Steele Away With Me

Part 2

Transcribed from the Episode Written by:

Michael Gleason

---

As Ring's hand with the gun reaches the fence, Laura knocks the gun away with a pipe, coming up to tell him, "I hope you've taken your own advice and written yourself a lot of coverage. You never know when you're going to run into a crying need for insurance."

Ring starts to run the other direction, but Steele is there to stop him. "Uh, uh, uh, uh. I wouldn't dash about if I were you. It's a myth about bulls being enraged by red, however, they don't react too well to- sudden movement."

The bull paws the ground eagerly.

Ring lifts his hands and reaches into his jacket. "Read it and weep, kiddo," he tells Laura, tossing a wallet at her.

"Jack Merkle," she reads. "Inspector, United States Customs?"

"Why were you following Miss Holt?" Steele asks.

"She's a suspect."

"In what?"

"Two hundred and fifty million dollars worth of diamonds were lifted from three European banks."

"I seemed to have missed that in the press," Steele comments. "Buried in the back pages, no doubt."

"It was kept quiet," Merkle tells them. "The prospect of that many diamonds being dumped on the open market gave everybody terminal anxiety." He looks at Laura. "But now they're starting to trickle into the States, and I think the guy who bled to death all over your rug brought in a shipment."

"Are you accusing me of being on the receiving end?"

"He came to your house, lady. You wanna explain why?"

Laura looks at Steele. "This is some interrogation. He's asking more questions than we are."

"We found seaman's papers on the guy in the name of one Hector Figueroa. But the prints don't match. Come on. Be smart. You scratch me, I'll scratch you. Let's start with the real Hector Figueroa. Where can I lay my hands on him?"

"Why?" Laura asks.

"Nothing hostile. Simple questions, that's all. Like how come your papers wound up on a dead man? Right now, your minimum is withholding evidence. Maybe smuggling. Possibly-accessory to murder."

Laura picks up his gun and weighs it and the wallet. "It's always nice, dealing with the government, Inspector," she tells him, tossing both items into the ring.

Merkle dashes to pick them up, and the bull starts his charge. "Get me out of here!" he calls.

Laura leaps over the fence. "Toro!" she yells, getting the bull's attention by jumping. "Toro!"

Steele removes his jacket and runs out to put himself between Laura and bull, doing an impromptu bull fight as she runs back to the fence and leaps over it. "Toro! Hey Toro!" Merkle gets out, and Steele finally joins them. "Whose idea was this anyway?"

"Yours, I believe," she tells him as they start to walk away.

"Think about it, troops," Merkle calls out. "If you want to find me, just look over your shoulders."

Steele and Laura leave the arena. "You were a trifle un-cooperative back there, eh?" Steele comments.

"I'm not ready to give Hector up until we get him back to Los Angeles."

"I don't think that's gonna set too well with Mr. Merkle," he tells her, inspecting his damaged jacket. "Well, at last we have something truly in common."

"Oh?"

"We're both running. You from Customs, me from the IRS."

"Don't forget the police."

He pauses. "Sun drenched days and glamorous nights, eh?"

***
Back at the hotel, Laura is trying to explain about the case to Mildred as she and Steele untie the woman. "And when the fish actually contained diamonds, and with Hector running for his life, not to mention a poor honeymooner literally kidnapped from this suite, this very room-then you can see that Mr. Steele is definately down here on a legitimate case, and not on some desperate flight from justice. And if you were honest, Mildred-"Laura smiles. "May I call you Mildred?"

Through her gag, Mildred says "yes" as Steele watches, sickened by Laura's attempt to reach the woman's better side.

"Thank you. If you were honest with yourself, Mildred, you'd have to admit that you were a bit- over zealous. That perhaps you transcended your authority by pursuing Mr. Steele to Acapulco." Mildred tries to say something through the gag. "Now, I'm going to remove this gag in a spirit of friendship and cooperation."

Steele looks doubtful. "Good luck," he says," but Laura removes the gag.

Mildred sits up. "My tongue fell asleep," she moans.

"I have to compliment you on tracking down Mr. Steele the way you did. Wouldn't you agree, sir?"

"Oh, yes. First rate piece of detection. Top notch. Gung ho. Yes," he says, perhaps TOO enthusiastically.

"You know, Mildred, I think you have just the kind of investigative talent and personal initiative required in our organization," Laura continues.

Mildred isn't taken in. "You wouldn't be offering me a job, would you?"'

"Well-" Laura begins.

"Because until your tax situation is cleared up, that could be construed as bribery."

"It never crossed my mind," Laura insists.

"I wouldn't have you on a platter," Steele tells her, and Mildred returns his look before turning her attention back to Laura.

