Steele At It
Original Air Date: Sept. 25, 1984
Transcribed by Fannie
from the Episode written by:
Jeff Melvoin
Revised 01 January 2001

The south of France. Beaches. Buildings. Sunbathers. Cannes Theater.

It's the last concert of the Stanford University Alumni Glee Club's European tour and we find Laura Holt singing in the front row of the chorale. No doubt thinking that Remington Steele is somewhere in the audience.

He's not. Dressed in black, he throws a rope down the roof of a building and shimmies down. He slides down the rope, climbs through the window and, as two people converse in French in the next room, he sneaks across the room, past an open doorway, to the safe. He easily opens it, and pulls out a jeweled dagger, which he pauses to admire. In the other room, the men need some more wine, and one of them enters the room to get it, never seeing Steele's shoes beneath the curtains.

During intermission, Laura is looking around when Mildred joins her. "Oh, magnifique honey!"

"Thanks, Mildred, where's Mr. Steele sitting tonight?"

"Oh, he's out there somewhere. He wouldn't miss your last concert for anything," Mildred assures her.


Steele shimmies down the drainpipe, throws the `bib' that hid his white tuxedo shirt into a dustbin and mounts a black motorcycle.

Meanwhile, Mildred is asking Laura, "Are you okay?"

"Just a little nervous."

"What are you nervous about, the concert's going great."

"Mildred..." Laura looks about ready to burst.


"Tonight's the night!"

"For what?

"A new chapter to begin! These past two weeks, I don't know, something about being in Europe for the first time has opened my eyes, given me a new perspective on life."

"All I got was a tan."

"I've always been so analytical, Mildred, always needing to know how everything fits before I make a move. No more, you can't live like that. You gotta let go a little, take a chance!" Luara says excitedly.

"Que sera sera!"

"Exactly!" They hug.

Mildred's confused. "What are we talking about, honey?"

As Mildred and Laura starts to walk, Laura continues, "Let me put it this way, Mildred. I've had certain reservations about Mr. Steele, but he and I have worked side by side for two years now, we're grown together. He's more responsible, more caring, and I feel bolder, more confident, so-" The two women stop, turning to face one another.

"Tonight's the night? That's great. How did Mr. Steele put it?"

"Actually, Mildred, he doesn't know yet."

Mildred frowns, lost. "Am I missing something somewhere?"

"This is my decision. It's up to ME to tell him how *I* feel."

"So you're gonna jump him?"

"I'm sure when the moment comes, it will be romantic as only Mr. Steele can make it."


The romantic Mr. Steele is at that very moment kissing a dark, pretty girl who is sitting astride another motorcycle, now holding the dagger.

"Cherie," she moans.

He breaks the kiss and says, "Time to go. Now- now, take off."

The girl sticks her tongue out at him impertinently and leaves. Steele checks his watch with a frown and takes off in the opposite direction.


Cut to Laura standing in the theater at the after the show, looking annoyed.


The conductor, a bookish-looking guy with glasses, comes up to her.

"Oh, hi Ron," Laura greets back, looking past him for a sign of Steele.

"Hi. I, I just thought maybe you and I could grab some dinner tonight, after the reception."

"Oh thanks, but I have a date."

"Well," Ron answers obviously disappointed. "Shucks. Maybe a drink- tomorrow then?"

"Oh, that'd be nice," she says absently as he leaves.

Mildred pulls her close and whispers, "If you don't want him, can I have him?"


Remington Steele whips past the dark streets of Cannes, keeping a nervous eye on his watch, trying to make it back to the theater, where the concert is wrapping up.


The concert continues, going through "I Got Plenty o'Nothin" and "Old Man River".


Ron approaches Laura. "Stood up?"

"It's beginning to look that way," she admits.

"Laura!" the familiar voice booms from behind them. "Ah, there you are."

"Where have you been?" Laura demands.

"I had to go out for a breath of fresh air after that final number. Yes, I was deeply moved,
deeply moved."

"By Yankee Doodle Dandy?" Ron asks incredulously.

"Stirring rendition," Steele offers Laura his arm. "Well, don't want to be late for the reception now, do we? Shall we go?"

Mildred reaches for Ron's arm.


At the reception, Steele, Laura and Mildred are introduced formally to Inspector Vouvray of the French Police.

Ron is making conversation. "Must be exciting, Inspector Vouvray, solving murders and such."

"Alas monsieur, not many murders to solve here. Not like your country. Here it is mostly, as you say, small potatoes. People hitting each other, the auto crashes. It is routine. No, no, much better to talk about your work, Monsieur Steele. When I heard you were here, I said to myself, ah, this is a man I must meet."

"Not to dishearten you, Inspector, but after a while, even solving the most sensational cases of national importance becomes, as you say, you know, a tad routine." Steele says, with Laura standing very close next to him, giving him intent looks and smiling politely to the others.

