- To Stop A Steele
- Transcribed by Jan Andrews
- From the Episode written by:
- Glenn Caron
It is night and on the Queen Mary, in
permanent dock in Los Angeles, an elderly man in a tuxedo with
a ruffled shirt is walking down a corridor lined with jewelry
stores, passing through a crowd of people. He stops by 'Harrod's
Jewelers' looking through the glass doors then continues on his
way into a restroom room full of people.
The elderly man walks in as the young attendant finishes cleaning
a male guest's jacket and starts cleaning the basin area. The
elderly man puts down the gift-wrapped package he's carrying
and washes his hand at the basin, waiting for the others to leave
before he comments, "That's some wedding."
"What's wedding that?"
The man starts to dry his hands as the attendant politely listens.
"The Bloustein affair down in the 'Coral Room'. It IS getting
wild. The bride's sister took off all her clothes," the
boy looks up from his cleaning, suddenly interested, "she's
dancing NAKED on the bandstand."
"Naked?" asks the boy with wide eyes, "Really
"Yeah," replies the older man laughing.
"Am I sure? Listen, when you get to *my* age you know naked.
You don't CARE but you know." The boy looks around and then
leaves the bathroom.
The older man smiles, picks up his present and then walks to
the end of the bathroom opening a door into an internal passageway.
Once inside the passageway he lifts the vent on the air conditioning
vent and crawls down until he meets two men. "Louie, Frank,
good, good." He continues crawling past and they follow-
one of the men carrying a large briefcase. The old man stops
at a air vent and peers through into 'Harrod's Jewelers', "Yeah,
this is it." He turns to one of the men behind him. "In
the box Louie, the alarm circuit."
He opens the present and lifts out a small electrical box handing
it to Frank, "Frank, that's the ohm meter." He then
pulls out a small notebook. "Now the colour code for the
trip levers is, ah..."
Louie takes the notebook from him, "Go take a nap."
"Bets the hell out of feeding pigeons all day, hey old man?"
asks Frank. The man politely smiles and shrugs.
Louie unscrews the vent and crawls into the jewelers, rushing
to pull the blinds down on the glass doors. He then returns to
the vent and lifts it for the man and Frank to enter the store.
At the safe, Frank uses a blowtorch to melt the safe door whilst
the man stand guards and Louie smokes a cigarette.
"Frank? How you doing Frank?" asks the man.
"A few minutes," is the terse reply.
Once the hole through the safe is made, Louie places a chisel
into the smoking gap and holds out a small mallet to the man.
"Care to do the honors?" The man takes the mallet and
hits the chisel. On the second hit the hub of the safe handle
falls off and Frank turns it to open the safe door. They walk
into the small room lined with small deposit boxes.
"Make me smile," says Frank opening a deposit box.
"Save some for the rest of us," comments Louie as he
opens a deposit box too.
The draws are empty. Frantically they open several more deposit
draws to find they're all empty. "Oh dear God!" exclaims
the man as he realizes the safe is empty.
"EMPTY?! Empty. Everything!" exclaims Frank pulling
the man by the shoulder so he is forced against one of the safe's
walls. "What gives old man?"
"Oh dear God," repeats the frightened man.
The following morning inside 'Harrod's Jewelers' a woman takes
a necklace from a sales assistant and walks to a mirror to see
the effect as she places it against her neck. Laura and Murphy
are standing behind the two-way mirror with the storeowner. Murphy
is taking notes as Laura comments, "You'd never know you
were robbed last night."
"Yeah, we moved all our inventory from our other stores
this morning," informs the store manager. "Anything
to keep this under wraps. Someone *had* to know. I mean, who
would figure we'd be keeping a sixty-carat, flawless D-stone
worth two million dollars in a cockamamie jewelry outlet."
They look out to the busy store. "A place like this, we're
here to sell gilt jewelry. Baubles a man can take home to his
wife in Minneapolis after he's had a little fun on his business
trip in LA."
"So you think it was inside job?" asks Murphy.
They walk into an office. "I don't know what to think. I'm
not supposed to have a rock like that in the store," explains
the manager. "The insurance company finds out about it,
I'm ... cancelled, out of business. I need that diamond back
in forty-eight hours."
"Why the deadline?" asks Laura.
"The Persian prince who bought the thing is arriving in
two days. He's already paid cash for the purchase and I've already
spent most of the cash." Laura looks up and Murphy gives
her a small smile as the manager continues, "The commodity
market took an unexpected downturn."
"I see your problem," comments Laura.
"The country where this guy comes from, you steal a loaf
of bread, they chop off your head. For two million dollars, I'd
be willing to bet they won't even sharpen the blade. You will
explain Mr. Steele? I mean, I want the best. That's why I called
his agency. It's just that, well, you know, where ever your boss
goes, publicity seems to follow and, uh, publicity is one thing
I'm not anxious to generate right now."
"You have our word of honor Mr. Harrod," assures Laura,
"None of this will leak out. To the media or to anyone else."
Harrod is relieved. "It's alright then? Keeping Mr. Steele
out of it?"
Murphy is sincere, "Well, if you twist our arms," drawing
a glance from Laura.
At the Remington Steele office Bernice is at her desk reading
a magazine. The old man from the attempted burglary now wearing
a suit, hat and sunglasses hesitates and then walks in. "I
want to see Mr. Metal."
Bernice looks up, "Remington Steele?"
"Isn't that what I said?" queries the man.
Bernice pauses and then starts, "I'm afraid he has . . ."
before being interrupted by Steele walking into the office.
"Good morning Miss Wolfe, good morning." He heads for
his office but is stopped by the man.
"Morrie Singer." They shake hands. "I've got a
"A will problem eh?"
"Yeah. I'm gonna need one if you don't help me."
Steele looks at Bernice as she puts down her magazine. "Could
you hold my calls Miss Wolfe? This way Mr., ah, Singer."
Bernice smiles as Remington shows Morrie into his office, "Please."
