- Steele On The
Air
- From the episode
written by
- Kerry Lenhart and John J. Sakmar
- The episode opens at a small airport,
as a pilot approaches a small aircraft with the markings "1400
KROT AM RADIO" on the side. He unties the plane, removes
the wheel chocks and gives the control tower a thumbs up signal
before getting into the plane and starting the engine.
Switch to a clock, revealing that the time is 5:56, and a sign
that says, "Tyler and Austin Time". A man enters the
studio, turning on the light and shaking his head. He flips various
switches, then grabs a record and places it on a turntable, glancing
once more at the clock before setting the tone arm on the record.
Grabbing some tapes, he puts them into the slot and then sits
before the microphone, nervously glancing once more at the clock.
The airplane takes off.
At one minute till six, the man looks out of the studio door,
then goes back inside, closing the door behind him and lowering
the shade on the window into the hallway. He sits down, puts
on the headset, looking again at the clock before cueing the
promo for Tyler and Austin.
A clock radio, flipping to 6:00, coming on to the sound of the
promo. Laura comes from beneath the covers as a DJ says in a
bright voice, "Good morning, Los Angeles. Norman Austin
here."
"Along with Bud Tyler, with this piece of advice:"
Laura is reaching, trying to turn the radio off.
"Shut this damn thing off and get back to sleep."
"And if you're already up," Bud adds, "find a
bed. Any bed, and get back in it. Cause that's where the real
fun is." The promo starts again, and Laura sits up, then
lays back down. She laughs at the jingle, opening one eye. The
sound of a spring and girls giggling comes on. "Norman,
do you want to put that damn thing away before you hurt somebody?"
"In just a minute, we'll be joining Doug West high in the
sky for a look at Los Angeles traffic," Norman announces.
The airplane flies over the LA freeways as a bugle blows and
Laura gets out of bed and goes to her closet. "All right,
slug a beds," Bud says. "Up and at `em!"
"Seriously, you're not gonna want to miss this one. The
start of another beautiful week. We've got 65 degrees at 6:01.
Expect highs in the upper seventies."
Cut to Bud, saying, "And a gorgeous sunrise out the KROT
window. Blue skies and a few low morning clouds that should lift
off before long." He scoots to the other side of the mike,
pushing a switch that sounds like a rocket firing. His voice
changes, sounding like Norman. "Awesome sight, those clouds
lifting off like that." Back to the other side, as himself.
"And speaking of clouds, let's go up to the West Nest for
a look at early morning traffic. Doug, how do things look from
up there?"
"Well, it's still early," Doug says, but we see the
airplane now in a field, a jeep parked nearby. "But traffic's
still building at the downtown four level," he says, as
the pilot of the plane drags a man's body toward it from the
jeep. "Clear sailing on the Santa Ana and Santa Monica routes.
Hey, if you're traveling on the eastbound Ventura, watch out.
I've got a report of an overturned truck near the Hollywood transition,
blocking the numbers two and three lanes. Well, that's how it
looks for now from my perch high in the West Nest. KROT Traffic."
"Thanks, Doug," Bud says in his own voice. "Now,
let's keep things moving with a little music."
*********************************************************************
Later, Laura is driving down the freeway, singing along with
"Girls Just Wanna Have Fun".
Bud comes on after the song. "You know, Norm, I was just
sitting here looking out our window while the song was playing
and I was struck by a frightening realization."
"And I think we all know how that can hurt," Norm says.
"Did you know that if it hadn't been for the man who invented
venetian blinds, it would be curtains for all of us?" Laura
rolls her eyes at the bad joke. "Just a brief historical
note. Okay, it's 7:05 here at the big carrot, and," Bud
says, still pretending to be Norm, "it's time to play `Pick
A Hit'. Your chance to decide whether a new song will be a hit
or a miss."
He switches again. "We'll take caller number fourteen,"
he announces. "Call 555-KROT."
"And keep in mind that I'll be the one to determine
whether or not you are right," he says as Norm.
"Why you?" Bud asks.
"Because I'm the one with the trained ear."
"Trained ear?"
"Yeah. Watch:" He whistles as if summoning a dog. "Here
ear, here ear!" He makes the sound of something running
across the control panel, and laughs. "Ah, sit, Van Gogh.
Sit." He pants. "Good ear."
Bud laughs. "No doubt about it, Norm, that is a well trained
ear. Seven oh six now. So let's take a quick check with Doug
West up in his West Nest and see how traffic is shaping up."
The unconscious man is in the airplane, while the other man has
the hood open, as we hear Doug's voice. "Looks like easy
going for everyone traveling the Pacific Coast Highway, Bud.
There's a sig alert reported on the southbound 405. I've got
the West Nest KROT plane headed over the Malibu canyons now to
check it out." Laura, driving the Malibu highway, looks
up, trying to see the plane. "Orange County reporting moderate
to heavy traffic on all freeways," Doug says. Suddenly we
hear the sound of the airplane engine having problems.
"Doug?" Bud asks. "Is everything okay?"
"A little engine trouble," Doug responds as the man
pulls the airplane into position. "Can't seem to fix. Losing
power," he says. Laura is concerned, looking around for
the airplane. "Altitude dropping. Malibu Canyon, clearing,"
he says as the man starts the airplane with the unconscious man
inside and lets it start taxiing. "Try to bring it down.
The man runs back to his jeep and gets inside. "Bringing
it down now, Bud. No control," Doug says, the sound of the
wind rushing past the airplane as he comes in.
"Doug? Are you there? Doug?" Bud asks again and is
answered by the sound of an explosion. Laura jumps, upset. The
airplane, without a pilot, crashes, and Laura hears the explosion
and sees the smoke from over a hill. She stops her car and rushes
to see if she can do anything to help- but the airplane is engulfed
in flames. Laura closes her eyes and looks away.
