- Steele Facing
the Past
By Leire Gomez
- I don't
own the characters you recognize here (though most of us would
like to own them). Sean and Connor Muldoon do really exist; they
are friends of mine with who I share my birthday and my obsession
about Remington Steele. Their parents Thomas and Margaret and
their big family are also real; I spent many wonderful days with
them in Ireland.
- Let me know
what you think!
- Any comments or flames can
be sent to spookster@arrakis.es
- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Remington Steele's diary.
I don't exactly know why or how I begin this but it
is something that really must be done. There are times when you
feel totally lost and suddenly a light appears and saves you.
Not until everything goes away, do you realize what would happen
if the light had never appeared. I know this sounds very strange
and nearly philosophical. I am not the type of man who likes
philosophical terms or explanations so I will start from the
beginning and explain what has had such terrible impact on me.
I have been living in Los Angeles for the last 18 years. I still
can't believe I have stayed in the same place for so long because
all my life has been characterized by my running from one country
to another. The thing is, I was a con man, a thief and everything
that allows, earning a living. I arrived in Los Angeles to steal
a piece of jewelry called "The Royal Lavulite". This
could be considered a simple job for a person like me but little
did I know that it was going to change my whole life.
I met a beautiful, intelligent woman named Laura Holt. She was
there to protect the jewels I was supposed to steal-but from
the very first time I saw her, I knew something had changed.
I assumed the place of her "boss", since the man was
all an invention of hers. I became the great detective Remington
Steele and, in some way, abandoned my old way of life. We worked
together for nearly five years and from the very beginning we
felt a kind of attraction that none of us could explain. Laura
was afraid of me running away from her and I didn't know if I
was capable of staying. As time went by, we learnt to take care
and to love each other and finally we married.
As first our marriage was a fake: I was European and the government
was going to deport me, so Laura agreed to marry me so I could
stay in the States. Then we went to Ireland, my homeland, and
that's where we consummated our relationship. For the first time,
I felt able to compromise myself with another person. We celebrated
a real wedding there, in a little Celtic church. It was really
wonderful, all our friends and Laura's family were there. I knew
that on that day my life began and I would do anything to make
it better.
Our marriage was, and still is, a very happy one. We were honored
with two girls: Caroline and Eireann. They make us feel extremely
happy. Caroline is now 12 years old; she is really beautiful
with her dark ebony hair and incredible blue eyes. I must confess
I couldn't stop crying the first time I saw her. She was so tiny
and delicate. I couldn't believe that this human being could
be the product of our love. When Caroline was 3 years, her sister
was born. I insisted this time that the baby girl would have
an Irish name, so she was christened as Eireann that means Ireland
in Gaelic.
If Caroline was just like me, there was no doubt Eireann was
Laura's daughter with her brown hair and soft chocolate eyes.
One thing that surprises me about her is her quiet character.
Caroline is just like Laura and me, she is always doing things,
never able to keep quiet or calm, even in her sleep. Eireann
is very calm; she seems to meditate about everything she does
and looks cautiously at everything that comes along. She is also
very sweet; every time her sister or one of us is moody, she
knows it and does everything in her power to make us laugh and
feel better. Laura and I have always known that our little girl
is special and we thank God for her everyday.
Two years ago, Laura gave the girls and me a wonderful surprise:
she was pregnant. The news was like a bomb. We had never thought
of having another child, and as the girls grew up, we abandoned
the idea of trying to "create" a little Remington.
So when Laura broke the news, we were very shocked. From the
very beginning the pregnancy was hard. Unlike with the girls,
Laura stayed in bed most of the time. She felt very tired and
couldn't keep anything in her stomach more than an hour. When
the time was coming, Laura's doctor told us that the baby was
a boy. All of us were delighted with the idea, even the girls
who were excited with the idea of a little brother to play with.
On January 13th, Liam Remington Steele was born. He was very
tiny with a small amount of black hair on his little head and
big blue eyes that greeted both his sisters and parents. Everything
was perfect and three days after the birth, both mother and son
were at home. Liam was a very quiet baby; he barely cried except
when he was hungry and we enjoyed his first months with us enormously.