Morrie takes off his sunglasses. "Do you know anything about
theft? Professional theft?"
"Ahhh. I've read a few books on the subject," replies
Remington not sure where the conversation is heading.
"I've been a thief all my life."
"Oh," says Remington, more at ease.
"Not, not too proud of it. Just . . . is. Quit a few years
ago but already the damage was done. I've got a son in Tampa.
Russell. He's got a son. My grandson. I never saw him. *Russell*
won't let me. So I got this idea, maybe if I *move* to Tampa,
I could make things straight with Russell. I don't want to die
alone Mr. Steele."
"No, no. None of us do."
"But a move like that costs money and I, ah . . ."
he waves his hands, "about three weeks ago a score FELL
into my lap. From out of the blue, a gift from the Gods. Only
the score was *hit* before we got there."
"Perhaps the Gods were telling you that the straight and
narrow was the surest path to Tampa."
"Maybe, maybe. Only I'm an independent, you know. I'm not
*connected* if you know what I mean. I mean you just don't go
into, into a place and rob it. You've got to get permission from
the people who run the territory."
"In return for...?"
"Twenty percent of the take."
Steele starts to realize Morrie's dilemma, "And twenty percent
of nothing is?"
Morrie puts a finger to his left temple, "A hole in the
head. Mr. Steele, I figure the only chance I've got is to find
those people who beat me to that score. Or *I* go to Tampa in
"Mr. Singer. I will personally turn over *every* rock in
this city to find the thieves that pulled that heist." Steele
places an arm around Morrie to walk him out of his office.
"No Mr. Steele . . ." starts Morrie but is cut off
as Remington continues, "I will rally the forces of my detective
agency . . ."
"You know young man . . ."
Steele continues to talk, caught up in his own words. "
. . . I will shout your innocence from every rooftop in,"
Remington is stopped when Morrie places his hand over Remington's
"I don't think that's a good idea."
"Mmph?" mumbles Remington with Morrie's hand still
over his mouth.
"All the rallying, racketing and shouting. It seems like
it's going to call a lot of attention to ... things, don't you
"Mmhn," agrees Remington still unable to talk.
"Me too. And seeing as how they're people who wanna *kill*
me, attention is something we want to avoid. Don't you think?"
"Mmhn," replies Remington, forcing a smile under Morrie's
"Me too." Morrie removes his hand. "So what do
you say we make this *our* little secret, huh? And no STAFF,
no ROOFTOPS. Just you and me."
Steele looks towards reception, with a slightly nervous look
before answering Morrie, "My very thoughts Mr. Singer."
Laura and Murphy enter the lift in the office building. "How
are you going to do it?" asks Murphy.
Laura interprets him literally. "First we'll get the names
and addresses of all employees past and present. It was obviously
an inside job."
Murphy looks at Laura, "No, no, no. I mean *how* are you
going to tell the ever helpful Mr. Steele that he's persona non
grata on this one."
"Just tell him," suggests Laura.
"Laura. You tell that guy he can't be part of something
and sure as *talks* funny he's gonna wanna be a part of it."
Laura briefly shakes her head to disagree. "For all his
shortcomings he cares about the well-being of the agency as much
as we do." They exit the lift as Murphy makes it evident
he doesn't believe her and Laura's conviction wavers. "And
once I explain the situation he'll respond in a mature, rational,
. . ."
Murphy takes Laura's arm and turns her to face him. "Laura,
I'm warning you. No, I'm begging you. Don't do it."
Laura looks unsettled as she walks to the office.
Steele pokes his head out of his office and then approaches Bernice.
"Miss Wolfe, if I should be absent when Miss Holt arrives
. . ." he stops as Laura and Murphy enter.
"We have to talk," Remington and Laura say together.
"Of course." They both pause in surprise at their mutual
dialogue. Laura then indicates Remington should follow her into
his office. Steele catches her just before she reaches his door.
He quickly alters her path to her office, "Ah, your office
seems much more suited for, ah, intimate chats." He opens
the door and follows Laura. Murphy starts to call out, "I'll,
ah, get some addresses for you," but Remington has closed
the door behind him. Murphy turns and looks at Bernice.
Inside, Remington and Laura continue speaking in unison, "You
first." They both pause again as Laura says, "This
is ridiculous. I will start."
"Fine," replies Remington indicating for her to proceed.
Laura puts a hand to her face as she searches for the right words.
"Something's come up. Something that because of its' *delicate*
nature demands that you, as *Remington Steele*, cannot be involved."
"Not involved?" clarifies Steele, sounding hopeful.
Laura starts to become defensive, "Now don't take it so
"For how long?"
"Just for forty-eight hours."
"Oh, forty-eight hours."
"Please try to understand."
Remington looks understanding, "Oh. Of course."
"This isn't my choice."
"The client *feels* that your involvement would only add
*unwanted* publicity to an *already* sensitive situation."
Laura walks to their connecting office door.
Remington walks up the connecting door and casually puts an arm
out to prevent her entering his office. "Laura, say no more.
I completely understand."
Laura stops mid-breath, "You do?"
"Let's be honest with one another." He puts his arm
around her and walks away from the door. "*You* are the
Remington Steele Detective Agency. It's *guiding* force. It's
most valuable asset." Remington places both hands on her
shoulders as Laura, puzzled, stares suspiciously at him. "And,
if you feel you can function best without me, then all I can
do is accept it."
Laura is stunned, "You can?"
Remington raises his hands and shrugs, "I simply find something
to occupy myself with for the next forty-eight hours. But, if
you *need* anything or *want* anything, no matter *how* small
or *how* menial, *how* distasteful, you have simply to call me."
Laura is in shock as she slowly raises her hand to shake Remington's
and mutters, "Thank you."
Remington takes her offered hand and kisses it before placing
his other hand over hers as he sincerely tells her, "God
speed." He then opens her connecting door with Murphy's
office and ushers her through. Laura follows his guidance with
her hand still raised. She starts to turn around and speak but
Remington puts up a hand to silence her before closing the door.