***********************************************************************
A red mustang arrives at the KROT studios, and a man gets out,
looking around warily before entering the building. Inside, he
hides from a security guard, then enters the studio. Bud is angry,
but relieved to see him. As Norm, Bud says into the mike, "Still
no details on the plane crash involving KROT's own Doug West.
But we'll be sure to let you have whatever we have as soon as
we have it." Norm puts a record on the turntable, dons his
headsets.
"Right now," Bud says, "it's eight oh five. If
you're supposed to be at work at eight, and ain't- you're late."
Norm rolls his eyes. "Well, what have we got for a temperature,
Norm?" he asks.
"It's seventy degrees here at the big carrot, the only station
in LA guaranteed to improve your eyesight.," Norm says.
The REAL Norm this time.
"And now," Bud says, "Back to the music."
Norm starts the record. Bud removes his headset. "Norman."
"All right, spare me the sermon, Bud. I know I'm late."
"Today, of all days."
"It's the last time," Norm says, listening to the headphone.
"I promise you."
Bud looks worried.
***********************************************************************
Mildred is at her desk, trying to pick a lock using a lockpick.
When she sees Steele come in, she tries to hide what she's doing.
"Morning," he says. "Morning, morning, morning."
"Morning, Chief," she says. He grins at what's in her
hand.
"Getting a little practice, are we, Mildred?"
"You always make it look so easy."
"Years of experiences," he reminds her. "Uh, Miss
Holt back from Malibu yet?"
"Not yet," she tells him, still trying to pick the
lock.
Steele claps his hands, obviously pleased about something. "Excellent.
Must be going well. Better than I imagined." He takes the
lock and pick from her and starts working, not even paying full
attention.
"What's that?"
"All in due course," he assures her as the lock opens.
Mildred is amazed. "All in the wrist," he tells her,
dropping the lock and pick onto her desk. She picks them up and
starts practicing again.
************************************************************************
At the crash site, Laura asks a policeman, "Why didn't I
see the plane? It should have flown right over me."
"Pardon me, ma'am. Weren't you in your car at the time?"
"I had my top down," she tells him.
"Maybe the sun got in your eyes."
"The SUN was behind me. And what about the explosions? Why
did I hear the plane explode on the radio BEFORE I heard the
plane explode here?"
"Echo in the canyon," he suggests, obviously trying
to dismiss her. "I don't know." He turns away.
Laura approaches the NTSB investigator as he's looking at the
remains of the aircraft. "You the eyewitness?" he asks.
She nods. "Near as I can figure, the magneto came loose.
No way he could maintain power." Laura looks up at the cliff
that the plane apparently flew off of.
"What about the tracks up above?"
"Probably tried to make a forced landing."
"Why didn't he just stop the plane? Or jump out?"
"Ma'am, I'm still investigating," he reminds her. Laura
moves away as a blonde man approaches and watches her walk off.
He looks up at the smoking hulk of wreckage.
************************************************************************
Laura goes up to the cliff, finding an oil spot in the grass.
The blonde man approaches her. "Yo! Rick Badham," he
says, introducing himself, shaking her hand. "I couldn't
help but tune in to what you were saying."
"Rick `Bad Man' Badham?" Laura questions.
"Bingo!" he says.
"I listen to your station all the time," she says.
"In fact, I was tuned into KROT when this all happened."
"Doug and I were pretty tight," he tells her. "I
can't believe he augurs in after fifteen years without a scratch."
"I can't quite believe it, either," Laura agrees. "Based
on the evidence."
"You mean everything isn't copasetic?"
"I'm a private investigator. I'm trained to look for clues."
She points at the oil spot. "This is one. A car was parked
here this morning. From the looks of the terrain, probably a
four wheel drive vehicle." She moves toward another area.
"And these marks. It looks as though someone were dragging
something."
"Whoa!" Rick says, holding up his hands. "What
are you saying?"
"I'm not sure. Yet."
The policeman comes up. "Miss Holt? I thought you'd be interested
to know Miss Holt. The coroner just called. They took a .38 slug
out of Doug West's skull." Rick looks upset, Laura looks
vindicated.
**********************************************************************
At the studio, a funeral dirge is playing softly, and Bud is
staring into space as Norm says, "He was a good pilot. A
good friend. A good man."
"Doug, old buddy, we know you're still flying. Just a little
higher now, that's all."
"So from all of us down here who are going to miss you,
Doug, this one's for you." He turns on the record player,
and the sound of "Leavin' On A Jet Plane" fills the
booth.
A tearful woman comes to the window, and looks inside. Bud sees
her. She comes in, crying, and looks at Norm. Norm is upset as
she comes and throws herself into his arms. Bud closes the blinds
on the window. The woman starts kissing Norman. "Would you
get her out of here?" Bud asks.
"He's right, Marsha," Norm tells the woman. "This
doesn't look too good."
"But, but, but-"
"Well put, and I understand completely," Norm tells
her, backing her toward the door. "We'll catch up later,
all right?" She nods, and they go into a clinch. When they
part, he says, "I'll see you tonight," and opens the
door for her to leave.
Bud stands there, furious. "Norman, are you crazy? Her husband's
still smoldering and you're hugging and kissing the grieving
widow!"
"Come on, Bud. Will you relax? What? Are people are going
to think that *I* killed Doug West? I was on the air at the time,
remember? Thanks to you." He leaves the room.
**********************************************************************
Steele is sitting on his desk, talking into the telephone. "Intolerable.
. .Yeah. . .Understandable." Laura comes into the office,
thoughtful after what she's been through. She listens. "Inexcusable.
. .Unintentional, and-" he pulls the phone way, looking
at it ruefully. "Good day," he says.
"Man of few words," she comments.
"The gentleman on the other end had quite a few," he
says, hanging up the phone. "That was Leon. Leon Pulver?
The press agent? Your eight o'clock appointment?"
Laura's eyes widen. "I forgot all about it," she says.
"Forgot? Laura, I've been building you up to Leon for weeks
now. The man was dying to meet you. Three hours ago."
"Something came up," she explains.