Both Caroline and Eireann liked the idea of being old enough
to take care of the baby, which gave Laura and I some moments
of quiet.
I felt our life was perfect with the three kids growing up happily
and our work as detectives achieving more and more success as
days passed. Then one day, everything changed. I was in my office
trying to avoid some paperwork Laura wanted me to do when Mildred
came and told me there was a woman who claimed to be an old friend
of mine and wanted to see me. I was very surprised since every
time an old friend of mine appeared, trouble came along. Sothat
was how Maggie came into my life again.
She hadn't changed since our last time together. She had been
my best friend when both of us were no more than 23 years old.
Her father was one of the richest men in Ireland and she was
his only daughter. My first intention then was to court her and
try to get some money from her father but as our relationship
continued, I found a real friend in Maggie. She knew about my
life and didn't care. She was not like the other rich people
I met; she really cared for me and tried to help me to get an
honest job and a place by her side. I was unable to steal from
her father and fell in love with the wonderful sweet person that
Maggie was. We were together for more than a year till her father
discovered I was not the "right" man for his daughter.
He separated us and threatened Maggie if she kept on seeing me.
I left Ireland and never heard from her until the day she appeared
at the office.
I was very happy at the idea of seeing her again but the way
she spoke told me that her visit was not due to our old friendship.
She was very sad and due to her tone she was going through a
hard time. Without any prelude she informed me of the reason
directly: She had had twins and I was the father of them. They
had grown up and at that moment they were both 24. The girl was
very ill; the doctors had detected a malfunction in her brain
that was closely related with her bone marrow. She needed a transplant
urgently but none of Maggie's family neither her brother could
help the girl.
I couldn't believe it when she told me. She told me that I had
a son and a daughter and I didn't know them. Moreover, she wanted
me to pass some checks in order to determine if I could help
her daughter, *our* daughter to survive. I thought it was a very
bad joke. I thought it was no fair that after all I had been
through, after looking for a real family, something like this
happened. I had been searching for my father most of my life
and then I discovered that I was the father that my two children
were looking for. And it was a matter of life or death.
I talked to Laura about it and she first comforted me and told
me to do the right thing, that was to help the girl. She and
Mildred looked for some information about Maggie in the computer
so we would be sure about all this. I talked to Maggie and asked
her why she had hidden the babies. I knew her father imposed
a lot of pressure upon her so I was sure that the honorable Paul
O'Meara hadn't wanted anybody to know that the father of his
grand children was a simple con man.
The thing that surprised me most was to know that my children
knew about me. Maggie talked with them about me when they were
old enough to understand it and they just preferred not to meet
me. I was totally shocked, they didn't want to know their father,
their *real* father. Maggie told me that even now that the girl
was very ill, both of them had rejected to meet me. Both Maggie
and her husband were desperate: they knew they would lose their
daughter if they didn't find any solution and I was that solution.
I always asked Laura for help and support and she, as always,
was there for me. We talked with the girls about the situation
and they had a wonderful reaction. Both Caroline and Eireann
offered to help me to save their *big sister*. I have never felt
so proud of our daughters as I was in that moment. It was when
I knew I had my family's support that I was willing to meet my
children and to face the ghost of the past once more.
I arrived at the hospital where my daughter stayed and was introduced
to Maggie's husband, Tom Muldoon. I had seen him before but that
had been 20 years ago, so the passing of time and the fact that
he had a daughter facing death made the man look older than he
was. We were talking and they explained me the situation: Connor,
my daughter, was in coma. She was unconscious and the doctors
were maintaining her like that in order that she would not suffer
the terrible pain she would go through if she was awake. I asked
Maggie if I could see her and she led me to her bedroom.
I still remember that it took me a couple of minutes to enter
that room. I felt totally paralyzed looking at the door and it
was Maggie who encouraged me to pass. Inside the room it was
very dark. I could see the bed surrounded by machines that made
constant sounds and that gave my daughter hope to keep on living.
Besides the bed, there was a young man seated in a chair, with
half his body near my daughter's and with his hand holding hers
carefully. Maggie whispered that the boy was her boyfriend Ciaran.
