- Sensitive Steele Revisited - an
Addition
BY: Phaedra Phelan
-
- E-MAIL: PrissyBNY@aol.com
- RATING: PG-13
- SUMMARY: What may have happened when that walk along
the beach continued.
- DISCLAIMER: This "Remington Steele" story
is not-for-profit and is purely for entertainment purposes. The
author and this site do not own the characters and are in no
way affiliated with "Remington Steele,", the actors,
their agents, the producers, MTM Productions, the NBC Television
Network or any station or network carrying the show in
- syndication or anyone in the industry.
- ************************************************************************
- Remington and Laura walked along for a few minutes in
silence on the beautiful Pacific beach. They were suddenly very
much at peace with one another. The words in the letter that
Remington wrote to her were still ringing in Laura's brain as
she walked with the man she had loved with all her heart for
four years.
- When I think of you, Laura, I think of the day we met,
the way I wanted you from the very beginning and I think of how
much I want you today. I think of my hands tangled in your shining
chestnut hair, of sparkling brown eyes trifling mercilessly with
my heart, of breasts sprinkled with lovely freckles, of drop
dead gorgeous legs intertwined with mine, of soft lips that have
kissed me tenderly, passionately, or playfully as the mood dictates.
I think of a woman with a mind that is as beautiful and mysterious
as any part of her lovely body. I think of the woman that I want
to be with always, to have children with, the woman I want to
share all my sadness and all my joy.
- Remington reached for Laura's hand and as they stopped
again he drew her close. Remington was ruggedly handsome in the
casual heavy knit sweater he wore to ward off the cool breeze
that blew constantly on this winter's day in southern California;
but his eyes were quite pensive as he stood looking down at Laura.
She seemed even more petite than usual to him because she was
wearing flat sneakers instead of her accustomed high-heeled pumps.
- "Laura, we need to move forward . . . forward with
our lives. I am not going to leave you. I have been with you
and I will be with you. I just want you, I need . . . you. I
feel that I have somehow failed you, because I know that you
have needs, needs as a woman that I want to fulfill for you.
I dare say that you will agree with me that we are two very passionate
individuals . . ." Remington's eyes questioned Laura's and
he saw her answer before her answer came.
- "Yes . . . I-I cannot deny that." Laura blushed
slightly. She knew his words to be only too true.
- "Laura, I've been sexually active since I was just
sixteen years old. From that time until just under four years
ago I did whatever I wanted. Daniel sort of 'brought me along'
and I knew how to satisfy my sensual needs and yet protect and
respect whatever partner I happened to be with. But when I met
you, I knew that I had somehow come up against something quite
different from the casual liaisons of the years past. Laura,
I fell for you--like a ton of bricks--I fell for you."
- "Remington . . ."
- "And Laura, I know that you fell for me as well.
Can you deny that to be true?"
- "You know that I can't."
- "Laura, three and a half years ago I even started
having wet dreams again. I have not had intercourse with anyone
during all that time-until that night in the motel after that
young boy Rudy was killed when you and I came together. You are
the only woman that I have touched intimately in all these three
and a half years, and those moments are branded into my memory
and haunt and at the same time stimulate all my sexual thoughts.
Do you remember those moments as I do, Laura?"
- "I could never forget them. We came so close so
many times."
- "I am in agony night after night, Laura, needing
you with me. I waken every morning with my flesh in such a state
of excitement that I can hardly bear it.
- Laura, I admit that my intentions were somewhat lacking
in honor at the beginning. I wanted you, but I wanted no strings,
no commitment, no attachment. I wanted to bed you like all the
others and then be able to move on like before. But, thank the
Lord, that wasn't to be. Between learning to love being Remington
Steele and coming to love being with you my life has completely
changed. As quite literally painful as these past three and a
half years of celibacy have been, they have been good for me.
I have learned what fidelity is, what commitment is. I have
learned to marshal my . . . my spirit, my passions as I would
have never thought possible. I can lie in my bed night after
night with my balls so full they are aching, for you, Laura.
I've waited for you. God knows, I've done it."
- Laura reached out to touch Remington and he took both
her hands in his and brought them to his lips.
- "Remington . . ." Her eyes were bright with
unshed tears as she absorbed the meaning of his words.
- "My intentions are altogether honorable now. I want
to pursue you with the objective of being with you always. I
will never deflect, Laura. I have proved that I can give up all
other liaisons and be there for you and I think that I deserve
a chance. You have completely won my heart, Laura. Give me a
chance to win your heart."