"What could possibly be more important than meeting the
man who's going to put us in People magazine?" he
asks.
"Mr. Steele, your partner in crime stumbled across the most-"
she pauses, and Steele swings his legs around to the front of
the desk to listen. "-bizarre murder case in years. It's
- totally baffling."
"Really? Bizarre? Baffling?" he picks up the phone.
"Mildred? Get me Leon Pulver, will you? Thank you. Thank
you very much indeed." He hangs up. Getting off the desk,
he smiles, putting an arm around her. "I can see the headlines
now, Laura. Excellent work." Laura is totally confused.
************************************************************************
As Laura and Steele enter the lobby of 14-KROT, the letters in
neon on the back wall, we hear a woman on the radio, saying,
"Hello, Doctor. Uh, last week, you referred to the use of
vegetables."
Steele notices the neon lettering. "Fourteen krot?"
he questions.
"K.R.O.T," Laura says. "Fourteen Karat?"
"Ah ha," Steele nods, understanding as Laura starts
to listen to a woman on the radio, a smile beginning.
"It's not important which vegetables you use. Carrots, corn
on the cob, zucchini, they're all terrific!" Laura laughs
softly.
"A radio cooking show?" Steele asks as they move across
the lobby.
"That's Dr. Pam," she tells him. "The phone in
sex therapist."
Steele is stunned, and nods. "Let me know when you get the
recipe book," he says, stopping at the desk.
Rick calls out. "Laura! What's the haps?" he asks,
shaking her hand.
"Rick Badham, Remington Steele," she says.
"Dyno," Rick says. "What say we barge in on the
boss?" he asks, leading them toward a door as it opens.
"Frank," he begins, but another man is already there,
a guitar slung across his back. When Frank comes from his office,
the guitar man objects.
"No, no, I got to him first." He holds up a recorder.
"Now Frank, how about THIS?" he asks, then turns on
the recorder and starts singing with a tape. "Don't wanna
go where there's no fourteen karat. Don't wanna go where I can't
hear the hits." Frank frowns. "Don't wanna go, uh uh!
where there's no fourteen karat." Steele looks at Laura,
who's looking a bit embarrassed. "Don't wanna go where I
can't hear the hits. I really wouldn't tear it, doubt that I
could bear it. Hear it. Share it. Fourteen karat! Fourteen karat
gold." He jams with the music as it ends, then turns it
off.
"Lymon," Frank says, "That is the most idiotic
thing I have ever heard."
"Does that mean no, Frank?" Lymon asks.
Rick jumps in. "Frank, these are the detectives I was telling
you about."
Frank is upset. "And I told you, too expensive!" he
moves away across the lobby as Rick follows.
Lymon turns to Steele and Laura. "Hi. Jack Lymon. `Rhymin'
Lymon', Jingles Incorporated," he explains. "You need
a snappy promo?" he asks.
Steele is tempted. "Uh,- actually, I was thinking . . ."
he begins.
"No," Laura answers, as she turns to join Frank and
Rick.
"No," Steele repeats. "Forget it." He follows
Laura, as does Lymon.
Rick is trying to convince Frank. "Frank. Thank about Doug."
"Oh, Doug was an idiot. He flew a plane and looked at traffic.
Is that a job for a grown man?"
A woman enters the lobby. "Dix!" she yells.
Frank looks around. "Uh, oh. Have sex, will travel."
He tries to get away, Rick follows.
"Vegetable lady?" Steele asks Laura. Laura nods.
Dr. Pam catches up with Frank as he's taking a pill, waving a
paper. "This is the last straw, Dix! I have done everything
you've asked to promote this miserable station! I gave free advice
at Folsom Prison. I got in the ring to rap with professional
wrestlers, but I have to draw the line somewhere!"
"You got a point, Doc?" Frank asks.
"I am a professional. An eminent psychologist. I DO NOT
DO demolition derbys!"
"Oh, you deal with anger and frustration. Demolition derbys
deal with anger and frustration. What's the problem?"
Lymon jumps in with his guitar and sings, "Daddy is a sicko,
Mama is one too. You got a social problem and you don't know
what to do. You turn to fourteen karat, when you're really in
a jam. Oh! Well it's Wham! Bam! Thank you, Dr. Pam."
Dr. Pam stares at him, then says, "I quit! I am going to
cable!" she declares as she departs the lobby.
Lymon strikes a chord. "Well you can take this job and shove
it!" he sings.
"Good riddance!" Frank yells after her. "And take
your vegetables with you!" He starts back toward his office,
only to be confronted by Laura. "I told you no."
"As a devoted listener," Laura says, "Mr. Steele
is willing to wave all fees unless we catch the killer."
Steele looks at Laura as though he doesn't quite believe he hears
correctly.
Frank's interest level goes up, and he smiles. "Well. A
true humanitarian." The two men shake hands. "Good
hunting, Mr. Steele," he says before he leaves them.
"Man really warms up when he gets something for nothing,
doesn't he?" Steele points out.
Rick comes up. "You wanted to meet Tyler and Austin?"
he asks.
"They were the last ones to speak with Doug West,"
Laura says.
He points down a hall. "They're right down here. Studio
C." He looks at his watch. "Hey. I gotta run. Good
luck. I'll catch you on the `B' side."
He goes to the studio, where the news reader Melody is saying,
"And on a lighter note, they're developing an edible greeting
card. The card is said to provide good wishes, and a free lunch.
So when you care enough to send the very best," Rick puts
on his headsets. "Now, back to more of your music with Rick
Badham. Rick?"
"Thanks, Melody. This is Rick `the badman' Badham. You know
I'm bad, and that's good. And how about this good news? Famed
LA detective Remington Steele," he says as Steele and Laura
pass the window, "has just agreed to find the killer of
KROT's own Doug West. Bad news for the bad guys. GOOD news for
the rest of us. And now let's get to some really bad sounds that
I know you're just gonna love, cause the Badman knows what's
good for you."
