To Stop A Steele
Transcribed by Jan Andrews
From the Episode written by:
Glenn Caron

It is night and on the Queen Mary, in permanent dock in Los Angeles, an elderly man in a tuxedo with a ruffled shirt is walking down a corridor lined with jewelry stores, passing through a crowd of people. He stops by 'Harrod's Jewelers' looking through the glass doors then continues on his way into a restroom room full of people.

The elderly man walks in as the young attendant finishes cleaning a male guest's jacket and starts cleaning the basin area. The elderly man puts down the gift-wrapped package he's carrying and washes his hand at the basin, waiting for the others to leave before he comments, "That's some wedding."

"What's wedding that?"

The man starts to dry his hands as the attendant politely listens. "The Bloustein affair down in the 'Coral Room'. It IS getting wild. The bride's sister took off all her clothes," the boy looks up from his cleaning, suddenly interested, "she's dancing NAKED on the bandstand."

"Naked?" asks the boy with wide eyes, "Really naked?"

"Yeah," replies the older man laughing.

"You sure?"

"Am I sure? Listen, when you get to *my* age you know naked. You don't CARE but you know." The boy looks around and then leaves the bathroom.

The older man smiles, picks up his present and then walks to the end of the bathroom opening a door into an internal passageway. Once inside the passageway he lifts the vent on the air conditioning vent and crawls down until he meets two men. "Louie, Frank, good, good." He continues crawling past and they follow- one of the men carrying a large briefcase. The old man stops at a air vent and peers through into 'Harrod's Jewelers', "Yeah, this is it." He turns to one of the men behind him. "In the box Louie, the alarm circuit."

He opens the present and lifts out a small electrical box handing it to Frank, "Frank, that's the ohm meter." He then pulls out a small notebook. "Now the colour code for the trip levers is, ah..."

Louie takes the notebook from him, "Go take a nap."

"Bets the hell out of feeding pigeons all day, hey old man?" asks Frank. The man politely smiles and shrugs.

Louie unscrews the vent and crawls into the jewelers, rushing to pull the blinds down on the glass doors. He then returns to the vent and lifts it for the man and Frank to enter the store. At the safe, Frank uses a blowtorch to melt the safe door whilst the man stand guards and Louie smokes a cigarette.

"Frank? How you doing Frank?" asks the man.

"A few minutes," is the terse reply.

Once the hole through the safe is made, Louie places a chisel into the smoking gap and holds out a small mallet to the man. "Care to do the honors?" The man takes the mallet and hits the chisel. On the second hit the hub of the safe handle falls off and Frank turns it to open the safe door. They walk into the small room lined with small deposit boxes.

"Make me smile," says Frank opening a deposit box.

"Save some for the rest of us," comments Louie as he opens a deposit box too.

The draws are empty. Frantically they open several more deposit draws to find they're all empty. "Oh dear God!" exclaims the man as he realizes the safe is empty.

"EMPTY?! Empty. Everything!" exclaims Frank pulling the man by the shoulder so he is forced against one of the safe's walls. "What gives old man?"

"Oh dear God," repeats the frightened man.


The following morning inside 'Harrod's Jewelers' a woman takes a necklace from a sales assistant and walks to a mirror to see the effect as she places it against her neck. Laura and Murphy are standing behind the two-way mirror with the storeowner. Murphy is taking notes as Laura comments, "You'd never know you were robbed last night."

"Yeah, we moved all our inventory from our other stores this morning," informs the store manager. "Anything to keep this under wraps. Someone *had* to know. I mean, who would figure we'd be keeping a sixty-carat, flawless D-stone worth two million dollars in a cockamamie jewelry outlet." They look out to the busy store. "A place like this, we're here to sell gilt jewelry. Baubles a man can take home to his wife in Minneapolis after he's had a little fun on his business trip in LA."

"So you think it was inside job?" asks Murphy.

They walk into an office. "I don't know what to think. I'm not supposed to have a rock like that in the store," explains the manager. "The insurance company finds out about it, I'm ... cancelled, out of business. I need that diamond back in forty-eight hours."

"Why the deadline?" asks Laura.

"The Persian prince who bought the thing is arriving in two days. He's already paid cash for the purchase and I've already spent most of the cash." Laura looks up and Murphy gives her a small smile as the manager continues, "The commodity market took an unexpected downturn."

"I see your problem," comments Laura.

"The country where this guy comes from, you steal a loaf of bread, they chop off your head. For two million dollars, I'd be willing to bet they won't even sharpen the blade. You will explain Mr. Steele? I mean, I want the best. That's why I called his agency. It's just that, well, you know, where ever your boss goes, publicity seems to follow and, uh, publicity is one thing I'm not anxious to generate right now."

"You have our word of honor Mr. Harrod," assures Laura, "None of this will leak out. To the media or to anyone else."

Harrod is relieved. "It's alright then? Keeping Mr. Steele out of it?"

Murphy is sincere, "Well, if you twist our arms," drawing a glance from Laura.


At the Remington Steele office Bernice is at her desk reading a magazine. The old man from the attempted burglary now wearing a suit, hat and sunglasses hesitates and then walks in. "I want to see Mr. Metal."

Bernice looks up, "Remington Steele?"

"Isn't that what I said?" queries the man.

Bernice pauses and then starts, "I'm afraid he has . . ." before being interrupted by Steele walking into the office.

"Good morning Miss Wolfe, good morning." He heads for his office but is stopped by the man.

"Mr. Steele?"


"Morrie Singer." They shake hands. "I've got a will problem."

"A will problem eh?"

"Yeah. I'm gonna need one if you don't help me."

Steele looks at Bernice as she puts down her magazine. "Could you hold my calls Miss Wolfe? This way Mr., ah, Singer."


Bernice smiles as Remington shows Morrie into his office, "Please."

Morrie takes off his sunglasses. "Do you know anything about theft? Professional theft?"