They had been together for nearly six years.
As I approached the bed I saw my daughter for the very first
time, I think my heart simply stopped. God! She was beautiful,
even with all the tubes and the machines around her, I could
see she was incredibly beautiful. There she was lying in the
bed of a hospital waiting for death and yet I could see was that
my daughter was beautiful. She had very short dark hair and she
was very tall, taller than me. Maggie told me her eyes were gray
but you could also see some shade of blue in them. I asked for
some time alone with her and after Maggie woke Connor's boyfriend,
I sat beside her bed, as would have done during her early life.
Staying there, holding her hand, just as her boyfriend had done
not long before, I came to the conclusion that I was going to
do everything in my power to help her, no matter what her brother
said or did. I was going to help her and I would wait for her
to know me, to know my family and to be part of it.
I don't remember how much time I was there holding her hand and
talking to her. I read that people in her situation could wake
up at the sound of familiar voices. I was not really a familiar
voice for her but I tried to introduce myself. I told her about
my past life and about Laura and her sisters and baby brother.
I told her how they wanted to meet her and that she would have
to recover and have a good life. I was so focused on talking
that I didn't realize that the door had been opened and that
a young man was leaning on the wall listening. When I turned
around, I saw tears in the boy's face. He was not Connor's boyfriend
but my son.
He was just like his mother, soft blond hair and big green eyes.
If Connor was tall, there was no doubt that Sean could be a basketball
player. He had certainly the body of a sportsman but then all
his strength seemed vanished in front of his sister. He was looking
at me and in his face both sorrow and sadness could be seen.
I couldn't move a muscle and simply stared at him with curious
eyes. It was very different to see Connor laying helpless on
a bed than to see Sean standing there. After a moment I stood
up leaving Connor's bedside and moved towards him. He was paralyzed
and I felt a sense of fear in him as I approached. I offered
him my hand and he held it tightly. I know it's a bit strange
to say that but I saw the face of a tired and confused young
man in him.
When Laura and I married, I told her that I would never let the
people I loved go without knowing how much I cared for them.
It's silly because I had never met him before but I loved him
the first moment I saw him, just like happened with his brother
and sisters before. It didn't matter that he was a young man
and not a baby, and that actually he was stronger and much taller
than I was; he was my child, my son and he needed me. I just
did what a father had to do: I hugged him tightly, I let him
know that I was there for him and Connor and I would never abandon
them. I was afraid of his reaction but I felt his arms hugging
me back and listened to him crying on my shoulder.
We left the room and found Maggie and Tom waiting for us. Both
were surprised by the sight of Sean's tearful face but he gave
them some calming words. Then I went with Tom and Maggie to meet
Connor's doctor. He told me about the situation and about the
tests that must be done which I accepted without any doubt. The
tests didn't have any danger for me; I only had to stay at the
hospital one night and then if the tests were okay wait for the
surgery. I spent some time more with Tom and Maggie and then
left the hospital and went home where Laura was waiting for me.
We talked the whole night about the surgery, Connor and Sean
and how I felt about them. Laura listened very carefully, without
interrupting me. I told her how it was to see Connor and Sean
for the first time and how he hugged me and cried on my shoulder.
We also talked about the tests that the doctors were going to
run on me. I was not scared of the surgery but felt a bit nervous.
I hate doctors and staying in hospitals but this was different.
I was going to save my daughter's life and also I was going to
join my whole family.
The next day Laura went with me and met Tom and Maggie when we
visited the doctor for the second time. This time, he explained
carefully Connor's illness as well as its cure. The doctor was
very kind to explain everything in terms we all knew and in the
end we understood what was happening. We also saw Connor. She
was lying in the bed like the day before but this time Sean was
with her. He was unaware of our presence while he spoke to Connor
in Gaelic. I had not heard Gaelic for a long time so I didn't
understand everything. Then I realized he was talking about me
and how I was going to help her. His tone was very sweet and
his voice low and it reminded me of their mother and how she
taught me this ancient Celtic language.
We both moved near the bed so Laura could see Connor and Sean.
I touched my daughter's hand and introduced Laura to my son.
