A twin engine plane flies through a dark, stormy night. Alarms
go off in the cockpit as the plane dips and recovers, sending
bundles of money from canvas bags. The plane dives, an engine
is on fire- everything goes dark.
***
In a small town library, a bookish man studies and makes notes
from a book as townspeople watch with interest from various places
around the room. The man gets up, finds another book and returns
to his chair. As the clock strikes five, the others leave.
The bookish man is alarmed when the shutters on the windows begin
to be closed. He stands, afraid, and goes to the doors, but they're
locked. "Wait!" he calls out. "Wait! There's been
a mistake! Let me out!"
A flashlight shines in his face, and a man says, "I think
you'd better come with me, Professor Thickett."
Thickett pushes past the man and runs out onto the street, only
to find himself nabbed by two men beneath a sign that reads: "DeNada,
America's Best Kept Secret"
***
Laura drives the Rabbit down a road as Steele looks at a map.
"I've got it," he declares, putting the map down. "We're
lost."
"Cute," she says with a frown, and sneezes.
"Gesundheit," he says.
"Thank you."
"I think we should have turned left at that last intersection,
ten miles back."
"You said turn right," she reminds him.
"Yes, well, merely a suggestion, Laura. Well, at least it's
invigorating to be out in the countryside, eh? Trees, birds, flowers-"
"Dust, pollen-" she sneezes again- "Hay fever."
"Uh. Such antipathy for the great outdoors, Laura. And here
I thought you were the All American girl."
"When I was twelve, I was drummed out of the Girl Scouts
for demanding an electric blanket on an overnight."
"Oh, I'm shocked."
"Well, I'm not ashamed to admit it- I'm a city girl. The
kind of country I prefer is the country CLUB. Tennis, golf, cocktails
by the cabana-"
"Ah. That pioneer spirit, eh? Well, let's look at this as
an excursion into the real Americana, eh? Like being part of a-
a Frank Capra movie."
"Who?"
"Frank Capra. The Director? You know- It's a Wonderful
Life? Mr. Deeds Goes To Town? Jimmy Stewart, Donna
Reed, Gary Cooper. Mainstreet America, the town square- bandstand
smack in the middle-"
"I was really looking forward to the ballet this weekend,"
Laura muses.
"Yes, well, don't worry. It's only Friday. We'll locate Prof.
Thickett and have you back in time for a cultural dip in Swan
Lake."
"It may not be that simple. His sister said he'd never come
back late from a research trip."
Steele picks up a photo of the bookish man from the library. "Yes.
She also said he was the archetypal absent minded professor. Probably
got caught up in his studies and forget it was time to come home.
Oh, well, he can't have gone far in any case. He looks as helpless
as a baby." Laura smiles. "What did she say he was working
on?"
"Another book on small town America. It's his specialty.
He's really quite a well known historian. Arthur Thickett. I read
one of his books in college."
"Any good?"
"Awful," she admits with another sneeze.
***
At a service station in DeNada, she sneezes again, and the attendant,
a grim faced older man says, "God bless you."
"Thank you."
"Now, what can I do for ya?" he asks.
"Fill it up, please," Laura tells him.
"Yes, Ma'am," he says, putting the nozzle into the tank.
Steele looks around. "So this is DeNada, eh?"
"America's best kept secret, we like to say," the man
tells him.
"Charming," Steele comments. "Truly charming."
The man looks at the car. "Just passing through, huh, folks?"
"Well, no," Laura admits. "Actually, we're looking
for a friend who's staying here."
The man returns the nozzle to the old fashioned pump and seems
nervous. "We don't get many strangers in DeNada. Don't like
em much."
"Perhaps you've seen him," Steele suggests, holding
up the picture. "He's a historian."
The man barely looks at the picture. "Nope. Never seen him.
That's five dollars, miss."
Laura and Steele exchange a confused glance as she pays the bill.
***
At Mary Jane's Boarding House, a dog barks menacingly, keeping
Laura and Steele penned against the doors.
The clerk, a young woman, says, "Ah, hush, Blue!" She
comes around and pulls the dog back. "Go on!" He walks
away. "Like I was sayin', Mary Jane ain't around right now.
But- I don't remember anybody like that stayin here."
"Oh?" Steele asks.
"Perhaps if we could take a look at the register," Laura
suggests, moving toward the desk. "It's rather important-"
The clerk grabs the book. "I don't think that I can let you
do that!"
"Well, we're on a bit a tight schedule," Steele says.
"Surely a little peek wouldn't be any harm, eh?"
"Well, I think you better wait for Mary Jane to come b-"
The door opens and the Sheriff enters. "Any problem, Betty
Lynn?" he asks.
"They wanna look at the register, Sheriff."
Steele turns to Laura in an aside. "Ward Bond."
"What?" she asks, lost.
"The kindly lawman. Staple of small town America. We're in
good hands. Yes."
The Sheriff, a big wad of tobacco in his cheek, says, "Adam
over at the filling station tells me you're looking for a friend
of yours that might've stayed here. Is that right?"
"News travels fast," Laura comments.
"Well, Betty Lynn, why don't you just show these folks the
register?" the Sheriff asks.
"But, Sheriff, I can't."
"Mary Jane pitches a fit, you just put the blame on me, darlin."
He winks at Steele and Laura.
