Signed, Steeled and Delivered
Thank you, Jan Andrews for this transcript.
From the episode written by
Glen Caron
Thank you, Wolfgang Walter for the additional dialogue

Venetian blinds are slowly opened to reveal a man wearing glasses with what appears to be blood streaked down his forehead. There are two knocks at the door. The man turns as a maid walks into his motel room. There is "blood" on the walls and an unmade bed. The man is nervous as the maid looks into the room, sees the mess and screams, then she notices the man.

"Oh my Lord."

"It's not what you think," says the man holding up a hand covered in 'blood' as are his clothes.

"I don't think anything, I just change the beds," the nervous maid tells him.

The man taps his head. "It's hair dye, see, it's hair dye." He moves towards her. "Look, look I'm sorry about the mess but you have to understand I'm not TRAINED for this kind of thing. Are they still out there?"

"Who?" the maid asks, looking as if she's trapped with a madman.

"Who?" He half laughs in disbelief and rushes to shut the door. He looks at the maid, opens the door slightly and has a quick look before bolting outside. The maid watches him leave as he runs through the motel's pool area.

A car is seen driving out into the streets and then speeding down a winding street. The car pulls up when flagged by a roadside crew. The worker with a 'stop' sign sees the man covered in 'blood' and takes a couple of steps back. Another car with a blond woman pulls up behind the man's car. The man looks in the rearview mirror. The blonde woman gives him a smile, he smiles back. She stands up in the car and points a gun at the man. He ducks as she fires the bullet into the rearview mirror and the two roadside crew men duck.

The man scrambles out the passenger side of his car and falls down the steep dirt embankment.

Murphy enters Laura's office carrying a sport bag and playing with a golf ball while Laura's reading some files. "Last chance," he tells her.

Laura fusses with paperwork "What?" she asks then sees Murphy carrying the golf clubs. She hits her head with her hand, sighs. "Oh. I just can't, Murphy."

"Sure you can. You get in my car, we drive to your place, pick up your clubs and some clothes and we're in Palm Springs by 8:30," he says as he approaches Laura.

"Ha, if only it were that simple."

"It *is* that simple. You see, you got it all backwards. It's the *men* who are supposed to work too hard and die young. It's the weekend, Laura."

"M..." Laura is obviously uncomfortable.

"You know, if a guy hadn't known you so long and didn't like you so much and wasn't so sure you'd never lie to him, he could convince himself you didn't want to go, taxes or no taxes."

"But you *do* know me, and you *do* like me, and you know I wouldn't lie to you."

"Right. See you Monday, Laura," he says, and heads for the door.


He turns to look at her hopefully.

"Have fun."

Steele is entering the office, meeting Murphy as he leaves Laura's office.

He looks around. "No crowds of troubled clients clamoring for my services?"

"It's Friday," Murphy tells him, as he tosses some papers on a desk. "People'd rather bowl. See you on Monday. Oh, and don't get lost on the freeway."

"Mm hmm."

Murphy leaves, and Steele enters his office to find Bernice in his bathroom blow-drying her hair. "Miss Wolfe!" She doesn't respond, and realizing that he dryer is making too much noise, he pulls the plug.

Bernice frowns. "Hey, give a girl a break, will ya?"

"May I ask what it is you are doing in my bathroom?"

Bernice checks her hair. "Forget it, it's dry enough. Is it 6 o'clock yet?"

"Why? What happens at 6 o'clock?"

"Come 6 o'clock, all these offices are gonna open up and empty out," she explains as Steele leaves the bathroom. "-and all the bars and restaurants on the ground floors of all these high-rises? They're going to fill up with people hungry to bury themselves in anything but what they do for a living." Bernice puts on some fresh lipstick "They'll buy each other drinks, tell each other pretty lies, and hope the spell doesn't break before dinner." In the meantime Steele has returned and is removing his jacket.

"Is that a fact?" he asks.

"Yeah. If you get lucky, it lasts until Monday."

"Oh, that's wonderful, if you're satisfied with managing one's love life like a game of chance. I prefer the tried-and-true method, one makes a date and casts a spell of one own."

"Which reminds me. Gayle called."

"Excellent case in point. Been planning this evening for weeks. Front-row center for the Bolshoi, dinner at Andre's, a leisurely drive back to my place..."

"She said she was sorry she had to cancel. Something about the croup." Bernice laughs. "Ta-ta," she says as she leaves the office.

Laura is reading file in her office. Steele walks in from his office, she turns to look at him. He sighs in exasperation and puts a hand on the door frame, "Look at you."

Laura looks down at herself, "What?"

"Tell me that briefcase is just for show, a little prop to intimidate the hired help. You don't really plan on spending your weekend cuddled up with all that paperwork, do you?"

Laura closes the file. "Now it's not that I don't think your concern is *genuine* or your motives *pure* but would you mind skipping ahead and telling me where we're going with this."

"You look exhausted."

"*Really*. Thank you." She walks past him to the filing cabinet.