We stayed in the room for a while till the nurses asked us to
leave. Both Laura and I could feel the turmoil that Sean was
going through so I walked with him through the hall. We began
talking first about silly things but then our conversation became
more serious. We talked about their childhood and their family
and I told him about my past life. I didn't leave anything out,
I wanted him to know what I had been and what I was now. We spent
the whole day talking and by dinnertime, we knew each other pretty
well.
I knew about his stay first in Eton and then in Oxford, the wonderful
travels he had made around the world, and his very big family.
I was sort of jealous but very happy that both of them would
have such a wonderful childhood. The next days I spent too much
time at the hospital but not with Connor but with her brother.
Connor's condition was stable and nothing would change till the
surgery so apart from being near her, there was nothing else
to do. I dedicated my time to Sean. He was such a wonderful boy,
the kind of boy any father is proud of. I realized he adored
the man who had raised him, who he knew as his father; I could
sense it every time he talked about him and about all the things
they had done together.
I had expected some resentment or anger from Sean but I found
none. Both Connor and he had learned about me from their parents.
Sean explained to me that their parents were very careful to
not hurt them and or not blame me nor their mother for the situation.
They didn't hate me or accuse me of abandoning them. I asked
him then why they had refused to meet me and his answer was clear
and sincere: they had a father already and didn't want anybody
to take his place. I was his biological father but Tom had been
there for them all these years and he was father to them. He
told me this in a way that didn't hurt me at all. I understood
what he meant. They didn't want me out of their lives but neither
wanted me as a substitute for the man they knew as their father.
In the time that went before my staying at the hospital Sean
met his sisters and little brother. They felt very curious about
having such a big brother; both the girls fell in love with him
immediately. Liam didn't realize what was happening but Sean
was very good with babies and he spent much time playing with
his baby brother while he was at home with us. Only one thing
crossed my mind at that moment: Connor. I couldn't wait to talk
to her or to see her beautiful gray eyes opened.
When the time of the operation arrived, I was ordered to stay
at the hospital only for a night. The doctor took some fluid
of my bone marrow in order to know if it was compatible with
Connor. When the tests went right, the surgery was prepared.
I remember being taken into a big operating room and find Connor
there. I held her hand and gave some reassuring words to her.
It was going to be fine and she was going to wake up. When the
doctors gave me the anesthesia, my last thought was for my daughter,
we are going to be fine, I thought and I drifted to sleep.
When I woke up Laura and Sean were at my bedside. My throat was
dry and any attempt to talk was useless. Feeling my nervousness,
Sean told me that everything was fine; Connor still was unconscious
but the doctors were very happy about her reaction to the surgery.
I was a bit tired that day but I had many visitors; most of them
were Connor and Sean's brothers who wanted to thank me what I
had done. In some sense I felt like if I belonged to this family
then.
Eireann and Caroline came as well and Sean took them to see Connor.
They couldn't enter the ICU but at least they could see her from
behind the glass. My recovery was very fast and I was walking
by the time the doctor came to check on me. Connor's recovery
took much time. Her body was very weak from the internal harm
the illness had caused but she was doing well. Two days after
the operation she regained consciousness and asked for water
to our delight. Her parents, Sean, Laura and me were in her room
and when we saw her open her eyes, we jumped at her side. The
doctors came immediately to check her out and gave us the best
news they could. Connor was in perfect health now. Of course
she would be weak for a time considering all the time she had
spent lying but after week or so she would be at home.
The next thing surprised me a lot. I thought that it was logical
for Maggie and Tom to go to her side but they told me to go on
in and talk to her. I couldn't move at that moment; I felt Sean's
hand in my shoulder guiding me through the door to Connor's bed.
We stopped in front of her and Sean squeezed my shoulder gently
offering the support I needed. Suddenly Connor urned her face
toward us and opened her eyes. Her mother didn't lie when alking
about her eyes, I had never seen such beautiful gray eyes in
all my ife. Sean went to one side of the bed and took her hand.
He began talking o her telling her what the doctor had previously
told us. Then I heard her oice for the first time; hello Mr.
Steele, she said and my world turned pside down.