He walks out into reception giving a quick wave to Bernice before
opening his door and signaling to Morrie to leave with him. Bernice
watches them leave.
Inside Murphy's office, Laura is standing speechless. Murphy
walks past her and asks, "How did he take it?"
"Wonderfully," she tells him, still in shock. "Couldn't
have been more understanding."
Murphy pauses and sighs, "Well what does that tell you?"
"I don't know," replies Laura, slowly coming to life,
"but the hair on the back of my neck is standing straight
up." She looks worried.
An ancient Dodge Charger in desperate need of a service chugs
into the 'Happy Days Retirement Village'.
Steele exits the car and looks at the building asking in disbelief,
"This is where you got the plans for an intricate jewel
"My friend Herschel. Herschel Gruber. Herschel used to work
for Harrod's. Herschel also used to work for Al Capone. Herschel's
"Oh, I see," says an amused Steele. They walk into
the building and past a group of people playing table tennis
as they approach reception. A man is on the telephone, "Okay.
Remington asks, "Excuse me, can you tell us where we can
find . . ."
The man on the telephone shoves a clipboard towards him, "Sign
"Herschel Gruber," says Morrie as he signs the register.
The man puts down the telephone. "You relatives? Friends?"
"Cell mates," informs Morrie.
"Why? Does it matter?" asks Remington.
"Not to me," says the man. "It's just that old
Herschel kicked off - " the stops himself, "-passed
away two months ago."
"Two months ago?"
"But that's not possible." Morrie is amazed. "He
sent me the plans three weeks ago."
"Tough trick, even for Herschel," observes Steele.
He and Morrie leave the building as Morrie says, "You gotta
believe me, Mr. Steele."
"I do believe you, Morrie. But I'm beginning to think there's
more here than meets the eye."
"What do you mean?" Morrie questions as he gets into
Steele gets in as well. "Well, for one thing, you're sent
plans for a jewelry store heist by a dead man . . . and when
you get there, there's no jewels TOO heist."
"You think I was set up?"
"The question is why . . . and by whom." Morrie finds
a gear and takes off- as Laura's rabbit turns into the parking
area just behind them.
In the car, Murphy looks at a notebook. "Herschel Gruber.
Janitor. Retired." Laura nods and they get out and go inside.
The young man is amazed. "Weird," he tells them. "Nobody
ever visited Herschel while he was alive. Today-BOOM-it's a Herschel
Gruber convention in here." He looks at Murphy. "You
in the can with him, too?"
"The men's room?" Murphy asks, confused.
Laura frowns. "Prison? Herschel Gruber was in prison?"
"The way he tells it, they named a wing after him,"
the man confides.
Murphy looks excited. "Laura, we could be onto something
"How?" she wonders. "The man's been dead for two
"Yeah," he clerk says. "And I miss him, too. Only
thing most of these old people want to talk about is their bowels.
Herschel-Herschel was full of great stories. Capone. Bugs Moran.
St. Valentine's Day Massacre." He looks wistful.
"You wouldn't happen to have the names or addresses of the
people who visited Herschel, would you?"
"The older guy signed the book," he says, pushing it
She looks at it. "Morrie Singer," she tells Murphy.
"Had a younger guy with him. Looked like he walked right
out of a cologne ad. Accent and everything."
"Do you have a telephone book?" Laura asks.
He points. "Over there."
Laura and Murphy cross the room to the phone books.
In Morrie's apartment, a basset hound is sleeping on an armchair.
"So what do you say Happy, you happy to see me?" Morrie
asks the dog. "I bet you thought I wasn't coming back huh?
Steele interrupts the one-sided chat, "Morrie, recapitulate
the events of the evening for me."
Morrie stares blankly, "Come again?"
"Ah, what happened last night?"
"Oh, well. Everything went as smooth as silk. I went with
the plans that Herschel sent me. I mean, we disconnected the
alarm system and Frank torched the safe and we went inside. One,
two, three." Steele sighs and sits down on a dresser as
Morrie continues. "Only it was empty. Every drawer, every
tray. Clean like a whistle, not even those little dust balls."
"Right, the first order of business is to speak with your
Morrie's eyes widen. "Mr. Considine?"
"If you and your cohorts explain the safe was completely
empty when you arrived . . ."
"He'll blow the heads of the three of us instead of just
"Morrie, the clock is ticking. If we're to uncover the real
culprits we have to *buy* time. Please." He indicates the
telephone. Morrie shakes his head but walks to the telephone
and starts to dial. He stops when they hear someone outside the
"Come on, out the back door," says Steele.
"What about Happy?" asks a Morrie about the still sleeping
"He can fend them off, come on." They rush out the
The front door opens and Murphy, carrying a baseball bat, rushes
in to check the premises. "All clear," he tells Laura
who enters behind him.
"I think you can put that down," she says.
"The sign said 'Beware of . . .'" he stops and laughs
when he sees the Happy sound asleep, " . . . dog'".
"I think they bought the sign first," says Laura with
a laugh as she closes the front door and notices keys on the
wall. "Spare set of keys with one of these license plate
tags. GOJ318." She walks into the room where Murphy is reading
papers attached to a tuxedo on a coat hanger.
"This looks interesting," says Murphy, "The rental
ticket says this tuxedo and two others were ordered the night
of the robbery."
"Well that's it. You don't rent formal wear to rob a jewelry
store. Probably has a great alibi. A wedding where two hundred
people saw him."
"Yeah, I wish I hadn't found it." Murphy hangs the
coat back in the wardrobe.
"Then again, what would you wear if you didn't want to stick
out at a place filled with wedding receptions and Bar Mitzvahs?"
Murphy smiles. "Keep going."
"Of course. That's why nobody saw anything. This Morrie
Singer and his two henchmen march right through the front doors
along with all the other guests. Probably had the valet bring
their car around when they were through!" She laughs, "Oh
Murphy, I'm not reaching for this am I?"
