Steele Something Wrong

Steele Something Wrong By Ulrike Gubelt September 1999
Author's note: This story takes place somewhere in the fourth season. Without wanting to say too much "Bonds of Steele" and the rest are unnecessary afterwards. The idea for this came to my mind when we were discussed at the message board if Laura needs psychological help, because of her odd behaviour sometimes. Enjoy! And thank you Nancy for your help...
Summary: Laura gets professional help from a psychologist. Can he help her to start trusting in Remington?
E-mail: gubelt@uni-muenster.de
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of Remington Steele and Laura Holt.

*****************************************

"You've done a great job, Mr Steele." The little, elderly man in front of Mr Steele and Miss Holt at the door to the main office, smiled brightly." Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Dr. McCormick. Now that we found the client of yours who tried to kill you, you can return to your work without fear. He'll be in jail for at least three years!" Mr Steele explained.

The Dr. sighed. "Yes. Poor Michael. I hope in jail there'll be a better psychologist than me...I tried to help him stop thinking about suicide and didn't even noticed that he changed his attitudes from murdering himself to murdering me!"

He smiled at Laura, who said, "You're a wonderful psychologist... Michael Frank was just a good actor, a liar..."

"But that I should have recognised, don't you think my dear?" Laura wanted to say something to that, but didn't know what. She liked this man. There was something around him she really needed: complete honesty and a real trustworthy appearance.

Dr. McCormick took Laura's hand and said, "It was a pleasure to work with such a wonderful young lady like you, Miss Holt. Thank you very much."

Laura felt her cheeks getting red. It wasn't very often she heard something like that from clients. They all thank him...all she gets is a hand and a smile. Laura looked to Remington who seemed to feel uncomfortable. He seemed unused to this situation as well. Laura smiled proudly.

The Doctor added in Steele direction " You can be proud of such a good partner, Mr Steele."

"I am." He answered honestly.

"Really?" came out of Laura's mouth before she could stop it.

Mr Steele gave her a side ways glance and than said "Will you excuse me now. There are a few things left on my desk that I have to look through. Good bye." He gave him his hand once more and turned around.

"Good bye, Mr Steele." The Doctor replied and then turned to Laura.

"Miss Holt? Would you like to go for lunch with me?" Laura waited one moment and nodded.

"Good, because there's something I wanted to know...can we go right now?"

Laura looked to Mildred questioningly, who sat at her desk and answered her unspoken question.

"Nothing important at the moment...you can go to lunch, honey."

"Okay, then...let's go!" Laura smiled at him and took his offered arm when they went out together. Mildred gave him a satisfied look.

++++++++

Laura emptied her glass. Dr. McCormick had been very quiet during their lunch. He just watched Laura very carefully. Laura noticed his glance and asked smiling "Now, Doctor, what is it that you wanted to know?"

"Well..." the man cleared his throat. "You're a wonderful detective, ...young, successful, beautiful..."

Laura felt her cheeks redden again. "Stop teasing me, Doctor"

"I'm not teasing you. It's the truth, but..."

"But?"

"But there is still something wrong with you...something's missing...!" Instinctively Laura looked down at herself. "No, no. It's nothing one could see. It's something I feel when you talk...It's written in your eyes, Ms Holt."

"I don't know what you mean...There's nothing..." Laura wanted to disagree, but the Dr shook his head.

"Ms Holt, I may have been blind with Michael, but I'm right about you..." Laura looked down at her shoes. Dr McCormick waited and than added. "I can see wounded souls from miles away...and you've got one wounded soul, Miss Holt."

Laura looked up again and smiled. " I think you're overinterpreting something, Doctor- I feel good at the moment. No wounded heart or soul...nothing!"

"At the moment?" he wanted to know. "You can trust me...It would probably help you to talk with me." He was sure he could help her, but for that she had to open up to him. Mildred had warned him about the stubborn Miss Holt.

There was a pause. Laura looked down again. Why does everyone try to tell me what's on my mind. She didn't want to talk about it...she almost forget about it... She looked up again.

"It's been a long time...I don't think it's good to open up old wounds..."

"But your wounds don't seem to be healed. They're scarred over but not gone...If you'll let me I could help you to make them disappear completely."

"But I'm really over it, Doctor..."

"Really?" he asked unbelieving.