"You know what my suggestion would be?"

"I shudder to think." Laura puts the file away and shuts the cabinet drawer.

"A night on the town away from the pressures from work."

Laura turns around. She looks surprised but happy. "You and me on, on, on a date?"

Steele raises his left eyebrow. "Boggles the mind, doesn't it?"

"Sounds *wonderful*."

"It will be wonderful," he reaches for her coat pleased that she has agreed.

"And just when can I expect all this wonderfulness to happen?"

"Actually, I was thinking about tonight."

"Tonight." Laura doesn't look impressed as she looks at her watch.

"I don't think there is a moment to lose."

"It's five forty-five. You wait until five forty-five on a *Friday* night to ask ME out. Let me guess, Sheila has the mumps ..."

"Laura ..."

"...*Susan* got hit by a car. Mary, measles. Doris, diphtheria."

Remington holds up her coat. "Gayle, croup. What difference does it make so long as you're free."

"Oh, what in the world makes you think that I'm free? It's *Friday* night, FRIDAY NIGHT."

"Big plans, have we?"

"Yes. As a matter of fact I do." She turns and puts her arms in her coat. He nods his head and pulls her hair out from the coat collar as she adjusts it.

"Look. You can think what you want, but this briefcase is a *very* small part of what I expect to be a VERY full weekend," Laura assures him haughtily.

He nods in agreement as she opens the door and walks out like Miss Piggy in a huff, closing the door behind her.

Remington sits in the chair. "Am I correct in assuming tonight's off?" he calls out after her.


Laura walks to the lift passing a man holding up a newspaper. The man walks out of the lift and lowers his paper. It is the man from the motel room, still covered in blood. He watches Bernice adjusting the flowers on her desk before walking out, calling over her shoulder, "Lock up when you leave." The man hides behind his newspaper in the corridor until she departs.

The man walks towards Steele's office as he listens to him on the telephone, "Marie? Ah, you're back. It's hard to believe that two such beautiful women could work together on one small jumbo jet. Tell me, is Deidra there? ... Deidra? Just got off the 'phone with Misha and you'll never guess who fell into two front row centre seats for the ..." he sees the man standing in his office door "...Bolshoi". Steele takes his feet off his desk as the man grabs the hatstand and moves towards his desk.

"Deidra? There's a man standing in my office holding a hat rack. Hmm. Let me get back to you." He hangs up the telephone and gives a hesitant smile, "I'd ask you to take a seat but you've already helped yourself to some furniture."

The man slams the hat stand on the desk. Steele rises and goes into the office corner behind his chair. He looks at the man.

"Are you Remington Steele?"

"That all depends on how you feel towards Mr.. Steele."


Laura is sitting on her couch in her dressing gown with a towel wrapped around her head reading a bit of paper with a pen in her hand. There is a knock at her door. She looks up and calls out, "Who is it?"


"Steele," she grimaces as she gets up and walks towards the door, "I thought I made it very *plain* I have *plans* for tonight. I'm going OUT."

"YES, you made it very plain but I have someone here who *urgently* needs *our* help and I promise if you've ever encountered a more *desperate* creature in your life I shall LEAVE in an instant."

She opens the door to see the man, still covered in 'blood'. "Oh-h--h".

"Hello Miss Holt. My name is Sheldon Quarry." Steele leans in from behind doorframe.

"H-h-hold on, just one minute." She shuts the door, dashes to the couch to clear up the papers she was reading and runs with them into the bedroom. She comes out again only to turn around and go back to fetch a dress, which she hangs on a cabinet in her lounge. She rushes back to the door to let Steele and Sheldon in. "Come in, come in."

Sheldon walks in followed by Steele. "What happened to him?"

"It seems people are trying to kill him," Steele tells her.

"People? What people?" She reaches up to see where Sheldon is injured.

"CIA. It's hair dye," Sheldon says.

She pulls her hands away from Sheldon looking up at him. "The CIA? Why?"

"A whim perhaps? The point is he wants *us* to stop them."

"But why us?" Laura asks Steele.

"Apparently we have the background for the job." He gives Laura a meaningful look.

"Perhaps we should caucus in the other room." She looks at Sheldon, "If you'll excuse us." He nods as they walk into the kitchen. "What background?"

"Seems Sheldon works for the CIA. Several days ago men started following him and people started *shooting* at him so he ran and who did he run to? To none other than that famous ex-CIA agent,-"

"Remington Steele"." they finish in unison.

"Oh my. He must have read about you in the papers, all that, vague reference to secret missions, all that *gop* about government service."

"Yes, all that gop," Steele agrees. "Now what are we going to do about it?"

Laura looks at him, turns and walks back into the living room. Steele follows.

"Mr. Quarry?"


"Sheldon. *What* would you say if I told you that Mr. Steele *never* had anything to do with the CIA?"

