suit." He looks her over. "I bought it especially for you."
"Nice material."
"And you know the best feature?" she asks.
"No."
"It comes off so easily," she says, lowering the single shoulder strap. Tony laughs.
***
At the jail, a guard shows Mildred into the cell block. She runs to Steele's cell, where he's laying down. "Oh, Boss," she says, upset. "Oh, Boss, you look awful. You're all haggard and pasty. Your right eye is twitching."
Steele sits up, confused. "It's good to see you, too, Mildred. Why am I- I mean, why am I seeing you here? In Mexico?"
"I can't find Miss Holt- I mean Mrs. Steele. She asked me to dig up all the cases that Keyes was working on."
"And?"
She lowers her voice. "The only case that he was on is yours," she tells him.
"Oh, well, at least the man's consistent," Steele comments, standing up.
"Oh wait, it gets worse."
"Uh huh?"
"Keyes raised his insurance by one million bucks. He said he was afraid of what you might do to him."
"Oh, great, Mildred. Thanks for stopping by. Great."
"Oh, Boss, don't confuse the message with the messenger," she begs.
He scratches his neck. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Someone made it appear that I was following Keyes from the Hotel Del Amor down to Las Hadas. But I didn't see Keyes at the Hotel Del Amor- and we weren't supposed to *be* there in the first place!"
"Oh. Which reminds me. I found out who switched your travel plans."
"You did? Well, why didn't you tell me? Never mind. Never mind." He sees the police captain coming into the jail and calls. "Captain! Captain!" He turns to Mildred as the Captain joins her. "If someone switched those plans, it proves I wasn't following Keyes."
"Good point, Chief," she agrees, "But I don't think you-" She stops as the Captain comes up to her.
"Hold up," Steele tells her. "Hold up. Captain," he says with a smile. "You honor, sir- Senora Krebs here knows who tried to frame me for the murder of Norman Keyes. Go ahead, Mildred, tell the man." Mildred looks at him, uncertain whether she should talk. "Go ahead, Mildred, tell the nice Captain who switched our plans!"
Mildred looks ready to cry as she tells Steele, "You did."
Steele claps his hands. "You see, Capt-" He stops as he realizes what Mildred said. "I did? Me?"
She turns into the bars and lowers her voice. "That's what the travel agent told me."
"I changed the plans?" Steele asks again.
"You have just supplied the missing piece to the puzzle," the Captain tells Mildred.
"I have?" Mildred asks.
"Sí. Now I know Señor Steele's plan was premeditated. You've made it possible for me to upgrade the charges from manslaughter to first degree murder." Steele looks sick. "Muchas gracias, señora," the captain says, smiling. "Muchas gracias." He walks away.
"Oh, boss," Mildred cries. "I tried to warn you."
"I know you did, Mildred. I know you did. I know you did. You've gotta get me outa this place, Mildred. Or else I'm carne muerta."
"Carne muerta?" she asks.
"Dead meat," he translates winking at her.
***
Later, Steele is sitting on his cot when a heavy rope drops from the window. He stands up to find Mildred there. "Good work, Mildred," he praises, tying the rope around the bars.
"Listen, Boss, I don't mind telling you, I'm a little scared."
"Don't worry. You're doing fine. Just fine." He looks out of the window as he works on the rope. "Uh, where's the truck?"
"What truck?"
"The truck that's supposed to be on the other end of this rope."
"Oh, well, I didn't exactly get a truck."
"Then what exactly did you get?" She looks toward the bay, where the rope is tied to the back of a party boat, where a mariachi band is playing "Guantanamera". Steele looks at her. "Couldn't you have found something a tad less conspicuous, Mildred?"
"I don't habla espanol very well," she reminds him. He hears the police coming, and tells her, "Get out of here," as he dives for his shirt. He puts it partially on quickly then stands before the rope on the bars to hide it. The policeman stops to watch him, and as the boat moves out, the bars begin to groan. To hide the noise, Steele yawns- loudly.
The policeman moves on, and Steele moves away from the windows as the boat pulls the wall away. The policeman returns to find Steele gone. He unlocks the door, and is joined by another policeman.