Someone pulls the Inspector away. "Excuse-moi."

"You know Ron," Mildred puts on the moves. "I'm fascinated by the way you conduct the glee club."

"I didn't know you were such a music lover, Miss Krebs."

"Who's talking about music?" she says brightly. "Shall we get some more bubbly?"

"Three cheers for Mildred," Steele comments approvingly as he takes another sip of the champagne . "I thought I was going to need an iron bar to pry that aging altar boy away from you."

"What do you say we get out of here?" Laura suggests.

"But we've just arrived. Wouldn't that be a tad rude?"

"Uh-huh," she agrees suggestively, seductively.

He breaks into a huge grin. "Umm. I'd love to."

Their escape route is suddenly blocked by the returning Inspector Vouvray.

"Alas, monsieur, mademoiselle, I am afraid I must go. There has been a robbery, you see. A very big robbery."

"Oh, shocking, shocking," Steele mutters putting on a face of non-interest .

"What was stolen?" Laura asks.

"The Hapsburg Dagger."

"The what?" Mildred questions.

"The Hapsburg Dagger," Steele explains. "Jewel-encrusted gift presented to the Hapsburgs in the 16th century."

"Excellent, Monsieur Steele," says Inspector Vouvray.

"I thought the Hapsburg Dagger was just a myth," Ron butts in. "Like the Maltese Falcon."

"Alas, no, monsieur, the dagger all too real. As the number of those who have died trying to obtain it can attest, the dagger is priceless."

"What was it doing in Cannes?"

"We are still gathering the facts. But it appears the last gentleman to own it came here from Hong Kong came here to sell it to a gentleman from France. Sounds more like one of your cases than one of mine, Monsieur Steele."

"Yes, it does have a certain flair to it, doesn't it?" Steele concedes.

"If only we had an expert like you in our department," he sighs regretfully.

"Well, why don't you help the inspector out, Mr. Steele?" Ron suggests, seeing a way to get rid of the competition.

"I don't think that's such a good idea," Laura says with a strained smile .

"I must confess that the same thought had crossed my mind, but how can I ask such a thing of you, Mr. Steele, on your holiday and all?"

"Are you kidding? He could find that overgrown butter knife in no time," Mildred brags. "Couldn't you boss?"

"Yes, indeed, Mildred. Shame we have to be back in Los Angeles in two days on business," Steele hedges.

"Two days with the great Remington Steele is better than none! I am delighted and honored to have you with me on the hunt. Now, tell me, how would you begin?" he asks as he leads Steele away.

Laura smiles at Mildred and Ron. "Excuse me, I'm sure he'll want me along."

"Dance?" Mildred asks the resigned Ron.


"Your thoughts, Mr. Steele," Vouvray asks as they leave the house where the dagger was stolen.

"I must confess, Inspector, I'm as baffled as you are," a nervous and uncomfortable Steele tells him.

"A smooth job indeed. Clearly a professional at work," he agrees. He lights a match, for his pipe, tossing it on top of the black neck cloth as his associate comes to confer with him. "The thief has left us not a clue." He and his man step away. "Excuse us."

"Ah. Oui." Steele takes the opportunity to try and hide the cloth, by dropping it behind the trash can. He nervously wipes his upper lip, then realizes that his nervousness could give him away. Whistling, he goes in search of the Inspector. He finds him re-lighting his pipe.

"You're right, monsieur. I think we've done all we can for this evening." Steele yawns in response. He turns as Laura comes around the corner, carrying the neck cloth. Steele is nervous again. "Ah, Mlle. Holt. What have you there?"

"I found this in the alley."

"Ah, collecting men's clothing aren't we?" Steele asks, examining it himself in a fidgeting, somewhat disinterested manner .

"It could be a clue. It looks brand new and was recently discarded. It rained this afternoon but this is dry." Steele tries to look in another direction.

"You think perhaps it belonged to the thief?" the Inspector asks.

"It's a long shot, but it could be part of a disguise." She puts it around her neck to show him. Still smiling nervously Steele puts a hand to his neck as if something was choking him. "There's a label on it from a local shop. Something to check out anyway." Laura continues.

"Excellent," he says, impressed.

"I also talked to woman who lives over the alley. She said there was a motorcycle parked there this evening about the time the robbery occurred."

"Again, excellent! This assistant of yours obviously has learned a great deal from the master," he tells Steele.

"Oh, yes. My prized pupil." Almost grinning he puts his arm around Laura pushing herself hard against him , and she smiles at him.


Strolling down the carpeted halls of the Majestic Hotel, Laura is oblivious to Steele's distraction as she asks, "That inspector was a real character, don't you think?"

"I'm sorry; I didn't hear you."