Laura takes the register and opens it. "Thank you, Sheriff.
There seems to be a page missing here."
"Really?" Betty Lynn says, frowning. "Let me see
that." She takes the book. "Oh, that. Well, I- spilled
some ink. So I just tore out the page." She hugs the book
to her.
The Sheriff notices the photo in Steele's hand. "Is that
the fellow right there?"
"Oh. Yes," Steele says, handing him the photo.
"Well, I remember him. He came through here asking directions
awhile back. Come on outside. We'll get some air. I'll fill ya
in on that."
Laura and Steele follow. Laura sneezes as they exit the rooming
house. "Oh, Gesundheit," the Sheriff says.
"Thank you. So he didn't stay in DeNada, huh?"
"No, Ma'am, he sure didn't. He said he'd changed his mind.
He said there wasn't as much to research around here as he thought
there was. Ain't it the truth? DeNada is always just getting passed
over for one reason or another."
"Did he say where he was going?" Steele questions.
"I believe he did. Yes, I think he said he was going to Bishop.
Bishop."
"He didn't call his sister to tell her," Laura says
to Steele.
"Well, the phone system around here has been totally unreliable,"
the Sheriff tells them. "You know, the heavy rains we had
here last week- played- well, they played havoc with our phone
lines, Miss-? You know, I plum forgot your names."
"Bixby," Laura rushes in ahead of Steele. "Carolyn
Bixby. And this is- Felix Hillenbrand. We're colleagues of Prof.
Thickett at UCLA."
"Nebbins is my name. Jed Nebbins. I'm right glad to meet
you. I wish I could be more help to you, Miss Bixby. But that's
the whole story. He just came and went. Now, I do believe, you
head on up t'Bishop, you'll find him up there. I really do. Anyhow,
lots of luck to you."
"Thank you very much," Steele says.
"Any time," he says, moving off.
Steele looks at Laura. "FELIX?"
She's thoughtful. "I had an uncle named Felix," she
tells him.
"Why didn't you tell him who we really are?"
"If we're going to poke around, Prof. Hillenbrand, we'll
do a lot better as college professors than as big city detectives-"
"I really think that you're over reacting, Laura. I mean,
look around us." He smiles at the people on the sidewalks
as they move along the street. The people are watching them closely.
"These are honest, decent people. The backbone of the country."
A little boy runs out to shake his hand. "Hello, sonny, what's
your name?" he asks, as the boy's mother rushes out to grab
the child. "Hello, mum-" Laura looks vindicated as the
woman drags the boy back to a store. "Just give it time.
Give it time." He smiles at a passing car that's seen better
days. "Ah, morning! Morning! Lovely. Lovely paint job."
The people in the car don't respond, merely stare. A little dog
comes across before them, and Steele bends to pet it. "Hello,
poochie, boy. Good- boy." The dog continues on his way as
if Steele wasn't there.
***
The Sheriff enters his office to find himself confronted by nervous
townspeople. "Okay, Sheriff, what are you gonna do about
this?" a heavyset man demands to know.
"Now just take it easy, Winslow," Jed says. "Just
take it easy."
"They're not stayin', are they?" a nervous Adam asks.
A woman says, "For Pete's sake, let the man speak."
"Thank you, Mayor," Jed tells her, sitting down. "Now,
there's no need to get excited. They're just college types. Friends
of Thickett's," he says, pointing to the back of the jail.
"They'll soon be on their way to Bishop."
"Yeah, well," Winslow says, "They better be."
***
Outside, Laura and Steele are looking at a diner called the "Cockpit
Diner." The cockpit of an airplane juts from the front of
the building. Laura reads the sign beneath the name. "Last
Hot Food for Forty Miles." She smiles. "Quite a recommendation.
What's the guide book say?" she asks Steele.
He looks up. "Avoid the beef."
"Well, we're looking for information," Laura tells him.
"Not a four star meal."
A young, harried looking woman rushes up to them. "You can't
stay here. Please. You're already in danger." Laura sneezes.
"Gesundheit," the girl says, then hurries on into the
diner.
***
Inside, Laura and Steele sit at a table, trying to get the girl,
who is a waitress, to come over. But she just ignores them. "She
won't even look at us," Steele says.
"'You're already in danger', she said," Laura muses.
"Why don't we have a word with her?" Steele suggests,
rising, but Laura grabs his arm.
"Steady. IF Thickett is in trouble, we don't want to draw
any unnecessary attention to ourselves OR to that girl."
He sits back down
"I still think you're being an alarmist," he says. "Many
small town inhabitants have an exaggerated fear of outsiders.
One must- win them over- gradually."
"Thank you, Professor- AH CHOO!"
He frowns. "Gesundheit. Observe." He gets up and approaches
two men at the counter. "Afternoon, gentlemen. Marvelous
day, isn't it?" They turn at the same time to look at him.
They look enough alike to be brothers. As they watch him, they
eat their sandwiches. "Ah, yes. Yes. Remarkable atmosphere
in here. So- so- authentic. Say, a friend of mine passed through
here recently-" he holds up the photo. "Perhaps you've
seen him-" The brothers turn away. "No. Okay. Just in
case you do remember, I'm going to be in town for awhile. Felix
is the name. Good day." He walks back to an embarrassed Laura.
"Bravo!," she sneers.