Steele joins Mildred, who asks, "Now what?"
A policeman sees them and fires his gun.
"Run!" Steele tells her as they're fired on again.
"Sure, that's easy for you to say!" she tells him.
"Stay down," He tells her as they run. "Come on," he says. "Come on."
"Oh," Mildred cries at last. "I can't keep this up much longer!" He pulls her to a safe spot. "Oh, Boss," she apologizes. "I'm sorry. My puppies are pooped.
"I've been thinking, Mildred, if no one else had a grudge against Keyes, and I didn't kill him- who else stood to gain from his death, eh?"
"This is no time for twenty questions," she tells him. "Who?"
"You said he upped his life insurance by a million dollars?"
"The beneficiary," Mildred realizes.
"Uh huh. It's all we've got. Okay, I'll decoy the police. Once they pass, you get back to Las Hadas and get on that phone, Mildred." He blows her a kiss. "Okay." He takes off.
Mildred blows a kiss back, and watches him go. The police pass right by her, almost finding her, till Steele pops up and yells. "HEY!"
They see him and shoot at him, then chase him as he runs away. Mildred retraces her steps out of the jungle.
***
Steele sees the bus that he and Laura were on and jumps onto the back of it as it passes him. The police stop the bus not far down the road. Steele is still on the back of the bus as it stops.
"Alto!" the policeman calls out. "Alto!"
Steele sees the Captain and his men, as they search the bus. The Captain looks under it- and when they get to the back, Steele's not there. The captain gives up, and motions the bus to pass.
Steele is on top of the bus, holding onto the luggage rack.
***
Laura and Tony are in Fernando's office, looking over Keyes' bill. "No phone calls," she notes. "He ate alone. He didn't even buy anyone a drink. I'm afraid there's nothing here to indicate that he had any company."
"Keyes rented a car," Tony points out. "A red Topaz. It might be worth checking out."
"His car would still be here, wouldn't it?" Laura asks Fernando.
"It is not something he would take with him," the manager says. When Laura frowns, he stands up. "This way, please."
Laura pauses as she and Tony turn to follow. "You know, for an archeologist, you're not half bad at being a detective."
"Same job. Different tools." She smiles and they follow the manger.
Downstairs, they stop. "Is that what I think it is?" Laura asks, watching as bell hops unload baggage from the trunk of a red car.
"If you think it's a red Topaz," Tony says, "It is."
"I will go see if it has the same license plate," Fernando tells them.
The cart passes with the blonde whose luggage came from the red car. "No need to," Laura tells Fernando. "What do you want to bet she's missing a hair brush?" Laura asks Tony.
He looks at her with a smile.
***
Laura enters Keyes room, where the blonde's luggage has just been placed. She peeks at the tag on the luggage, then calls out, "Hello? Miss Scribner?"
The blonde joins Laura. "Yes?"
"Tracy Lord," Laura says, holding out her hand. "I'm executive director of guest relations, and I wanted to welcome you personally to Las Hadas."
"That's very kind."
"I'd also like you to accept a small token of our pleasure in having you with us." She snaps her fingers as the blonde removes her sunglasses. "Manuel?"
Tony enters, carrying a fruit basket on his shoulder to hide his face.
"You're too kind."
"Andale," Laura tells 'Manuel'. He carries the basket into the bedroom.
"Where is he going?"
"It's best to keep the cheese in the bathroom. It stays cooler in there."
"I never heard that."
"We're right on the edge of a jungle here, Miss Scribner. And well, you know what jungles can do to cheese. Andele," she tells Tony again, and he heads for the bathroom. "So, are you here on business or pleasure, Miss Scribner?"
"My uncle was murdered here last night," the woman tells Laura.
Laura doesn't bat an eyelash. "Oh, I am sorry. That was your uncle?"
"I've just come to take his body home," she says, seeming to be upset.
Laura nods sympathetically. "Came - straight from the airport, did you?"
Tony picks the lock on the make up case on the bathroom counter. He opens it to reveal a brush, comb and mirror set- only the hairbrush is missing. He smiles.
"I'm so sorry for your loss, Miss Scribner. And believe me, if there is anything I can do-"
"There is one thing."