"Ahhh. I've read a few books on the subject," replies Remington not sure where the conversation is heading.

"I've been a thief all my life."

"Oh," says Remington, more at ease.

"Not, not too proud of it. Just . . . is. Quit a few years ago but already the damage was done. I've got a son in Tampa. Russell. He's got a son. My grandson. I never saw him. *Russell* won't let me. So I got this idea, maybe if I *move* to Tampa, I could make things straight with Russell. I don't want to die alone Mr. Steele."

"No, no. None of us do."

"But a move like that costs money and I, ah . . ." he waves his hands, "about three weeks ago a score FELL into my lap. From out of the blue, a gift from the Gods. Only the score was *hit* before we got there."

"Perhaps the Gods were telling you that the straight and narrow was the surest path to Tampa."

"Maybe, maybe. Only I'm an independent, you know. I'm not *connected* if you know what I mean. I mean you just don't go into, into a place and rob it. You've got to get permission from the people who run the territory."

"In return for...?"

"Twenty percent of the take."

Steele starts to realize Morrie's dilemma, "And twenty percent of nothing is?"

Morrie puts a finger to his left temple, "A hole in the head. Mr. Steele, I figure the only chance I've got is to find those people who beat me to that score. Or *I* go to Tampa in a box."

"Mr. Singer. I will personally turn over *every* rock in this city to find the thieves that pulled that heist." Steele places an arm around Morrie to walk him out of his office.

"No Mr. Steele . . ." starts Morrie but is cut off as Remington continues, "I will rally the forces of my detective agency . . ."

"You know young man . . ."

Steele continues to talk, caught up in his own words. " . . . I will shout your innocence from every rooftop in," Remington is stopped when Morrie places his hand over Remington's mouth.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"Mmph?" mumbles Remington with Morrie's hand still over his mouth.

"All the rallying, racketing and shouting. It seems like it's going to call a lot of attention to ... things, don't you think?"

"Mmhn," agrees Remington still unable to talk.

"Me too. And seeing as how they're people who wanna *kill* me, attention is something we want to avoid. Don't you think?"

"Mmhn," replies Remington, forcing a smile under Morrie's hand.

"Me too." Morrie removes his hand. "So what do you say we make this *our* little secret, huh? And no STAFF, no ROOFTOPS. Just you and me."

Steele looks towards reception, with a slightly nervous look before answering Morrie, "My very thoughts Mr. Singer."


Laura and Murphy enter the lift in the office building. "How are you going to do it?" asks Murphy.

Laura interprets him literally. "First we'll get the names and addresses of all employees past and present. It was obviously an inside job."

Murphy looks at Laura, "No, no, no. I mean *how* are you going to tell the ever helpful Mr. Steele that he's persona non grata on this one."

"Just tell him," suggests Laura.

"Laura. You tell that guy he can't be part of something and sure as *talks* funny he's gonna wanna be a part of it."

Laura briefly shakes her head to disagree. "For all his shortcomings he cares about the well-being of the agency as much as we do." They exit the lift as Murphy makes it evident he doesn't believe her and Laura's conviction wavers. "And once I explain the situation he'll respond in a mature, rational, . . ."

Murphy takes Laura's arm and turns her to face him. "Laura, I'm warning you. No, I'm begging you. Don't do it."

Laura looks unsettled as she walks to the office.


Steele pokes his head out of his office and then approaches Bernice. "Miss Wolfe, if I should be absent when Miss Holt arrives . . ." he stops as Laura and Murphy enter.

"We have to talk," Remington and Laura say together. "Of course." They both pause in surprise at their mutual dialogue. Laura then indicates Remington should follow her into his office. Steele catches her just before she reaches his door.

He quickly alters her path to her office, "Ah, your office seems much more suited for, ah, intimate chats." He opens the door and follows Laura. Murphy starts to call out, "I'll, ah, get some addresses for you," but Remington has closed the door behind him. Murphy turns and looks at Bernice.

Inside, Remington and Laura continue speaking in unison, "You first." They both pause again as Laura says, "This is ridiculous. I will start."

"Fine," replies Remington indicating for her to proceed.

Laura puts a hand to her face as she searches for the right words. "Something's come up. Something that because of its' *delicate* nature demands that you, as *Remington Steele*, cannot be involved."

"Not involved?" clarifies Steele, sounding hopeful.

Laura starts to become defensive, "Now don't take it so hard."

"For how long?"

"Just for forty-eight hours."

"Oh, forty-eight hours."

"Please try to understand."

Remington looks understanding, "Oh. Of course."

"This isn't my choice."

"Of course."

"The client *feels* that your involvement would only add *unwanted* publicity to an *already* sensitive situation." Laura walks to their connecting office door.

Remington walks up the connecting door and casually puts an arm out to prevent her entering his office. "Laura, say no more. I completely understand."

Laura stops mid-breath, "You do?"

"Let's be honest with one another." He puts his arm around her and walks away from the door. "*You* are the Remington Steele Detective Agency. It's *guiding* force. It's most valuable asset." Remington places both hands on her shoulders as Laura, puzzled, stares suspiciously at him. "And, if you feel you can function best without me, then all I can do is accept it."

Laura is stunned, "You can?"

Remington raises his hands and shrugs, "I simply find something to occupy myself with for the next forty-eight hours. But, if you *need* anything or *want* anything, no matter *how* small or *how* menial, *how* distasteful, you have simply to call me."

Laura is in shock as she slowly raises her hand to shake Remington's and mutters, "Thank you."

Remington takes her offered hand and kisses it before placing his other hand over hers as he sincerely tells her, "God speed." He then opens her connecting door with Murphy's office and ushers her through. Laura follows his guidance with her hand still raised. She starts to turn around and speak but Remington puts up a hand to silence her before closing the door. He walks out into reception giving a quick wave to Bernice before opening his door and signaling to Morrie to leave with him. Bernice watches them leave.