"Miss Holt. Uhm. Let me explain something to you. Down at the CIA, I worked in IR. That's information retrieval. At, at the company I'm known as the answer man. Wanna know how much wheat was harvested in the Ukraine in nineteen sixty-three? I, I know that. Wanna know how many MiGs can land on the Island of Baba off Cuba? I know that too. Wanna know who was Miss Reingold of nineteen fifty-seven? I'm the guy, the answer man, that's me. So, *don't* try and tell me that things are not as I already know them to be." He takes a step towards Steele. "I ran a thorough check on you. And you have no birth certificate, no fingerprints on record, no records of *any* kind." He turns to Laura, "And you want me to believe that he wasn't with the company?" Sheldon shakes his head in disbelief and walks away.

"Well, I guess you have us there Mr. Quarry."


Steele turns around taking Laura with him. "Can we caucus?" They walk back into the kitchen. "What the *hell* are you doing?"

"WHAT did you want me to say? I'm sorry Mr. Quarry, you're *wrong*. Remington Steele *can't* help you because there *is* no Remington Steele. Obviously there's been some kind of mistake, he needs some help. Someone to *contact*, whoever it is that you contact in a situation like this and ..."

"And, and, and, and, and what? These are secret agents we're talking about. *Bombs* Poison darts. Big fat guys with deadly hats they throw at your neck." Steele makes short, sharp jabbing motions at his neck with his hand, which he transforms into a wave when Laura points to Sheldon approaching from the hallway.

Sheldon walks into the kitchen. "Uhm, I'm not interrupting am I?"

"Huh," says Steele as he turns away.

"I just wanted to say, well uhm, that being here with you people, well it's the first time I've felt really safe in a long time. What I mean to say is, ah, I haven't had a sound night's sleep or a hot meal since Wednesday. I.."

Laura walks up to him and points him to the kitchen table. "Sit." He sits. She turns on the light and then walks over to the bench. "Oh no, no, I didn't mean for you .." Laura stops him with a look, picks up a plate of salad. Sheldon starts again, "No please don't do this on my account, I, I don't want to be any trouble." Laura places the plate in front of him. "You eat this." She takes an apple from a fruit basket and puts it on the table near the plate.

"Thank you." Sheldon starts to eat with Steele and Laura watching. He stops. "I'm supposed to get married tomorrow. To Lucille. As a matter of fact, I was on my way to my wedding rehearsal, I was walking out of the agency, and I see one of my ushers, Lenny Palmary and he's s...standing across the courtyard, right. And he waves to me, and he gives me a little nod like he... like he needs a ride home and I say yeah, and he beats me over to the car. And he must have seen the tuxedo boxes on the passenger seat because... he walks around, and grabs a hold of the driver's door. First thing I see is...his body flying up in the air like... ah, like he was let out some jack-in-the-box or something. And he was almost funny. And then I hear the bang and, I see the fire, and then the smell hits me."

"Oh my God," says Laura as Steele takes a deep breath.

"Oh Lucille. She, she probably thinks I'm dead by now, or, or wishes I was."

"You haven't called her?" Laura asks.

"No. I, I don't dare. They, they'd have a trace on her in a second."

"Well, there's not much we can do with regard to the CIA tonight. But at least, let me put Lucille's mind at ease," Laura asks.

"Ohh, gee Miss, Miss Holt, I'm really sorry that you have to break your date on my account."

"Date?" Laura looks puzzled until she spots Remington walking up with a knowing smile on his face.

"Oh, yes, my date," she says with a nervous laugh. "Completely forgot about it in all the excitement. Well.." she goes and picks up the telephone, "... if you'll both excuse me, private ..." she starts to dial, "... personal, you understand."

"Mm-uh, mm-uh, mm-uh" says Steele as he smiles on the way out of the kitchen.

"Mm-uh," repeats Laura as she slides the door shut on Remington. She takes a breath, hears someone talking on the telephone and whispers, "Ah yes, yes ah, this is Laura Holt. I ordered a medium pizza to go about fifteen minutes ago. Yes. Yes, well cancel it. Thank you."

Laura stops her Rabbit in front of a villa, exits and goes to the front door ringing the bell. A male voice from inside asks, "Yes, what is it?"

"I'm awfully sorry to bother you. I'm looking for Lucille Seward."

"Who is looking for Lucille Seward?" the voice wants to know.

"I'm, my name is Laura Holt. I'm a friend of Sheldon Quarry's."

The door is opened by a middle-aged man, "Come in, please". He doesn't look impressed as Laura walks in. "Alright. Where is he?"

"P-pardon me?"

"Oh you, you're pardoned. It's Sheldon that going to get the chair." Laura starts to speak but is interrupted. "Do you know how many times I've cancelled the wedding rehearsal? Where the hell is he? Hasn't he ever heard of a 'phone?" Laura tries to speak before being stopped again. "I even made room for him in my publishing business and how does he repay me? For four days, we're all worried sick. I have a daughter who's hysterical. I have ninety pounds of roast beef in the freezer."

"Mr. Seward .." Laura tries to speak.