"You know, just as soon as this case is brought to a successful conclusion, I promise that Mr. Steele's failure to file a tax return will all become clear."

"Umm," Steele adds. "Agonizingly clear."

"I'd like to call my supervisor," Mildred tells her.

"By all means, Mildred," Laura agrees, waving at Steele. "Come. We trust you." They go into the living area.

"You left your trowel in the bedroom," Steele tells Laura.

"We have to gain her confidence. We can't very well keep her bound and gagged for the rest of our time down here."

"Why not?" Steele asks. "I find it rather reassuring."

"All right. All right. Let's recap. We know Pedro was smuggling diamonds into the states by hiding them in tourists luggage. And we know where he picked up the diamonds."

"We do?"

"At a disco called Pepe's. First thing in the morning, we have a look."

"You know, Laura, in crimes of this magnitude, it's usually standard to offer a finders fee- usually ten percent of the value. And ten percent of two hundred and fifty million dollars is-"

"Twenty five million."

"Do you realize we could be given twenty five million dollars as a reward for being honest?"

"That really astounds you, doesn't it?"

"It heartens me, Laura. It absolutely heartens me." He turns as the bedroom door opens and Mildred comes out.

"If I'm not in the office in an hour, I'm going on suspension."

"Oh, dear," Steele sighs.

***

Later, Steele, in a white dinner jacket, greets Laura as she's led to his table in the bar. "My, my my. You look beautiful. Come here." He gives her a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't look so bad yourself," she tells him as she's seated.

"Thank you." He lifts his glass. "Bottom's up."

"A Tequila Sunrise. How thoughtful of you."

"Actually, it's compliments of-" he points to the bar, where Merkle is sitting, laughing.

"He wasn't kidding about just looking over our shoulders for him," Laura notes.

"Doesn't give us much maneuvering room," Steele agrees.

Laura suddenly misses something. "I thought Mildred was going to join us?"

"I sent her into town to buy some clothes."

"How generous of you."

"It's the least I could do. I mean, the poor woman only brought a satchel full of tax returns."

"You know, I have a feeling that we're getting down to the wire on this thing."

"Shouldn't you sound more pleased?"

"Frankly, I'm nervous."

"Well, don't be. I mean, we can handle Merkle."

"It's not Merkle that concerns me. It's you. I don't want to turn around and find you not there when I need you."

"Afraid I'll run out on you to save my own neck, eh?"

"It happened in the lobby, when you saw Captain Rios."

"Laura, do you really think I'd leave you in the lurch? Or are you just curious? Part of my mysterious past?"

"Well, sure, I'm curious. You announce you're going to take a more active interest in the Agency, and I wonder how many other places we can't go because some other Captain Rios is looking for you. I wonder when somebody's going to show up on the Agency's doorstep looking for you. To solve an old case or settle an old grievance. You're DAMN right, I'm curious!"

Steele leans toward her. "You wanna know what happened in Mexico City? There was something called the Marchesa Collection. Five pieces. There were emeralds, rubies, sapphires. Originally given to one of the Borgias as a tribute in the fifteenth century." A mariachi band approaches the table. "Somewhere along the way, it got broken up. Scattered." Steele notices the band.

"Buenos noches."

"Buenos noches."

"Is there a song you would like us to play for you and the lady?"

"I can't really think of one right now," Steele tells him, hoping they'll move along. "Gracias."

"Then I hope you will enjoy this one." They start playing "Guantanamera".

Steele tries to talk to Laura, but can't, so he pulls some money from his pocket. "Belo, belo," he says, handing them the money. Once they are gone, he tells Laura, "Apart they were worth a great deal. Together, they were priceless. Over the years, a Belgian collector managed to acquire four of them. The fifth eluded him. Until it was discovered in Mexico City." He stops as another band comes to the table.

"May we play your favorite song for you?"

"I don't really have a favorite song," Steele tells him.

"Then permit us." And again they launch into "Guantanamera."

Steele and Laura listen for a moment, and then he pulls out money again. "Exquisito, exquisito."

As they leave, Laura tells him, "They're coming over here because you're such a good tipper."

"Um hmm," he agrees, then tries again. "Where was I?"

"The fifth piece was discovered in Mexico City," reminds him with a soft laugh.

"The price was agreed upon, but before they could change hands, it was stolen for a very wealthy, very powerful businessman." He looks up to see another band.

"Is there something we can play for you and the lady?"

Steele thinks. "Yes. 'The Ride of the Valkyries'," he requests.

The band starts playing- "Guantanamera"

Laura laughs, and Steele joins her. "I stole it," he says quietly.

"What?" she asks over the music.