Inside Murphy's office, Laura is standing speechless. Murphy walks past her and asks, "How did he take it?"

"Wonderfully," she tells him, still in shock. "Couldn't have been more understanding."

Murphy pauses and sighs, "Well what does that tell you?"

"I don't know," replies Laura, slowly coming to life, "but the hair on the back of my neck is standing straight up." She looks worried.


An ancient Dodge Charger in desperate need of a service chugs into the 'Happy Days Retirement Village'.

Steele exits the car and looks at the building asking in disbelief, "This is where you got the plans for an intricate jewel robbery?"

"My friend Herschel. Herschel Gruber. Herschel used to work for Harrod's. Herschel also used to work for Al Capone. Herschel's been around."

"Oh, I see," says an amused Steele. They walk into the building and past a group of people playing table tennis as they approach reception. A man is on the telephone, "Okay. Mmhn."

Remington asks, "Excuse me, can you tell us where we can find . . ."

The man on the telephone shoves a clipboard towards him, "Sign in please."

"Herschel Gruber," says Morrie as he signs the register.

The man puts down the telephone. "You relatives? Friends?"

"Cell mates," informs Morrie.

"Why? Does it matter?" asks Remington.

"Not to me," says the man. "It's just that old Herschel kicked off - " the stops himself, "-passed away two months ago."

"Two months ago?"

"But that's not possible." Morrie is amazed. "He sent me the plans three weeks ago."

"Tough trick, even for Herschel," observes Steele.

He and Morrie leave the building as Morrie says, "You gotta believe me, Mr. Steele."

"I do believe you, Morrie. But I'm beginning to think there's more here than meets the eye."

"What do you mean?" Morrie questions as he gets into the car.

Steele gets in as well. "Well, for one thing, you're sent plans for a jewelry store heist by a dead man . . . and when you get there, there's no jewels TOO heist."

"You think I was set up?"

"The question is why . . . and by whom." Morrie finds a gear and takes off- as Laura's rabbit turns into the parking area just behind them.

In the car, Murphy looks at a notebook. "Herschel Gruber. Janitor. Retired." Laura nods and they get out and go inside.

The young man is amazed. "Weird," he tells them. "Nobody ever visited Herschel while he was alive. Today-BOOM-it's a Herschel Gruber convention in here." He looks at Murphy. "You in the can with him, too?"

"The men's room?" Murphy asks, confused.


Laura frowns. "Prison? Herschel Gruber was in prison?"

"The way he tells it, they named a wing after him," the man confides.

Murphy looks excited. "Laura, we could be onto something here."

"How?" she wonders. "The man's been dead for two months."

"Yeah," he clerk says. "And I miss him, too. Only thing most of these old people want to talk about is their bowels. Herschel-Herschel was full of great stories. Capone. Bugs Moran. St. Valentine's Day Massacre." He looks wistful.

"You wouldn't happen to have the names or addresses of the people who visited Herschel, would you?"

"The older guy signed the book," he says, pushing it toward Laura.

She looks at it. "Morrie Singer," she tells Murphy.

"Had a younger guy with him. Looked like he walked right out of a cologne ad. Accent and everything."

"Do you have a telephone book?" Laura asks.

He points. "Over there."

Laura and Murphy cross the room to the phone books.


In Morrie's apartment, a basset hound is sleeping on an armchair. "So what do you say Happy, you happy to see me?" Morrie asks the dog. "I bet you thought I wasn't coming back huh? Fat chance."

Steele interrupts the one-sided chat, "Morrie, recapitulate the events of the evening for me."

Morrie stares blankly, "Come again?"

"Ah, what happened last night?"

"Oh, well. Everything went as smooth as silk. I went with the plans that Herschel sent me. I mean, we disconnected the alarm system and Frank torched the safe and we went inside. One, two, three." Steele sighs and sits down on a dresser as Morrie continues. "Only it was empty. Every drawer, every tray. Clean like a whistle, not even those little dust balls."

"Right, the first order of business is to speak with your sponsor."

Morrie's eyes widen. "Mr. Considine?"

"If you and your cohorts explain the safe was completely empty when you arrived . . ."

"He'll blow the heads of the three of us instead of just me."

"Morrie, the clock is ticking. If we're to uncover the real culprits we have to *buy* time. Please." He indicates the telephone. Morrie shakes his head but walks to the telephone and starts to dial. He stops when they hear someone outside the door.

"Considine's men."

"Come on, out the back door," says Steele.

"What about Happy?" asks a Morrie about the still sleeping dog.

"He can fend them off, come on." They rush out the back door.

The front door opens and Murphy, carrying a baseball bat, rushes in to check the premises. "All clear," he tells Laura who enters behind him.

"I think you can put that down," she says.

"The sign said 'Beware of . . .'" he stops and laughs when he sees the Happy sound asleep, " . . . dog'".

"I think they bought the sign first," says Laura with a laugh as she closes the front door and notices keys on the wall. "Spare set of keys with one of these license plate tags. GOJ318." She walks into the room where Murphy is reading papers attached to a tuxedo on a coat hanger.

"This looks interesting," says Murphy, "The rental ticket says this tuxedo and two others were ordered the night of the robbery."

"Well that's it. You don't rent formal wear to rob a jewelry store. Probably has a great alibi. A wedding where two hundred people saw him."

"Yeah, I wish I hadn't found it." Murphy hangs the coat back in the wardrobe.

"Then again, what would you wear if you didn't want to stick out at a place filled with wedding receptions and Bar Mitzvahs?"

Murphy smiles. "Keep going."

"Of course. That's why nobody saw anything. This Morrie Singer and his two henchmen march right through the front doors along with all the other guests. Probably had the valet bring their car around when they were through!" She laughs, "Oh Murphy, I'm not reaching for this am I?"

"Herschel Grueber is a con. He used to work for Harrod's Jewelry right? The place gets robbed a guy goes to visit Herschel. *Same* guy rents three tuxedos the night of the robbery?"