"Herschel Grueber is a con. He used to work for Harrod's
Jewelry right? The place gets robbed a guy goes to visit Herschel.
*Same* guy rents three tuxedos the night of the robbery?"
"And he's also a con."
They laugh and Murphy puts his hands on Laura's shoulders. Murphy
smiles, "You know you could make a living at this detecting
Laura responds in kind, "You think so huh?"
"Yeah. This feels good."
"You and me working together. The way we did bef.."
Laura puts a hand up to his mouth but he removes it, "Do
you realize we've spent an *entire* afternoon together without
once mentioning his name."
Laura looks uncomfortable and walks away and Murphy sighs. She
notices Morrie's address book on the side cabinet and picks it
up. "Looks like Mr. Singer called somebody named Louis."
Murphy hasn't heard her, "I don't know about you but I *never*
even thought of him today."
Laura pretends she hasn't heard him, "Why don't we visit
this Louis. See what he if he fits one of these tuxedos."
"Did I what Murphy?"
"Think of him today?"
Laura pauses, "Well, we've been quite busy."
Murphy smiles, "Well, then there's hope for the patient's
complete recovery." He then looks eager, "That is,
if she wants to recover."
Laura doesn't answer. Instead she puts down the address book
and leaves, "Come on, the clock's ticking."
Murphy smiles as he watches her go. He bends to pat Happy, "Keep
up the good work." Happy looks up from his sleep.
Morrie's car chugs to a stop and Steele and Morrie leave the
car to walk up the driveway of a block of apartments. "Apartment
three," Morrie tells him. A gunshot is heard and a man is
seen running from a first floor apartment. He sees Steele and
Morrie and shoots at them as a red Mustang pulls up alongside
the stairs the man is standing on. He jumps into the car and
it screeches away. Steele and Morrie run up the stairs and into
the flat to discover a man slumped over the windowsill. Steele
walks up to the man and Morrie recognizes him, "Louie."
"Come on," says Steele.
The two men who have left Louie's flat are stopped from driving
away by a moving truck blocking their path. They reverse and
pass Steele and Morrie standing on the sidewalk.
"Come on," repeats Steele.
"What, what, what? Are we going to chase them?" asks
a concerned Morrie.
"Well, that's the general idea."
"Well, what are we going to chase them with?"
Remington points to Morrie's car. "I'll drive."
"Ah, no, this used to a hell of a car in its' day, just
like I was." Morrie opens the passenger door as Steele revs
the engine, "Listen, do yourself a favor, let it warm up!"
Steele starts their pursuit leaving a trail of exhaust, passing
Laura's car, which is turning into the street.
Inside Laura's car, Murphy is reading the license plate of Morrie's
car. "GOJ 318. Laura, it's Morrie Singer in that Charger."
Laura executes a tight U-turn, driving up onto the sidewalk,
and follows Morrie's car.
The chase is on as Steele and Morrie chase the Mustang as they
are in turn chased by Laura and Murphy. Steele grinds a gear.
"Where's fourth gear?"
"Fourth gear? I haven't used fourth gear since- what was
the year that the astronauts walked on the moon?"
Steele glances at him in disbelief. "Sixty-nine, I think."
"That's the one! It's there somewhere," he assures
Steele. "Just keep shaking the stick!"
The mustang leaps a hill as the three cars move off the main
road. The Charger follows, as does the Rabbit. Remington STILL
can't find fourth gear.
"Come on! Pick a gear. Any gear!"
"How could you let an automobile get into such a condition?"
"I told you to let it warm up!" Morrie reminds him.
In the Rabbit, Murphy tells Laura, "You're gaining on him.
You're gaining on him."
Morrie tells Steele, "You're losing him. You're losing him."
The Charger begins to slow.
"You're gaining on him," Murphy is still saying excitedly.
"You're gaining on him- you passed him," he says, now
in disbelief. He looks back. "What kind of a chase is this?
He's coasting to a stop."
In the Charger, Steele and Morrie sit there. "He's trying
to send me a message, that Considine. He's trying to tell me
"That would certainly be my interpretation," Steele
agrees. "Perhaps it's incumbent upon us to let him know
that we received the message."
"I don't get you?"
"I think it's time we paid your Mr. Considine a visit. That
is, if we can locate a gear that functions," he says, as
he and Morrie both try to work the gearshift.
Morrie's car pulls up outside the locked gates of a hidden mansion.
Steele presses the intercom button. "Mr. Singer to see Mr.
Considine." The gates open and they drive through as the
Rabbit pulls over to the side of the road and waits.
Inside the mansion, Considine, a well dressed, middle aged, beady-eyed
man, leads Morrie and Steele into a game room. "Morrie,
Morrie. You have no idea what a relief it is to see you again.
I've been very concerned about you. I haven't seen you in- a
couple of days now."
"I ... I've been trying to think of what to say to you Mr.
Steele notices three men playing billiards in an adjoining room.
"Well, I can understand that Morrie. I've been trying to
say to my board of directors." The three men stop playing
their billiard game to listen. "About an old man comes to
me with *one* final score that he wants to pull on my territory.
So I supply him with the men, twenty thousand dollars to pay
them. The tools to do the job *right*. And then the smoke clears
and there's no old man, no twenty thousand dollars, no twenty
per cent of the take so I can understand, your- timidity.
"Mr. Considine, we got there. The safe was empty."
"Morrie, do you have any idea how my board of directors
will react when I tell them a story like that. Badly. Very badly.
They're going to force me to make an example of you."
"The way you did with Louis?" asks Steele.
Considine looks straight at him. "Precisely the way I did
with Louis. I don't believe we've had the pleasure." He
extends his hand.
Steele shakes Considine's hand. "John Robie. And I can vouch
for Mr. Singer's veracity."
"Can you? What makes you think he's telling the truth?"
"Because I'm the fellow who beat him to the safe."
Considine looks to see his board are listening. "That strikes
me as a very dangerous confession to make right here, right now."