"Just laying the groundwork, Laura. Just laying the groundwork."
The Mayor and Winslow enter through a side door and approach the
table. "Mind if we join you?" she asks.
"Yes, yes," Steele says, rising slightly as she sits
down. "Delighted. Felix Hillenbrand- and my associate-"
"Carolyn Bixby," Laura supplies as Steele goes blank.
"Amaryllis McKenzie. Mayor of DeNada."
"Winslow Avery," the man says, staring at Steele.
"How do you do?" Steele says.
"Winslow is the editor of the Weekly Eagle, our newspaper,"
the mayor says.
"Haven't I seen you somewhere before, Mr. Hillenbrand?"
Winslow asks Steele.
"Professor Hillenbrand," Steele corrects as Laura smiles.
"UCLA History department."
"I'm sure I've seen your picture on the Regional newswire,"
Winslow insists.
"Prof. Hillenbrand is constantly making very important speeches,"
Laura tells him. "Aren't you, Professor?"
"Oh, yes. Constantly, constantly. Rubber chicken circuit."
The mayor nods. "I'm sure. I understand you've been asking
some questions around town."
"We're looking for a friend of ours," Laura tells them.
"We thought he was in DeNada."
"Yeah, well, I'm afraid you're mistaken, Miss Bixby,"
Winslow tells her. "And- let me give you a little bit of
friendly advice: Don't ask any questions. People up here may get
the wrong idea. Think you're prying into their personal affairs."
The mayor attempts some damage control. "What Winslow is
saying is that we DeNada-ites treasure our privacy."
"America's Best Kept Secret, eh?" Steele asks.
"Exactly, Professor. We like our way of life and we don't'
want it disturbed."
"We don't mean to be a nuisance, Mayor," Laura insists,
"But perhaps you saw the man we're looking for." She
holds up the picture, but both practically ignore it.
"Sheriff Nebbins told you he went to Bishop."
"That's right," they mayor agrees. "He left. It
would probably be best for all concerned if you did the same."
"Is that a threat, Mayor?" Laura asks.
"Why, heavens, no." The waitress runs out the back door,
obviously upset. "Whatever gave you such an idea?"
Laura sneezes again. "Excuse me- I - uh- I've run out of
tissue." She leaves the table, exiting through the same door
as the girl, leaving Steele alone at the table with the Mayor
and Winslow.
"I'm SURE I've seen you somewhere before," Winslow insists.
"Really?"
***
Outside, Laura finds the girl in the alley, crying. "What's
wrong?" Laura asks.
"You shouldn't be here."
"Why not?"
"Just shouldn't, that's all."
"What's the matter? Are you afraid someone will see us talking?
What are you hiding? What do you know about Arthur Thickett?"
"You're just gonna make it worse for him."
"How? Where is he? What's happened to him?"
"Such a nice little man. He wouldn't hurt anybody. He wouldn't
even care about that money! He just shouldn't have done it!"
"Done what? What money?"
"Just go away!"
"I can't do that. A man is missing and you know what's happened
to him." A man passes by.
"Not here," the girl says.
"Where?"
"The Old Mill Bridge. When I get off at three." Laura
nods, and they turn to find the Mayor standing there.
"Everything all right, Rachel?" she asks pointedly.
Rachel is terrified, so Laura responds. "Fine, fine. Just
borrowing some tissue," she says, taking some of Rachel's.
Rachel returns to the diner as the Mayor glares at Laura.
***
Laura and Steele leave the diner, and Steele groans, holding his
stomach. "Something the matter?" Laura asks.
"Yes. I tried the beef."
"Uh, huh. What do you think of your All American town now?"
"I must admit, this case is beginning to sound like a Bad
Day at Black Rock."
"Annotation?"
"Spencer Tracy, Robert Ryan, M-G-M, 1954. Tracy gets trapped
in a small town hiding a horrible secret."
"So what's the secret?" Laura asks, looking around her
nervously.
"The town killed an innocent man."
"I think we should call Mildred, and see what she knows about
Thickett."
"Good thinking."
Mildred is reading a romance novel when the phone rings. "Remington
Steele Investigations."
"Hello, Mildred. Mr. Steele and I-"
"Oh, Miss Holt. I've been waiting for your call. Is the Boss
there? I've got something for him."
"Mr. Steele may be the boss, but I'm in charge, Mildred.
Do we have to go through this every- AH CHOO!" Steele wipes
at his shirt, frowning.
"Gesundheit," Mildred says.
"Thank you."
"I'm sorry, Miss Holt, it's just force of habit."
"What's the message?" Laura asks.
"Oh. Arthur Thickett sent his sister a letter from DeNada
four days ago. It just arrived this morning and she brought it
right over. You cannot GUESS what's inside. Oh, it's unbelievable!"
"What is it, Mildred?" Laura asks after a moment of
silence.
"Don't you want to guess?"
"Mildred!"
"Okay, okay. You cannot BELIEVE this. He said- " the
line goes dead, then a dial tone.
Laura frowns at the phone. "Hello?"
"We're sorry," the operator says, "All phone lines
to Los Angeles are temporarily out of order. Please try later."
Mildred says, "No, no, no! Wait! Operator!"
Laura hangs up. "Great! Phones are out."
The operator turns and looks at Sheriff Nebbins.