"And he's also a con."

They laugh and Murphy puts his hands on Laura's shoulders. Murphy smiles, "You know you could make a living at this detecting business."

Laura responds in kind, "You think so huh?"

"Yeah. This feels good."


"You and me working together. The way we did bef.." Laura puts a hand up to his mouth but he removes it, "Do you realize we've spent an *entire* afternoon together without once mentioning his name."

Laura looks uncomfortable and walks away and Murphy sighs. She notices Morrie's address book on the side cabinet and picks it up. "Looks like Mr. Singer called somebody named Louis."

Murphy hasn't heard her, "I don't know about you but I *never* even thought of him today."

Laura pretends she hasn't heard him, "Why don't we visit this Louis. See what he if he fits one of these tuxedos."

"Did you?"

"Did I what Murphy?"

"Think of him today?"

Laura pauses, "Well, we've been quite busy."

Murphy smiles, "Well, then there's hope for the patient's complete recovery." He then looks eager, "That is, if she wants to recover."

Laura doesn't answer. Instead she puts down the address book and leaves, "Come on, the clock's ticking."

Murphy smiles as he watches her go. He bends to pat Happy, "Keep up the good work." Happy looks up from his sleep.


Morrie's car chugs to a stop and Steele and Morrie leave the car to walk up the driveway of a block of apartments. "Apartment three," Morrie tells him. A gunshot is heard and a man is seen running from a first floor apartment. He sees Steele and Morrie and shoots at them as a red Mustang pulls up alongside the stairs the man is standing on. He jumps into the car and it screeches away. Steele and Morrie run up the stairs and into the flat to discover a man slumped over the windowsill. Steele walks up to the man and Morrie recognizes him, "Louie."

"Come on," says Steele.

The two men who have left Louie's flat are stopped from driving away by a moving truck blocking their path. They reverse and pass Steele and Morrie standing on the sidewalk.

"Come on," repeats Steele.

"What, what, what? Are we going to chase them?" asks a concerned Morrie.

"Well, that's the general idea."

"Well, what are we going to chase them with?"

Remington points to Morrie's car. "I'll drive."

"Ah, no, this used to a hell of a car in its' day, just like I was." Morrie opens the passenger door as Steele revs the engine, "Listen, do yourself a favor, let it warm up!" Steele starts their pursuit leaving a trail of exhaust, passing Laura's car, which is turning into the street.

Inside Laura's car, Murphy is reading the license plate of Morrie's car. "GOJ 318. Laura, it's Morrie Singer in that Charger."

Laura executes a tight U-turn, driving up onto the sidewalk, and follows Morrie's car.

The chase is on as Steele and Morrie chase the Mustang as they are in turn chased by Laura and Murphy. Steele grinds a gear. "Where's fourth gear?"

"Fourth gear? I haven't used fourth gear since- what was the year that the astronauts walked on the moon?"

Steele glances at him in disbelief. "Sixty-nine, I think."

"That's the one! It's there somewhere," he assures Steele. "Just keep shaking the stick!"

The mustang leaps a hill as the three cars move off the main road. The Charger follows, as does the Rabbit. Remington STILL can't find fourth gear.

"Come on! Pick a gear. Any gear!"

"How could you let an automobile get into such a condition?" Steele admonishes.

"I told you to let it warm up!" Morrie reminds him.

In the Rabbit, Murphy tells Laura, "You're gaining on him. You're gaining on him."

Morrie tells Steele, "You're losing him. You're losing him." The Charger begins to slow.

"You're gaining on him," Murphy is still saying excitedly. "You're gaining on him- you passed him," he says, now in disbelief. He looks back. "What kind of a chase is this? He's coasting to a stop."

In the Charger, Steele and Morrie sit there. "He's trying to send me a message, that Considine. He's trying to tell me he's serious."

"That would certainly be my interpretation," Steele agrees. "Perhaps it's incumbent upon us to let him know that we received the message."

"I don't get you?"

"I think it's time we paid your Mr. Considine a visit. That is, if we can locate a gear that functions," he says, as he and Morrie both try to work the gearshift.


Morrie's car pulls up outside the locked gates of a hidden mansion. Steele presses the intercom button. "Mr. Singer to see Mr. Considine." The gates open and they drive through as the Rabbit pulls over to the side of the road and waits.


Inside the mansion, Considine, a well dressed, middle aged, beady-eyed man, leads Morrie and Steele into a game room. "Morrie, Morrie. You have no idea what a relief it is to see you again. I've been very concerned about you. I haven't seen you in- a couple of days now."

"I ... I've been trying to think of what to say to you Mr. Considine."

Steele notices three men playing billiards in an adjoining room.

"Well, I can understand that Morrie. I've been trying to say to my board of directors." The three men stop playing their billiard game to listen. "About an old man comes to me with *one* final score that he wants to pull on my territory. So I supply him with the men, twenty thousand dollars to pay them. The tools to do the job *right*. And then the smoke clears and there's no old man, no twenty thousand dollars, no twenty per cent of the take so I can understand, your- timidity.

"Mr. Considine, we got there. The safe was empty."

"Morrie, do you have any idea how my board of directors will react when I tell them a story like that. Badly. Very badly. They're going to force me to make an example of you."

"The way you did with Louis?" asks Steele.

Considine looks straight at him. "Precisely the way I did with Louis. I don't believe we've had the pleasure." He extends his hand.

Steele shakes Considine's hand. "John Robie. And I can vouch for Mr. Singer's veracity."

"Can you? What makes you think he's telling the truth?"

"Because I'm the fellow who beat him to the safe."

Considine looks to see his board are listening. "That strikes me as a very dangerous confession to make right here, right now."

"Oh, on the contrary, I feel very safe. As long as I know where the jewels are and you don't, I rather suspect I'm one of the healthiest men alive."