Laura and Steele approach Studio C, as she says, "So much
for our cover."
"The price of fame," he tells her. They stop at a speaker
on the wall, with the sign above it, "Please listen before
entering studio."
"Shall we?" she asks, pointing to the speaker . Steele
turns it on.
"I know who did it," a high pitched voice says, "But
you'll never get it out of me." Laura and Steele listen,
confused.
"They'll tell me," another voice says.
"She'll talk when I get through with her."
"Help! Help!" They open the door to find Bud laying
across the desk, pretending someone is choking him as Norm sits
at a console, reading is script. "AUGHH! Help!"
"Just when it looked like it was the end for Pauline,"
Norm reads. Bud gets up. "Rex Righteous, Local Hero, burst
through the door," Bud sees Steele and Laura.
"Rex Righteous?" he asks.
"Remington Steele, actually," Steele says.
Norm turns to Bud. "Bud, you wanna stick to the script?"
Bud taps him on the shoulder and points to Laura and Steele.
Laura's beaming.
"Addlepated Theater," she says. "One of my favorites."
Steele joins her laughter. "Well, I won't tell anyone,"
he promises.
"Remington Steele, meet . . ." she pauses, then points.
"Bud Tyler."
"Hello, Bud," Remington says, shaking his hand.
"And Norman Austin." They shake as well.
"Hello, Norman."
"And you are?" Norm asks.
"Laura Holt. I listen to you every morning."
Norm turns to Bud. "Quick. Get Frank. Tell him we found
our audience."
"What can we do for you?" Bud asks.
Steele points at Laura to explain. "Well, we're private
investigators hired by the station to find Doug West's killer."
Bud looks worried, Norm pretends sorrow. "Yeah. It's a real
tragedy. I never heard an unkind word about Doug."
"He was a happily married man," Bud interjects. "Doug
and Marsha were a happy couple. Very happy. Blissful," he
says, as Norm sends him a look.
"Evidence suggests," Laura tells them, "that Doug's
body was placed in the plane after it landed and then it was
deliberately crashed."
"But Doug was on the radio this morning," Norm told
them.
"You spoke with him?" Steele asks.
Norm looks at a concerned Bud, then says, "Yeah."
"Is it possible someone cut into your broadcast?" Laura
wonders.
"Oh, I'm afraid that's a," Norm begins, but Bud nervously
jumps in again.
"No, it's possible. I mean, someone could patch in through
another studio, or even set up some sort of remote intercept,"
he says.
"Sounds like science fiction to me," Norm insists.
Steele looks at Laura. "Are you suggesting that someone
was impersonating Doug West?"
"Well, someone could have put on tapes of Doug's voice,"
she says. "Thank you, gentlemen. I think you've narrowed
our search to someone familiar with the station," Laura
tells them, shaking their hands.
"G-Glad to be of help," Bud tells her. But his smile
vanishes quickly.
*********************************************************************
In his office, Laura is going over something on the desk while
Steele paces. "I've been giving this second thoughts, Laura.
Bizarre and baffling though it may be, is this really the appropriate
time to be tackling a case like this? I mean, if we flop- we
flop in front of a very large audience."
"Think of the publicity if we crack it."
"Thank of the publicity if we DON'T crack it's more the
point," her returns as the door opens and Mildred chases
a man into the office.
"He wouldn't wait, Boss!" she says.
"Ah, Leon!" Steele says.
"Steele! Is my guy brilliant, or what?" he asks. "Announcing
a major case on the radio. Chills, Steele. It gave me chills.
Why does the man need me, I ask myself?"
"Good question," Laura says.
"Listen, baby," Leon says to Steele. "I just got
off the car phone with the West Coast Bureau Chief of People.
Flipped over this latest case of yours. I mean, a guy crashes
an airplane with a bullet in his head? It's new, it's different.
And it played to their demographics."
"They liked it?" Steele asks, a bit nervously.
"What like? We're talking animal passion here! Solve this
one, the cover's yours. Gotta fly." He turns toward the
door. "Keep me informed." Stopping, he says, "Try
to solve it before Thursday so we can meet their deadline."
He leaves.
"People magazine?" Mildred asks.
"It's, uh, it's to- promote the agency, Mildred," Steele
tells her.
"I didn't hear my name mentioned," Mildred says.
Steele grabs Laura's hand. "Come on, Miss Holt, let's get
cracking on the Doug West case," says, trying to get out.
But Mildred stops them. "Whoa. I've been thinking."
"Yes," Steele says, taking off his jacket.
"Our culprit has to be involved in the radio station, right?"
"OUR culprit?" he asks, loosening his tie.
"Am I or am I not in training?" she wants to know.
"Proceed, Mildred," Laura says.
"Okay." Steele rolls up his cuffs. "Logically,
someone has to go undercover at the radio station. Someone crafty.
Someone who could blend in."
Laura looks depressed. "Scratch that. Mr. Steele and I have
already been seen by everyone there."
Mildred points to herself. Steele puts his arm around her shoulders.
"Miss Holt, I think we have created a monster here."
Mildred smiles, delighted.
"I give you full credit, Mr. Steele," Laura tells him.
He doesn't look at all pleased by the turn of events.
At KROT, Mildred is in a studio, wearing headphones, using her
best Bronx accent. "Dr. Krebs, you're on the air."
"It's my husband. He's playing around."
"How long you been married?"
"Twenty eight years."
"Children?"
"Three."
"He's a louse. Soak him for everything he's got." She
flips a switch as Frank walks up to the window, smiling. "Dr.
Krebs, you're on the air."
"My boyfriend likes me to sing his college fight songs when
we make love."
"He's sick. Dump him." She flips the switch again.
"Dr. Krebs, you're on the air."
At the office, Steele is watching as Laura sits at the computer.
He turns off the radio on the desk. "I'm going blind, and
she's playing Sigmund Freud, PI."
"Well, you're the one who encouraged her to spread her wings,"
Laura reminds him.