"Yes!" she said louder and in a harsh voice she recognised when the people from the next table turned around. "I'm sorry!" She didn't like this situation at all.

The doctor felt her discomfort and said, "I'm the one who needs to apologise. I'm sorry, Miss Holt." He rose. "Let's go." At Laura's car they stopped once more.

"I didn't mean to frighten you, Miss Holt" he assured her. He took a business card from his pocket and gave it to her. "Maybe when you decide to talk about it someday...Just call, okay?" He touched her hand once again and than walked away.

Laura looked at him thoughtfully. She had lied. To him and to herself...once again. She sat down in the drivers seat and let her head drop at the steering wheel.

Maybe it wouldn't be that bad to talk to someone like him...

++++++++++

Later she sat at her desk and tried to concentrate on her work, but there were so many other thoughts on her mind. She buried her head in her hands and rubbed her forehead.

"Hello!" a soft voice said and took her back to reality. She looked up and saw Mr Steele entering her office.

"Mr. Steele? Finished your work?"

"Ah, yes...And you?" he looked worriedly at her. Something was wrong with her he realised.

She put the papers in front of her in order and said "Not ready, yet." She saw him come close to her and sitting down at her desk. His hand touched her arm.

"Laura?" he asked soft. "Mmh?" she just answered and tried to seem busy ignoring his touch.

"What's wrong with you?" Laura looked up and her eyes met two blue worried eyes. "Please, tell me, Laura" Laura sighed.

Oh, no. Not again! She stood up and looked at him angrily. She yelled, "It's nothing. I'm okay... Do I have a sign on me saying 'deranged!'? Why do people think I need help?" She stopped to catch her breath.

Remington just looked at her even more concerned than before but didn't say a word. When would she finally see that she needed help from other people...that she could trust him? He nodded sadly and then left the room.

Laura sighed and sat down at her chair again. "I'm sorry!" she whispered. Why do I always hurt him? I'm angry with myself. He didn't do a thing wrong...but I shout at him. It's really a wonder he's still here! Why doesn't he leave? She asked herself. A voice inside her mind gave her the answer. The answer she tried to ignore for so long. "He loves you! Can't you see? You'll loose him if you don't let him in your heart" Laura dropped her head on her desk and started to cry. She needed help. "Call Dr McCormick!" the voice said. She took her purse and went out. May be he really could help me...

+++++++

Dr. McCormick's office was on the sixth floor of an older building. Laura left the elevator and looked at the door of the office. She was still not sure if this was a good idea. She stopped and thought for one moment. She was afraid...

The door opened and the Doctor came outside when he saw Laura he was surprised.

"Ms Holt?"

Laura tried to smile. "I...I..." she didn't know how to phrase her wish that he would help her.

But the Doctor understood already and said "It's okay, Ms Holt. I understand...come in." He opened his door again and went in after Laura.

They entered a room that looked more like a living room than a doctor's office. He offered her an armchair and sat down in another armchair opposite from her. For a few moments they just looked at each other and nobody said a word. Laura felt uncomfortable.

"Maybe it was wrong to come to you...I don't know what to say, anyway!"

"No, I think you made the right decision to come to me. I think I can help you, Ms Holt." His smile was encouraging. "Just tell me what's on your mind, okay?"

"Now? At the moment?"

"It would be a start, right?"

Laura smiled, too. "I guess I'm not an easy client for you, Doctor... I'm not used to talking about my feelings."

"I guessed as much."

There was another pause, than Laura said. "I'm confused. You confused me, Doctor"

"Really?" he asked almost proud. "That's good!"

"Good? I don't know. At first I was angry with you..."

"For showing you that your old wounds are still there, hurting you?" Laura nodded. " I think it was good to show you that you're betraying to yourself." the Doctor continued.

"Perhaps you're right... I lied to myself. Will you...I mean, can you help me..."

"To help you to do what exactly, Ms Holt. I mean what do you think is your problem?"

"I thought you could tell me?"

"I might, I told you so. But you have to tell me what brought you here."

Laura sighed. "I want you to help me to open my heart again. To learn to trust in someone I love. To be the women I was before...before..."

"Your father left?"

Laura looked at him surprised. "How do you know?"

"I've seen many people like you before, Ms Holt. When I saw you, I just guessed that your dad is your problem."