"Yes?"
"Leave."
"Of course." She snaps her fingers again. "Manuel! Andele! Andele!" Tony closes the case and returns it to where it was. "Please. Don't hesitate to call."
As Tony passes, Miss Scribner notes, "Don't all the workers here wear white?"
Tony stops in the door, thinking they've been caught out. "You're absolutely right," Laura agrees. "Excuse me." She turns Tony around and grabs his shirt. "Estupido. Blanca! Blanca!" She pushes him out of the suite. "Good help is so hard to find," she tells the blonde, then turns and follows Tony.
Outside, she laughs. "Nice save," he tells her.
"You make a great welcome wagon."
"The lady's a liar," he tells her.
"So she's missing a hairbrush?"
"You got yourself a suspect."
"Now all I have to do is convert her into a murderer," Laura says, turning to stare at the room.
***
Mildred is on the telephone when Laura and Tony enter the suite. "Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate it. Listen, I- I owe you one. Bye." She hangs up and rushes to Laura. "Where have you been? I've seen more of Mexico than Pancho Villa trying to find you!"
"Well," Laura begins, turning to Tony.
"Who's he?" Mildred asks.
"Tony," he tells her with a smile, shaking her hand. His smile fades as he sees Conchita, still in her bathing suit, at one of the windows to the terrace.
"Don't you come with a last name?" Mildred asks.
Conchita beckons him with a finger. "Roselli," he tells Mildred. "Tony Roselli." HE looks at Laura. "Do you mind if I wash up?"
"Help yourself," she tells him.
Mildred holds onto his hand, keeping him from going. "Don't you wanna know my name?"
He nods, getting his hand free. "But I wanna be clean when I hear it," he tells her, backing away. "Don't go away."
"Where did you find him?" Mildred asks.
"In the jungle."
"Oh? What was he doing? Swinging from a vine?"
"As a matter of fact, yes." She starts to say something else when Mildred's mother instinct kicks in.
"Does the Boss know that you're hanging around with a road company Tarzan?"
"What have you found out about Keyes?"
"While he is languishing away in a Mexican jail?"
"Mildred, the business at hand!" Laura reminds her forcefully.
In the main room of the suite, Tony lets Conchita into the suite. "Conchita, what are you *doing* here?" he asks.
"Oh, I'm bored, Antonio," she purrs, trying to put
her arms around his neck. "And oily."
He pulls her arms down and starts to pull her outside- but he
hears someone coming, and pulls her back inside, and up into the
bedroom.
Steele climbs slowly over the concrete fence surrounding the terrace.
When Tony lifts Conchita up into the room, she giggles. "Antonio."
"Shh," he warns, taking her first to the door, then to the bed. "Under the bed. Get under the bed. Stay put," he tells her.
She pauses. "You sure you mean *under* the bed?"
"Not a peep!"
She starts to slide under, then looks up. "Peep!" She giggles again.
Tony stands up from the bed just as Steele enters the room. "Antony, wasn't it?" Steele asks.
Tony sits on the edge of the bed. "Still is."
"Acquired a taste for fish eggs, have you?" he asks, going toward the closet as he strips his shirts.
"I thought you were in jail?"
"I bet you did," Steele replies.
Laura comes down the hall. "Tony, I thought I heard-" Steele comes out of the closet, bare-chested. "Mr. Steele?"
Tony looks at her as Mildred comes in behind her. "Mr. Steele?"
"She's always so formal when we have guests," Steele says.
"What are you doing here, Boss?"
"The jungle got a little crowded, Mildred," he explains.
"How did you get out of jail?" Laura asks.
Mildred smiles as he tells her, "We- uh, made a back door."
Conchita sticks her hand out to play with Tony's shoes. He steps on her fingers.
"Didn't we agree that I would do the investigating?" Laura reminds him.
"Remember those gallows I was telling you about? They're up." He nods at Mildred. "Did you find out who Keyes' beneficiary is?"
"Yeah, it's his niece," Mildred says. "She's supposed to be coming down here. Her name is-"
"Danielle Scribner," Laura finishes. Mildred looks at her.
"How do you know that?"