"Yes, but not at the expense of the nest, for,-I mean, whatever
happened to good old Mildred? Sweet, adoring, servile?"
"She found out her boss is a fraud, remember?" Laura
says.
Steele looks at her. "Sometimes the truth can be so . .
.unnecessary."
"I don't mean to inconvenience you, Mr. Steele, but could
we focus on our background check of Doug West?" He moves
closer.
**********************************************************************
"Sounds like a money grubbing bimbo to me. Dump her,"
Mildred tells a caller. "Or start talking prenuptial agreement."
Melody is in the other studio, looking over news copy. "Dr.
Krebs, you're on the air."
"I'm fifty years old," a male caller says, "and
own a prosperous line of clothing stores. I was widowed last
year. Unfortunately, the only women I find interested in me are
young things after my money. Where can I go to find a mature
woman, who will look beyond my wealth and social standing?"
Mildred smiles, pushing the mike away and picks up a pen.
"Give me your number. I'll get right back to you."
She writes it down, then glances at Melody, who gives her a signal.
Into the mike, she says, "I see we're ready for a news break.
We'll be back in five. And remember: Dr. Krebs is always in for
you." She nods at Melody, who begins the news.
"One of LA's largest indoor malls closed its doors today,"
she says as Mildred sees Norm Austin moving stealthily past the
window. She takes off her headphones. "Following a series
of bizarre mishaps that ended in the arrest of its owner for
murder." Mildred leaves the studio. "The mall, one
of the most expensive enclosed shopping areas in Southern California,"
Mildred goes down the corridor, "was plagued from its inception.
A million dollar robbery, followed by several disruptive incidents,
created a major scandal from which the project could never recover."
Mildred opens a door to find Norm and Marsha West locked in a
passionate embrace. Mildred closes the door as he lowers her
to the desk. "Turning to sports, in regional basketball
action last night, John, `the Slammer' Hensdale, dumped the Titans
127 to 98, hitting from inside. . ." Mildred smiles, delighted
to have found a clue. She turns away.
*******************************************************************
At the office, Mildred enters the office. Laura is sitting at
the computer, Steele is standing before the desk. "I think
we got this one locked up," she declares. Snapping her fingers,
she points toward Steele's office. "Let's huddle."
Steele and Laura exchange a look and then move to join her, approaching
the office with caution to find her standing before Steele's
desk. She claps her hands. "I got our motive."
"Umm, hmm," Steele agrees as he and Laura watch. Mildred
goes to sit in Steele's chair.
"Okay. Your typical love triangle. Boy meets girl. Girl
is married. Boy kills husband, boy and girl live happily ever
after."
Steele sits in the conference area as Laura asks, "Can we
assign names to these boys and girls?"
"Norman Austin and Mrs. Doug West," Mildred responds.
Laura is shocked. "You're kidding!"
"I caught them in the middle of a very hot embrace."
"Body Heat," Steele says.
"It certainly was," Mildred agrees.
"Kathleen Turner, William Hurt, Warner Brothers, 1981. A
man and woman plot to kill the woman's husband in order to make
it look like an accident."
"What did you kids dig up?" Mildred asks.
"Uh, it seems that our Mrs. West is the sole beneficiary
of a very large life insurance policy."
"It could be a very nice windfall for a fading disc jockey
facing forced retirement," Mildred tells them. "I found
out that Tyler and Austin are losing audience."
"Good work, Mildred!" Steele says.
"But you're overlooking the man's alibi," Laura points
out. "Norman Austin was on the air when the plane blew up.
I heard him."
Steele and Mildred exchange a frustrated look.
*********************************************************************
Later that night, Steele and Laura are walking before the fountain.
"It can't be Norman Austin," Laura insists. "I've
listened to him forever. The only thing he's guilty of is making
bad jokes."
Steele stops her. "Addlepated Theater," he says.
"What about it?"
"Bud does all those silly voices. It's both of them. Tyler
AND Austin."
"Mr. Steele, I think People magazine has turned your
mind to mush."
"No, no, no. I really think I have something," he's
saying as a car approaches them at high speed, heading right
for them, leaving them no choice but to jump into the fountain.
The car continues away.
They stand up, dripping wet, and Steele is smiling. "What
are you grinning at, Mr. Steele?" Laura demands to know.
"Someone just tried to kill us!"
"Precisely, Miss Holt. We must be on the right track,"
he says, taking his wet handkerchief from his pocket to wipe
his face as Laura shakes her head.
*********************************************************************
The next morning, Norm rushes from his house and gets into his
red mustang, only to find that he has a flat tire, while a smiling
Mildred watches from the bushes nearby.
**********************************************************************
As the jingle for "Tyler and Austin" plays, Laura and
Remington cross the station lobby. The approach the studio as
they hear "Good Morning, Los Angeles, Norman Austin here."
The blinds are drawn.
"Along with Bud Tyler and this staggering statistic:"
"Somewhere in this country, there's a woman giving birth
every one and a half seconds."
Remington and Laura carefully open the door as Bud says, "Loose
woman." BOING! BOING! "You know, Norm, all this talk
about sushi, I finally went out and got some last night."
He goes to the other side of the mike. "Did you like it?"
"Well, I didn't know. But I got it home, cooked it
up, and it didn't taste half bad." A taped chorus of groans
filled the room.
"Slick operation," Steele comments, causing Bud to
notice him, his eyes filled with terror.
"You win, Mr. Steele," Laura admitted, closing the
door behind them.
"How long have you been here?" Bud asks.
"Long enough," Steele says.
Bud flips a button and speaks into the mike. "For those
of you ready to leave for work, let's throw open the KROT window
and check out the traffic situation."
"Norm didn't come in yesterday morning, did he?" Steele
questions as they hear car horns blaring.
"No," Bud admits.
"You covered for him, right?"
"Yeah." He looks near to breaking. Speaking as Norm,
he says, "Not real pretty, is it, Bud?"