"Oh, on the contrary, I feel very safe. As long as I know
where the jewels are and you don't, I rather suspect I'm one
of the healthiest men alive."
"Alright Mr. Robie, why are you here? What do you want?"
"Better terms. Oh, I know you agreed with Morrie to take
twenty per cent but ah, that feels a little rich. After all,
you didn't supply me with any men, any money."
"Then why negotiate with me at all?"
"I did work in your territory. And I did do it without your
permission. Oh, just a feeling but I feel that your board of
directors might feel compelled to make an example out of me.
Ten per cent. Plus the original twenty thousand seems a more
Considine looks at Steele and then Morrie with a wry smile and
"Not that I don't have confidence in you but you don't have
the haul from that safe do you?" asks a concerned Morrie.
Steele is looking pleased with himself. "Not yet."
"Fine. It's none of business to say so but why did you tell
Considine that you did?"
"Still buying time Morrie. Can't very well search for the
thieves if we're dead. As long as we're negotiating, they have
to keep us alive."
After Morrie and Steele leave Considine's property, Laura quickly
drives through the open gates before they close.
Considine is throwing darts at a dartboard, "Private investigators.
And you're here because?" he asks Murphy and Laura. The
board of directors have resumed their earlier game of billiards.
"Because Morrie Singer led us here Mr. Considine,"
"Morrie Singer, Morrie Singer. I'm afraid I don't know anyone
named Morrie Singer."
"He's a man with a problem Mr. Considine," says Murphy.
Laura explains, "The way we have it worked out, Morrie Singer,
small time thief, pulls a small time job and comes up with a
big time jewel. One he can't possibly get rid of through his
small time fence."
"So he needs a big time fence," says Murphy looking
straight at Considine.
"I'm in the import-export business my friend. One-of-a-kind,
"Yeah, but you're a member of a very exclusive family."
Murphy indicates the men at the billiard table.
Laura approaches Considine. "Our client is willing to offer
half a million dollars, no questions asked, if the stone is returned."
"And if it isn't?"
"The burglary will be reported to the police, the news media,"
Laura meets and holds Considine's stare, "and whoever comes
in contact with it will find they're handling a very hot rock.
I'm sure a man, with your -delicate connections, has a penchant
for privacy and the wrong kind of publicity can often prove fatal."
Considine continues to stare at Laura.
It is nighttime and Steele is staring out his office window.
"Morrie," he turns around, "when you reached the
safe did it look as though somebody had already violated it?
Drill shavings? Torch marks?"
"Frank was operating the torch. If something wasn't kosher,
for sure he would have seen it," replies Morrie.
"Hmm. Well, there maybe more than one way to skin a cat
but only two ways to get into a safe. Your way or using the combination."
Murphy opens the door to the office reception and a laughing
Laura walks in.
"Bernice, you should have seen her." An impressed Murphy
relates the story. "Eye to eye with one of the top syndicate
people in the country."
"If we didn't put the fear of God into Considine at least
he knows we're around." Laura looks to Steele's office door.
"I think it's safe to fill him in now." She starts
to walk to Remington's office but Murphy chases after her, grabbing
Laura's arm indicating they should go into her office.
As Murphy closes the door the reception intercom buzzes. Bernice
In his office, Remington asks, "Miss Wolfe, did I hear the
lilt of Laura's laughter?"
"She just came in," answers Bernice.
"Ah." He puts down the telephone. "Perhaps we
should ah, take my associate, Miss Holt, into our confidence,"
Morrie objects, "But I thought we agreed .."
"Yes I know we agreed to," interrupts Steele, "but
she's terribly reliable, ah, extremely competent and ah, closed
mouth to a fault."
Morrie shrugs, "Alright. If you think it will help."
Inside her office Laura takes off her coat. "I, I really
don't feel right about excluding him like this."
"But the client specifically asked us not to involve him,"
argues Murphy, perched on the edge of her desk.
"I know but it seems so *appropriate* for a jewel robbery."
"You've gone a *whole* day without him. Laura, it's just
like smoking, the longer you stay away, the less craving you
have." Murphy stands and walks towards her. "So, dinner,
now, with *me*." Laura smiles at him. "I love it when
"It's a new side of you."
"You like it?"
Laura considers his question and starts to move around him, "Well
"Well then what the hell." Murphy takes her arm and
pulls her back into a dip as he leans down to kiss her.
"Laura I was wondering .." Steele walks into Laura's
office but stops when he sees Laura and Murphy kissing. "Excuse
Laura stands up and awkwardly tries to explain, "No, it's
"Sorry to intrude," Steele is embarrassed and starts
"We were just . . ."
"Oh course you were." Steele exits and closes the door
Laura puts her head in her head. She looks upset as she turns
to Murphy, "He thinks we were . . ."
Murphy smiles at her, "We were."
In Remington's office Morrie asks, "Well, did you tell your
"No," Steele admits, obviously disturbed as he rolls
down his shirtsleeves and fastens them. "She was- otherwise
occupied. Uh, I want you to stay at my place tonight. Minor precaution.
I'll visit your friend Frank. If the safe had no marks on it
when you got there- then Mr. Harrod will look more and more like
a prime suspect in his own robbery."
Remington is pensive as he thinks about the question. "You're
a very perceptive man, Mr. Singer. Ah, no I'm not terribly happy
at the moment. Apparently my associate, Miss Holt, and her associate
Mr. Michaels seemed to have developed more than a professional
relationship." He is upset. "It's partly my fault I'll
grant. You see I have this ah, I have this difficulty making
commitments. Especially the kind a woman like Miss Holt demands."
He sighs, "Consequently, I can't really blame her. Mr. Michaels,
however, is an unconscionable swine. Using my enforced absence
to worm his way into her affections. And God knows what else."
"Happy is my dog," Morrie explains.
Steele is drawn from his reverie, "Pardon?"
"I thought maybe you could bring him to your apartment.