"Alright Mr. Robie, why are you here? What do you want?"

"Better terms. Oh, I know you agreed with Morrie to take twenty per cent but ah, that feels a little rich. After all, you didn't supply me with any men, any money."

"Then why negotiate with me at all?"

"I did work in your territory. And I did do it without your permission. Oh, just a feeling but I feel that your board of directors might feel compelled to make an example out of me. Ten per cent. Plus the original twenty thousand seems a more equitable arrangement."

Considine looks at Steele and then Morrie with a wry smile and sighs.


"Not that I don't have confidence in you but you don't have the haul from that safe do you?" asks a concerned Morrie.

Steele is looking pleased with himself. "Not yet."

"Fine. It's none of business to say so but why did you tell Considine that you did?"

"Still buying time Morrie. Can't very well search for the thieves if we're dead. As long as we're negotiating, they have to keep us alive."

After Morrie and Steele leave Considine's property, Laura quickly drives through the open gates before they close.


Considine is throwing darts at a dartboard, "Private investigators. And you're here because?" he asks Murphy and Laura. The board of directors have resumed their earlier game of billiards.

"Because Morrie Singer led us here Mr. Considine," informs Laura.

"Morrie Singer, Morrie Singer. I'm afraid I don't know anyone named Morrie Singer."

"He's a man with a problem Mr. Considine," says Murphy.


Laura explains, "The way we have it worked out, Morrie Singer, small time thief, pulls a small time job and comes up with a big time jewel. One he can't possibly get rid of through his small time fence."

"That's fascinating."

"So he needs a big time fence," says Murphy looking straight at Considine.

"I'm in the import-export business my friend. One-of-a-kind, rare items."

"Yeah, but you're a member of a very exclusive family." Murphy indicates the men at the billiard table.

Laura approaches Considine. "Our client is willing to offer half a million dollars, no questions asked, if the stone is returned."

"And if it isn't?"

"The burglary will be reported to the police, the news media," Laura meets and holds Considine's stare, "and whoever comes in contact with it will find they're handling a very hot rock. I'm sure a man, with your -delicate connections, has a penchant for privacy and the wrong kind of publicity can often prove fatal."

Considine continues to stare at Laura.


It is nighttime and Steele is staring out his office window. "Morrie," he turns around, "when you reached the safe did it look as though somebody had already violated it? Drill shavings? Torch marks?"

"Frank was operating the torch. If something wasn't kosher, for sure he would have seen it," replies Morrie.

"Hmm. Well, there maybe more than one way to skin a cat but only two ways to get into a safe. Your way or using the combination."


Murphy opens the door to the office reception and a laughing Laura walks in.

"Bernice, you should have seen her." An impressed Murphy relates the story. "Eye to eye with one of the top syndicate people in the country."

"If we didn't put the fear of God into Considine at least he knows we're around." Laura looks to Steele's office door. "I think it's safe to fill him in now." She starts to walk to Remington's office but Murphy chases after her, grabbing Laura's arm indicating they should go into her office.

As Murphy closes the door the reception intercom buzzes. Bernice answers it.

In his office, Remington asks, "Miss Wolfe, did I hear the lilt of Laura's laughter?"

"She just came in," answers Bernice.

"Ah." He puts down the telephone. "Perhaps we should ah, take my associate, Miss Holt, into our confidence," says Steele.

Morrie objects, "But I thought we agreed .."

"Yes I know we agreed to," interrupts Steele, "but she's terribly reliable, ah, extremely competent and ah, closed mouth to a fault."

Morrie shrugs, "Alright. If you think it will help."

Inside her office Laura takes off her coat. "I, I really don't feel right about excluding him like this."

"But the client specifically asked us not to involve him," argues Murphy, perched on the edge of her desk.

"I know but it seems so *appropriate* for a jewel robbery."

"You've gone a *whole* day without him. Laura, it's just like smoking, the longer you stay away, the less craving you have." Murphy stands and walks towards her. "So, dinner, now, with *me*." Laura smiles at him. "I love it when I'm forceful."

"It's a new side of you."

"You like it?"

Laura considers his question and starts to move around him, "Well it's, different."

"Well then what the hell." Murphy takes her arm and pulls her back into a dip as he leans down to kiss her.

"Laura I was wondering .." Steele walks into Laura's office but stops when he sees Laura and Murphy kissing. "Excuse me."

Laura stands up and awkwardly tries to explain, "No, it's alright."

"Sorry to intrude," Steele is embarrassed and starts to leave.

"We were just . . ."

"Oh course you were." Steele exits and closes the door behind him.

Laura puts her head in her head. She looks upset as she turns to Murphy, "He thinks we were . . ."

Murphy smiles at her, "We were."


In Remington's office Morrie asks, "Well, did you tell your associate?"

"No," Steele admits, obviously disturbed as he rolls down his shirtsleeves and fastens them. "She was- otherwise occupied. Uh, I want you to stay at my place tonight. Minor precaution. I'll visit your friend Frank. If the safe had no marks on it when you got there- then Mr. Harrod will look more and more like a prime suspect in his own robbery."


Remington is pensive as he thinks about the question. "You're a very perceptive man, Mr. Singer. Ah, no I'm not terribly happy at the moment. Apparently my associate, Miss Holt, and her associate Mr. Michaels seemed to have developed more than a professional relationship." He is upset. "It's partly my fault I'll grant. You see I have this ah, I have this difficulty making commitments. Especially the kind a woman like Miss Holt demands." He sighs, "Consequently, I can't really blame her. Mr. Michaels, however, is an unconscionable swine. Using my enforced absence to worm his way into her affections. And God knows what else."

"Happy is my dog," Morrie explains.

Steele is drawn from his reverie, "Pardon?"

"I thought maybe you could bring him to your apartment. He hates sleeping alone." Morrie laughs, "Stupid ain't it, a dog should be so sensitive but that's the way my Happy is."