"Take my advice, folks and stay off the freeways and stay
in bed, cause here come the hits!" Norm opens the door.
"Norman. Norman. I'm glad you're here. What am I gonna do?"
Norm reaches over to the turntable. "Play the record, Bud,"
he says.
"I didn't want to believe it," Laura says, angry.
"Believe what?"
"We know about you and Mrs. West," Laura tells him.
"What? Adultery's such a killer in this day and age?"
"We know about the life insurance. Very clever. Thousands
of people hear you on the radio while you're out there disposing
of Doug West's body," Steele tells him.
"And very fortunately, you have a very talented partner
with the ability to imitate your voice." Bud looks scared.
"Now wait a minute."
"I confess! I confess!" Bud screams. When they all
look at him, he looks at Norm. "HE did it!"
"Bud!"
"Norm, I did all I could. She wasn't worth it. She wasn't
WORTH it!"
"Bud, you've finally gone crazy," Norm accuses.
"Where were you yesterday morning?" Steele asks Norman.
"I was with Marsha, okay?"
"Did anyone else see you?" Laura questions.
"Of course not. A woman's honor is at stake." Norm
goes to the console and sits down, putting on his headset while
Bud is looking more and more frantic.
"Can two killers alibi each other?" Steele asks Laura
softly.
"I did NOT kill Doug West," Norm insists.
Bud whines. "Oh, Norm."
"Bud, will you stop blubbering?"
"I suppose you're gonna deny running us down last night
in your car, yeah?" Steele asks.
"Last night I was at a lodge meeting. You can check that
one out!"
Bud stands up. "I drove the car," he confesses.
"What?!" Norm asks.
"I wanted to protect you, Norm. I wanted to scare them off."
He sits down as Norm puts his hands over his face. "You
should have confided in me, Norm. I'm your partner. I care more
about you than- than Marsha West ever could."
"Your compassion is gonna put us both away, you nit-wit,"
Norm tells him.
Laura puts out her hand. "I don't think you two should say
another word until your lawyer is present."
Bud asks, "Can we at least finish our show?"
********************************************************************
A camera flash goes off. In Steele's apartment, against the backdrop
of his view of LA, Leon and the reporter and photographer are
setting up for the interview. Steele is in a tux, Laura and Mildred
are dressed to the nines, but Laura seems less than thrilled.
Leon tells the photographer, "Hey, buddy, put it here. Yeah.
Super. Okay, Steele. Try a pipe," he says, handing Steele
a pipe." Steele puts it into his mouth and Leon smiles.
"All right. Now, Miss Holt- could you just slip in over
here, please?" Laura doesn't respond, and Mildred looks
at her. "Miss Holt?"
Mildred stands. "I'm ready."
"In a minute, sweetheart. In a minute." Disappointed,
Mildred sits back down.
The reporter kneels beside Laura, who looks at her. "Miss
Holt, I think our readers would like to know what it's like to
work with such a sexy, brilliant man as Mr. Steele." Laura
looks away, as Remington looks on.
She gets up. "Excuse me," she says, and heads for the
bedroom.
"Obviously overcome," Leon tells the reporter, who
shrugs.
The phone rings, and Mildred answers. "Remington Steele,
soon to be on newsstands everywhere."
Steele goes in to Laura, who's frowning. He closes the door.
"Uh, Laura," he begins.
"I just can't believe they did it," she says.
"Uh, Laura, as we found with the `Atomic Man' case, our
image of cherished celebrities can be a cruel distortion of the
truth."
She looks at him. "Exactly. I thought Tyler and Austin were
bright, upbeat guys, but they're just a pair of over the hill
disc jockeys."
"Precisely," Steele agrees, about to suggest they rejoin
Leon and the others.
"Too worn down, and too dumb to be able to pull off an ingenious
crime like the one we're dealing with," she finishes as
someone knocks on the door.
"Yes?"
Mildred comes in. "Norman Austin on the phone from jail,
and he wants to make a full confession," she tells them.
Steele smiles as Laura looks surprised.
********************************************************************
At the jail, Laura and Steele enter the interrogation room where
Norm and Bud are waiting. Bud sees their clothes, the tux and
evening dress, and asks, "Is this what you call a formal
confession?"
"Shut up, Bud," Norm warns. "You brought us in,
I figure you should be the ones to hear the real story."
"Tell `em, Norm," Bud says.
"I will, Bud," he says. "Just- don't worry."
He looks at Laura and Steele. "Look, there's no reason to
keep Bud here any longer. I killed Doug West by myself."
Laura looks at Steele, then takes a deep breath. "Okay,
Norman. You killed Doug. How?"
"Shot him."
"Where?" Steele wants to know.
Norm looks over at Bud, who puts a hand to his head. "In
the head. It all happened so fast."
"When you boarded the plane yesterday, did you gesture to
the air controller?"
"Yeah. I- saluted."
"No, you didn't, you gave the `thumbs up'," she corrects.
"Right. My famous `thumbs up' gesture."
"Then you flew to Malibu Canyon," Laura says.
"That's right."
"What'd you do there?" Steele asks.
"I bailed out."
"No," Laura says. "You landed."
"But I THOUGHT of bailing out."
"Okay, let's just end this little charade right now, shall
we?" Laura suggests. "Neither of you killed Doug West."
Bud sits up. "Does that mean that we can go?"
"I'm afraid not," she tells him. "Why would you
try something so foolish as a false confession, Norm?"
"I can take a bum rap," he explains. "I mean,
God knows this place isn't much worse than the station. Better
hours, too." He looks at Bud. "But look at him. He
won't last a month in here. He's my partner. He's been the butt
of my jokes for twenty years, he's never complained. He's covered
for me more times than I can remember. He wouldn't be in jail
if he hadn't tried to protect me. I thought it was time I finally
tried to pay him back."
Bud has tears in his eyes. "That was beautiful, Norm."
"Shut up, Bud." Bud smiles sadly.