He hates sleeping alone." Morrie laughs, "Stupid ain't
it, a dog should be so sensitive but that's the way my Happy
"Yes, well," another glance at the door to Laura's
office, "everyone needs someone," says a still emotional
"Me, I don't care one way or the other." Morrie smiles
"I'll pick him up on my way back from Frank's. Come on."
Inside a house the television is on but only static is showing.
There are two small beer bottles on a table and a burnt out cigarette.
There is a knock at the door and Steele is heard calling out,
"Frank? Frank? I'm a friend of Morrie Singer's. I need to
speak with you. Frank open the door." Frank is seen in a
chair with a bullet hole in his chest. Steele picks the lock
and slowly walks in taking in the scene.
Outside Morrie's house, Murphy runs towards the Rabbit. Inside
the car Laura puts down her cup as Murphy gets in and tells her,
"I ripped the place apart. No diamond, no jewels, not even
a pair of cufflinks. Morrie Singer was a man of very modest means."
Laura pours him a drink from a thermos and hands it to him. "He
must have stashed it somewhere." She puts the thermos away
and reaches for some sandwiches, "Ham and cheese on rye."
Murphy takes the sandwich from her. "Not exactly the dinner
I had in mind."
Laura laughs, "Shut up and eat."
Murphy is serious, "If I were a better man I'd apologize
for what I did in the office. But I'm not going to," he
grins, "I enjoyed it too much."
Laura looks uncomfortable. "Murphy, a stakeout is hardly
the place to delve into . . ."
Murphy cuts her off, "Laura, we've been together for a *long*
time. Together but not together, if you know what I mean."
"You're going to delve aren't you," says Laura looking
Murphy is sincere as he looks at her, "I know I'm no competition
for him." Laura meets his gaze. "Looks. Or in that
smarmy kind of charm he has. I'm a very straight-ahead guy. No
curves, no wiggles and I care about you." Laura swallows
and is at a loss as Murphy continues, "More than a business
associate, more than a friend. I think we could have something
very special together."
"I had no idea."
"That you felt this way."
He looks at her hopefully. "And now that you know?"
"Well . . ."
"You're confused right?"
"Well, that's great! At least you're not bored or turned
off or put to sleep. I mean confusion is an emotion and one emotion
leads to another." He reaches and puts a hand on Laura's
cheek and she's uneasy, "Who knows where emotion can takes
Laura reaches up hand gently takes his hand from her face. "I'm
afraid it can't take us where you want it to go."
"It's him isn't it?" Laura looks around in surprise.
"He's not even here and he's here, right between us."
Laura looks away. Murphy sits back. "I'm not going to give
up. I'm just going to view this as a temporary setback. I'm going
to make you look at me in a different light."
At that moment, the headlights of Morrie's car illuminate both
of them as it is parked outside Morrie's house. "That's
Morrie's car," says Murphy. They see a man leave the car
but it is too far for them to realize that it is Steele.
"Let's grab him," says Laura as they leave the car.
"If he doesn't have the diamond on him he'll know where
"Cover the back," Murphy instructs Laura as he runs
to the front of the house.
Inside Morrie's, Remington is trying to drag the sleeping Happy
across the floor, "Let's go Happy. Hup, hup, hup. Come on
Happy. Come on, surely you haven't forgotten how to walk, hey?"
he asks the prostrate dog. Steele hears someone approaches so
he bends down and picks up the dog lying him inside the open
door's threshold. "Come on, Come on Happy, there you go."
He then leans into the wall inside the door. Happy remains still
but starts to whine. "Sssh, ssh, be quiet," whispers
Murphy cautiously walks into the house tripping over Happy. Steele
winches as he sees his unknown assailant fall before stooping
to pick up Happy, "I knew you'd be good for something."
He rushes to Morrie's car as Murphy rubs his head, which has
hit a side-table. Outside, Laura comes out the back gate to see
Morrie's car drive away. She tosses her hat on the ground in
The next morning at Harrod's Jewelers, Mr. Harrod is arranging
a trophy in a display cabinet. He turns around and mutters, "Oh
dear God," when he sees Steele standing at the counter.
"Something the matter?" asks Remington.
"You're not supposed to be here."
Remington looks around, "What are you talking about?"
"They guaranteed me you'd stay out of this."
"Guaranteed you I'd stay out of what and who are you anyway?"
"I'm Albert Harrod, now please, leave before someone sees
"Not playing much of a cat and mouse game are you Mr. Harrod?
I should like to examine your safe."
"No, I beg of you."
"Pleading holds no sway with me. Simply show me the safe
door. If it's been adulterated twice, *then*, you're no longer
"But ... if there's only one torch hole in it, then a combination
was used to gain access. And that makes *you* a prime candidate
in my book."
"Did they also tell I have a heart condition. I, I just
want you to know that before you go any further with this."
"Then you'll refuse to show me the safe door?"
"What safe door? It's already been replaced!"
"Shrewd Harrod. Very shrewd. But the truth is your behaviour
is enough evidence of your guilt anyway. I shall return. Probably
with the authorities. Good day." Steele slaps the man on
the arm before he leaves the worried jeweler.
Harrod goes into his office and swallows a pill before dialing
the telephone. "I want to speak to Miss Holt. I don't care
if she's having open-heart surgery, put her on the 'phone."
Laura and Murphy exit the elevator outside Steele's apartment.
"Are you sure it was him?" asks Murphy.
"Mr. Harrod was more than sure, he was livid," replies
an annoyed Laura. Murphy knocks on the door to Steele's unit
and Laura's presses the buzzer. "I don't understand it.
Why would he show up at Harrod's Jewelry demanding to see the
Murphy shakes his head and knocks again, "COME ON, OPEN
UP. Laura, let me kick it in just this once alright?"
"Save your strength. They are much more rewarding things
Murphy takes out his lock-pick and opens the door. He starts
to enter Steele's apartment but Morrie Singer hits him on the
head with a glass vase. Murphy drops to the ground as Morrie
sees Laura looking at her in surprise. "I know women's lib
is very big these days but a lady hit man?"