"Thirty pounds of shrimp. Oh no, excuse me, not shrimp, they're prawns. They hit you for a dollar more a pound when they call them prawns , makes them sound they all went to college." Laura laughs politely. "I have all this food. I have ice sculptures, centre-pieces .."

"Daddy." Lucille walks up to Laura. "Forgive him, he's an ass."

"Lucille, I will not tolerate that."

"DADDY." She looks at Laura, "It's the only way with him. Is Sheldon really alright, where is he?"

"Well, I'm afraid I can't tell you *that* but he's fine. He's fine," Laura assures her.

"Lucille, you're supposed to be resting."

Lucille sighs and leads Laura towards a staircase. "Isn't he a wonderful father? He loves us *best* when we're sedated."

"Oh." There doesn't seem to be anything else for Laura to say.

"I want to hear everything," Lucilled tells her.

"Well, I'm afraid, there's not a lot *tell* you." Lucille looks baffled as she continues to lead Laura up the stairs.


Steele is sitting on Laura's couch reading when Sheldon comes out wearing a towel around his waist carrying a pair of men's trousers with a white belt. He no longer has the hair dye covering him. "Feels good to be clean again. I ah, I found these clothes in Miss Holt's closest. Lucky break huh?"

Steele is startled. "Men's clothing? Laura's closet? Lucky break indeed."

"It must be great being Remington Steele," Sheldon says, looking like an adoring puppy dog.

"It has its' moments," Steele admits.

"Are you serious? I've wanted to be like you all my *life*."

"Relax Sheldon. Remember, you're only wearing a towel."

Sheldon sits down. "Huh. All through school, you dream of being a hero. Everybody laughs at you. But, you keep telling yourself, just wait until you grow up. They'll be throwing tickertape at your parade. And then, finally, you do grow up. Only there's no parade. No tickertape, and you finally realise that you're just not cut from that particular bolt of cloth. So you find a nice girl. On Sundays you look at sensible cars together. Find yourself talking marriage and going into the family business, and, oh well, you wouldn't understand about that. That's what happens to the rest of us. Excuse me." Sheldon stands up and goes into Laura's bedroom closing the door leaving Steele on the couch.

Steele goes to the closed door. He goes to knock and then stops, "Sheldon. It occurs to me you have that backwards. I mean, I know you think I lead an exciting life and, yes, I suppose I do. But don't you think it's rather like the tree falling in the forest? If there's no one there to hear it, it doesn't really make much noise, now does it? Huh, an exciting life, without someone to share it with? What I'm trying to say is, any time you'd like, I'd trade places with you. What do you say? Sheldon? Do we have a deal?" There is no answer so Steele opens the bedroom door to see Sheldon sound asleep. "If I'm nice enough to say all this sugary slop the least you can do is stay awake." He smiles to himself and closes the bedroom door.


Lucille is leading Laura to the front door. Mr. Seward approaches, "Well, are we going to have a wedding Saturday or not?"

"We're certainly going to try," assures Laura.

"Ah, that's most encouraging news I've had all week."

"Mr. Seward?" Calls out a nurse walking down the stairs.


"It's almost time for me to go. Perhaps Lucille will take her medication now?" The nurse comes into view and it is the blonde who tried to shoot Sheldon earlier.

"Honey, let her give you your shot, will you?"

Lucille looks at Laura. "You won't forget. You'll tell him what I told you?"

"With any luck, the next time I see you, you'll be wearing your wedding dress."

Lucille walks to the nurse who leads her up the stairs. Mr. Seward shakes his head. "Well, anything I can do for Sheldon. Huh. She's my daughter. She loves him. Doesn't matter much what I think, does it." Laura starts to speak and then places a hand on Mr. Seward's arm.

Laura is driving the Rabbit along a road when she notices a car following her in her rear-view mirror. She pulls to the side of the road and the car passes. She pulls out from the curb but the car appears again, this time driving fast towards her. Laura turns into a carpark and breathes a sigh of relief only to hear the car come into the carpark. She leaves the Rabbit and starts running as the unknown car follows her.

Laura runs into a supermarket and grabs a cart, running down an aisle grabbing some drinks. She looks behind her as a man walks past the end of the aisle wearing dark glasses. Laura continues to grab items from the shelves. She sees another man in a hat stare at her before looking at the shelf. She goes to the end of the aisle as another man enters who observes her until he walks past. Laura turns her head to watch him as she goes to exit the aisle but in doing so she crashes her cart with another shopper's. Muttering, "Excuse me", she quickly leaves her cart and runs back down the aisle. She vaults over the entry but then notices a man in a black coat and hat by her car. She turns and walks up to a nerdy looking man at the checkout.

Laura looks down at his shopping, "Steak." The man looks at her, not quite sure what to make of her sudden appearance. Laura continues, "Wine. Hearts of Palm. Certainly seem to appreciate the finer things. Of course, what's the point of *buying* it if you have no one to share it with?" The man looks at her and gives her an unsure smile. Laura gives him a winning smile in return and raises her eyebrows.