He looks down the corridor. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

Laura grabs his arm and turns him toward her, giving him a long kiss. "A little early to turn in, don't you think?"

"I- I have a bottle of Dom Perignon in my room, would you?"

"Sounds lovely." Laura responds and they continue down the hall.

As they reach the door of Steele's room, s he takes the room service menu hung on the doorknob and declares, "How convenient. One can order breakfast without ever leaving bed." He smiles at her, uncertain, as she leans on the door.

"Can I get my key in the door?"


They enter the bedroom, they smile at each other, and he's still mystified at the sudden change of attitude. As they walk into the bedroom proper, the girl he gave the dagger to rushes from the bed to throw her arms around him.

"Mon cherie, I need you so desperately!" she bursts out as Steele gives Laura an apologizing look and throws his hands up in the air like the doomed man he is.

With a sigh and a blank face , Laura tears up the room service menu.


Steele is in a house with the girl and an older man, as the man, who has a bandage on his head, tells him, "I got to the house, put down the groceries, hear something, bang. Boom. Et tu?" he asks the girl.

"The same man must have been waiting for me," she says.

"And you didn't get a look at him?"

"It was so dark. It happened so fast. He threw me against the wall then when I opened my eyes, the dagger was gone, and so was he."

"Well, this is splendid," Steele was saying, resting an arm on the mantelpiece . "I'm deputized by the police to investigate my own burglary, my associate is gonna expose me if I can't stop her, and in the meantime I have to find out who stole the dagger from us. I'm alright," he reassures them, then smiles and sits down. "At least we can comfort ourselves with one thing: can't get any worse, can it?"

Then three large men with guns burst in.

The man, the young woman and Steele hold up their hands.


The phone in Steele's room is ringing. No answer.

Laura hangs up the phone, and turns to Vouvray. "Mr. Steele must already be gone, inspector. Following his own leads, no doubt."

"I understand. Such a man as Mr. Steele works best alone, eh?" he lights his pipe, strewing matches on the floor.

"Not really, inspector. He can just be a bit mysterious about his partners."

They turn as his assistant arrives. "Yes?"

"We found a black motorcycle, Inspector, just as the mademoiselle described. Abandoned behind the Cannes Theater. It was rented to a John Roby. The given address was fraudulent."

"John Roby?" Laura questions.

"And what about the black dickey?"

"An inquiry is being made."

"Alas Mademoiselle Holt I must go. Please tell Mr. Steele to stay in constant touch."

"Yes," she agrees with a distracted air.

"A bientôt ."

"Au revoir," she replies, still trying to place the name as Mildred comes up.

"Hi honey. How's it going?" Mildred asks with a curious grin.

"Good morning ladies!" Ron says, joining them.

"Good morning," Mildred says.

He takes something from his pocket. "Laura I've got two tickets to the harbor cruise and I thought, maybe, if you-, if you weren't doing anything-"

"Why don't you take Mildred?" she suggests and wanders away.

Mildred is delighted. "Oh, well. Shall we weigh anchor?"

Resigned, Ron offers his arm.


Laura walks down the beach muttering "John Roby, John Roby" when she makes the connection and she flares up in anger. "That louse" she fumes, then something on the beach catches her eye.

The louse is running for his life, racing like a whirlwind on the beach.

"Wait!" Laura yells and catches up with him. "Wait!"

"Laura, what are you doing here?"


"I'd love to, but you see those gentlemen back there? They're trying to kill me!"

"Well, they'll have to take a number."

"Could we continue this conversation somewhere else?" he asks, helping her onto the dock.

They grab a motorboat off the dock. Laura shouts "This is larceny." The three men are in close pursuit. "On the other hand" she decides and jumps into the boat and starts untying the boat . As one of the men get onto the back of the boat, Steele pushes the throttle forward, tossing him into the water. The others grab another boat and take off as well.

"John Roby indeed! I would have expected a little more originality!"

"What are you talking about?"

"To Catch a Thief? Cary Grant, Grace Kelly, Paramount, 1955? Grant plays a retired cat burglar named John Roby."

"I'm impressed."

"You took me to see it three weeks ago. Typical of you to rent a motorcycle in that name!"

He tries to look as innocent as possible. "I rented a motorcycle?"

"More than that, you stole the Hapsburg Dagger!"

"I did?"

"No wonder you were so insistent for me to join the Glee Club tour. All this time I thought you were being nice when all the while you just wanted to come to the Riviera so you could steal that dagger!"

"Laura, could you please move a bit to starboard"

"Admit it!"

"Laura, listen!"

"Admit it you stole it!"

"It's not what you think, Laura! Now if you don't mind, I'd like to help us live to fight another day!"

She relents. "I think one of the gentlemen back there has a gun."