Laura looked at the floor. She felt tear welling in her eyes ...like always when she thought about her dad.

"Did I hit the target, Ms Holt?" the Doctor asked her in a calm voice. She nodded. For a few moments there was silence again. The Doctor wanted her to think about her father.

Finally Laura said "He was the most wonderful man I ever knew...He was ...was all to me...my idol!"

"How did you feel when he left you?"

"My world came trumbling down...I felt betrayed...He left us...and I thought he loved us. I didn't believe it could ever happen that there'd be a day without him...but I was wrong. For me it was like from one day to the other. Mother and he argued a lot, but I never realised how unhappy he was. "

"Have you never seen him again?"

"No. He died two years later in a car accident."

"And in those two years?"

"Mother and Frances hated him. They didn't want to see him. Mother forbade him to call or even visit me."

"How old were you?" the Doctor wanted to know.

"Fifteen."

"Why didn't you fight to see him?"

"Because he didn't fight for us! There were no arguments about Mother's wanting Frances and me living with her... no fighting at court for a visiting rights...nothing." she said bitterly.

"You've never forgiven him that, have you?"

"No. And now it's too late. He's dead..."

"And you never talked about your feelings with him," he ended her sentence, "But you want to forgive him."

"I don't know. It's been thirteen years. A long time...there is so much anger inside of me. I don't know if I could forgive him," Laura thought for one moment. "Maybe...maybe it wasn't all his fault...Somehow Mother pushed dad out of the house."

"Do you know where he's buried?"

"Yes, but I haven't been there since the funeral."

"Maybe we should go there and tell him that you somehow understand why he left..."

"No, I don't think that would help me, Doctor I'm not the kind of woman who believes in psychological tricks...Dad won't hear me, Doctor He's dead!"

"It's not a trick, Ms Holt. I'm sure it would help you..." Laura looked at him with obvious disbelief. "You blame your father for your inability to trust, don't you?"

Laura thought again for a long moment. "Yes, I think I do. When dad left he took away with him my trust...my love."

"Is there someone who can trust today, Laura?"

"Myself."

"That sounds quite lonesome..." Laura didn't answer, but her silence told him he was right. "Is there nobody else you could trust?"

"I don't know...I'm not sure...Sometimes... no most of the time I trust him, but then in the important situations I ...I just can't!"

"What do you feel than?"

"Panic. Fear...he'll leave me, hurt me...break my heart like dad and Wilson did..."

"Wilson?" the Doctor asked

"Yes, he...we lived together for one year..." she laughed dryly. "He left me...maybe it's my own fault!"

"And after that you decided to never trust anyone again except yourself?" he wanted to know.

Laura sighed. "You know...I'm a stubborn woman. After Wilson left I told myself that something like that never would happen to me again! Never ever trust someone completely...or love someone...No one should ever get the chance to hurt me again. And normally I stick to my decisions..."

"Normally?" Laura didn't react. "There's someone who made you rethink that decision, right?" Laura looked down. He really was a good psychologist.

"Do you love that person?" Laura nodded. "But he doesn't know...You never told him..." Laura nodded again. "You don't know if you can trust him?" Laura looked up at him, suddenly crying.

"How could I? He's never told me..."

"You don't know if he loves you? How long have you known each other?"

"Almost four years."

"And you never talked about your feelings for one another in all that time?" Laura sighed.

"I know that he cares about me...but I want more than that, before...well, before we get close..."

"A commitment?"

"Yes, something like that...but I guess I'll never get those words from him. He once told me, that he believes in the actions of a person more than in his words...and I guess that's what he does..."

"So he shows you that he cares?"

"Sometimes, perhaps."

"Can you count on him in times of troubles?"

"Yes."

"Is he near you when you need someone to lean on? Is he a friend who gives you hope to carry on?"

"When my house was burnt he was there... he helped me..." she smiled "he's very good at comforting."

"And has he ever let you down or hurt you? Did he betray you?"

"No, he...there were times I thought he had, but later on I noticed it wasn't his fault that we were in trouble once again..."

"Were there other women?"

"A few... He's a handsome man...His dates were always beautiful, glamorous woman, but..."

"But?"

"But they weren't real..."

"So he always came back to you?" Laura nodded "And why do you think did he came back?"

That's exactly the question! She thought. After one moment, she said, "I don't know." She looked down again.