"I said I stole the bloody thing back!" They laugh, and he nods toward the entrance, signaling that they should leave. He tucks some money into the band leader's jacket as they pass. The band follows them to the door.

Mildred comes in. "Well, what do you think?" She's wearing a nicer dress, and her hair is less severe. "Do I pass inspection?" she asks.

"You look wonderful, Mildred!" Laura says.

"Smashing, Mildred," Steele agrees, holding the door open. When Mildred turns to the music, they make their escape.

"Well, when do we eat?" she asks, not realizing she's alone. "Cause every time I go shopping-" she pauses, realizing that they're gone, then smiles as the band keeps playing. She starts singing and dancing.

***

In a room later, Laura and Steele are now dressed in dark clothes. Laura joins Steele in the bedroom. "Mildred's stationed in the lobby," she tells him.

Steele is pouring diamonds into his palm from the clothes hanger. "Look what I found."

"Where?"

"George's luggage," he tells her. "They were in the hanger rolls."

"Peggy must have walked in on whoever was hiding them."

"Um hmm. Which means he might come back to reclaim them." He puts them back as she walks across the room. "May I ask you a question?"

"No. I don't think what you did was illegal-"

"How long do I have to keep on proving myself to you? I mean, why is it so important what I was? I mean, we've been together for what could be called a season. Doesn't that count for anything?"

"Seasons come and go and when they're over, sometime you can hardly remember them," she tells him, walking away.

Steele rushes across to her, grabbing her in his arms. "Dammit, Laura, I care for you." He gives her a long kiss that she responds to- then pushes away from.

"Don't!"

"Why not?"

"You confuse me. It confuses me. It's what frightens me the most about having more than a working relationship with you! Everytime we're on a case, not tending strictly to business, this same old confusion sets in."

"You think it's any different for me?" Steele counters. "I mean, I've never spent this much time in one place in my entire life-And it's not only because I enjoy playing detective. I mean, sometimes- sometimes I look at myself and I say, "what's happened to you, old sport? I mean, you've become positively domesticated."

"That's not what I mean!" Laura insists. "I'm terrified of losing myself in you. Of being swallowed up by you until there's no ME anymore!"

"You're the one who jumped into my arms! Home, James, you said! Pointing to this very bedroom!"

"I rehearsed that all the way up in the elevator," Laura admits. "I decided I wasn't gonna be afraid anymore."

"And?"

"It scared the hell out of me." Steele laughs. "Don't laugh. I saw what happened to my mother. She was completely, totally consumed by my father. Nothing moved in our house unless it revolved totally around him. When he left her, her life just stopped. NO joy, no sorrow, nothing. Not even anger. It was as if he'd taken every BIT of feeling she had with him."

"Laura, you're not your mother."

"No," she admits. "But a part of me could be very easily. That's the part I have to guard against."

"You want guarantees."

"And you can't give them."

"It seems we have an awfully long way to go."

Laura comes closer. "It would be nice- if we could get there together." She lifts up to give him a kiss. As he starts to deepen it, they hear the front door of the suite open, and each hides.

A man comes in, goes to the luggage and opens it. Laura turns on the lights. "Looking for something, Amigo?" she asks.

The man grabs a suitcase and starts toward Laura. Steele tackles the case out of his hands, but the man gets away, onto the elevator. Steele hits the panel in frustration.

"We'll never beat him down twenty flights of stairs," Laura frets.

Steele turns back to the room. "All right, then, let's call Mildred. Maybe she can get a look at his transportation."

***

The next morning, Steele and Laura are walking. "You know," Laura says, "Mildred isn't half bad as an investigator. She not only managed to get the license number, she found out the car was rented to one Paul Dominic from Chicago."

"Perhaps I should reconsider divorcing her," Steele comments as they approach a guarded gate in a high wall. Seeing the guard, he glances at Laura, pointing back the way they came. "Shall we?"

They go around back, climbing onto a trash can to look inside. "Um hmm," Steele notes, seeing the architecture inside, "A touch of India."

"It's closed," Laura laments.

"Yes. More like abandoned," Steele says, getting down and then helping Laura to the ground.

"What a shame. You'd never know by looking at it now, but at one point, it was the most popular spot in Acapulco. People came from all over the world, just to spend the night at Pepe's." She smiles at the memories. "Every night was New Year's Eve. The ceiling would open up and balloons would come down at midnight. They had this huge piano-"

"Is that were you tripped the light fantastic?" Steele questions, and Laura pauses.

"Never mind."

"As I remember, you did a fan dance in a bar for your boyfriend and his banker buddies."

"Let's just drop the subject, alright? It was a long time ago, another era, another person."

"Well, unlike you, what you did in your past doesn't trouble me," he tells her, pulling her into his arms for a long kiss.