***
In the Rabbit, Laura sneezes again. "You really ought to
do something about that, you know?" Steele comments.
"How about torching all the ragweed in the state?" Laura
suggests.
"Did Rachel tell you where the Old Mill Bridge is?"
"No, but it should be near a stream, don't you think?"
"All right, all right. No need to get testy."
She sneezes again, and he winces.
***
"In the Sheriff's office, Winslow shows everyone a picture.
"Remington Steele. I KNEW I'd seen him before. He's a big
time detective from LA."
Everyone starts talking at once.
Jed raises his hands. "Hold on here! Let's not get carried
away. They haven't found anything. We've got less than twenty
four hours to go."
"It's still too much time!" Winslow insists. "The
could call someone!"
The brothers from the diner agree.
The Mayor speaks. "Now calm down, everybody! What do you
suggest do, Jed?"
"I'm not sure," Jed admits.
"Huh!" Winslow grunts in disgust. "That's just
great, Sheriff! That's just great! We're supposed to sacrifice
seven years of planning because YOU'RE not sure?!"
Jed stands. "I know one thing, Avery. I've about had it with
YOU."
One of the brothers from the diner says, "I know something
that will-" he cocks his shot gun. "Guaranteed."
He grins.
***
Mildred is on the telephone. "Don't use that tone of voice
with me, young lady. I've been trying to reach DeNada for over
an hour on your cockamamie system."
"I'm sorry, Ma'am. You'll have to try again later. Have a
good day."
"Wait, wait. Operator- Don't-" She hangs up and looks
at the map on her desk with DeNada circled on it.
***
Laura and Steele are still looking for the bridge. "It has
to be around here somewhere," Laura frets.
Steele glances in the mirror. "Has that truck been following
us long?"
Laura looks. "No."
The truck speeds up. "I think we're about to have company."
It gets closer, and the brothers grin. "It's them all right,"
one of them says, clutching his shotgun.
"A trifle faster, Laura," Steele says. The truck is
still gaining on them. "Faster, Laura!"
"It's on the FLOOR!" she tells him.
The truck rams them, follows them down the road. "Hang on,"
Laura tells Steele, then executes a quick U-turn. The truck starts
trying to make a dogleg turn around.
"Where did you learn that?" Steele asks Laura.
"I told you. I'm a city girl. It's basic survival skill in
Los Angeles."
They see the truck coming again. The passenger points the shotgun
at them as they come even, and yells, "We don't want no detectives
up here!"
Steele grabs Laura. "Get down!" he yells as the man
fires.
Somehow Laura gets ahead of the truck and turns onto a smaller
dirt road. The truck follows, and as they come upon what has to
be the Old Mill Bridge, runs the Rabbit into the pond. The truck
crosses the bridge and disappears down the road.
Laura and Steele get out of the car. "You all right?"
Steele asks.
"Yeah. Sure."
"Well, at least we know where the Old Mill Bridge is, eh?"
he asks as they wade to shore.
"Well, we're here on time- no Rachel."
Steele glances toward the edge of the pond where there are some
high weeds. "Laura-" he points to a hand in the weeds.
They investigate. "It's Rachel," Laura says. There's
a nasty looking abrasion on the woman's left temple.
Steele feels for a pulse, then shakes his head. "No."
***
Back in De Nada
in the sheriff's office, Laura says, "An accident?"
Steele picks up, saying,
"Are you saying Rachel slipped?
Hit her head on the rock and then crawled into the bushes to die?"
"Until I hear a better explanation, that's exactly what I'm
suggesting. The law deals in facts, Mister. NOT theories."
"We TOLD you," Laura insists, "we were supposed
to meet Rachel at three. She was going to tell us something about
Arthur Thickett."
"And I told you, miss, I don't know anything about that or
why that would give anybody a motive for murder. Rachel's death
was an accident."
"And what about the two gentlemen with the shotgun who ran
us off the road?" Steele asks. "An accident?"
"I don't see the connection," Jed tells him.
Steele's getting angry. "I'm beginning to worry about your
eyesight, Sheriff."
Laura grabs Steele's arm. "Wait a minute, Professor Hillenbrand.
Let's not bother the Sheriff right now. I'm sure he has plenty
to do."
"What?" Steele looks at her, confused, and she nods
toward the door. "Yes, well- good afternoon, Sheriff."
"Yeah. See ya around."
Outside, Laura tells Steele, "They're all in on it. We've
GOT to get out of here."
"Slow down, will you?"
"Remember the man with the shotgun?"
"Yes. Vividly."
"Remember what he said?"
"Something about not wanting detectives around-" he
stops. "How did he know we were detectives?" She sneezes.
"Gesundheit."
"All I can figure out is that phone call we made to Mildred.
If someone had listened in, they'd know who we were."
"Yes, I know, but who could-" he lowers his voice as
they pass townspeople on the sidewalk, all of them watchful. "The
Sheriff?"
"Exactly. And he's not the only one. Think about it. Everyone
we've met has tried to scare us out of DeNada. This whole town
is covering up something and they're willing to kill to keep it
a secret."
"Bad day at DeNada. Doesn't seem to make it, somehow,
does it?"
"Thickett must have discovered their secret, or at least
come very close. Rachel said something about money. Wonder how
that figures in?"