"I think you do, my dear Ms Holt! The answer is here...in your heart, "he said while clapping his fingers on his left side. "There's something inside of you screaming the answer that you try to ignore. Am I right, Ms Holt?"

"But I want him to say it to me!" she cried.

"And then you'll suddenly would trust him? Forget about all problems...your mistrust?" he asked doubtfully. "Oh, come on Ms Holt..."

He was right...once again. She sighed.

"As long as your problem isn't solved...you'll never trust him! Maybe it would be okay for a week or two but then those questions would return: "Will he leave me like dad or Wilson? Can I trust him?" Your problem is your past, Ms Holt! Not Mr Steele!" Laura looked at him surprised.

"You know?" she asked him.

"I might have been wrong with Michael but I'm right about you, I already told you! Laura, he loves you, he adores you, and he's your friend. Everyone can see it! Just the two of you seem to overlook that fact! Four years of struggling together is sure a good evidence for love, don't you think," he smiled.

Everyone can see it? I try to hide it from him and everybody else and all know about it? Laura couldn't believe it.

"Do you think there's still a chance for us, Doctor?" she asked hoping.

"You're a great couple, and I'm sure I could help you...You just have to forget about your past!"

"I fear it's even more complicated! It's not only my past I have to forget about...it's his past, too. And he needs to forget it his past as well..."

"His past?" he looked at her confused.

"Can you keep a secret?"

"Nothing we talk about in this room will leave without your permission, Ms Holt. I assure you. "

It was always a risk to tell someone about Remington Steele, but she trusted him. "Okay, it's like this: I always loved excitement..." She told him their story, and the Doctor was surprised. It would surely be one of his most difficult cases.

+++++++++++++++
Six weeks later...

Remington Steele entered Dr. McCormick's office. The Doctor sat behind his desk and seemed not to notice him.

"Dr?" he asked. The doctor looked up at his visitor.

"Mr Steele? What a pleasure to see you again..." he noticed his worried expression. "Is something wrong, Mr Steele?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you?"

"You got my money, didn't you?"

"I'm not here for money, Dr. McCormick!"

"No? Why are you here?" he asked although he knew the answer. "Sit down please."

"Thank you." He sat down on the chair opposite from him. "I'm here cause I'm worried about Laura."

"Laura? Ms Holt? What's wrong with her?" he tried to ask innocently.

"You don't need to try to deny it, Doctor I know she's your patient. I overheard your call to her this afternoon." He hadn't wanted to do it. He just answered the phone in his office the same time Laura did in her office. Laura talked to the doctor about their appointment this afternoon.

"I can't talk about that with you, Mr Steele."

"I know. But you don't have to tell me anything...I know what's wrong with her, anyway."

"You do?"

"Well, we know each other for four years now, she's my friend...I know what's her problem. Her past...her dad. But she don't talk to me about it...she doesn't trust me...That's why she's here, right?"

"Mr Steele..." he wanted to remind him that he wouldn't say anything, but Remington continued.

"Did she talk about my past? I think I've got the right to know if you know that I was..."

"A con." the Doctor added " She told me."

"Were you shocked?"

"Shocked? No, there was something else on my mind."

"What was that?"

"Well, normally I tell people like Ms Holt to open up...to throw old fears aboard, but..."

"You didn't know if it was a mistake to tell her to trust me...a con?"

"But I told her, nevertheless. Was it a mistake?" the Doctor asked after a moment.

"What do you think?" The both men looked at each other for a long moment. Then finally the Doctor said

"No, I don't think it was a mistake. You've been here for four years, struggling for her, fighting for her-No, you wouldn't hurt her. And you know why, don't you"

Remington looked down, then up again. "Because I love her!" he said to him as if he'd said it thousand of times before.

"So, tell me. Why can you tell me...and not her?" Remington sighed.

"You know our relationship is quite difficult..."

"Yes, I've noticed that. But why do you make it so difficult. You're both in love...Why can't you both just sit down together and talk...get straight with your problems?"

Suddenly the door swung open and Laura stormed in. She didn't look at Remington, just went to the Doctor She screamed: "I don't believe this! OH, damn me! Why did I trust you? You said you'll help me to trust again and then you betray me? You're not a good psychologist!" With a furious glance at Remington she ran out of the office...