Steele is lying on the couch when Laura runs into the house. "They're onto us. We've *got* to get out of here." She grabs his jacket from the couch and runs into the bedroom.

Steele follows her, "There are men's clothes in your bedroom closest."

"Sheldon, time to get *up*."

Laura re-appears wearing a coat and throws Steele his jacket, which he catches as he continues, "Men's toiletries in your bathroom."

Laura rushes past him to the kitchen asking, "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about men's bikini underwear, I'm talking about a T-shirt, a T-shirt that says, 'Bankers *do* it with interest', *yuck*, I'm talking about .."

"I can't believe it." She hands Steele a thermos. "I'm chased through the canyons by Mario Andretti." She picks up a bag and places fruit from the fruit basket into it. "I have to fight off the galloping gourmet to get a ride home."

"You can't believe it, how do you think I feel. All this time not even knowing that you *live* with a man."

Laura stops, looks at him. "I don't *live* with a man, not anymore." She turns, hands him the bag of fruit and walks out of the kitchen. Steele follows.

Sheldon is in the hallway getting dressed. "Mr. Steele, what is going on?"

Laura answers as she buttons Sheldon's shirt. "They're onto us. Our only chance is to keep going. We'll rent a car."

Steele asks, "Where's yours?"

"Sitting at the supermarket."

"The supermarket?"

Laura puts up a hand, "Don't ask".

She walks over to a drawer, as Sheldon informs them, "I'm ready". Laura opens the drawer and pulls out some candles and a flashlight, testing it. Steele comes up to her. "You lived with a man who wears white belts? I am disappointed." He walks off as she turns to look at him.


Steele and Laura, who appears to be sleeping, are in a car parked by a lake. Sheldon is asleep in the back seat. Steele gazes at her, "Laura?" She turns her head. "Finally", he whispers, "We're sleeping together."

Laura opens her eyes and turns to him. He raises his eyebrows and purses his lips. She looks away.

"Hmm hmm. Must make it a point to tell Murphy."

She smiles. "You would too."

"Damn right." She smiles and looks at him and he laughs, "He still doesn't trust me, does he?"

"It's not you. It's me. He worries about me. Worries, I'll get in too *deep*. And you'll be gone. And I'll be left. In too deep."

"Murphy thinks that?"

She looks at him. "He isn't the only one."

"Oh". He's not quite sure what to say. "Ahh, I'll think I'll stretch my legs." He gets out of the car and walks to the lake.

Laura is annoyed with herself as she watches him go. "*Damn* it."


Steele is driving with Laura in the front passenger seat and Sheldon in the back. The car pulls up suddenly at a service station and Laura falls down in her seat with the force of the stop. Steele leaves the car and walks purposefully to a public telephone. He grabs the telephone.

Laura is watching Steele wondering what he is doing. Sheldon is impressed, "Wow, is he a man of action or what?"

"I'm not sure I have an answer for that question." Laura leaves the car and walks over to Steele, "What are you doing?"

"I'll tell you what I'm *not* doing. I'm not driving in circles trying to elude people I don't know, who want to kill a nice little nebbish for reasons I don't even understand. I'm also not about to sit in that car while Sheldon looks at me like I'm Babe Ruth and George Washington all rolled ... Yes, information?" Laura smiles at him and walks back to the car. Steele continues, "I'd like the number of the Central Intelligence Agency. *No*, that's not a residence."

Laura gets back into the car and looks at Sheldon who's looking forlorn. "It's nine o'clock. Seven more hours and Lucille was supposed to become *Mrs.* Sheldon Quarry."

"Oh Sheldon, seven hours is a long time. Besides, Mr. Steele is on the 'phone with the agency now."



"Boy, would I *love* to see their faces when they pick up the 'phone and hear, 'This is Remington Steele'."

Laura nods and laughs, "You and me both."

"He'll fix everything. He and my future father-in-law. The two of them, they're just amazing. You know he built that business of his up from scratch?"

"It's publishing, right?"

"No. Foreign editions of American classics. I mean it's such a great idea. The whole world is in love with everything American. You know, China opens up for western culture and *pow*. He's right in there in front of everyone else. Know what he's working on now? I mean, 'Gone with the wind'. Think about that. In a year from now, you'll be able to go to China and sit in park and turn to the Chinese fellow sitting next to you and say, "How about that Rhett Butler?"

Laura laughs, "Yep."

Steele gets back into the car, "They can't wait to see me again. Just like old times." Sheldon looks impressed, Laura looks disbelieving.


Steele and Laura are in a building foyer looking at a directory board.

"Ah. Central Intelligence Agency. Hmph." Steele is impressed.

"They're *listed* in the 'phone book. Why shouldn't they have their name in a lobby?" comments Laura.

They walk to the lift, enter and turn to face the door.


Inside the lift, Steele leans forward. "So tell me about this fellow you lived with."