"Was that meant to prove it?"

"The car that accosted you outside of Pedro's," he asks, kissing her face, "What color was it?"

Laura has to think. "Uh-A maroon Chevy, I think."

"Well, perhaps they switched. The one that's following us is a gray one." He says, "You know, I have a suddenly uncontrollable urge to take a romantic stroll on the beach."

"Oh, you smooth talker, you," Laura replies, and they move off.

On the beach, Steele says, "Pepe's certainly seems the ideal place to keep a cache of diamonds."

"Or an American honeymooner," Laura agrees.

"Well, if Peggy's in there, we can't do anything precipitous. That could prove fatal."

"Unless they've already disposed of her."

"Oh, please. Don't even entertain that thought." He's looking at something in the distance.

"Why don't we find out who owns the place now and see if we can figure a way in?"

Steele gets an idea. "Notorious," he says.

Laura laughs. "Well, it's true, Pepe's did have a bit of a reputation in those days-"

He shakes his head. "Notorious. Cary Grant, Ingrid Bergman, RKO, 1946."

"I must've missed that one."

"Wonderful. Ingrid infiltrates a group of Nazis headed by Claude Rains to discover what they're up to. It all begins at a wild party. Cary of course, is there---"

***
They return to the hotel, and Laura asks, "You still haven't told me what happened to Ingrid Berman after Claude Rains discovered she was a government agent."

"Uh, nothing, really."

"Come on. If I'm going to play the Bergman part, I'd like to know."

"He poisoned her. A little cyanide in the soup."

"Swell."

"It's only a movie, but- Cary rescued her in the nick of time." He freezes as a page comes over the speakers.

"Richard Blaine, please come to the house telephone." Steele looks worried.

"What is it?" Laura asks.

"Senor Richard Blaine."

"I hope someone else is a movie buff," Steele comments, looking around nervously.

The page is repeated. "Richard Blaine," Laura repeats. "Why is that name so familiar?"

"It's the name of the character Bogart played in Casablanca," he tells her, still looking around.

"And one of your passport names," Laura realizes. "The one you used when you were in Mexico City?"

"Laura, I have another, sudden, overwhelming urge," Steele confesses. "To run!" He takes off for the entrance, but a police car pulls up, blocking his exit. He runs back toward Laura, but every avenue is blocked.

Captain Rios comes up with two officers, smiling. "Mr. Blaine," he says, and the two men shake hands.

"Congratulations on your promotion, Captain," Steele says.

"Oh, thank you, thank you. Mr. Blaine and I are old acquaintances from Mexico City," Rios tells Laura.

"What brings you to Acapulco, Captain?" Steele asks.

"Oh, I came for the water. I find it very relaxing. Mexico City was much too hectic."

"Captain, I know that Mr. Blaine is wanted in connection to a certain unfortunate incident," Laura begins, "And I'm positive that he can explain everything to your satisfaction. However, we're right in the middle of a case, and if we don't act quickly, a young woman may lose her life- so if you would be kind enough to-"

"You are most persuasive, Senorita Holt. Unfortunately, my hands are tied. So I'm afraid that Mr. Blaine must be returned to Mexico City." He looks at Steele. "Shall we?"

"Uh, yes," Steele agrees, but as they start to move, Laura throws herself between the two men, giving Steele time to get away. Rios sends his men after Steele.

"I am very disappointed in you, Senorita," Rios tells Laura, who simply nods as she silently hopes that Steele escapes.

***
Steele leads the police on a merry chase through the hotel grounds, finally giving them the slip and jumping into a pool to swim to the bar located in the middle. There, he comes up, and wipes his dripping face. "Pina colada, por favor," he orders. As it comes, the police run past him. "Refreshing, eh?" he asks, relaxing slightly.

***

Later that evening, at the disco, Mildred cautiously enters the men's room carrying a sack. "Mr. Steele? Mr. Steele, it's me, Mildred. Mildred Krebs."

He comes from a stall, looking a bit the worse for wear. "Ah, Miss Krebs. There you are. An angel of mercy." He removes his shirt, looks into the sack. "Good. How're you holding up?"

"Fine. I'm just fine."

"Did Capt. Rios question you about our relationship?"

"Relentlessly. Now I know what it's like to be on the other end of an audit," she tells him as she puts on a clean shirt. "Oh, this has been the most incredible time of my life." He steps out of his pants. "I mean, who would have thought that just a few short days ago, I would be in Acapulco, watching a man undres---" she turns away, embarrassed. "Oh my goodness. Not even Bernie Cornfield's audit was this -fraught."

In the disco, Paul is dancing with a blonde woman as Steele and Mildred arrive, joining Laura and Merkle. "What's he doing here?" Steele asks Laura.