Remington followed her. In front of the elevator he grabbed her. "Laura, please... wait!"

"Let me go!" she screamed, while struggling to get free. Ping! The elevator opened the door. For one second Remington didn't watch her and she slipped through the door. But Remington followed her.

The elevator went down. Laura stood at the other side of the cabin with folded arms and looked down. Remington sighed. Slowly he got close to her and touched her arm. Laura threw his hand off and glared at him angrily. This time she wouldn't forgive him so soon...if she could forgive him ever.

"Laura he didn't tell me anything..."

She yelled at him. "Don't you never ever touch me again, you...you...Grrh!" she ran for the door.

All of a sudden there was a loud BANG! The elevator stopped with a jerk.

Remington found himself and Laura on the floor. He saw her touching her forehead.

"Laura? Are you okay?"

Laura winced. She didn't answer, just sat up and leaned against the door. Then she looked at her hand. There was blood on it. "Oh, no," she said.

"Laura, let me see." Remington crawled to her and touched her face to look at the wound on Laura's forehead. "That looks bad." He looked worried at her.

Laura groaned again. Then she tried to say in a strong and angry tone "I said don't touch me!" but she failed. Her head hurt too much. "Get away from me..."

"Laura Holt, you're really the most stubborn woman I ever met!" Remington said when he stood up again. "But would you please take my handkerchief to stop the bleeding! You know I can't handle blood very well..." He held out this handkerchief and waited for her to take it. After a moment she grabbed the handkerchief and held it to the wound.

Remington went to the other side and sat down. For a few minutes they didn't speak. Laura tried not to look at him. She felt him watch her closely. She felt uncomfortable.

What had the Doctor told him? Does he know I'm in love with him? The voice in her said: "Would that really be news for him? "

Laura looked so tiny, so sad...and hurt. The strong lady detective was hurt...needed help. He hated himself for putting them in this situation...But maybe it's not that bad...Being in a broken down elevator with nothing to interrupt them!

"He didn't tell me anything, really!" he suddenly started. "I overheard your conversation with him on the phone this afternoon. I was worried and came here..." he said, seeming to read her mind. Laura just nodded. She closed her eyes and thought about the Doctor for one moment.

"How long do you think will they need to rescue us?"

"I don't know, but...it wouldn't be long. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried." She sighed. "Maybe it isn't that bad to be locked in this elevator alone, mhm?"

Remington stood up again and went to her to sit next to her. "No." He just answered in a soft tone. "Laura, I'm sorry. But please, believe me we didn't betray your trust, the doctor and me. I didn't need to ask him what's your problem. I know it myself..."

"You do?"

"Yes, of course. I'm your problem! I've always been more a burden for you than help. You did the work, I took the bows..."

"No, that's not right!"

"And then... our relationship...all those escapades ...You can't trust me, and that's my own fault! I'm standing between us. Me and my past."

"No! Stop it! You're not my problem...it's just me...My own fault...MY past is standing between us... you were right about that, you remember your words? Without you I wouldn't have noticed that something was really wrong with me. But I know now..."Her voice was shaky. She touched his handsome face. "You're not my father...you're not Wilson. I know I made you believe that your past was the problem...but that was a lie...I...I believed it myself but the Dr, showed me that it was just an excuse...I don't care about your past...I just care about the man you are now..."

"So, you trust me?" he asked touched by her words. He took her hand and held it while waiting for her answer. There was a long pause.

With a soft voice and tears running down her cheeks she answered. " I don't just trust you. I... I love you, Remington." At the first moment he didn't move or thought he could move. But then he took her hand and kissed it tenderly.

"I love you, too." he finally said in soft voice

They fell in each other's arms and started crying. After a moment they parted and Remington took her face in his hands. "I'll never hurt you, my love. Never leave you...I won't betray your trust. Believe me!"

Laura smiled. "I do." Their lips met.

Another jolt and the elevator went down again. Their lips parted. Remington frowned. "Typical!" Laura rolled her eyes then she had an idea...

"Laura? What are you doing?" he asked surprised. Laura reached behind her and pressed the button marked "emergency stop". The elevator stopped and Laura looked triumphantly at Remington. Maybe her old wounds were really gone... The old Laura shines through, he thought.

"You'll see...Mr Steele, you'll see." She smiled seductively at him and kissed him.

THE END
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