"Uh, she's already here to claim the body," Tony tells her.
Tucking his tee-shirt in, Steele notes, "That's one expeditious niece."
"If she really is his niece," Laura points out.
They all look around as someone knocks on the front door. "Señora Steele? It's Captain Juarez. I must speak to you."
Laura looks around. "Quick!" she tells Steele. "Under the bed."
Tony can't do much to stop them, just buries his face in his hand. Steele slides under the bed beside Conchita as Tony, Mildred, and Laura sit on the end of the bed.
"It's open!" Laura calls out Juarez.
Juarez sends his men around the suite to look for Steele as he heads toward the bedroom.
Steele finally realizes that he's not alone and turns his head to find Conchita, who smiles at him and wiggles her fingers. "Hola," she whispers.
Juarez enters the bedroom. "Can I help you find something?" Laura asks.
He nods. "Hm hmm. Your husband."
"My husband?" Laura asks, placing a hand to her chest.
"Come, come, Señora Steele. Do not try and tell me you do not know that your husband broke out of my jail today."
"I know he did," she says.
"Do you also know where he is?"
"Yes." Mildred looks at her.
"I'm listening," the Captain says.
Conchita is touching Steele's face as he listens to Laura.
"The last I heard, he was heading for the Hotel Del Amor. He thinks something there can prove his innocence." Mildred breathes easier.
"Very well, I will see if he's there. But do not leave this area until I come back," he warns.
Steele smiles at Conchita.
Laura shakes her head. "Hasta luego," The Captain wishes, then leaves.
As soon as they hear the door close behind the police, Laura and Mildred get up. "Whew!" Mildred says. "That was close."
Steele slides out and sits beside Tony on the bed. "The maid service around here is deplorable." He looks at Tony. "You wouldn't believe the lint under this bed."
Tony gives him a sideways look and smiles slightly, realizing that Steele's not going to give him away.
"We haven't got much time," Laura says. "Now, we all agree that the so-called niece killed Keyes for his insurance, right?"
"Right," Mildred says. "But how do we prove it?"
"If she claims the body today and flies home," Tony tells them, "Forget it."
"In that case," Steele says, "How are you at grave robbing, Antony?"
"I'm an archeologist, remember?"
"Uh hmm. How could I forget? You'll have to detain the niece until the funeral home closes, Laura."
"Beverly Hills Cop," Laura says to him, smiling.
"Who?" Tony asks.
"Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold, Paramount, 1985," Steele cites. "Excellent, Laura. A couple of well placed bananas oughta decommission her car.
"So that Tracy Lord can come to the rescue and chauffer her wherever she wants to go."
"And get hopelessly lost," Steele finishes.
Mildred chuckles, delighted and tells Tony, "Aren't they great together? I'd hate to see anyone *try* to mess with this team," she says, a note of warning in her voice.
"Mildred," Laura says. "Bananas."
"Ape-fruit coming right up," Mildred promises, and leaves the room.
"Come along, Antony," Steele says, getting up to follow Mildred. "It's rude to keep a corpse waiting."
Tony gets up slowly, glancing back at the bed as he follows Steele.
Laura's on her way to follow them when she sees Conchita slide out from under the bed. "Hola," Conchita says with her little wave.
Laura looks her over, then says, "You must be the lint."
Conchita frowns, confused.
***
After dark, Steele and Tony get to the funeral parlour. Steele gets out his lock picks. "You and the little woman get those for wedding presents?" Tony asks.
Steele kneels beside the door. "She doesn't like to be called the 'little woman'," Steele informs him. "A very independent sort, my bride. Shine the torch over here, will you?" He's just about to put the pick into the lock when Tony kicks the door in.
"No time to get fancy," he says.
Steele looks up at him. "Oh, good. Now no one will know we're here."
"It's open, isn't it? Come on." Tony goes inside.
Steele stands up slowly and puts the pick up, following him.
Tony shines a flashlight around the room, revealing that it's filled with coffins. Steele enters, shining his light at Tony with a curious look. "Have any idea what the penalty is for body stealing in Mexico?" Tony asks as he and Steele look for Keyes' body.