"Yes, well," another glance at the door to Laura's office, "everyone needs someone," says a still emotional Steele.

"Me, I don't care one way or the other." Morrie smiles at Steele.

"I'll pick him up on my way back from Frank's. Come on."


Inside a house the television is on but only static is showing. There are two small beer bottles on a table and a burnt out cigarette. There is a knock at the door and Steele is heard calling out, "Frank? Frank? I'm a friend of Morrie Singer's. I need to speak with you. Frank open the door." Frank is seen in a chair with a bullet hole in his chest. Steele picks the lock and slowly walks in taking in the scene.


Outside Morrie's house, Murphy runs towards the Rabbit. Inside the car Laura puts down her cup as Murphy gets in and tells her, "I ripped the place apart. No diamond, no jewels, not even a pair of cufflinks. Morrie Singer was a man of very modest means."

Laura pours him a drink from a thermos and hands it to him. "He must have stashed it somewhere." She puts the thermos away and reaches for some sandwiches, "Ham and cheese on rye."

Murphy takes the sandwich from her. "Not exactly the dinner I had in mind."

Laura laughs, "Shut up and eat."

Murphy is serious, "If I were a better man I'd apologize for what I did in the office. But I'm not going to," he grins, "I enjoyed it too much."

Laura looks uncomfortable. "Murphy, a stakeout is hardly the place to delve into . . ."

Murphy cuts her off, "Laura, we've been together for a *long* time. Together but not together, if you know what I mean."

"You're going to delve aren't you," says Laura looking more uncomfortable.

Murphy is sincere as he looks at her, "I know I'm no competition for him." Laura meets his gaze. "Looks. Or in that smarmy kind of charm he has. I'm a very straight-ahead guy. No curves, no wiggles and I care about you." Laura swallows and is at a loss as Murphy continues, "More than a business associate, more than a friend. I think we could have something very special together."

"I had no idea."


"That you felt this way."

He looks at her hopefully. "And now that you know?"

"Well . . ."

"You're confused right?"


"Well, that's great! At least you're not bored or turned off or put to sleep. I mean confusion is an emotion and one emotion leads to another." He reaches and puts a hand on Laura's cheek and she's uneasy, "Who knows where emotion can takes us?"

Laura reaches up hand gently takes his hand from her face. "I'm afraid it can't take us where you want it to go."

"It's him isn't it?" Laura looks around in surprise. "He's not even here and he's here, right between us." Laura looks away. Murphy sits back. "I'm not going to give up. I'm just going to view this as a temporary setback. I'm going to make you look at me in a different light."

At that moment, the headlights of Morrie's car illuminate both of them as it is parked outside Morrie's house. "That's Morrie's car," says Murphy. They see a man leave the car but it is too far for them to realize that it is Steele.

"Let's grab him," says Laura as they leave the car. "If he doesn't have the diamond on him he'll know where it is."

"Cover the back," Murphy instructs Laura as he runs to the front of the house.

Inside Morrie's, Remington is trying to drag the sleeping Happy across the floor, "Let's go Happy. Hup, hup, hup. Come on Happy. Come on, surely you haven't forgotten how to walk, hey?" he asks the prostrate dog. Steele hears someone approaches so he bends down and picks up the dog lying him inside the open door's threshold. "Come on, Come on Happy, there you go." He then leans into the wall inside the door. Happy remains still but starts to whine. "Sssh, ssh, be quiet," whispers Steele.

Murphy cautiously walks into the house tripping over Happy. Steele winches as he sees his unknown assailant fall before stooping to pick up Happy, "I knew you'd be good for something." He rushes to Morrie's car as Murphy rubs his head, which has hit a side-table. Outside, Laura comes out the back gate to see Morrie's car drive away. She tosses her hat on the ground in frustration.


The next morning at Harrod's Jewelers, Mr. Harrod is arranging a trophy in a display cabinet. He turns around and mutters, "Oh dear God," when he sees Steele standing at the counter.

"Something the matter?" asks Remington.

"You're not supposed to be here."

Remington looks around, "What are you talking about?"

"They guaranteed me you'd stay out of this."

"Guaranteed you I'd stay out of what and who are you anyway?"

"I'm Albert Harrod, now please, leave before someone sees you."

"Not playing much of a cat and mouse game are you Mr. Harrod? I should like to examine your safe."

"No, I beg of you."

"Pleading holds no sway with me. Simply show me the safe door. If it's been adulterated twice, *then*, you're no longer a suspect."

"Suspect? Me?"

"But ... if there's only one torch hole in it, then a combination was used to gain access. And that makes *you* a prime candidate in my book."

"Did they also tell I have a heart condition. I, I just want you to know that before you go any further with this."

"Then you'll refuse to show me the safe door?"

"What safe door? It's already been replaced!"

"Shrewd Harrod. Very shrewd. But the truth is your behaviour is enough evidence of your guilt anyway. I shall return. Probably with the authorities. Good day." Steele slaps the man on the arm before he leaves the worried jeweler.

Harrod goes into his office and swallows a pill before dialing the telephone. "I want to speak to Miss Holt. I don't care if she's having open-heart surgery, put her on the 'phone."


Laura and Murphy exit the elevator outside Steele's apartment.

"Are you sure it was him?" asks Murphy.

"Mr. Harrod was more than sure, he was livid," replies an annoyed Laura. Murphy knocks on the door to Steele's unit and Laura's presses the buzzer. "I don't understand it. Why would he show up at Harrod's Jewelry demanding to see the safe?"

Murphy shakes his head and knocks again, "COME ON, OPEN UP. Laura, let me kick it in just this once alright?"

"Save your strength. They are much more rewarding things to kick."

Murphy takes out his lock-pick and opens the door. He starts to enter Steele's apartment but Morrie Singer hits him on the head with a glass vase. Murphy drops to the ground as Morrie sees Laura looking at her in surprise. "I know women's lib is very big these days but a lady hit man?"