"They all have guns, Laura, big guns!"

"Who are they?"

"Oh, nice of you to inquire. They call themselves the Palermo brothers, only they're not from Palermo and they're not brothers. What they are, however, are three of the deadliest thieves on the continent."

"Why are they chasing you?"

"Because they think I have the Hapsburg dagger."

"But you do have it!"

"But someone stole it from me."


"It's a rather complicated story."

"Well, don't worry about the Palermo brothers because if we ever live through this little escapade, I'm gonna kill you myself!"

He keeps his eye on a small island in the distance with a lighthouse. "If we could just get around that point in time"

"How do you know this coast so well?"

"Misspent youth," he answers, ever evasive. "Now if you would just be good enough to hand me your purse"

When the Palermo brothers round the point, they catch sight of the motorboat heading out to sea and tear after it.


Two heads bob up in the choppy waters near the beach of the lighthouse, and we see that Steele has used Laura's purse to keep the boat on course.

"Alright, Mr. Steele," the persistent Laura began as they come from the water. "Let's have the whole story."

"Not now, Laura, I have a pressing appointment." He starts to run away, but Laura tackles him, causing them both to fall into the sand.

She straddles him, pinning him down with her weight and uses her arms to push his shoulders down. "You're not getting away from me this time. Now talk!"

"Really, Laura-"

"I mean it! I'm tired of your games. I just want you to level with me! Now talk!"

"You're right. But just now it would be a lot easier for me if you would just come with me and you'll understand. I promise."

"No tricks?"

He shakes his head. "No, no tricks. I promise. Come on."


He leads a reluctant, unsmiling Laura back to the house where the girl lives. The girl lets them in, and the man says, "Thank God you're alright. What happened to you?" he gives Steele a hug.

"It's okay, it's okay," Steele assures them and kisses the girl on the cheek. "Henri and Joelle Lebret, may I present Laura Holt."

Henri shakes Laura's hand. "Forgive my abominable manners."

She shakes Joelle's hand. "Joelle is?"

"My daughter," he explains. "Come in."

"We owe Miss Holt an explanation. You see back when, Henri's name wasn't Henri and mine wasn't Remington Steele, we did a little work on the Mediterranean."

"Work?" Laura wonders still with disbelief showing in her face.

"Smuggling," Henri clarifies. "He was only a lad then. He was superb on the boats."

"That's when we made the acquaintance of three small-time operators known as the Palermo brothers. Fellow craftsmen."

"Competitors," Henri translates.

"Who have since gone on to bigger and better things. Henri has too. After business got a bit too hot for us to continue, he bought a hotel in Cannes, which over the years has developed a reputation for some discretion. Many transactions of a highly sensitive nature transpire there."

"All perfectly legal, I assure you, only involving people who want absolute privacy."

"The Hapsburg Dagger was going to be sold there, but our old friends the Palermo brothers got wind of it."

"They said they would mutilate my beautiful Joelle if I didn't help them steal it. They would do it too."

"So Henri called me and I told him what we should do. Steal the dagger first. With my help of course.

"Of course ." Laura comments with a certain acidity in her voice .

"Later, when the Palermo brothers left town, Henri was going to return the dagger to its rightful owner. When your invitation to join the Glee Club tour arrived-."

"It was like divine intervention." Laura finishes with a frown.

"So I stole the dagger last night and gave it to Joelle."

"When I got home last night, the house was dark, my father was knocked unconscious, and someone grabbed me." Joelle continues.

"And took the dagger," Laura guesses.


"The Palmero brothers," she suggests.

"Ah, but it wasn't. Because they came looking for the dagger later that night themselves. Obviously our little ruse didn't fool them."

"They threatened us. I said I would show them where the dagger was," Henri explains.

"Henri got their attention, and I-" he whistles and motions with his hands, "-though the window," Steele tells her.

"They think he has the dagger. When they ran after him, Joelle and I escaped."

"Quite a story. So, correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Steele, but if we don't retrieve this dagger immediately, one of two things will happen. Either Inspector Vouvray will expose you as the thief or the Palermo brothers will find you and chop you up into tiny pieces."

"Yes, I think that's an adequate summation," he says with a nervous smile. Laura gets up. "Where are you going?"

"To change clothes. We haven't got much time."

"I think it beautiful mademoiselle Holt to sacrifice yourself for your partner."

"Ex-partner, Monsieur Lebret," she tells him. "When this case is finished, so are we." Steele looks after her, startled.


A whistling Remington Steele steps out of his room and walks to Laura's door, nearly knocking on Laura's face as she opens her door. She makes a beeline for the elevator without looking at him.

She presses the down button.

He presses the down button.

Both looked at the wall, the ceiling, anything but each other. Finally, he asks, "Well, this is ridiculous. I mean, how are we gonna solve anything if we don't even talk to each other. Look, if you're so bloody hostile, why don't you just let me fend for myself?"