"He helped me locate Paul Dominic," she explains.

"Right there," Merkle points out. "The one in the ice cream suit."

"Dominic's a high line fence from Chicago," Laura says.

"Boy, I love all this technical talk," Mildred comments.

"I talked to the organized crime boys," Merkle tells them. "He was in San Diego when Hector's tuna boat docked, then he hopped a plane down here. Dollars to doughnuts, he's the contact in the States."

"If he's here, he must know where the diamonds are," Laura adds, "And quite possibly, Peggy."

"If you can help me nail Dominic, I'll forget everything about Hector's being involved in this thing."

Steele looks at Laura. "No offense, but don't you think this Dominic character is a little out of your league?"

"I can handle myself. Besides, while you're keeping an eye on Pepe's, the Inspector will keep an eye on me."

"Your little faithful shadow," Merkle assures her.

Laura looks at Mildred. "Now, you're clear on your part?"

Mildred shrugs. "I can handle myself."

"Well," Laura decides, "Show time."

Merkle puts a hand on her arm. "I'll be outside."

Steele puts a hand on his arm. "Stay close. I don't want anything unforeseen to happen to Miss Holt."

"Just do your little dance, junior. I'll take care of the security." He leaves, and Steele gets up.

Laura starts dancing practically in Paul's lap, getting his attention, flaunting herself just a bit. Steele comes up, grabs her arm. "Come back to the table. Come on."

"Let go of me!" she yells, pulling away, and falling into Paul, who stands there.

"I'm not through with you yet!"

"You're not only through!" she declares as Paul watches. "You're FINISHED! Gorgeous, isn't he?" she asks. "Five hundred dollar jacket, Five thousand dollar Rolex, not to mention all the other baubles I've bought you!"

"You got your money's worth, didn't you?"

"Not enough to pay for you AND your WIFE!" she says, pointing at Mildred.

Paul looks at Mildred. "He's married to HER?"

Laura tells Steele, "And don't kid yourself. You weren't all that good. I just kept you around because I like something pretty to wear on my arm!"

"You lousy little tramp!" Steele accuses, slapping her across the face. She slaps him back, and then Paul steps in. He hits Steele in the stomach, and then hits him to send him off the dance floor, where Mildred rushes to his side.

"Oh, honey!" she says, kneeling. "Oh, my poor baby. Sweetheart, are you all right? Say something. Speak to me. Oh, my poor baby. Are you hurt?" She glares at Paul. "You animal!"

"Don't over do it, Mildred," Steele admonishes gently, uncomfortable with her display of concern.

Paul returns to Laura. "I suppose you want a reward for being my big, strong protector."

"Were you really keeping that guy?" he asks.

"It's a lot more fun than collecting stamps." She gives him an assessing look. "Why don't you show me what you've got- and then I'll decide what you get?" They start dancing.

***

The next morning, Steele is watching Laura and Paul on a boat, as Paul rubs lotion onto her back. "Well, she's certainly thrown herself into the part," he comments, handing the binoculars to Mildred.

"Oh, ho. Oh, she's hot alright," Mildred agrees, watching them herself.

"I don't get it. First she plays Gypsy Rose Lee for a former boyfriend, now she's playing Miss Sadie Thompson for a cheap crook. But for me, it's Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farm."

"Maybe you frighten her," Mildred suggests.

"Yes, that's what she says," Steele agrees.

"You don't know what it's like for a woman to desire a man. I mean to lust down to her loins," Mildred says, sounding a bit frustrated herself. "Yet, fear what that desire might unleash in her."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?"

Mildred laughs. "Hell no. My ex husband couldn't unleash the dog."

Steele takes the glasses again, and frowns at Laura's smile. Mildred takes his arm. "Oh, just remember. It's easy to let yourself go with someone you don't care about. Because there's no risk involved."

"At the moment, that's hollow consolation," Steele says. "Thank you, Mildred."

On the boat, Laura gets up, and she and Paul head to the other end of the craft, where he fixes them a drink. "Whose boat?" she asks.

"Mine."

She smiles, rubbing her shoulder with ice. "Uh uh."

"No?"

"Too many phone call to arrange getting us on it."

"Okay, it belongs to a friend."

"Nice friend to have. What's his name?"

"That's all you do, ask questions."

"That's my lure," she says playfully.

Paul grabs her hand. "Who are you, and what do you want?"

"I thought I wanted you, but I just changed my mind. I'm not into pain or animals, no matter how sleek."

"Okay, okay. His name is Sebastian. Alexander Sebastian. All right?"

"Now that wasn't so hard, was it?" She looks at her shoulder. "Look what I've done. I've taken off all my lotion. You'll just have to put on a fresh coat," she tells him, moving away.