Laura bends down to tend to Murphy and notices Happy lying on a chair, "I know him."

"I'm warning you, he may look dead but that dog is a killer." Laura stands and walks towards Happy. "If you take one step, two, if you take two, three st . . ," Morrie groans, "That dog has been nothing but a disappointment to me from the day I first found him."

Laura stops at the chair and points to Happy. "That's Morrie Singer's dog." She looks at Morrie, "YOU'RE Morrie Singer! What are you doing here? Where's Mr. Steele?"

"He left early this morning."

Laura shakes Morrie's hand. "I'm Laura Holt, Mr. Steele's associate."

Morrie looks at Murphy who is unsteadily starting to stand. "And who's he?"

Laura helps Murphy to sit on the end of the lounge. "He works for Mr. Steele. Murphy Michaels."

"Ah, the unconscionable swine, eh?" Morrie points to Laura, "You know, you hurt Mr. Steele."

"*I* hurt him?" asks Laura in disbelief before looking at Murphy's head.

"Alright, so he can't make a commitment," Laura looks at him before returning to examine Murphy, "but that's no reason you should *fling* his affairs in his face." Laura stops and glares at Morrie. "He *cares* for you young lady. And you would see that if you would stop fooling around with every Tom, Dick and Murphy who comes your way."

Laura is annoyed. "I BEG your pardon?"

"It's not *my* pardon you should beg." Laura looks at him questioningly but Morrie turns his attention to Murphy. "And as for you young man. Be a mensch. Don't beat your boss' time. Get your own girl." Murphy glares at Morrie.

The telephone rings and Laura answers it, "Hello?"

Bernice is on the other end. "Just got a call from Mr. Considine. Said he'd located the stone you're looking for and wants to see you A.S.A.P."

Laura laughs with glee and puts down the telephone as she says to Murphy, "Fasten your seat-belts Murph," she helps him to his feet, "We're about to make this thing fly!"


At Considine's house, Considine walks into the library and to its' bar where Laura and Murphy are waiting. "Congratulations Miss Holt," he takes a decanter from a shelf and pours a shot, "You're a very clever woman. Since you've made it impossible for me to accept the stone quietly I have no other alternative than to see its' return to it's rightful owner."

"Awfully civic of you," comments Laura picking up a cup of coffee.

"Keeps you out of jail, nets you five hundred *thousand* in the bargain," observes Murphy.

"I don't want any part of that money. My involvement has already been far too public as it is. Once I put you together with the man who has the stone *I'm* out of it. And for everyone's longevity, I'd like to suggest you *lose* my address." There is a knock at the door. "Right on time."

"Nothing like a prompt thief," says Laura still holding her coffee cup.

Considine starts the introductions, "Miss Holt, Mr. Michaels, may I present Mr. John Robie."

Remington walks into the library only to do an about face when he sees Laura and Murphy. Upon seeing Remington, Laura spills her coffee, putting her hand to her face in shock. Remington nervously looks back.


"JOHN ROBIE?!" queries Laura, back at Steele's apartment. Murphy is looking on.

"To Catch a Thief," he explains. Laura walks past him and sighs as he continues, "Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Paramount, ah, 1955. I thought it was apropos."

Murphy approaches him, "Do have any idea what Laura and I have been doing the last two days?"

"I believe I caught a glimpse of it last night," counters Remington.

"He means professionally," returns Laura.

"Oh," says a smiling Steele.

"We've been looking for *your* client," says Murphy, "The man who *robbed* Harrod's Jewelry store."

"And who hired you?"

Laura answers, "Albert Harrod. Who else?"

Remington laughs, "How ingenious. Albert Harrod retains *you* to find the thief who broke into his safe."

"Why do you find that so extraordinary? That's the way it's supposed to work. We're *hired* by *victims* not *criminals*."

"Rubbish. The man's nothing more than a well-dressed swindler out to defraud his insurance company."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," says Murphy, "Where did you get that?"

"The safe was apparently empty and unblemished when Morrie Singer arrived to rob it which means whoever actually committed the robbery gained entry through use of the combination which means the thief is none other than your client." Steele looks smug.

Laura and Murphy exchange glances, "Brilliant piece of deductive reasoning," says Laura shaking Remington's hand.

"Thank you. Don't be embarrassed. We all make mistakes." He looks pointedly at Laura and Murphy. "Some of them more disastrous than others."

Laura looks uncomfortable but Murphy is annoyed, "Can we *stick* to business?"

"Apparently you can't," retorts Steele.

Laura holds up her hands as the two men glare at each other, "Gentlemen please, while this is all very flattering, this isn't getting us anywhere." She looks at Steele. "Your theory has one giant hole. Albert Harrod isn't filing an insurance claim."

"He isn't?" asks a now concerned Steele.


"Why not?"

"Because one of the gems found in the safe was worth in excess of two million dollars. And having it in the safe was a violation of the terms of his insurance which is why he hired us to find the thief who hired you."

"You say there was a single stone worth over two million in that safe?"

"Morrie didn't tell you that?"

"Morrie didn't know," says Morrie coming from Steele's bedroom. "Look folks, I may be a thief but I'm not a liar. And I swear, this is the first I heard about a *two* million dollar stone. I mean, I was looking for something that would be easy to fence. A rock that size would take *years* to unload. I haven't got years."

"If he didn't do it," says Laura.

"And Harrod didn't do it," says Murphy.

"Then it must be someone we don't work for," says Steele. Laura glares at him as he offers, "Just looking on the bright side."

"But there is someone who wasn't surprised that diamond was in the safe," says Laura. "Who was willing to accept it quietly."

"Considine," realizes Murphy.

"Who hired your crew, Mr. Singer?" Laura asks Morrie.

"Considine," replies Morrie.

"Is that customary?"

"No, no. I told him I had two of my own guys but he insisted. Made it part of the deal."