Laura doesn't answer but hides a smile ignoring his question saved by the lift bell announcing their arrival on the right floor. "Here we are." Steele smiles at her evasion as the lift door opens and they walk out to the office with "Eugene Price Operations Director" on the door. Steele knocks thrice.

A voice call out, "Steele? It's Saturday, the help's off. Come on in." Steele and Laura walk through the reception area into the office. A middle-aged man, presumably Price, stands up and comes around the desk.

"Steele. Lord, look at you". Price pulls Steele into an uncomfortable hug. "How long's it been? Da-Nang, during the rainy season ..." Steele laughs "... Look at you."

"Good to see you too."

Price waves to the chair. "Sit, sit. Ah, you and ahh ..."


"Laura. So this is Laura. You're secretary?"

"Assistant," says Steele.

"Associate," says Laura.

"Whatever. Sit down." All three remain standing. "Been reading about you. Scoring all those big bucks in the private sector."

"It's an -adequate living."

"Remington, don't bull the bull artist." Price looks at Laura. "Is he paying you enough?" Laura looks questioningly. "'Cause if he gives you any trouble you tell me. I'll have him audited." Laura and Steele look at one another and laugh nervously.

Laura moves forward, "So."

"So," echoes Steele.

"What brings you here Steele?"

"Me? Here? Mmm, nothing in particular, just thinking about the good old days. Da-Nang, the rainy season ..." Laura nudges him. "Oh, uhm, you know who I ran into the other day, uhm ..."

"Who?" Price asks.

"Shelley Quarry. Remember Shelly Quarry? Information retrieval."

Price shakes his head. "No."

"Of course you do," Steele insists. "The answer man."

"Never heard of him." All three look unsure, and Price asks, "Do you know what time it is?"

Laura looks at her watch. "Ah, it's a little after one."

"I gotta run, folks. I promised my kid I'd take him go-cart racing. Great seeing you again, Steele. Nice meeting you too, Laurie."


"Whatever." Price leads them to the door. "Well, ahh ..."

"Well, ahh ..."says Laura trying to think of something to say. Price shuts the office door.

Steele and Laura go to the lift. Once inside they look at each other. Steele asks, "Who's kidding who?" Laura shrugs and shakes her head. They leave the lift in the basement. Laura walks up to the stairwell door and knocks. Sheldon comes out.

"Well? Did you straighten it out?"

Steele looks at Laura who answers, "It's all very confusing, Sheldon."

"Confusing? What are you talking about? It's very simple, they're trying to kill me. Here, wait a minute, wait a minute. What happened up there?" Steele looks ahead.

"There's a man bent over our car." They all look to see the car with its' hood up and a man bending over the engine.


The man slowly turns around. Sheldon recognises him. "That's Charlie Webb."

The man steps away from the car. "Shelly?"


"Shelly, NO!"

The car explodes and the man is flung away with the force. Steele, Laura and Sheldon hide behind a car. Steele stands up and stares at the gutted remains of the car. Laura looks up at him and follows his gaze.


Price is locking his office door when Steele runs up and grabs him. "Don't you bull the bull artist. *You* don't know me and *I* don't know you."

Price shakes his head, "No".

Steele continues. "So before you go go-carting with your kid why don't you tell me why your people are trying to kill Sheldon Quarry?"

"They're not."

"Tell that to Charlie Webb. He just got splashed all over the carpark trying to bomb our car." Laura comes up behind Steele.

"He wasn't trying to *bomb* it. He was probably trying to defuse one."

"What?" asks Laura.

"You heard me. Is Webb dead?" Laura nods. "Sheldon?"

Laura replies. "He's fine. He's in the stairwell."

"Look, I don't know where you people get your information but get it straight. No one here wants to kill Sheldon Quarry." Steele lets the man go. "We were following him, that's all, trying to find out what the hell is going on. Lenny Palmary dies getting into a car. Now Webb. How do you think that looks? I'll tell you how it looks. It looks rotten. It looks like little Sheldon had something going. A *covert* operation. Something I don't even know about. And I'm the Operations Director. People are dying and I want to find out why."

"You really *don't* know?" asks Laura.

Price shakes his head. "We've been following him since Wednesday and the only thing we're sure about is the blonde."

"Blonde? What blonde?" asks Steele.

"The blonde, the blonde. The one that shot at him yesterday," Price tells them. "You don't *know* about the blonde?" Laura and Steele look at each other slightly worried.

Price goes into his office and pulls out a photograph from a file on his desk. Laura recognises the blonde woman. "She was at Lucille's last night. She was working there as a nurse."

"At the house?" Price asks.

"Perhaps I should bring Sheldon in here."

"Perhaps you should." Laura leaves.

Price looks at Steele. "I want to ask you something. I ran a small check on you after you called this morning. Mister, who the hell are you?"

"Don't you remember? Da-Nang, the rainy season?" Steele playfully hits him on the chest as they both stare at each other.

Laura comes back into the office. "He's gone."