Sean gave her a kiss in the cheek and left the room leaving me
alone with er. I sat at her side and looked at her tired face.
I didn't know what to ay so I let her begin. We spent some time
talking until the door opened nd Maggie and Tom came inside.
I saw how they held her and kissed her and I elt quite out of
place so I left the room. I know it's absurd but I thought I
didn't belong there so I walked away. I met Laura in the hallway
and told her what had happened. We both agreed that the most
important thing was Connor's health and there was no reason to
risk it by exposing her to the new situation. I went home with
Laura and the kids. It was the hardest thing I have ever done:
to ignore my feelings towards Sean and Connor and wait.
I spent three days at home resting not much from the physical
recovery but from the psychological pressure. In less than a
month, I had discovered my two older children and I had saved
one of them. Before Connor's recovery, I had never thought about
what would happen from there. All of us were sort of oversensitive
but when Connor was ready to go to home, I felt very nervous.
Laura suggested consulting a psychiatrist and so I did. He suggested
that I should make the first move, to approach them without any
reservations. I had to be willing to break any barriers and to
face any trouble that came along. I was so frightened by the
idea that I even wrote what I wanted to tell them in order not
to forget anything.
I think those were the two most horrible weeks of my entire life.
I tried to keep busy with work and with my youngest children.
Liam found a perfect mate for his games in me and I shared a
lot of enjoyable moments with him. Both Caroline and Eireann
let me know about their schoolmates, teachers and everything.
Laura was very pleased with my attitude towards the kids; she
stayed longer at the office knowing that I was taking care of
them.
One Saturday evening I was playing with Liam and Caroline in
the swimming pool when Connor appeared. I couldn't do anything
but hold Liam and look at her. Liam grew tired of being held
without playing and began fussing. Laura took both he and Caroline
so I was left with Connor. This was the first time I had seen
her standing healthy in front of me and I was really grateful
for being the cause of such amazing thing.
That was the first of many occasions being together. We really
made up for lost time and became very close friends. She told
me about her job with a film company (I felt particularly happy
hearing that) and about her boyfriend and their plans for getting
married. They were very young but they had spent half of their
lives together and after all she had gone through, the marriage
seemed the proper thing to do. She invited all the family to
the wedding that would take place in Ireland.
Six months later, I saw my daughter get married. It was such
a wonderful ceremony. We were in a little town in the coast of
Ireland and the wedding was held in a little church decorated
with old paintings and Celtic symbols. The wedding was very simple:
just a few guests, all members of the family since theirs were
a very big family, and a Druid. I discovered that nor Tom and
Maggie neither their children were Catholic so what we saw was
a wedding ceremony just like the ones held by the Celtic tradition
so long ago.
I must confess I cried seeing Connor and Ciaran professing their
vows, or which I thought was their vows, as all the ceremony
was in Gaelic. In that moment I understood Tom and the emotions
that his face was showing. After the ceremony, there was a big
party where Laura, the kids and I were introduced to everybody.
The entire group welcomed us immediately, the kids found new
friends to play with and Laura and I chatted with everybody that
came along. Well, to sum up, I will say it was the best wedding
I have attended. So that's it. That was a year ago and now I
am here writing about it like Laura does with our cases. I know
she will kill me if she discovers this after all my rejecting
towards paperwork.
Anyway, I feel better now after putting my feelings in paper.
I will show it to Liam someday because he is so young that he
doesn't understand what happened and I want him to know the truth.
I must finish now and I have realized that it's hard to do so.
This little document contains a small and very important portion
of my life and it's hard to say goodbye to these things. Now
I am going to bed. Tomorrow it will be a great day: Sean, his
girlfriend, Connor and Ciaran come to stay a couple of days with
us. I am very excited about it. Moreover, Connor has said she
wants to tell us something. I am not sure but I think I know
what she is referring to. God! I am too young to be a grandfather
but this is what my daughter is going to tell me. I will hold
her and congratulate her, as any father would do. Because that's
who I am, her father and a soon-to-be grandfather. Life reserves
big things for my big family and me and we will receive each
one together.
Remington Daniel Steele.
Los Angeles 1998-08-22.
THE END
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Home CaseBook
E-Mail