"And a man of his connections *would* know the whereabouts of a two million plus diamond," reasons Murphy.

"Ahh, no wonder Frank didn't say anything about that safe already being torched."

"He was in on it," concludes Laura.

"I thought there was something odd about his body the night I found it," recalls Remington. "He seemed so calm. Not like Louie, suitcase packed, the man running for his life, but like he was having a conversation with someone. A friend, a partner."

Morrie hesitates, "Ah, there's a little item I forget to mention. Herschel used to work for Considine." The missing piece falls into place.

"All we need now is the rock," says Murphy.

"If I had a two million dollar diamond, I wouldn't let it get far from home," comments Laura.

"And merely returning it won't settle the score," says Steele. "That man's responsible for two deaths."

"Well, if we can't persuade him to accept prison and the police over his associates, he'll literally get away with murder."

"How we going to do that?" asks Morrie.

"Thomas Crown Affair," says Remington looking pleased, "Steve McQueen, Faye Dunaway, United Artists, 1968."


Morrie's car speeds along the road to Considine's crashing through the locked gates and a chain link fence, driving onto the tennis courts where Considine is playing tennis with his board of directors.

Murphy, wearing a ski mask, and holding a machine gun jumps out of the car, "Gentlemen, this is a robbery! Co-operate and you'll live to tell your grandchildren." Steele and Morrie, similarly clad, also leave the car and point their guns at the four men.

"I hope so," mutters Morrie resulting in Steele nudging him to be quiet.

"Do you know who I am? Do you know who these gentlemen are?" asks Considine.

"INSIDE!" replies Murphy.

"Yeah," starts Morrie before losing his nerve and mumbling. Steele nudges him again and Morrie yells, "Move!"

The three men lead their four hostages towards the house as Laura removes her ski mask and reverses the car.

Murphy shoves Considine into the game room. The latter is vexed. "LOOK. If you insist on this lunatic venture, you'll never live to enjoy any of what you take here today."

"Open the safe," instructs Murphy.

Considine remains adamant . "I'm afraid I'm going to have to refuse."

One of the board members feels Murphy's gun in his side and says, "Open it Considine, these people are serious."

Another board member agrees, "Look, we'll deal with them later. For now, you do just what they say."

Considine is a beaten man. He throws down his tennis racquet and resignedly starts to work the combination on the safe that is hidden behind the dartboard. Morrie's hands are shaking causing his gun to rattle. Steele tries to nudge him to stop but it doesn't work. He slowly places his hand on Morrie's gun and murmurs, "Think Tampa."

Considine slowly opens the safe door to reveal a large diamond. The first board member sees it, "The sixty carat job from Harrod's."

"You had it all along," says the third board member. "Building a little nest egg with our money?"

"You're a corpse, Considine."

Murphy pushes Considine out the way and inspects the diamond. "Alright, hit the floor. ALL of you." Steele shoves the board members to the open space and they lie down.

"Hey look, I don't know who you guys are but you have to take me with you," pleads Considine, "Please, take me with you."

"Okay," says Murphy and he leaves with Considine, Steele and Morrie, leaving the three board members in the game room.

Laura is standing by Morrie's car with the doors open. Considine recognizes her as he enters the car, "Miss Holt?" Once they're all in Laura has trouble getting the car to move.

"Not in gear," says Remington.

Laura looks at him while trying to shift the gear stick. "How can a man let an automobile get in this condition?"

The three board members run out of the house and start to fire at the car. Remington reaches across and helps Laura move the gear stick, "Now," he instructs and Laura is able to drive the car so they can escape.


Laura, Murphy and Steele are laughing as walk down the corridor approaching the office of Remington Steele Investigations.

"The way Considine ran into that police station," recalls Murphy.

"It was certainly safer than facing his friends," says Laura.

"Rather a neat scheme funding a heist with syndicate money to keep the scores for yourself," comments an impressed Steele.

"Who'd believe the safe was cleaned out before poor Morrie ever even got to it?" asks Murphy.

They stand around Bernice's desk as she looks up at them. "Yes. Thank you. For procuring that award for him," says a sincere Steele.

"Well, he did help recover that diamond," says Laura picking up a pile of papers.

"Now he's on his way to Tampa a hero," says Murphy.

Laura passes a piece of paper to Remington. He looks at the paper and then at Laura and Murphy, "Well, why don't you two run along? You must be chomping at the bit."

"Chomping at what bit?" asks a puzzled Bernice.

Laura turns slowly to see Murphy looking very pleased as Steele explains to Bernice, "No need to be a genius to see that working in such close harmony these past few days has," he pauses, "Altered the nature of Laura's relationship with Murphy."

"It has?" asks Bernice, obviously surprised with the turn of events. Murphy continues to smile as Laura looks at Steele.

"And I must say I'm delighted," says Steele feigning his delight. He walks to his office, patting Murphy on the shoulder, "For both of you."

Laura smiles and says, "Excuse me," before following Steele into his office.

"What's she doing?" asks a confused Bernice.

Murphy sighs, "Setting the record straight." He is disappointed, but smiles. "Damn it."

Inside Steele's office, Laura closes the door as a dejected Steele sighs.

"If you're referring to what you saw in my office," starts Laura.

Remington holds out a hand to stop her. "It's no secret that I've harboured feelings for you but ... I don't mind stepping aside for someone as *worthy* as Murphy." He gives her a quick sideways glance as they both walk to his desk. He sighs, "You know what they say, three's a crowd. And I thought there was some vague hope that .."

"I know what you're doing," says Laura as they both sit on his desk.

"You do?" Remington replies in all innocence.

"You think the more you step out of the picture the more I'll try to drag you back into it."

Remington looks affronted, "Why Laura, how can you suggest such a thing? I just want you two kids to be happy."

Laura smiles at him, "The *hell* you do."

Steele nervously adjusts the knot in his tie. They both look at each other and start to laugh.

The End