"It can't be any worse than the penalty for killing one," Steele points out. "Speaking of bodies, you didn't happen to notice that young, nubile one under my bed, did you?" He turns the flashlight on Tony as he looks around to answer.
"Uh, no. I-can't say that I did," he lies.
"I thought you might have misplaced her."
"Old bones are my bag."
"Pity, she was very friendly."
Tony smiles at him attempt to make him jealous. "Keyes' body doesn't seem to be here."
Steele's flashlight beam hits a pedestal with an urn on it. The tag on the pedestal reads "Sr. Keyes."
"Not entirely, anyway," Steele notes, going to the urn. Taking a deep breath, he lifts the lid and looks inside.
"Keyes was cremated?" Tony asks.
"Unless those are his old cigar ashes," Steele comments.
"I don't get it. How could his niece have the body cremated if she hasn't even claimed it yet?"
Steele looks thoughtful. "And Then There Were None."
"Yeah, not much."
"Barry Fitzgerald."
"This isn't Keyes?" Tony asks.
"Walter Huston, Louis Heyward, C. Aubrey Smith."
"Steele, are you losing it?"
"Twentieth Century Fox, 1945," Steele continues unabated.
"Another movie?" Tony asks, frustrated.
"No, the solution to this case," Steele declares. "Grab that urn. Keyes is alive!"
***
Back at the suite, Steele paces before the urn as it sits on the coffee table. Laura, Mildred and Tony are seated as he says, "It was there all along. Right under my nose."
"What are you smelling, Chief?" Mildred asks eagerly.
"Keyes faked his own murder. Just the way Barry Fitzgerald did in 'And Then There Were None'," he tells her.
"But you saw him dead," Mildred insists.
Laura looks up at Steele. "The Devil's Playground," she says.
Steele nods. "Precisely."
Tony sits forward to say to Mildred, "These two have a hell of a code."
"And I pity the guy who tries to crack it," she warns him.
Tony smiles as Laura tells them, "A few years ago, Tony, we had a similar case, where a so-called victim feigned her own death with the drug digitalis leaf."
"The proper dosage would have slowed Keyes' pulse and heart rate to the point where only a perceptive doctor could tell he wasn't actually dead."
"That slime ball!" Mildred declares.
"He changed our travel plans," Laura tells Steele. "He wanted it to look as if you were following him."
"And then staged enough public confrontations to give the police all the motive they needed to arrest *me* for his murder."
"That low-life slime ball!" Mildred says.
"Enter his accomplice, who made it look as if Keyes had been cremated," Laura says, indicating the urn.
Steele sits down. "Which makes it absolutely impossible for anyone to prove he isn't really dead."
Mildred taps Tony's leg. "I love it when they're on a roll."
Tony sits forward. "All this because he thought your marriage wasn't legit?"
"Among other things," Laura says.
"Such as a two million dollar life insurance pay-off," Steele says.
"Plus the twisted satisfaction of knowing that Mr. St- That Remington was rotting in a Mexican jail for a murder that never was."
"That slimy, low-life slime ball!"
"Redundant, but accurate, Mildred," Steele tells her.
"Well," Laura sighs, "Believing Keyes is still alive is one thing. Proving it is another kettle of fish."
Steele stares at the urn. "Piece of cake."
Mildred hits Tony's leg again, smiling. "He's got a plan. Lay it on us, Boss."
"All we have to do is to force the niece to make contact with Keyes. Then, we have him."
"Exactly how do we do that?" Laura asks.
Steele smiles at the urn again.
***
Laura and Steele hide behind a wall as Danielle returns to her room. She enters, and stops in her tracks as she sees the urn sitting on a table. She slams the door angrily.
"Uh huh," Steele tells her. "Well, it's just a matter of moment now before she goes running to Keyes."
Dawn breaks, and an exhausted Steele sits beside the wall. Laura lowers herself to his side, slapping at a mosquito. "She hasn't moved," she tells him.
He yawns. "Well, at least we can say we were up all night on our honeymoon," he says, looking at her. She looks back as Tony brings them some coffee.
"Thanks," Laura says.
"Anything?" he asks.