"Yes, well, I think we're better off pondering that one from
the relative security of our own office, don't you?"
"Soon as we pick up the car, we're on the road to LA,"
Laura declares.
But at the pond, as Adam pulls the Rabbit out with a wrecker,
Laura exclaims, "MONDAY?"
"Uh, mebbe Tuesday," he tells her.
"TUESDAY?!"
"May have to order parts. Not sure. First I have to figure
out what's wrong with it."
"They can't do it faster?" Steele questions.
"This is DeNada, young fella, not Los Angeles. We do things
our own way here."
"We noticed," Laura says with a frown. "I don't
suppose there's a place I could rent a car in town-" Adam
shakes his head. "I know-"
"This is DeNada," they say at the same time.
"Now what?" Steele asks Laura, then turns as he hears
a car and police siren. On the other side of the pond, a police
motorcycle gives chase to a white Auburn. "That wasn't-"
"It was," Laura confirms.
***
Mildred sits in the Sheriff's office. "Seventy five, huh?"
Jed asks the deputy.
"That's right."
Mildred stands. "Oh, but there's a perfectly good reason-"
"Keep your seat, young lady," Jed tells her. "That's
all right, son. I can handle it from here." The deputy leaves.
"Now, Miss Krebs, can you tell me why a perfectly self respecting
woman like yourself is travelling 75 miles per hour in a 30 mile
per hour zone?"
"I'm glad you asked, Sheriff. Most government employees wouldn't
be so polite. I know. I used to work-"
"Please, Miss Krebs, just answer the question."
"Certainly. I work for the Remington Steele Detective Agency."
Jed doesn't blink an eye. "In Los Angeles? Well, it so happens
that Mr. Steele and his associate, Miss Holt, are working on a
case right here in DeNada."
"Is that so?"
"Oh, yes. I can't give you the details, but-" she pulls
the letter out of her purse. "I received a letter this morning
that contains very important information for my boss."
"I see, I see."
"Well, I tried calling from Los Angeles- but all your phone
lines are out of order. You really should do something about that.
Anyway, that's why I was speeding. My boss needs to see this right
away."
"Well, Miss Krebs, in the eyes of the law, that's no excuse
for the serious nature of your offense. You recklessly endangered
the citizens of DeNada, who I am sworn to protect. The fine is
five hundred dollars."
Mildred jumps to her feet. "Five hundred dollars?"
"And if you can't pay it, I'm afraid I'm going to have to
lock you up for the weekend."
Mildred glares at him.
***
In Adam's truck, Laura glances at the speedometer. "Can't
this heap go any faster?" she asks.
"Nope."
***
Mildred counts some money. "One hundred, two hundred, three
hundred, four hundred, four twenty, four forty-" she taps
the file cabinet she's got the money on, then pulls something
from her purse. "And a traveler's cheque for fifty dollars.
That makes it four hundred and ninety."
"I'm sorry," Jed tells her. "You're ten dollars
short."
"Well, don't I get a discount for cash?" Mildred asks,
but he just looks at her. "Aha," she says, taking off
her shoe and pulls out a bill. "Wait just a minute here.
Little emergency money. There you go, a sawbuck. Five hundred
even!" She picks up her purse. "Thank you very much,"
she says, heading toward the door.
"Now, wait just a minute," Jed says. Mildred stops.
"You've also violated local law number 15 - 3 - 8."
Mildred glares at him. "I did?"
"Disturbing the peace with a motorized vehicle."
"I know," Mildred sighs. "Don't tell me."
"Five hundred dollars," they say simultaneously.
Mildred is furious as he shows her into the cells. "You haven't
heard the last of me," she tells him.
"Well, I'm sure I haven't, ma'am," Jed tells her with
a grin as he unlocks the cell door. She goes in, he locks it behind
her. "Just make yourself comfortable in there, Miss Krebs."
He leaves.
Mildred turns around and her eyes widen as she sees that there's
another person in the cell with her. Unshaven and forlorn, sitting
on one of the cots, is- "Arthur Thickett?"
He looks at her. "Hello."
***
Jed is loading his gun when Steele and Laura come into the office.
"We need to talk, Sheriff. Now," Steele says.
"Well, I've been expecting you, there, Professor."
"Oh?"
"Or should I say Mr. Steele?"
"All right, the gloves are off, Sheriff," Laura says.
"Where's Mildred Krebs?"
"Locked up."
"On what charges?" Steele wants to know.
"Take your pick."
"Mildred Krebs is coming with us," Laura tells him.
"Well, I'm afraid that's not possible, Miss Holt. Miss Krebs
can't make bail."
"I see, I see," Steele says, pulling out his checkbook.
"How much?"
"Well, that's right noble of you, mister, but I'm afraid
it's getting a little late in the day for that. The Magistrate's
office is closed. It won't be open again until Monday mornin at
9 o'clock."
"We'll see about that when we speak to the Magistrate,"
Laura tells him.
"You ARE speaking to him. The office is CLOSED."
Steele looks at him. "Can we visit her?"
"Yes, you can. You surely can. Visiting hours being -again-
at 9 o'clock Monday mornin."
Laura's angry as well. "I hope you're enjoying this, Sheriff.
It'll give you plenty to chuckle about when we see you in court."
They turn toward the door. Steele has it open when Jed speaks
again.