"I would. But I have my own career to think about. It wouldn't look very good if my alleged boss ended up in a French jail. Disgrace can be contagious."

The elevator opens and Laura gets in.

"What makes you think I'm going to get caught?"

"Why didn't you trust me?"

He squeezes into the elevator at the last minute, preventing any more conversation until they get downstairs.

"Alright," he says. "Suppose I had told you about Henri's problem, would you have approved of my plan?"

"No, of course not."

"You see?"

"It was a stupid plan, aptly demonstrated by our present circumstances."

"It was a excellent plan, and I would have been in the clear if you hadn't been so intent on playing Nancy Drew."

"I suppose it was also my fault that the Palermo brothers didn't fall for your little scheme."

"Well, at the moment, the Palermo brothers are easier to cope with than you."

"We're partners, remember? We're supposed to share information, trust one another"

"Hi kids!" Mildred's chipper voice rang out.

"Hi, Mildred."

"Hi, Mildred."

She comes up to them and immediately notices the sour mood; mistakenly thinking she caused it. "Oh, don't worry, I won't intrude on romance."

"Where's Ron?" Laura asks, eager to turn the focus away from them.

"Gone. Somewhere," she shrugs.

"Have you been to the gardens, Mildred?" Steele suggests. "Lovely vista, beautiful walkways"

"That's for lovebirds like you." Mildred responds. Steele smirks, enjoying the discomfort on Laura's face.

"How about a museum?"

"You've seen one museum, you've seen them all."

"I know that you haven't been to the casino. Use my personal line of credit." Steele proposes.

"Great place to meet people." Laura says encouragingly.

"Try the baccarat tables, that's where the fat cats hang out."

"But I don't know how to play!" Mildred comments with a slight fear in her voice.

"Don't worry, you'll learn. Remember, my personal line of credit." Steele says comfortingly in an effort to get rid of Mildred.

With Mildred out of the way, they continue walking and fighting.

"Where was I?" Laura asks.

"I think it was something to the effect that I can't get it through my head that "

"I count in all this!"

"Laura, I wanted to include you but I couldn't because I knew damn well how you'd react. My friend needed help and he needed it fast."

"Well and you've done a great job. With any luck, we can stay alive and out of jail for at least another hour or two."

"Wait a minute. That's not the point. This partnership you keep trumpeting has a rather lopsided lean to it. I couldn't come to you in my hour of need because I knew that if you disagreed, there would be no room, no room whatsoever for discussion. That's a partnership? How do you think that makes me feel?"

"But it's my agency!"

"Using my good name!"

"You don't have a name good, bad or otherwise! I gave you your blasted name!"

"And I've lived up to it. I've not only maintained your little deception but I've been a steady partner, putting my hide on the line with yours going on for three years. So why do I get this feeling that whenever I leave your sight, I have to ask permission?"

"I'm surprised you find our arrangement so stultifying. I thought we had a rather democratic procedure."

"Oh yes, as long as you're in control."

They fall silent briefly and walk off some of the steam.

"Some bloody democracy," Steele complains. "I mean, take last night, for instance."

"What about last night?" Laura said.

"It was typical Laura Holt. You decided, without discussion, that we were finally going to consummate our relationship."

"Well, isn't that what you wanted?"

"Yes, but I'd like to have some small say in the matter."

"I thought you were pretty involved."

"That's not what I mean," he replied heatedly. "That's not what I mean at all. I'm not an equal. I'm more like an errant schoolboy who needs your guiding hand. No matter how many times I've proved myself, I always get this same look this same, veiled look of suspicion: `What's he up to now?'"

"Can you blame me?"

"Yes! And I don't know how much longer I can live with it anyway."

"Well, good! We finally agree on something." She increases her pace.

"We do?"

They continue up the street and it seems like both Laura and Steele have let most of the steam out by the time they reach the top of it.

"It's obvious that our differences are irreconcilable and it was a mistake to think this partnership could ever work. Business and pleasure has never and will never work"

"Beau Geste."

"I'm really not in the mood for one of your movie quotes right now."

He points to the harbour. "No, no, that yacht. It's called the Beau Geste."

"It's a boat, so what?"

"Yes, well, it wasn't there yesterday."

"So what does that boat got to do with what we were talking about?"

"Regardless of who actually swiped the bloody dagger, at least we now know whom it was stolen for."

"How did I suddenly lose control of this conversation?"