Laura bends down to tend to Murphy and notices Happy lying on
a chair, "I know him."
"I'm warning you, he may look dead but that dog is a killer."
Laura stands and walks towards Happy. "If you take one step,
two, if you take two, three st . . ," Morrie groans, "That
dog has been nothing but a disappointment to me from the day
I first found him."
Laura stops at the chair and points to Happy. "That's Morrie
Singer's dog." She looks at Morrie, "YOU'RE Morrie
Singer! What are you doing here? Where's Mr. Steele?"
"He left early this morning."
Laura shakes Morrie's hand. "I'm Laura Holt, Mr. Steele's
Morrie looks at Murphy who is unsteadily starting to stand. "And
Laura helps Murphy to sit on the end of the lounge. "He
works for Mr. Steele. Murphy Michaels."
"Ah, the unconscionable swine, eh?" Morrie points to
Laura, "You know, you hurt Mr. Steele."
"*I* hurt him?" asks Laura in disbelief before looking
at Murphy's head.
"Alright, so he can't make a commitment," Laura looks
at him before returning to examine Murphy, "but that's no
reason you should *fling* his affairs in his face." Laura
stops and glares at Morrie. "He *cares* for you young lady.
And you would see that if you would stop fooling around with
every Tom, Dick and Murphy who comes your way."
Laura is annoyed. "I BEG your pardon?"
"It's not *my* pardon you should beg." Laura looks
at him questioningly but Morrie turns his attention to Murphy.
"And as for you young man. Be a mensch. Don't beat your
boss' time. Get your own girl." Murphy glares at Morrie.
The telephone rings and Laura answers it, "Hello?"
Bernice is on the other end. "Just got a call from Mr. Considine.
Said he'd located the stone you're looking for and wants to see
Laura laughs with glee and puts down the telephone as she says
to Murphy, "Fasten your seat-belts Murph," she helps
him to his feet, "We're about to make this thing fly!"
At Considine's house, Considine walks into the library and to
its' bar where Laura and Murphy are waiting. "Congratulations
Miss Holt," he takes a decanter from a shelf and pours a
shot, "You're a very clever woman. Since you've made it
impossible for me to accept the stone quietly I have no other
alternative than to see its' return to it's rightful owner."
"Awfully civic of you," comments Laura picking up a
cup of coffee.
"Keeps you out of jail, nets you five hundred *thousand*
in the bargain," observes Murphy.
"I don't want any part of that money. My involvement has
already been far too public as it is. Once I put you together
with the man who has the stone *I'm* out of it. And for everyone's
longevity, I'd like to suggest you *lose* my address." There
is a knock at the door. "Right on time."
"Nothing like a prompt thief," says Laura still holding
her coffee cup.
Considine starts the introductions, "Miss Holt, Mr. Michaels,
may I present Mr. John Robie."
Remington walks into the library only to do an about face when
he sees Laura and Murphy. Upon seeing Remington, Laura spills
her coffee, putting her hand to her face in shock. Remington
nervously looks back.
"JOHN ROBIE?!" queries Laura, back at Steele's apartment.
Murphy is looking on.
"To Catch a Thief," he explains. Laura walks
past him and sighs as he continues, "Cary Grant, Grace Kelly,
Paramount, ah, 1955. I thought it was apropos."
Murphy approaches him, "Do have any idea what Laura and
I have been doing the last two days?"
"I believe I caught a glimpse of it last night," counters
"He means professionally," returns Laura.
"Oh," says a smiling Steele.
"We've been looking for *your* client," says Murphy,
"The man who *robbed* Harrod's Jewelry store."
"And who hired you?"
Laura answers, "Albert Harrod. Who else?"
Remington laughs, "How ingenious. Albert Harrod retains
*you* to find the thief who broke into his safe."
"Why do you find that so extraordinary? That's the way it's
supposed to work. We're *hired* by *victims* not *criminals*."
"Rubbish. The man's nothing more than a well-dressed swindler
out to defraud his insurance company."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," says Murphy, "Where did you
"The safe was apparently empty and unblemished when Morrie
Singer arrived to rob it which means whoever actually committed
the robbery gained entry through use of the combination which
means the thief is none other than your client." Steele
Laura and Murphy exchange glances, "Brilliant piece of deductive
reasoning," says Laura shaking Remington's hand.
"Thank you. Don't be embarrassed. We all make mistakes."
He looks pointedly at Laura and Murphy. "Some of them more
disastrous than others."
Laura looks uncomfortable but Murphy is annoyed, "Can we
*stick* to business?"
"Apparently you can't," retorts Steele.
Laura holds up her hands as the two men glare at each other,
"Gentlemen please, while this is all very flattering, this
isn't getting us anywhere." She looks at Steele. "Your
theory has one giant hole. Albert Harrod isn't filing an insurance
"He isn't?" asks a now concerned Steele.
"Because one of the gems found in the safe was worth in
excess of two million dollars. And having it in the safe was
a violation of the terms of his insurance which is why he hired
us to find the thief who hired you."
"You say there was a single stone worth over two million
in that safe?"
"Morrie didn't tell you that?"
"Morrie didn't know," says Morrie coming from Steele's
bedroom. "Look folks, I may be a thief but I'm not a liar.
And I swear, this is the first I heard about a *two* million
dollar stone. I mean, I was looking for something that would
be easy to fence. A rock that size would take *years* to unload.
I haven't got years."
"If he didn't do it," says Laura.
"And Harrod didn't do it," says Murphy.
"Then it must be someone we don't work for," says Steele.
Laura glares at him as he offers, "Just looking on the bright
"But there is someone who wasn't surprised that diamond
was in the safe," says Laura. "Who was willing to accept
"Considine," realizes Murphy.
"Who hired your crew, Mr. Singer?" Laura asks Morrie.
"Considine," replies Morrie.
"Is that customary?"