"Oh, hey, I sure hope you folks aren't plannin on taking
Miss Krebs' car back to Los Angeles. That's evidence. And just
as a precaution-" he holds something up- "I had the
distributor cap removed. I'd sure hate to see a fancy set of wheels
like that get stolen, wouldn't you? It's quiet around here, you
understand. But you never can tell."
"Sweet," Steele comments dryly. "Very sweet."
He pulls the door open and they leave.
***
Later, in the cell, Arthur is telling a wide eyed Mildred, "And
I was reinforcing my thesis with supporting documentation from
their library- which is quite good, actually, all things considered-when
the lights went out. Well, you know the rest."
"Why, that's- that's just unbelievable!"
"Well, it does beg credulity to be sure. Which is why I expended
so much time cross checking details-but the townspeople said they
didn't know anything about it. Not the graves or anything."
"In a pig's eye, Professor. Why else have the thrown you
in this slammer, the lousy screws."
"Precisely argued, Miss Krebs."
"Mildred," she tells him, eyes shining.
"Call me Artie. My sister does."
"Well, Artie, no one's gonna keep us in stir when we've got
a story like that to tell." She grabs a metal cup and runs
it across the bars. "Let us out, you dirty screws!"
"What are you doing?" Artie asks.
"I saw this once in a James Cagney movie. Let us out!"
she calls, making more noise as Artie joins her.
From the window, Laura says, "SHHHH!!" Mildred and Artie
turn and find Laura hanging upside down outside the bars. "You'll
wake the entire town!"
"Miss Holt!"
"Arthur Thickett?" Laura asks.
"Hello?"
"Hello," Laura says, smiling.
"What are you doing?" Mildred asks.
"We've come to save you!" Laura declares. "I've
always wanted to say that!" She lets Steele help her back
up to the roof. "Arthur Thickett's in there with her."
"Indeed? Well, shall we get on with it? I must confess, this
is the first time I've ever broken INTO a jail." They left
the vent cover.
"There's a first time for everything," Laura reminds
him, as he drops a rope down the shaft.
Steele goes down first. "That's Mr. Steele," Mildred
tells Artie.
"Hello," Artie says.
"Nice to meet you," Steele replies. Laura drops into
his arms. "Lovely form," he compliments her, then she
sneezes onto his shoulder and he winces.
"Sorry," she apologizes.
"Gesundheit," he says.
"Oh, Boss, I knew you'd bust us out. Wait till you hear what
Artie has to lay on you."
"Artie?" Laura questions.
"Go on," Mildred urges, "tell em."
"Yes, well, it seems that-"
Steele lifts a hand. "Uh, don't you think we should get the
keys to the jail cell first?"
"He's got a point, yes," Artie agrees.
Steele goes to the door and looks for his pick, then opens the
door and goes out.
Laura moves to the second cell, where a sheet covers something
on the cot there. "What is this?" she asks, pulling
the sheet off to reveal that the cot is filled with bundles of
money.
"It's the money," Artie says.
"I sure is," Mildred agrees.
Laura picks up a bundle. "What money?"
"The armored car money," Mildred tells her.
"From the Cleveland First City Bank," Artie adds.
"What?" Laura asks, putting the money into her pocket
as Steele returns in a hurry and closes the door.
"Upstairs! Quick!" he tells her, pointing to the vent.
"What about us?" Mildred asks.
Steele helps Laura onto the rope. "Sorry, have to take a
rain check." He notices the money in the ajoining cell. "What's
that?" he asks.
"The Cleveland First City Bank," Mildred says.
"The armored car money," Artie ads.
Steele follows Laura up the rope as
Mildred and Artie look on sadly.
"Goodbye," Artie says.
***
They use a rope to escape from the roof, but hear voices approaching.
As they come from the alley, they see a large mob armed with torches
approaching them. The crowd spots them, and Steele tells Laura,
"Nice night for a barbecue, eh?"
"I'm not wild about the menu!" she replies as they take
off at a run. "We've gotta split up!" she says.
"Left!" Steele calls.
"Right!"
"Oh, splendid!" Steele says as he turns toward the left
and Laura goes to the right. He trips and falls to the ground,
and the crowd turns toward him.
Seeing that he's in trouble, Laura whistles loudly, getting their
attention. "Some of you go after the girl!" Winslow
orders. Laura's action has given Steele the moment he needs to
regain his footing and take off.
"Bless you, Laura!" he calls.
"Bless you!"
Laura manages to evade her group, hiding in a crate, and thinking
they've lost her, they turn back to join the others. But Laura
can't fight a sneeze, which gives away her position. "There
she is!" one of the brothers calls out, and the chase is
on again.
Laura ultimately finds herself pinned between the two groups,
with nowhere to go- until Steele appears on a white horse. He
rides into the mob, sweeps Laura up onto the horse in front of
him. Startled by the added weight and crowd, the animal rears
dangerously.
"This never happened to John Wayne!" Steele frets, but
he gets control of the horse and they ride off, escaping the crowd.
***
Once out of town, they dismount, and Steele ties the horse to
a tree. "Well, like they say in the movies, I think we lost
em."
Laura wraps her arms around her waist. "It's cold."
"Yes," Steele agrees. "And me without a bedroll.