"I think she's sleeping in," Laura tells him.
Tony peers over the wall. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question, Antony?"
Tony looks at Steele. "Depends."
"I know I can speak for Mrs. Steele when I say we enjoy your company immensely, however, - haven't you got any other friends?" he asks, taking a sip of his coffee. Laura glares at him.
"I'm not due at the dig for a couple of days," Tony explains. "But, if I'm in the way here-" he moves to leave. But Laura grabs his arm.
"No, no," she insists. "Not at all. My husband is just trying to thank you for your generous help- in his own unique way."
"Oh," Tony says.
Steele frowns as Mildred joins them. "Boy, this is one crowded bush."
"Mildred, why aren't you manning the switchboard?"
"Because the niece called for an airport taxi. She's heading back for LA."
Steele frowns. "Piece of cake, huh?" Laura asks Steele. "She's going home!"
"Every plan has a flaw," Steele reminds her.
Tony is looking over the fence. "Hey, hey," he says. They all turn to look as a hotel bell boy knocks on Danielle's door.
She opens it, carrying the urn, wearing a black outfit. The bell hop picks up her luggage and they start out.
"Why is she using a taxi," Steele wonders aloud, "When she can use Keyes' car?"
"I hate to admit it, but that's a good question," Laura says.
"Maybe she's just a decoy," Tony suggests.
Mildred gasps. "Or maybe Keyes is waiting for her at the airport."
"Okay," Steele decides. "You two follow the niece. Mrs. Steele and I will keep and eye on the car."
***
Mildred, carrying a suitcase, runs from the hotel, yelling. "Alto, alto! HEY!" the van stops. "El taxio," she says, frowning. She gets into the van and tells the driver, "Aeropuerto. Pronto!"
The driver, (who is Tony, wearing a cap and glasses, nods. "Sí, señora."
Mildred sits beside Danielle, who asks Tony, "Weren't you the wine and cheese basket?"
"Uh, no comprendo, senorita."
Mildred looks at the urn. "That's a nice vase. Where'd you get it?"
"It's an urn," Danielle informs her.
"Oh. Anybody I know?" Mildred asks, laughing as the van starts- then almost falling as it stops quickly to avoid Conchita, who stands in front of it.
Conchita pulls the passenger door open and gets inside. "Yo
no puedo aguantato de esto! Insisto en saber a donde vas ahora
mismo!"
"Salda esto carro ahora, basta ruinado todo! Vete! Ahora, no es tiempo para discutir, comprende? Vete!" Tony says, reaching across to open the door for her. She slams the door again and sits back.
Mildred leans forward to ask Tony, "Who's she?"
"No comprendo, Señora." He lets off the brake suddenly, causing Mildred to fall back into her seat.
***
Keyes red Topaz comes around to the front of the hotel as Steele and Laura watch from across the courtyard. Bell hops put luggage into the trunk, and Laura comments, "I'd recognize Keyes' ugly luggage anywhere."
A man wearing a uniform with the words, "Camino Rent A Car" on the back gets into the car and drives off. "Shall we see where it's going?" Steele asks. They go to a golf cart and start after the red car.
As they leave the hotel compound, a police man in a car sees them and calls in on the radio.
***
Tony parks the van at the airport. A man opens the door for Mildred and Danielle. Danielle heads into the terminal, but Mildred hangs back and asks Tony- who has Conchita's arms wrapped around his neck, "What are you waiting for?"
"Never mind," he tells her. "Just stop that urn!"
Mildred frowns, but turns to follow the blonde. Tony gets out of the van with Conchita hanging on his back. "Conchita, let go of me. Conchita, let go of me!"
"Oh, always you want to leave me except when we are in bed. Let's go to your room, Antonio. The urge is with me."
"Are you crazy?" Tony asks, trying to walk away. "I've almost got this thing wrapped up!"
"There will be another way to get to America."
"Not for me!" he tells her, pushing her hand away from him.
"Its her, isn't it?"
"Who?"
"That gringa brunette!"
"She's a case, Conchita!"
"Hah! You're telling me!
"I don't know what's eating you, but you're starting to get to me!" he turns to walk away.