"You sure?" asks Steele. She nods her head in reply.

"Do you think somebody took him?" asks Price.

"What time is it?" asks Laura.

"One forty-five" answers Steele.

"I think he just left."

"Left? Left us to go where?"

Laura points her hand skywards and turns to exit the office.


A wedding cake is in a garden with Mr. Seward looking out over the guests. He walks back into the house to Lucille, standing in her bridal dress, and adjusts her veil.

"How much longer do I have to wait in here?" asks an angry Lucille.

"I called the minister's house and they said he was on his way. Honey, you know it's not easy trying to put a wedding back together in three hours." The door bell chimes. "Stay put, don't scream. It's probably him right know. I'll get it." Lucille starts to pace.

Seward opens the door. "Reverend." Steele is on the doorstep dressed in a wedding suit, wearing glasses and slightly protruding false upper teeth.

"Mr. Seward." He shakes Seward's hand. "Simon. Simon Courtney. Sheldon's best man. I'm not too late, am I?"

Seward looks around, confused. "I, I didn't know that Sheldon had a best man."

"Well he does and here I am. Now don't worry about a thing. Just point me to wherever he is hiding and I'll take care of him myself."

"He's behind the trellis in the far corner of the yard."

"Trellis, yard, got it." Steele walks down through the garden greeting the wedding guests as he passes them. "Nice to see you ... nice to see you ... excuse me, isn't it a lovely day for the wedding ... absolutely splendid ... oh you all look wonderful, wonderful ... hello, how are you Rachel? ... good to see you too ... hello George, hello, hello." He reaches the trellis and walks behind it and up to Sheldon who is staring through the trellis at the guests.

"Naughty, naughty."


"I've spent a day and a night trying to keep you alive and you sneak away without telling me."

"What are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here? Why, I'm your best man and the name is Simon Courtney."

Laura and Price walk up. "What are they doing here?"

Laura gives Sheldon a flower.

Steele explains. "This is Mr. Price from the CIA, which is not trying to kill you ... " Laura kisses Sheldon on the cheek "... and of course you know Laura."

Laura asks "Did you see her out here yet?"

"No, but I haven't checked the house."

Laura looks at Price and nods in the direction of the house. They both head off.

"See who out here?" Sheldon wants to know. "This is *my* wedding you're messing up."

Steele puts a hand on Sheldon's shoulder. "Sheldon. Did a blonde woman try to take some shots at you yesterday?"

"Well, yeah."

"Well, she isn't employed by the CIA." Steele turns to look at the guests through the trellis.

"Well then *why* is she trying to kill me?"

"I don't know but what I do know is she is going to try it again given the chance. So, I'm afraid I can't allow you out there until she's found." He puts his hand on Sheldon's shoulder again.


The wedding march theme starts and the guests stand. Mr. Seward and Lucille are both nervous and standing in the house.

Sheldon moves to go around Steele. Steele stops him, "Patience. Patience."


Laura and Price enter the house and go up the stairs.


Lucille and Seward are still standing in the house. In the garden the guests start to whisper. Seward leaves Lucille and walks into the garden. "What the hell is the hang-up" he asks the attendant.

"The groom has to come out from behind the trellis before you start down the aisle."

"Well get back out there and find out what the problem is." Seward turns back into the house. The attendant starts down the aisle.

Lucille is clutching her flowers as Seward approaches, "Daddy took care of it."

"Hah, that's a crock."

The wedding march starts again. Seward takes his daughter's arm again. Outside the guests stand again.

The attendant walks around the trellis, "Hey, you're supposed to be out front. Can't you hear the music?"

Sheldon lightly pushes Steele and follows the attendant around the trellis. Steele walks in front of Sheldon as the latter puts the flower Laura gave him into the trellis.


Inside the house, Seward is frustrated as he drops Lucille's hand when he hears the music stop.

The attendant, Steele and Sheldon walk past the minister. Sheldon brushes some lint from Steele's shoulder, who looks down not impressed.


Lucille looks as if she is about to cry but then is relieved to hear the music again. The doors open and the bridesmaids start the procession.


Laura exits a room and closes a door behind her as Price walks past and down the corridor. Laura enters the next room.


Sheldon is watching the bridesmaids walk down the aisle.


Laura exits the room she had entered.


The bridesmaids reach the altar. Lucille and Seward start walking down the aisle. Sheldon looks at Lucille in wonder.


Laura goes into the next room. "Mr. Price?" she opens the door and finds a woman and a man, with his back to Laura, in an embrace. Laura backs out of the room closing the door embarrassed, "Oh, I'm terribly sorry."