I suggest we huddle." He sees Laura's suspicious look. "For
warmth, Laura. Strictly for warmth." She nods, and the sit
down, their backs to a tree. Steele wraps his arms around Laura,
his face close to hers. "You're not going to sneeze are you?"
he asks as the worry hits.
"It's too cold to sneeze," she tells him.
"Good. Good. The crisp night air, the open range. The solitary
couple with nothing but-"
"Murder," Laura finishes. "Two innocent people-
a jail cell full of cash-" she pulls out the bundle of money.
Steele sits back. "How resourceful of you, Laura."
She examines the strap on the bundle of ten thousand dollars.
"Cleveland First City Bank. 1977. This money is seven years
old. One hundred dollar bills- and there were stacks of twenties
and fifties as well. There must be over a million dollars back
there."
"Yes. Several millions more likely. What did Mildred and
Thickett say? Something about an armored car robbery?"
Laura looks shocked. "It's unbelievable."
"What?"
"Seven years ago. The Cleveland Armored Car Robbery. Six
million. Two men in ski masks- they were never caught. A fortune-
from a seven year old robbery- is locked up- untouched- in a jail
cell in DeNada, California. It's unbelievable. What's it doing
here?"
Steele pulls her close again, giving it another try. "That's
the six million dollar question, eh?"
"At the moment, I don't even have a two bit answer. What
a day."
"Yes. And night."
She smiles at him. "I didn't thank you for saving me."
"No need. Just- returning the favor."
"We did alright, didn't we?"
"Um hmm, um hmm, first rate," he agrees, moving forward
intending to kiss her, but she pulls away again, leaving him frustrated.
"I wonder what the money is doing here?"
Steele leans back against the tree. "Well, yes. That's the
question that's been consuming me."
"All right, let's go over it from the beginning." Steele
pulls the collar of his jacket up, gets comfortable. "Arthur
Thickett comes to DeNada to research his new book."
Steele closes his eyes. "Yes, yes. Go on."
"Obviously, he stumbles on a deep, dark desperate secret,
a secret so terrible that an entire town is willing to kill to
protect it--"
When morning comes, Steele is sleeping, and Laura is still thinking
out loud. "Why would they kill Rachel, and only HOLD Arthur
Thickett? Doesn't make sense! AH-CHOO!"
"Gesundheit," Steele says, waking. "Must've dozed
off for a minute," he tells her, and stands up.
"Must have," she agrees, standing as well.
He stretches. "Oh, my back-" he pauses, looks again.
"Laura-" he nods towards two graves across the way,
the headstones fashioned from propeller blades. "Propeller
blades?" Steele questions as they approach, "What in
blazes are they doing here?"
Laura reads the sign on a board strung between the blades. "'Unknown.
Died Feb 28, 1977. They have paid for their sins, and we are grateful.'
We've been sleeping near graves," she tells Steele.
"What a strange inscription."
"February 28. That's today. Seven years ago today."
They move away, along a deep gouge in the earth.
"Yes, yes, yes, YES!" Steele declares. "Laura,
it's all beginning to make sense. I can see it now. At least,
I think it does."
Laura kneels. "Wait a minute." She pulls something from
the grass. "Is this the wheel- off an airplane?"
Steele takes it, tucks it under his arm. "You've just robbed
an armored car of six million dollars. The police have put up
roadblocks. There's no place to run."
Laura looks up. "But- perhaps- someplace to fly."
"But something goes wrong."
"Bad weather."
"Engine trouble"
"Something that brings them down in DeNada. And so they paid
for their sins."
They walk along the trench made by the airplane upon crashing.
"Yes. But the money was fine," Steele points out.
"They must have known what the dead men and the money were.
The robbery was a headline story for days."
"Mmm. Well, it's hard to part with a fortune in cash- particularly
if no one knows you've got it. Let's suppose they put the money
in the jail- just for- safekeeping."
"And eventually, they realized that no one outside of DeNada
ever knew about the accident."
"So they waited seven years for the statute of limitations
to expire. That money was easily traceable- but seven years after
the crime, there could be no prosecution."
"And those seven years are up today. Now, somehow, Arthur
Thickett stumbled onto all of this, so they put him on ice until
the statute ran out. We've got to get back to town!"
Steele looks around. "I wonder what they did with the rest
of the plane?"
***
They stand in the alleyway across from the "Cockpit Diner",
as the townspeople enter. Steele shakes his head as they notice
the front of the plane. "We've been looking at it all the
time," Laura realizes.
"Um hmm. It appears the whole town's there. Come on. Let's
go."
"Let's get Mildred and the Professor," Laura agrees
as they cross to the jail.
***
In the diner, everyone is watching the clock, and the table filled
with the money. The Mayor turns and tells them, "Despite
last night's excitement, which I can't say I approved of, we made
it! For seven years, we've hung together, resisting temptation.
And in ten minutes, we'll have our rightful reward." The
citizens applaud as she turns to the Sheriff. "Jed?"
"Now, whoa. Whoa! I'm gonna be handing out your shares alphabetically.
So there'll be no need for pushing and shoving."
***
Laura, Steele, Mildred and Artie commandeer the Sheriff's jeep
and start out of town. They don't get very far when something
hits the windshield, and Steele is forced to stop the vehicle.
They all turn and smile nervously.
***
"Three minutes," the mayor says.