"There are three collectors who have lusted after the Hapsburg Dagger for years. The first is a Russian named Kemedov. He also hired the Palermo brothers before so I suspect his hand is involved in this somehow. The second is a Japanese merchant named Surabachi. Presently, he is in no financial condition to engineer such a job, so that rules him out. The third and last collector is a South African playboy named Freddy Smith, who made his fortune running guns to anybody with money, who just happens to own a yacht, which happens to be named"

"Beau Geste," Laura finishes. Steele nods, then hears a car engine rev. He sees a red car heading for them.

"Laura look out!" He grabs Laura and the leap out of the way. When the car speeds off, they get up and run to the nearest taxi.

"Taxi!" Steele hails.

Laura says, "Follow that car!" she tries to tell him in French, but he keeps shaking his head, until Steele waves a franc note of significant value in front of him. "ah the universal language."

They get into the cab, finding that they have to share it with a chicken. The red car is stopped in traffic, and as they come closer, Laura yells at the driver, "Alle! Alle! Alle!"

He goes on the sidewalk to get behind the red car as traffic starts up again. They lose the red car at an intersection., and Steele spots a bicycle built for two. They start down he street, and Steele says, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news Laura."

"What bad news?"

"No brakes."

They ride the bike into a market, ending up flying in the air before crashing a vegetable stand . They get up, and Steele says, "Well, that's cleared up the nasal passages, eh?"

A gendarme rushes over to them asking "Etês-vous blesses?"

Laura assures him that they are fine. As they step out of the vegetables a bulletin comes over his radio. Laura listens with a deepening frown. "Inspector Vouvray has just issued a warrant for your arrest," she informs Steele, who smiles widely at the officer, who obviously doesn't speak English.

"Yes, well, it's been that kind of day, hasn't it?" he asks.

They see Vouvray getting out of a car and lighting a pipe. The officer runs over to him.

"I suggest we get the hell out of here," Laura suggests.

"Capital idea." They take off up the street.

Mildred, glamorously made up and dressed, is sitting at a baccarat table, playing. After drawing a few cards, it is obvious she has won and she exclaims "Bingo!"

The dealer corrects her, saying "Banco!"

Mildred simply says "Whatever!"

A telephone is put on the table. Mildred says "For me?" Then she answers "Countess von Krebs. Oh, hi, Miss Holt!" She frowns as she listens. "Now? Oh I'm on a hot streak. Okay, wait, I didn't get it all-" she starts writing something down. Regulator, uhhuh, what,- weight belt?


After dark, two people in wetsuits swim out to the Beau Geste and climb aboard. There's a party on the boat.

"Not a bad move," Laura comments, beginning to remove her suit.

"Goldfinger. Sean Connery, Gert Frobe, United Artists, 1964. He looks down the deck, revealing his tux under the wet suit. "This might be a bit trickier than I thought, Laura. You'd better stay here."

"And let you have all the fun? "

"You are without a doubt the most obstinate woman I have ever met."

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

She's having trouble getting the wetsuit off.



They mingle with the other guests. "My guess is, it's somewhere in his stateroom."

"How do we get down there without somebody seeing us?"

"That's your department."


Their host appears. "I don't recall seeing you two on my guest list" Laura and Steele look at each other, startled, but Laura put on an assuring smile and catches the host's eye . "but then, I leave that sort of thing to my steward. In fact, I don't know who half these bloody people are anyway and it's my party. Freddy Smith."

"Frances Stevens," Laura said with huge smile. "And this is John Roby."

He kisses her hand. "I must remember to thank whoever it is that invited you here."

"You flatter me."

Steele rolls his eyes.

"You won't mind if I monopolize the lady's time for a while, will you, matey?"

"Wish you better luck than I've enjoyed lately." Steele says, tugging his right ear.

"I haven't seen the bow yet," Laura offers.

"Then that is where we will start the grand tour."

Laura strokes Steele's right arm as she and Freddy leaves. Making a slight grimace, Steele jams some kind of stick into some kind of dip, causes it to break, and somewhat frustrated nibbles it up.


Steele enters the stateroom and starts searching for the safe, knocking on walls and searching behind tapestries . He finds it under the fake bottom of a chest across from the bed.

"Not too subtle, Freddy," he comments, and is about to crack the safe when he hears people outside the door. He quickly slips into the bathroom.

Laura and Freddy enter the room, as he says, "Now don't be shy, love, this is the deluxe tour."

Spotting Steele halfway in the bathroom, Laura quickly grabs Freddy Smith and kisses him to prevent him from turning around.

"I can see you're not one for preliminaries," Smith remarks, pleasantly surprised. "Neither am I! Let's have some fun!" He picks Laura up and throws her on the bed.

The bathroom door opens a crack and Steele peeks out. While Freddy starts to kiss her face and neck, she signals to Steele, whose eyebrows shoot up when he sees what she's doing.

"Disgusting!" he whispers.

"Go!!" Laura signals.

He mouths, "Haven't found it yet."