***

On the beach later, Laura approaches a horse rental stall. A man is sleeping in a hammock. "Uh, I'd like to rent a horse," she tells him.

The man's hat is over his face. "Si si si, Senorita," he says, removing the hat to reveal that it's Steele with a fake mustache.

"You look good with a tan."

"I'm surprised you don't have more color yourself," he says jealously. "I mean, he put so much lotion on you, I was afraid you were going to slither off the boat."

"You were watching?"

"It's my job to keep an eye on you."

"No, no, no. That's Merkle's job. Your job is to keep an eye on Pepe's," she reminds him as they get onto their horses.

"Well nothing's happening at Pepe's."

"Dominic's friend with the boat is named Alexander Sebastian. See what Mildred can dig up on him."

"And while I'm watching and she's digging, what will you be doing?"

"Dancing. I've been invited to a party at Sebastian's villa."

"Oh. Undercover work's hellish, isn't it?"

"My, my, aren't we testy today?"

"Sorry, I've been asleep on the beach. Those sand crabs have a nasty little bite."

"Well, if Sebastian turns out to be the one with the diamonds, we'll be sleeping in our own beds before you know it."

"Yes, well, just don't get too cocky. I mean, anyone who could engineer a two hundred and fifty million dollar robbery can also see through a high school rendition of The Temptress."

"Might I remind you that I have been doing this a LOT longer than you have!" She kicks her horse into a gallop and leaves him behind. Steele goes in the opposite direction.

***
At the party, Sebastian tells Laura, "I must congratulate Paul on his exquisite taste- or was it just dumb luck that found you?"

Laura smiles. "This house is magnificent. Have you been here long?"

"About ten years."

"Then you must remember Pepe's."

"Yes, of course. But I was hardly an habitue, though I did enjoy the atmosphere occasionally."

"What happened to it?" she asks.

"Like all things in the world, Miss Holt, people just got bored and went on to other diversions."

"Do you know if it's been sold?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact," he confides, "I bought it."

Paul arrives. "Here you are," he says, handing Laura a drink. "You know, if I wasn't such a secure guy, I'd be jealous as hell. What're you trying to do, beat my time, Alex?"

"If I thought I had the chance," Alex says.

"Have you ever been to Chicago?" Paul asks her.

"No, but I've flown over it so many times I feel like a native."

"Come back with me," he asks.

"When?"

"Tomorrow." She glances in Alex' direction. "Come on."

"I'll mull it," she tells him.

"I only ask once," he says.

"Well, in that case, the answer-" she almost faints, and Alex takes her glass.

"What's wrong?"

"I-don't know. Dizzy."

"Have her lie down in one of the bedrooms," Alex suggests.

"Alright," Paul agrees, and picks her up to carry her inside. "Easy."

He carries her through. "I wanted to go back," she says. "Hotel."

"No," Paul says. "You can't go anywhere in this condition." He carries her into a bedroom. "Here's a nice, comfortable bed." He takes off her shoes.

"I only had one. You gave me."

"Sometimes, that's all it takes, you know? Just the one? Now, you lie down, and you try to sleep it off. And you'll be just fine in a couple of hours. Okay, huh? Alright?"

Paul joins Alex on the terrace. "How is she?" Alex asks.

"She's- sick as a dog."

"First, we move the merchandise, then we dispose of Miss Holt."

"My pleasure," Paul tells him.

In the bedroom, Laura turns over. "Cyanide in the soup," she mutters, wincing at the pain in her stomach.

***

The next day, Mildred runs to Steele on the beach. "She's not in her room, and the bed hasn't been slept in."

"Where the devil is Merkle?" Steele asks. "He's supposed to be watching her! I'm going to Sebastian's, and you-"

"How about if I watch Pepe's?" she suggests.

"Good thinking. You know, Mildred, you really do have a flair for this sort of thing."

"Oh, thank you, Mr. Steele."

"If Miss Holt should return- chastise her."

Steele gets into Sebastian's villa. He gets into the room where Laura was put, and finds her shoes. He finds Mildred at Pepe's again. "Well?" he asks.

"Lots of activity, people moving in and out."

"Didn't happen to catch a glimpse of Miss Holt by any chance?"

"Uh uh."

Steele stands up. "Well, there comes a time in every case where action, swift, decisive action is called for."

Mildred looks admiringly up at him. "What are you gonna do, Mr. Steele?"

"Damned if I know."

"Oh."

"Just kidding. A little levity to lighten the mood. Every master detective always has an appropriate plan to fit any given situation." He looks thoughtful.

***
They break into a shed as Mildred gushes. "That is the most- inspired plan I have ever heard of in my life. I mean, the sheer brilliance of it, the total daring. The element of surprise that is so crucial to any rescue-Only someone like you would think of that."