"You, you-" she follows him, pushing him. "You have pushed me aside, ignored me. I had to hide under the bed, I got sunburned! And why? So you could be with her!" she takes a swing at him, but Tony ducks and grabs her, lifting her into the air.
"Stop. Right now." He puts her back onto her feet. When he starts to walk away again, she steps in front of him.
"If you leave now, I will have to take that dinner invitation from your boss."
"Make sure he takes you to a nice place. You'll earn it." He walks away.
She gasps. "Well, the joke is on YOU!" she calls after him. "I have already had dinner with your boss! And *breakfast* too!"
He pauses momentarily at the door to the terminal, then pushes it open. Conchita stalks back to the van and gets into the passenger side front seat, tossing his hat out onto the sidewalk.
***
In the terminal, Tony goes through the security gate, then stamps
his foot in anger when he doesn't see Mildred or Danielle. Then
he sees them coming back into the terminal. Mildred's carrying
the urn as a security guard has a hand on Danielle, who is saying,
"She stole it from me! It's mine, I tell you!" She glares
at Mildred. "I want that urn back, do you understand me?"
She makes a grab for it. "That's my urn!"
Mildred pulls it away. "Back off, blondie, it's *my* urn."
Danielle sees Tony. "Here. Ask this man. He knows who the urn belongs to. Go on, ask him."
"Que?" Tony asks the guard.
"Perdoneme senor, pero sabe usted de quiene es esta urna?" the guard asks Tony.
"Well," Danielle says. "Go on, tell him."
Tony hesitates, then nods toward Mildred. "Esta ella."
"What?" Danielle says. "Are you loco?"
"Come along, ladies," the guard says. "We must explore this more fully."
Mildred smiles as she passes Tony. "Who are you?" she asks.
He watches them head toward the security office, a smile on his face.
***
Laura and Steele watch from a hillside as the driver of the red Topaz pulls into the driveway of a very nice villa. He takes the luggage inside, then drives away in the car. They walk down the driveway toward the house. "My kinda hide out," Steele comments as they approach the ornately carved double wooden doors.
"I never realized Keyes had such exquisite taste," Laura says. They push the doors open onto an indoor grotto.
"Oooh wee," Steele says, impressed. "Amazing how a coupla million swindled dollars can change a man, isn't it?" He shakes his head as he looks at the luggage on the steps. "Take a whiff," he tells Laura.
"Cheap cigars," she says.
"Uh huh."
"He's here, all right."
"I can almost hear him cackling." They move through the house, searching for Keyes.
Neither of them is aware of the police cars pulling into the drive of the house.
Laura and Steele enter the master suite. "Can you believe this place?" she asks him. Going to a pane of glass in the floor, she says, "Huh! It even has a see-through floor!"
"Yep, it's got everything but Keyes, dammit!" Steele declares. "He here, I know it. I can feel it!"
Laura looks out of the floor panel and points. "Chalk one up for instincts," she says. Keyes is running down a path toward the water.
"I told you he was alive!" Steele declares, taking off.
"Who doubted you?" Laura asks, following him.
"I did!"
They start down the steps, only to hear "Alto!" and look up to see Captain Juarez and his men on a higher terrace. The police start shooting, forcing Steele and Laura to backtrack into the house and take another path to the water. They're forced against a wall as the police see them and open fire again.
Laura looks at the private dock and sees Keyes taking off in a boat. "He's getting away!" she declares.
"The hell he is!" Steele says, and they take off again. They find a rubber dingy on the beach and lift it into the water, then start the engine and head for Keyes. They find his boat tied at another dock, and make landfall nearby.
"Do you see him?" Laura asks.
They look around. Steele points at a bus. "Doesn't that bus look awfully familiar, eh?"
"Do you suppose Keyes is heading for that airstrip we came in at?"
"It's a good way to get out of the country undetected," Steele tells her.
They get onto the bus via the back door and walk through the bus. Suddenly Laura points at a taxi that is passing them. Keyes is slouched in the back seat, trying to hide. "Look!"
Steele runs to the front of the bus and starts it, much to the surprise of the driver, and takes off after the taxi.