"No, no. I told him I had two of my own guys but he insisted.
Made it part of the deal."
"And a man of his connections *would* know the whereabouts
of a two million plus diamond," reasons Murphy.
"Ahh, no wonder Frank didn't say anything about that safe
already being torched."
"He was in on it," concludes Laura.
"I thought there was something odd about his body the night
I found it," recalls Remington. "He seemed so calm.
Not like Louie, suitcase packed, the man running for his life,
but like he was having a conversation with someone. A friend,
Morrie hesitates, "Ah, there's a little item I forget to
mention. Herschel used to work for Considine." The missing
piece falls into place.
"All we need now is the rock," says Murphy.
"If I had a two million dollar diamond, I wouldn't let it
get far from home," comments Laura.
"And merely returning it won't settle the score," says
Steele. "That man's responsible for two deaths."
"Well, if we can't persuade him to accept prison and the
police over his associates, he'll literally get away with murder."
"How we going to do that?" asks Morrie.
"Thomas Crown Affair," says Remington looking
pleased, "Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, United Artists, 1968."
Morrie's car speeds along the road to Considine's crashing through
the locked gates and a chain link fence, driving onto the tennis
courts where Considine is playing tennis with his board of directors.
Murphy, wearing a ski mask, and holding a machine gun jumps out
of the car, "Gentlemen, this is a robbery! Co-operate and
you'll live to tell your grandchildren." Steele and Morrie,
similarly clad, also leave the car and point their guns at the
"I hope so," mutters Morrie resulting in Steele nudging
him to be quiet.
"Do you know who I am? Do you know who these gentlemen are?"
"INSIDE!" replies Murphy.
"Yeah," starts Morrie before losing his nerve and mumbling.
Steele nudges him again and Morrie yells, "Move!"
The three men lead their four hostages towards the house as Laura
removes her ski mask and reverses the car.
Murphy shoves Considine into the game room. The latter is vexed.
"LOOK. If you insist on this lunatic venture, you'll never
live to enjoy any of what you take here today."
"Open the safe," instructs Murphy.
Considine remains adamant . "I'm afraid I'm going to have
One of the board members feels Murphy's gun in his side and says,
"Open it Considine, these people are serious."
Another board member agrees, "Look, we'll deal with them
later. For now, you do just what they say."
Considine is a beaten man. He throws down his tennis racquet
and resignedly starts to work the combination on the safe that
is hidden behind the dartboard. Morrie's hands are shaking causing
his gun to rattle. Steele tries to nudge him to stop but it doesn't
work. He slowly places his hand on Morrie's gun and murmurs,
Considine slowly opens the safe door to reveal a large diamond.
The first board member sees it, "The sixty carat job from
"You had it all along," says the third board member.
"Building a little nest egg with our money?"
"You're a corpse, Considine."
Murphy pushes Considine out the way and inspects the diamond.
"Alright, hit the floor. ALL of you." Steele shoves
the board members to the open space and they lie down.
"Hey look, I don't know who you guys are but you have to
take me with you," pleads Considine, "Please, take
me with you."
"Okay," says Murphy and he leaves with Considine, Steele
and Morrie, leaving the three board members in the game room.
Laura is standing by Morrie's car with the doors open. Considine
recognizes her as he enters the car, "Miss Holt?" Once
they're all in Laura has trouble getting the car to move.
"Not in gear," says Remington.
Laura looks at him while trying to shift the gear stick. "How
can a man let an automobile get in this condition?"
The three board members run out of the house and start to fire
at the car. Remington reaches across and helps Laura move the
gear stick, "Now," he instructs and Laura is able to
drive the car so they can escape.
Laura, Murphy and Steele are laughing as walk down the corridor
approaching the office of Remington Steele Investigations.
"The way Considine ran into that police station," recalls
"It was certainly safer than facing his friends," says
"Rather a neat scheme funding a heist with syndicate money
to keep the scores for yourself," comments an impressed
"Who'd believe the safe was cleaned out before poor Morrie
ever even got to it?" asks Murphy.
They stand around Bernice's desk as she looks up at them. "Yes.
Thank you. For procuring that award for him," says a sincere
"Well, he did help recover that diamond," says Laura
picking up a pile of papers.
"Now he's on his way to Tampa a hero," says Murphy.
Laura passes a piece of paper to Remington. He looks at the paper
and then at Laura and Murphy, "Well, why don't you two run
along? You must be chomping at the bit."
"Chomping at what bit?" asks a puzzled Bernice.
Laura turns slowly to see Murphy looking very pleased as Steele
explains to Bernice, "No need to be a genius to see that
working in such close harmony these past few days has,"
he pauses, "Altered the nature of Laura's relationship with
"It has?" asks Bernice, obviously surprised with the
turn of events. Murphy continues to smile as Laura looks at Steele.
"And I must say I'm delighted," says Steele feigning
his delight. He walks to his office, patting Murphy on the shoulder,
"For both of you."
Laura smiles and says, "Excuse me," before following
Steele into his office.
"What's she doing?" asks a confused Bernice.
Murphy sighs, "Setting the record straight." He is
disappointed, but smiles. "Damn it."
Inside Steele's office, Laura closes the door as a dejected Steele
"If you're referring to what you saw in my office,"
Remington holds out a hand to stop her. "It's no secret
that I've harboured feelings for you but ... I don't mind stepping
aside for someone as *worthy* as Murphy." He gives her a
quick sideways glance as they both walk to his desk. He sighs,
"You know what they say, three's a crowd. And I thought
there was some vague hope that .."
"I know what you're doing," says Laura as they both
sit on his desk.
"You do?" Remington replies in all innocence.
"You think the more you step out of the picture the more
I'll try to drag you back into it."
Remington looks affronted, "Why Laura, how can you suggest
such a thing? I just want you two kids to be happy."
Laura smiles at him, "The *hell* you do."
Steele nervously adjusts the knot in his tie. They both look
at each other and start to laugh.