********************************************************************
In Laura's apartment the next day, Laura is pacing while Steele
is on the telephone to Leon. "Leon,- will you calm down,
Leon? Look, there's no need to kill yourself. No, there's no
need to kill me, either. Look, we can still wrap this whole thing
up by Thursday night, okay? Fine." He hangs up. "Get
inspired, will you, Laura?"
"This is the tightest frame I've ever encountered. Whoever's
behind it had to know that Norm visited Marsha every other morning."
"Now all we need to do is ferret someone out and pin it
on them," Steele decides. Laura looks at him. The phone
rings, and Steele picks it up, handing it to Laura.
"Hello?"
At the station, Mildred takes off her earring, about to speak
into the phone, when Lymon comes in, smiling. "Got something
for ya, Miss Holt," she says.
"And have I got something for YOU," Lymon tells Mildred.
Bringing up his guitar, he sings, "Hey! Got a question?
Got a question or dysfunction? Call up Krebs!"
Mildred frowns. "You need help. Buzz off!" He leaves.
Into the phone, Mildred says, "I thought you'd be interested
in knowing who's moved into Tyler and Austin's drive time slot."
"Who?" Laura asks.
"Rick Badham."
Laura looks at Steele.
********************************************************************
Later, Laura and Steele are sitting in the Rabbit outside the
studio. "We're clutching at straws, Laura," Steele
tells her.
"Want that magazine cover?" she asks him.
"I'm clutching, I'm clutching. Rick was the one who hired
us," he points out.
"What better way to deflect suspicion?" she asks.
"If Rick wanted the drive time slot so badly, why not kill
Tyler and Austin outright instead of framing them for Doug West's
murder?"
"I don't know, Mr. Steele? What do you say we follow our
only lead and ask questions later?"
"No need to get so snippy, Miss Holt," he says as Rick
comes whizzing past in his Porsche.
Laura smiles. "Okay, Badham. Let's see just how bad you
really are." As she drives off to follow him, we see a "14-KROT"
bumper sticker on the back of the Rabbit.
They tail him to a warehouse, where he goes inside, then comes
back out to get into a black van that is parked nearby. They
pick up the tail again, as Steele warns, "Uh, don't get
too close, Laura, okay?"
"Relax, will you? You're making me nervous."
A step van pulls up behind Laura and sees the sticker. He honks
his horn, turning on the lights atop the van. Laura looks into
the mirror and behind her. "Do we know them?"
Steele looks. "I hope not."
"Please pull over," the driver announces over the loudspeaker.
"You've just won the KROT sticker give away!"
"Go way!" Steele yells back. "We don't want any
stickers!"
"Please pull over!"
Rick hears the ruckus and looks behind him, making the tail as
he recognizes Laura's car. He speeds up. Laura follows suit,
as does the KROT van.
The van pulls up beside them. "Your bumper sticker. You
win!" he tells them.
"We don't wanna win!" Laura yells back.
"We don't listen to you!" Steele tells him.
"It's a trip for two to Hawaii," he says.
Steele looks at Laura as if he's having trouble saying no. "Laura?"
"No." She speeds up.
Rick tries to make a turn, and crashes into a parked car. He
gets out of the van and takes off. Laura and Steele arrive too
late to catch him, but they go to the van and open the back doors.
The boxes inside are filled with albums for a group called "Cool
Fire". "Albums?"
"Cool Fire?"
"Miserable group," he tells her.
The van driver comes up with a tape recorder, shoving the mike
into their faces. "And what's your favorite radio station?"
Steele looks at Laura. "Couldn't you listen to FM like everyone
else?" She hits him with a record.
*********************************************************************
At Laura's apartment, Laura, Mildred, and Steele are listening
to the album they found and one that's marked "For Promotional
Use Only". Laura takes the record off and compares the sleeves.
"Brilliant work," she says.
"I thought it was awful," Steele says.
"Not the music. The quality of the copy. It's a total counterfeit,"
she says.
"I checked with that record company," Mildred says,
as she hands Steele one of the drinks she made. "And that
record isn't due out for another month yet."
"Only a handful of DJs were given promotional copies. Mildred
swiped this one from the station. It's a perfect set up. Rick
copies promotional albums."
"And when the real album is released, he's ready to flood
the market with counterfeits," she explains.
Steele nods. "What a wonderfully ingenious scheme. Low overhead,
high return. A youthful market with a disposable income continually
looking for a sound that's easy to dance to." Mildred nods.
"Man could make millions." Laura hears a hint of admiration
in his voice and looks at him. Seeing it, he says, "You're
absolutely right, Laura. What's this got to do with Doug West?"
"That's what we're going to find out at the warehouse where
Rick Badham picked up these albums," she tells him.
*********************************************************************
Later, Steele and Laura sneak into the warehouse. Laura finds
some books and ledgers-and Doug West's logbook. "I think
I got something. From the looks of these entries, Doug was flying
a lot more than traffic reports."
"Of course. The plane would expand the distribution and
make it almost impossible to trace anything back to the plant."
She pulls out another book. "According to this, everything
was being split three ways. We know Doug and Rick, now, all we
need is the third man."
"Well, if it isn't Orson Welles, I can't be of any immediate
help," Steele tells her. She looks at him. "The
Third Man? Joseph Cotton, . . ."
"I got it the first time," she tells him.
They hear someone fighting and move in that direction. They hear
someone running, and then the outside door closes. Laura stops
beside Rick as he lay on the floor. Steele goes in pursuit of
the other man. Kneeling, Laura checks Rick. Steele gets outside
in time to see a jeep leaving, turning the corner.
He goes back in. "Rick? Can you hear me?" Laura asks.
"Bad news for the Bad Man," Rick says slowly.
"Rick, why did you kill Doug West?" Steele asks.
He shakes his head. "No. I was in the- studio. Patched in
-tapes. Doug- got greedy. Threatened- to go to the police."
"Who killed him, Rick? Who killed Doug West?"