He has trouble getting it into gear. "Come on," he says. "This thing's even slower than the limo," he tells Laura.
"You're losing him!" Laura says.
"Well, at least we know where he's going- I hope."
Laura ducks a bullet and asks, "Malvados?"
Steele glances in the mirror. "Worse." Laura looks and sees a line of police cars behind them.
"If we don't catch Keyes before the police catch us-"
"That kind of talk isn't going to make this bus go any faster," Steele replies. He leads them into the airport, and down the runway.
At the other end, Keyes is getting ready to take off in a small airplane. He stops and peers out at the bus heading straight for him. He pushes the throttle and sends the plane down the runway toward Steele and the bus.
The two vehicles get closer and closer- and it's Keyes who gives up first, turning the yoke of the airplane to send it into the brush beside the runway. Keyes leaps out of the airplane and takes off as Laura and Steele pursue him.
The police pull up, and chase Steele. Keyes trips and Steele picks him up. "Get up here, Keyes. Easy now," he says. "You can run, Keyes, but you can't hide." He gives Keyes a wicked right to the jaw, stunning the bald man and sending him to the ground.
"Señor Steele!" Juarez yells, and Laura and Steele turn to find three guns on them. "Do not move, or I will be forced to open fire!"
"Alright, all right, just don't shoot, okay?" Steele tells him as Laura looks toward Keyes, who's running away through the grass.
"Don't you recognize that man?" Laura asks Juarez. "You can't just let him get away!"
The sound of a gunshot in the distance causes the police to duck, and then Juarez tells his men to follow him. Laura and Steele look at each other in shock, then follow the police.
Two malvados are bending over a body. Juarez tells them to stop, and identifies himself as police. One of the men raises his hands, the other starts to run. They police shoot him. Laura and Steele join Juarez as he turns the man the malvados shot over.
It's Keyes.
"I believe that's the man I supposedly murdered two nights ago," Steele tells Juarez, who looks up at him.
***
At the airport, Tony is with Laura and Steele as Mildred comes up to them. "Okay, it took a few pesos, but I got 'em to bump a couple out of first class." She hands them the tickets. "Here you go."
"Great, Mildred," Steele says, taking them. "Great."
"How are you traveling, Mildred?" Laura wants to know.
"Tourist," she tells her. "Oh, I figure three's a crowd on a honeymoon."
Steele glances at Tony. "Well, three seems to be par for the course on this honeymoon, doesn't it?"
Tony looks pleased with himself.
"Honeymoon?" Laura says. "I just realized. We never took any honeymoon pictures."
"So?" Steele asks.
"Remember the lady from you-know-where who wanted proof of you -know-what?"
Steele looks surprised. "Ah, yes, of course! How could I forget? You've got the camera there," he says as she takes it out of her purse. "Antony, would you do us a favor and just- take one of these? It's that button right up there." They move back as Mildred joins Tony, who takes the picture of them kissing.
"Oh, listen," Mildred says, looking at her watch. "We gotta get going."
"Okay. Well, Antony, it's been an experience. I'll never be able to look back on my honeymoon without thinking of you."
Tony laughs.
Laura extends her hand. "I can't thank you enough for all your help."
"It's been my pleasure," he tells her. "Hey, we never would have met if the original plans hadn't been cancelled."
Mildred's eyes widen in horror. "Don't say that word."
"Heading back for the monuments?" Laura asks Tony.
"As soon as your plane takes of."
"Well, goodbye," she says, smiling
"Adios," Steele says, shaking Tony's hand.
"Bye, Remington."
"Happy diggin'!" Mildred adds as they turn away.
Steele reaches back for the camera. "Oh," Tony says, handing it to him. He waves at them until they are out of sight. Then he turns and goes to the nearest counter. "When's your next flight to Los Angeles?"
***
On the plane, Laura and Steele are drinking champagne. "Looks like it's smooth sailing from here on in," Laura tells him.
"Here's to finishing in Los Angeles what we started in Mexico." They touch glasses, then try to twine their arms for a lover's toast, but get tangled up. They both change hands. "Let's try this again, shall we?" It still doesn't quite work, and Laura giggles. Steele kisses her on the temple.