She gestures insistently for him to leave. She makes a lot of noise to keep Steele's exit from being discovered.

"Oh you're a little tigress aren't you? I love a woman with spirit."


"Aww, who the hell is that?"

Steele is at the door trying to get a glimpse of Laura on the bed.

"Yes what do you want?" Freddy asks.

"There's been a slight altercation at the bar. I think they need your, uh, services."

Freddy smiles at Laura. "I'll be right back. Don't lose that feeling!"

"Don't worry" She waits a few seconds before getting up and heading for the door, opening it. "Come on," she urges, tugging at his arm.

He goes to the safe. "What happened, Laura? Libido get in the line of duty?"

She's out of breath. "We were halfway the bow when he stopped and said, `Why don't we start with my stateroom?' What was I supposed to do?"

"You managed to hold me off for two years. The least you could have done was hold him up for five minutes."

"Surely that's not jealousy I detect."

"We're talking business."

"Are we? I think your whole problem is, you don't know the difference between what is professional and what is personal!"

"*I* don't know the difference?" he asks, pinning her with a look.

"Just finish the job, please?"

He holds up the dagger. "It's done."

"What do you want, applause?" She leaves the room, and as Steele finishes closing up the chest, she comes back in. "He's coming!" She jumps back onto the bed as Steele returns to the bath. She's smiling when Freddy opens the door.

"I don't know what your friend was talking about. There's no problem up there."

"He's probably looking for me. He's the jealous type." She is blinking at Steele as she says that.

"Really, and what are you?" he asks, removing his jacket.

"Me, I'm the adventurous type," she tells him, grabbing him and pulling him on top of her. She give s him a big kiss. Laura motions toward the door with her leg, and Steele saunters out in the midst of the kissing and groaning.

"Oh my gosh!" she says shortly after the door's closed , leaping from the bed.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Mr. Roby's anti-seizure medicine! I forgot to give it to him."

"That can wait."

"We wouldn't want him to interrupt at an inopportune moment," she says, giving him another kiss.


"Don't lose that feeling!" She blows him a kiss as she leaves the room.


Laura and Steele don their wet suits again, and he says, "Laura, I'm beginning to worry."

"About Smith, or me?" she asks, only to have him grab her and give her a kiss , a kiss that seemingly surprises Laura . He stops, then grabs her arm and pulls her with him.


In his room, Freddy notices something amiss with the trunk, and as Laura and Steele swim towards the shore, they hear him cry out, "Noooo!!"

They reach the shore, only to find the Palermo brothers are waiting for them at the top of the cliffs . They shove Steele toward Laura. "Okay, okay."

"The dagger," one of them says.

Steele frowns. "Oh. Yes." He hands it over to them.

"Now, arrivederci."

An exhausted and defeated Steele sits down. "Arrivaderci. Arrivaderci. Arrivaderci "

As the Palermo brothers round the corner of a rock face, a machine gun sounds. Laura and Steele take off to investigate.

"Oh my god." The Palermo Brothers are all dead. Steele searches them quickly and comes up empty handed.

"Oh, blast, blast, of course t he dagger's gone." He walks up the beach a bit, looking around. "Right here. Right here. That's where the killer stood."

Laura joins him, inspecting the area. She kneels and picks up one of several matches. "This case just broke wide open."


Vouvray is in his home when there is a knock on the door. He goes to answer it. "M. Steele. Mlle. Holt. Come in, come in. I was devastated to issue the warrant for your arrest. You've come to turn yourself in?"

"No, I've come to clear my name." Steele begins.

"More than that, Inspector," Laura informs him, "we know who has the dagger."

"Well, this is good news indeed."

"First of all, I have a confession to make," Steele says.


"I did steal the dagger from the hotel, but I meant to return it."


"I'll explain about it later. The most important thing you should know, though, is that someone stole the dagger from Henri Lebret and myself."

"Uh, huh," Vouvray says.

"That someone had to have extremely good connections with the criminal element to even know that the dagger was being brought to the Riviera," Laura says.


"Furthermore, this person had to have the means to monitor a conversation: wire taps, bugs, that sort of thing."

"Excuse-moi. Such excitement. I must get a notepad or I forget."


Vouvray walks into the next room closing the door behind him. He pulls a gun out of a drawer , and returns- to find two other pistols pointed at him.

"Well, alas." He puts down his gun.

"Thank you." Steele goes in to get the dagger.

"It was the matches that gave you away, Inspector," Laura reveals. "How cold-blooded of you to calmly smoke a pipe while waiting to murder three men."

Steele returns with the dagger. "The stuff dreams are made of. Tsk tsk tsk."

Laura continues. "You were clever, Inspector. Through your sources you learned that the dagger was being sold, you saw the Palermo Brothers approach Henri and you tapped his phone and learned about Mr. Steele's plan. That must have been about the time you contacted Freddy Smith and told him you could supply his long-sought prize."