"Only because it's insane," Steele says, his equipment at the ready, "Not to mention suicidal." He indicated they should go to the shore, and Mildred follows, still gushing.

"I can't believe this is happening to me. Any of it. I mean, it's like a- a dream. It's like a fantasy. It's like a James Bond movie." Steele is laying something out on the sand as she continues. "Oh, you don't know what a dull, drab life I've led, Mr. Steele. It was so colorless. I mean, adding and subtracting figures all day long, these columns. I guess I just have a flair for drudgery." She helps him with what looks to be a parachute.

"Okay, Mildred," he says, taking her to the water where a small motor boat waits. "Now, Mildred, you're certain you've operated one of these boats before?" She stops. "Mildred? Say something. Anything. Lie if the moment calls for it!"

She tells him, "Well, when I was a kid, in the summer, we used to have this little putt-putt."

He puts on the harness. "Putt-putt."

"Yeah. A little two horsepower putt-putt. My brother and I used to putt-putt around the lake on it." She looks out at the water. "Well, it's gotta be on the same concept," she tells him.

He waves her toward the boat. "Alright, Mildred, take it out several hundred yards, and then head toward Pepe's. And for God's sake, keep a constant speed."

"You got it," she tells him, heading toward the boat.

"And remember, the instant we get to Pepe's cut the rope!"

She gets in the boat as Steele looks heavenward, as if wondering what ever possessed him to do this. The chute comes up, and Mildred takes off, sending Steele into the air. When they get close to Pepe's she cuts the rope, freeing him.

He lands inside the compound, silently taking out a guard by landing on top of him. Releasing the harness, the starts searching the area. He takes out another guard with an elbow to the throat.

Mildred waits outside.

Steele climbs to a balcony, finds Laura and Peggy. He helps Laura to sit up. "Laura? Laura?"

She peers at him, still groggy. "What took you so long, Cary?" she asks.

He bends over to tap Peggy's cheek. "Peggy. Hey. Come on, my dear." She doesn't respond, and Laura hears someone coming. She taps his arm, sending him into hiding.

Laura lays back down. A guard comes up, putting a silencer on his gun. As he peers around the statue he's hiding behind, Steele's foot hits an old beer bottle, alerting the guard.

The guard comes forward. As he gets to Laura, she kicks at him, allowing Steele to grab him and knock the gun from his hand. Steele hits the guard, wincing and shaking his hand. "Ugh! This is beginning to hurt!" he declares, helping Laura up. They grab Peggy and start out.

Mildred is still wandering the walls, looking for them. She looks through an opening and sees them coming. Steele is holding Peggy as Laura goes over the wall, where a relieved Mildred is waiting.

"Are you all right, Miss Holt?"

"I'm fine, Mildred, and you? How are you?"

"Oh, honey, we were so worried about you."

"Ladies," Steele breaks in, still holding the unconscious Peggy, "please. Can we save the dialogue for later? While Mrs. Plummer appears svelte, at the moment, she's dead weight." He lifts Peggy down to them, and then jumps down himself.

"Shall we?"

"I saw nothing in there resembling the diamonds," Steele tells Laura.

"Well maybe that's what all the activity was about," Mildred says. "They're taking them somewhere else."

"They did mention something about going to Chicago today," Laura recalls. "That's about the last thing I remember."

"Well he certainly isn't going to take off with two hundred and fifty million dollars in diamonds in an overnight bag, is he?" Steele says.

Laura looks at the harbour and points. "Sebastian's boat!" she declares, noticing that it's moving. Steele takes off, leaving Laura and Mildred to try and hold up Peggy. She shoves Peggy at Mildred. "Call Captain Rios," she says.

"Right."

"Wait!" she calls after Steele, running after him.

Mildred lowers Peggy to the sand and waves after them.

Steele and Laura get into a conveniently placed motor boat, and Laura comments, "I've never seen you so possessed with a sense of justice before."

He gets the boat started. "Laura, they're taking off with my finder's fee!" he tells her, steering the boat toward Sebastian's yacht.

He brings the boat alongside and they climb the ladder to get on board. They get to the bridge, and Steele sends Laura up, and she flips a tarp over the front window, confusing Sebastian. When he steps out to see what's going on, Steele hits him.

As Laura returns, Steele searches the man. "Unarmed."

"Now all we need is Dominic," she says.

"Yes. And whoever else may be down there."

"We'd be wonderful targets if we just barged in."

"Did you ever happen to see Key Largo, Humphrey Bogart, Lauren Bacall, Warner Brothers, 1948?"

"Please. The last movie you took me to almost cost me my life."