"Lookee what we found!" one of the brothers declares
as they lead the four escapees into the room.
"Oh, my, my," Steele says. "Looks like you're getting
ready to have quite a party here."
"We're sorry for any inconveniences we may have caused you,"
the Mayor says, "But I'm sure we can reach an amicable settlement-"
"Fat chance, honey," Mildred sneers.
Artie leans closer. "Don't upset her, Mildred."
"There's nothing more you can do, Mr. Steele," Winslow
informs them smugly. "The statute's almost up."
"Think again," Laura says. "There's no statute
of limitations on murder."
One of the brothers says, "We didn't murder no one."
"Not yet, anyway," his brother says, glaring at them.
"Now hold on," Jed says. "We all agreed when this
thing started that nobody would get hurt. And nobody has been."
"Explain that to Rachel, please," Steele tells him.
One of the brothers shoves the shotgun into Steele's chest. "Watch
your mouth. That's my cousin you're talkin about."
"Rachel was murdered," Laura tells everyone.
A distraught woman stands. "My daughter died from a fall.
The Sheriff said so."
"Unlikely, madam," Steele tells her. "Most people
who fall forward on their heads don't end up on their back, the
way we found Rachel."
"Someone hit her," Laura insists.
Winslow is sweating profusely by now. "They're just trying
to confuse us. Make us give up the money. The two big time detectives
can't admit they've been out smarted by a bunch of HICKS!"
Jed is watching him as Winslow moves to his side. "In fifty
seconds, we're gonna be millionaires! Now don't let em talk you
out of it!"
Artie tells Mildred, "They're gonna get away with it."
"Relax, Artie. Play your ace, Boss."
Steele looks troubled. "Right. Play our ace, Laura."
She hesitates, lost for a second as the ball is tossed into her
court. "Well, the fact that Rachel was found face down means
that she knew her killer- trusted him-" she looks at the
Mayor. "Or her."
"What?" the Mayor asks.
"You were the only one who overheard Rachel telling me to
meet her at the bridge."
"But I told Jed and Winslow about it."
Winslow is frantic. "Don't listen to em!"
"Oh, come now, Avery old chap," Steele says, "Why
so nervous, eh?" He tosses a bundle of money at Winslow.
"Catch." And one at Jed. "Catch." Winslow
catches his in his left hand- Jed in his right. "Thank you,
gentlemen. The injury was on her right temple- which means whoever
killed her was left handed."
Winslow looks down at the money in his left hand as Rachel's mom
asks, "You- killed my daughter?"
Winslow grabs Jed's gun, forcing Jed to join the others, and takes
the shotgun. "She was gonna tell them. I couldn't talk her
out of it! What did you want me to do? Spoil everything? Seven
YEARS! I was doin it all for you! You should be thanking me! We're
gonna be rich!" No one moves. "Didn't you hear what
I said? We're gonna be rich!"
Laura calls out, "That money is covered in blood! If any
of you touches it, you're as guilty as he is!"
Jed takes a step toward Winslow. "No! Get back! I'm not kidding!
Now, I mean it!" Laura kicks the gun from Winslow's hand,
and Steele sends him to the floor with his fist.
Jed grabs the shaken man. "On your feet bud. I'll take it
from here," he tells Steele.
The Mayor looks at them. "We owe you an apology."
Laura taps the money. "You owe a lot more than that."
She leads Steele away. "[??]detective work, that left hand,
right hand bit."
"Ah, yes. In the Heat of the Night. Sidney Portier,
Rod Steiger, United Artists, 1967." He puts a bundle of money
under his arm.
"Just one thing," Laura points out.
"Um? Yes?"
"Rachel was hit on the LEFT side of her head."
"Technicalities, Laura. You're always getting bogged down
in technicalities."
She takes the money from him and tosses it back onto the table
as Steele sighs. "Okay, okay." He opens the door and
they leave.
The townspeople gather around the money.
***
Steele is reading the newspaper when Laura enters his office.
"Remarkable story about the small town that happened to find
the money from the famous Cleveland Armored Car robbery."
"Really? Did they keep it?"
"No. They turned it in for a huge reward. What virtue."
"Well, you know how upright those small towns can be,"
she says with a smile.
Steele points toward the door as Mildred enters, wearing a fur
coat. "Oh, my," he says.
"Mildred, where did you get that coat?" Laura asks.
"Oh, this old thing? It's gorgeous, isn't it?"
"As you would say, Mildred," Steele agrees, "Knock
out city."
"It's a gift from Sheriff Nebbins," she tells them.
"He GAVE it to you?" Laura asks.
"Well, it's amazing what the words 'false arrest' can do
for a girl's wardrobe," she says.
Artie comes in. "Ready?" he asks.
Mildred smiles and takes his arm. "Oh, yes. My lunch date,"
she tells them. "See ya later."
"Have a nice time," Steele calls after them.
"Bye-bye," Laura says, laughing. "Never would have
guess those two would get along so well," she says.
Steele comes around the desk, pulling something from his pocket.
"Speaking of the unexpected, it just so happens that I have
two tickets to the ballet tonight." He stops before her,
tickets in hand. "What does a city girl have to say to that,
hmm?"
"AH-CHOO!"
He pulls out a handkerchief and hands it to her. "Gesundheit."
The End