"Who did this to you?" Steele asks.
Rick closes his eyes. He's dead.
*********************************************************************
The next morning, it SOUNDS as if Rick in on the air. "And,
at seven oh two, this is Rick `the badman' Badham. You know I'm
bad, and that's bad. No, that's good. And boy, does my head hurt."
We see that it's Bud, wearing a blonde wig and one of Rick's
trademark blue jackets. "I really got clunked yesterday,"
he says, looking out the window nervously. "But I'm all
right now. I'm good, and I've got quite a bad story to tell ya,
but, uh, more about that later." He turns on the music,
frowning.
In the lobby, Laura watches as Steele disconnects the speaker
on the wall. "No reason we have to listen."
"I hope this works," she tells him.
"Don't worry. When the killer hears Rick, he'll come back
to finish what he started, and we'll nail him." He finishes
with the speaker and gets off the counter, heading toward the
studio. Laura grabs his arm.
"Be careful, Mr. Steele."
He nods, confused by her sudden concern, and then goes to the
studio window, where Bud is saying, "For all you Tyler and
Austin fans, the Bad Man has it on good authority that your favorite
DJs were released last night." Steele taps on the glass,
getting his attention. Bud looks at him, then Steele goes on.
Bud turns back to the mike, nearly in tears.
Steele goes down the corridor, checking doors. Laura is hiding
behind the desk when she hears someone coming. It's Marsha West.
"Mrs. West."
"Out of my way."
"But you couldn't have killed your husband. You were with
Norman."
Marsha digs in her purse. "Where's Rick Badham?" she
asks, pulling out a gun.
"Mrs. West, I'm afraid you don't under . . ."
"He got Doug killed," Marsha says. "And framed
my Norman for it!"
"Mrs. West, give me the gun. You're not going to shoot anyone."
Marsha fires, missing Laura, who dives behind the desk.
"No one's going to stop me!" she declares, turning
toward the studios as Steele returns.
Seeing the gun, he stops. "Mrs. West. You couldn't have
killed your husband. You were with Norman!" She fires as
he leaps over the sofa.
"Mrs. West, put down that gun!" Laura orders. Marsha
points it at her again.
Steele pops up. "I thought she was with Norman!" he
says before Marsha fires again.
"She was!" Another shot.
"Then why's she shooting at us?" Another shot.
"She's distraught!" Laura yells, ducking again.
"How many is that?"
"I've been too busy ducking to count!" Laura tells
him.
Steele pops up and back down, but this time there's no shot.
The gun is empty. She pulls the trigger again, and there's a
gunshot, but it's not her gun, although she looks at it. Laura
tackles Marsha while Steele takes off for the studio.
In the studio, someone is shooting at Bud, thinking he's Rick,
as Bud throws albums at the attacker. Bud's terrified. Steele
tackles the killer, hitting him in the jaw. It's Lymon. Laura
and Marsha arrive, and both are stunned. "Rhymin' Lymon?"
Laura asks.
Marsha looks into the studio at the disheveled, distraught Bud.
"Bud?"
He looks out from behind a console, the wig half off. "Norman."
*******************************************************************
Dr. Krebs is making her farewell speech into the mike. "I
want to thank all you fine folks out there at KROT who gave me
the chance to talk to all you troubled and perverted souls out
there. Though I'm leavin' the airwaves, don't despair. Cause
I'm workin' on my own advice book. Candid Krebs. So long."
She takes off the headphones.
Bud tells her, "Thanks for stopping by, Doc Krebs."
"Okay," she responds as he sits back down. "You
are listening to Tyler and Austin."
"Yes, we're still on the air," Norm says.
"And we want to thank all those listeners who wrote us while
we were in jail."
"Bud, I didn't see those letters."
"No? Sorry, I got it right here," he says, rattling
the single paper. "And speaking of thanks, this next tune's
for two special people out there: Remington Steele and Laura
Holt," he says, pointing to the window where Steele and
Laura are standing with Frank and Mildred as the song "Thank
You For Being A Friend" starts to play.
Mildred waves bye to them as Frank says, "So that little
cretin Lymon killed Doug West."
"Lymon was the mastermind behind the counterfeiting operation,
only he couldn't hold it together," Laura told him. "Doug
West got greedy, so Lymon killed him."
"He forced Rick into helping him cover up the murder, but
then Lymon got scared that Rick might talk," Steele adds.
"That's what they were fighting about when Rick got killed."
"Too bad about Rick. Wasn't much of a DJ, but he worked
cheap," Frank says. "What the hell, the show must go
on. Say, you don't think you could lend me Dr. Krebs for a little
while, do you?"
Mildred's eyes light up. "What kind of bucks we talking?"
she asks. Frank gets a sour expression.
"On the other hand, sex therapists are a dime a dozen."
He turns and walks away.
Mildred chases after him. "Wait. I'm easy!"
Leon walks up, long faced. "Hey, Leon," Steele says.
"Storm clouds, baby. The cover's off."
"Why?"
"New York liked it better when the two old DJs did it."
"But this version's stronger," Steele points out. "I
mean, it's more convoluted."
"TOO convoluted," Leon insists. "Who can follow
it?"
"What about the counterfeit record angle?" Laura asks
him.
"They did that story two months ago. Old news." Leon
curls his fingers. "We were so close, baby."
"Uh huh," Steele agrees.
"You approached greatness, and then you veered left."
"The truth happened to get in the way," Laura says.
"Well, I hope this has been a lesson to you," Leon
says as Laura rolls her eyes. "Ciao," he says, leaving.
Steele is disappointed. "Don't be too hard on yourself,
Mr. Steele," Laura says.
"What's a few more million adoring fans more or less, eh?"
Laura looks at him. "Would you settle for just- one?"
"Well, Miss Holt, as they say in the parlance, let's blow
this pop stand, shall we, eh?"
Laura looks upward. "I thought you'd NEVER ask."
"Well, let's go," he says, as they leave, arms around
each other.
The End
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