"I only meant-"

"NO!"

"Bogart was in much the same situation," he continues. "I mean, trapped on a boat with a bunch of killers down below. He used a rather interesting way of luring them out."

Laura gives up. "Alright, let's hear it."

"Made them seasick. Finally they had to come up for air. He was waitin' to pop them off," he tells her, taking a stick.

Laura takes the stick. "I like that a lot better than Notorious," she tells him.

Steele puts on the captain's hat, and heads for the bridge. "Oh, jaunty. I like it."

He sets the boat on a tight circular course. Laura is waiting by the hatch when Paul comes up, yelling, "Hey, Sebastian, what're you doing?" She hits him on the head, sending him down. As she's dragging him away from the hatch, Merkle appears with a gun from behind a life boat.

He grabs Laura. "Drop it. Drop it." She drops the club. "One word, and parts of you will wind up in Hawaii," he promises. She nods, and he removes his hand from her mouth.

"Where's the real Inspector Merkle?"

"Oh, him, he's up in the hills, somewhere, sitting in a lime pit. Tell him it's all clear."

"I got Dominic!" she calls out to Steele. "There's no one else up here!"

"Now tell him to set it on course and come up here."

"Set it on course and come up here- and don't forget Ingrid!"

Merkle grabs her. "What? Who's Ingrid?"

"The one we call Mildred- her real name is Ingrid."

Merkle laughs. "Some group, you know that? Everybody's a phony."

"Ah, we can't hold a candle to you. It's awfully clever, having us infiltrate the people who work for you."

"Once you tied Dominic to the diamonds, I wanted to keep you close so you wouldn't go to the Policia."

"Not that it matters anymore, but where exactly is this treasure trove of diamonds?"

"The extra fuel tanks. We're just gonna whip on over to Puerto Vallarta and set up shop."

Steele leaps on Merkle from behind, knocking Laura cross the deck, where she shakes her head, stunned, until she realizes that Merkle's getting the upper hand with Steele. She takes the club and raps Merkle with it.

"You know, you're really getting very good at the movie game," Steele tells her. "I mean, Ingrid was an excellent clue that you were in trouble."

"I beginning to think it's the only way I'm going to survive with you."

"So Merkle was part of it too, eh?"

"That's not Merkle," she tells him. "He just assumed his identity."

"What a cheap, shoddy thing to do, assume someone else's identity, eh?" A police boat approaches, and blows its horn.

"You know, I think you should be the one to turn over the diamonds to Captain Rios."

"Laura, what do you mean, return the diamonds?" he asks.

"It will go a long way in convincing him of your honesty-"

"Laura, there's a finder's fee involved here."

"Especially when you explain to him why you stole that piece of jewelry."

"Twenty five -"

"You were only giving it back to its rightful owner."

"Million-"

"Even though your methods were a little unlawful-"

"Dollars!"

"How many years do you think you'd get if someone like the Captain isn't sympathetic and understanding?" He waves at Rios as the boat passes, not happy in the least.

"You know, sometimes I find the straight and narrow very confining. Very confining."

***
Back in Los Angeles, Mildred Krebs returns to the offices of the Remington Steele Agency, going straight through the horde of waiting women and into Steele's office, where Steele and Laura are interviewing a prospective secretary. "Excuse me," she says, taking the girl's arm. "Official business. Internal Revenue. Thank you very much," she says. The girl leaves. Mildred puts her case on the table. "I figured out how to get you off the hook for that non existent tax return," she tells Steele.

"OH," he says, sitting back down. "Good."

"Yeah. You file an amended return," she says, handing him the paper. "You pay the tax, you're gonna eat the penalties and the interest, but- you're all square with Uncle Sam."

"That's wonderful, Mildred," Laura says.

"My last official act with the IRS," she tells them.

"What do you mean?" Laura asks, concerned.

"I got discharged for dereliction of duty," she explains, sitting down. "I stayed too long in Mexico."

"I'm terribly sorry, Mildred. It was basically our fault."

Mildred comes to sit beside Laura. "Do you remember that job you offered me?" she asks, then looks at Steele, who's engrossed in the tax return she handed him, "I know you did it so I'd go easy on you-"

"No, no, no, no, no," Laura insists. "You were very helpful with the case."

Mildred looks at Steele again. "I'm not very good at begging. I could grovel a little," she tells him, and frowns when he doesn't respond.

"I think it would be wonderful for all concerned," Laura tells her with a smile, her arm round Mildred's shoulders. "What do you think?"

He hands her the return. "I think it's outrageous. I wouldn't pay this if I were you."

Mildred frowns as Laura smiles at him. She goes to him and hands it back. "I'm not going to, Mr. Steele."

The End

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