"For the right price of course. I mean, enough to retire on, I'd wager." Steele reasons.

"It was your plan all along to enlist Mr. Steele at the glee club reception. That way you could hold him as close as you wanted and monitor his progress."

"Of course, you saw us looking at the Beau Geste. Then you decided to run us down. We were getting too close, were we not?"

"When that didn't work, you made Mr. Steele the prime suspect."


"That must be L t. Deguiche."

Laura goes to the door and lets the man in. "Good evening, Lt. We have the dagger, and somewhere in this apartment you'll find the submachine gun that killed the Palermo brothers."

" Then it's true. I'm sickened, Inspector," the man says.

Steele motions for Vouvray to go with his gun. "Shall we, uh?"


The four of them leave the house, Deguiche's gun on Vouvray. Laura and Steele start toward a car, when Deguiche informs them, "That's my car, over there." It's the red car that tried to run them down. Both Steele and Laura look shocked.

"Turn around, Slowly, s'il vous plait," Vouvray tells them. Deguiche's gun is now on Laura and Steele. "Now carefully, place your pistols on the ground. Kick them this way." Vouvray demands further, then continuing "I would have liked to have done it all by myself, mes amis, but unfortunately for you, I needed help. Now into the car."

Steele and Laura raise their hands and turn back around. Slowly, Steele takes the dagger from his jacket and turns, calling out, "Laura, duck!"

The dagger hits Vouvray, sending him down. Steele knocks Deguiche down and gets his gun, while Laura dashes to get herself a gun from the ground . "Don't move! Don't move!" Vouvray has removed the dagger. "Inspector, please." Steele holds out his hand for the dagger. "Thank you very much. C'mon. c'mon, move it."

"Justice prevails after all, Inspector," Laura tells Vouvray as she holds a gun on him.

"I-uh, think he got the point, Laura, don't you?" Steele asks, looking at the dagger. Laura gives him the eye in return as a thank you for a bad joke.


Laura and Steele are walking through the hotel lobby. "Henri and Joelle certainly seem to be happy to be out of hiding," she says.

"Yes." He takes something from his pocket.

"You're not going to count it again, are you?!"

"Laura, this our first finder's fee, I'm entitled to savor it."

"Mildred, where have you been?" Laura asks as a downcast Mildred enters with a stern faced man.

"The casino."

"All night?"

She whines. "Since yesterday afternoon."

"How much did you lose, Mildred," Steele asks.

"Oh, I was way up there for a while, boss, I really was."

"How much, Mildred?" Steele asks again, this time demanding.

"Then when it was all gone I thought, if I could just have one more hand, one more hand " Mildred says, trying to explain herself.

"How much?" he asks the man.

"Two hundred and twenty-four thousand francs, m'sieu." The stern faced man says.

"What?" Laura covers her face.

"It's a lot, isn't it?" Mildred says and grimaces apologetically.

Laura holds out her hand to Steele. He puts the money behind his back, shaking his head, but finally hands it over.

Laura counts off a few francs and then hands the rest to the man, who nods and turns away with, "Merci."

"Au revoir," Mildred tells him sadly.

"Toodleloo," Steele says, a sick look on his face.

Laura hands Steele the remaining notes. "I believe these belong to you, Mr. Steele."

Mildred frowns. "I'm sorry," she says quietly as he examines what's left of the finder's fee.


Later, on a balcony, Steele and Laura are walking. "So, does Remington Steele return to Los Angeles with you or does he disappear back into the mist of night again?

"How can he disappear? You're not only a nationally-known detective, you're an international hero."

"Well, if the shoe fits, Laura," he says, and notices her disapproving glance. "Only a joke. Only a joke," he repeats as they pause at the railing.

"I know. Look, why deny it? We're a terrific team, you and I. Our only problems arise when we try cross the line between the boardroom and the bedroom. I know you care about me. I care about you too. A great deal. But if we care about preserving this partnership of ours, then we can't try to conduct a romance at the same time. That's why I've decided not to see you outside of business hours. It'll be hard at first, but it's for the best. We'll just have to give it up. Well? Say something."

"It's obvious you've given this decision a great deal of thought, Laura. I'm not going to try and talk you out of it."

"You're not?"

"We must try to respect each others' feelings, even though they may run counter to our own. Especially then."

"What a relief! I thought you'd fight me all the way on this," she says, smiling.

"Not at all. I mean, If you feel this strongly about it, I suggest we try this plan of yours and see how it works." She kisses him on the cheek, thanking him for understanding. "I give it a week," he says, putting his left hand to his chin, turning to look at Laura as fireworks go off behind them, and Laura , turning away from the fireworks, smiles , kind of shrewdly .

The End