Laura starts towards the stairs and then stops and re-enters the room. The woman is the blonde they are looking for. The man is Price who falls to the floor unconscious as the blonde lets him go and pulls up a gun aimed at Laura. The woman walks out the door as Laura backs out. As the blonde walks past, Laura grabs her hand, they struggle and Laura hits the blonde's hand against the door-frame. The blonde hits Laura with the yellow book in her hand and runs for the stairs with Laura giving chase. They both fall on the landing. The blonde stands up and heads for the stairs. Laura catches her and pulls her back pushing her against the wall. The blonde puts her book against Laura's throat and pushes her over the rails. Laura fall is broken by a cushioned bench, before she lands on the floor. The woman rushes past her as Laura comes to her feet and gives chase.


Lucille is continuing down the aisle. Laura runs out into the garden yelling, "Stop that woman" as the blonde runs down the aisle.

Seward and Lucille look around.

"That's her" identifies Sheldon.

Laura leaps onto the woman bringing her down to the ground. The blonde lands on Lucille in a domino effect.

The blonde points to the book, "John, the book."

Seward bends over the book pulling a gun from inside his jacket. He picks up the book, stands and points the gun at Laura.

"Daddy, where are you going, what about my wedding?"

"Shut up, Lucille," says Seward as the blonde hangs onto his arm. He looks around, "Any heroes around here I don't know anything about?"

Steele comes up behind Seward and points to him. Sheldon looks questioningly at him. Seward continues to back away, "Very well then, enjoy yourselves." Steele grabs Seward's hand with the gun into the air forcing Seward to face Sheldon. Sheldon punches Seward in the jaw. The latter loses his balance and is tripped into the wedding cake by Laura sticking out her leg from where she has landed on the ground. Seward then falls near Laura dropping the yellow book. Steele grabs the blonde.

Sheldon pulls Lucille to her feet, "Nobody tells my Lucille to shut up. Let's get married." Lucille looks at him in awe.

Steele raises his spectacles and smiles at Laura who is showing her leg as she leans back smiling in a sitting position.


Sheldon, Laura and Steele are sitting at a table as the wedding festivities carry on behind them.

Steele is holding in his hand the yellow book the blonde and Seward were trying to protect, "So, Seward wasn't just exporting American fiction to China?"

"Not really. In every shipment of books", Laura reaches over and takes the book from Steele, "there is a specially prepared *single* volume filled with American computer technology sequence. See?" She holds the open book up for Steele to look at.


"Price found this volume right before the blonde knocked him on the head."

"Which brings us to the motive. Which would be obvious to a child of three." Steele looks to Laura for an explanation.

"Well, he didn't do it for the money," said Sheldon. "He honestly believed that no one country should know more than any other."

"Equality equals security," concludes Laura.

"Exactly. You see, if everybody knows as much as everybody else, then no one country can get the upper hand."

"Knowledge is power."

Steele nods, "Of course."

"I just happened to be at the right place at the wrong time" continued Sheldon. "You see, when John found out that Lucille was going to marry a guy who worked for the CIA, well, he just naturally assumed that they were onto him."

"Which of course they weren't," confirmed Laura.

"Of course," says Steele trying to follow the story. "Uhm, so how does it feel to get married and become a hero in one fell swoop?" he asks Sheldon.

"Do you really think I'm a hero? I mean, do you *really* mean that?"

Lucille's voice calls out, "Sheelll-donnn."

"Oops, I've gotta go. Isn't married life great?"

Laura looks at Steele, "You know of course that he thinks you're the greatest thing since sliced bread. How does that make you feel?" The tango starts in the background.

"It makes me feel ... like dancing." He gets up and goes around to pull out Laura's chair.


"I mean it."

Laura stands up and they start dancing. Steele looks at her, "Now, tell me about this chap you lived with." Laura looks at him and smiles.


Murphy walks into the office with a newspaper and set of golf clubs. He is surprised to discover the office is open. He walks into Laura's office to find her writing at the filing cabinet.

"I don't believe it. Oh boy." Murphy puts down the paper and golf clubs. "*Ask* me how my weekend was. Go on, no." Laura starts to speak but Murphy continues. "I tell you it was wonderful. Laura, I'm worried about you."

"Murphy ..."

"I'm mean here you are, in exactly the same position I left you in Friday night."

"Yes, but ..."

"Haven't you ever heard the expression 'all work and no play', huh? Laura, I'm serious. I'm very concerned. You gotta get out from behind that desk, you know. Get out and take some chances, live a life for crying out loud." He turns to go into his office. Laura smiles. He starts again, "I mean, you can't hide behind a desk forever."


"Good. Oh, I didn't mean to come down on you quite so strong." Laura shrugs, he continues, "but it's for your own good."

Laura walks up to him, "Thanks, Murph", and kisses him on the cheek.

He smiles, "You're welcome."

Laura walks to his connecting office door and opens it as Murphy picks up the golf clubs and walks into his office. Laura shuts the door laughing and then closes the door into reception and walks to her desk.

Steele opens his connecting door and comes in, "He's right, you know. A little excitement would do an awful lot of good."

"You think so, huh?"

"Hmm, mm."

"So, how was your weekend?" asks Laura as she smiles up at him.

"Ooh, do you really want to know?" He smiles down at her.

The End