- Laura's mind was a jumble as she realized how she must
have hurt Remington in the group session with the bataka. His
suggestive innuendos, the constant propositions had been a posture,
a protective façade to protect himself from being hurt
more than he already had been. She reached out to him, realizing
finally that he was her man.
- "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
- Remington took her into his arms and what they saw in
one another's eyes was the suppressed passion of all the previous
four years ready to burst forth from both of them.
- "Laura, dear Laura," Remington murmured as their
lips met.
- The kiss was tender and searching and then, as Laura's
mouth opened, welcoming and begging for his kisses, Remington
groaned passionately, easily lifting Laura's slender body up
against his so that they could each drink thirstily the essence
from the others lips. When Laura felt Remington's manly parts
rise in excitement in the soft denim jeans he was wearing, she
swooned in his arms, unable and unwilling to resist him any longer.
- "Remington, please, take me somewhere and make love
to me," she whispered when the kiss stopped for a moment.
"I need you and I want you and . . . I didn't want to say
all those mean things to you."
- Remington continued to kiss her all over her face as she
talked.
- "I realize that you're not my father. I know you've
stayed, and . . . and I know I've made you climb the walls, but,
but I was so scared."
- "Are you still frightened of me, Laura?" Remington's
passionate blue eyes captured hers, his face flushed with desire
for her.
- "No, oh, no, Remy," Laura cried, pulling his
head down to meet her waiting lips again. Remington gripped both
her hips through the soft printed silk skirt that she was wearing
and easily drew Laura even closer up against his flesh, kissing
her over and over, as he found himself overpowered by the fire
in his loins, unable to ease Laura back down onto her feet again.
- "Dear Lord, Laura, why don't we go back up to our
room at the spa? Didn't they say we had it till the end of the
day?"
- "Yes, they did," Laura answered, the timbre
of her voice reflecting the surge of sensual energy she too was
experiencing.
- "I'm havin' a hard time here. I will be quite embarrassed
if you step away from me and my passionate situation is revealed."
- Remington finally was able to release Laura and he just
stood and gazed at her as he tried to bring himself under control.
As he noted the high color in her cheeks, the passion in her
eyes, he smiled knowingly and shook his head. He knew her so
well after all these years-the ebb and flow of her femininity
in all its aspects-and he did some mental calculations.
- "On second thought, Laura, I think that this might
not be the best time for us to go all the way. Aren't you ovulating?"
- Laura thought for a moment and realized that he was right,
recalling the Saturday two weeks previously when she spent the
day in bed with a hot water bottle on her painful belly.
- Remington had come over with his usual assortment of teas
and spent the afternoon and evening with her, doing reflexology
on her feet to relieve her cramps, mostly just being there, lying
across the foot of her bed watching the old movie channel while
she dozed. She smiled in his arms, remembering.
- "You know me too well, Mr. Steele. I think that you
are right."
- "It's my business to know you, Laura." Remington's
eyes were twinkling as he looked down at her, practically inhaling
her beauty in the bright sunshine. "I don't think that all
the protection in the world could safeguard you from me today.
I feel as virile as a wild horse, Laura. The urge to procreate
with you is so strong in me that I don't dare to touch you like
that today. When I get you pregnant, I want us to be well-married."
- 'You've really felt the desire to have babies with me?"
- "From the first day we met." Remington looked
at Laura and sighed passionately. "Haven't you . . . ever
thought of us having a wee one together?"
- "I have," Laura admitted shyly. "It's one
of my fantasies? It's a recurring dream actually."
- Remington nodded and faced her as she spoke.
- "I have this recurring dream that we are . . . married
and I am about to give birth for you. In the dream my belly is
so big that I can barely move without assistance. And you are
still chasing me all over our apartment." Laura smiled the
mischievous smile that he loved so.
- "And how does the dream end?"
- "You always get what you want."
- Remington grinned and drew her up beside him, his arm
around her waist, and kissed her tenderly, his hand finding her
flat belly and patting it gently. "We will do it all . .
. at the proper time." He paused for a long moment, reflecting.
- "You are aware that I am A-positive, Laura."
- "Yes, I remember seeing your blood type on your records
when you were in the hospital with both legs broken. We'll just
have to have that in mind. I've never been transfused, so I shouldn't
be sensitized to Rh factor." Laura looked up at the man
that she loved. "You've thought about this a lot, haven't
you?"
- "I have thought about having a life with you for
a very long time."
- "And you are very complicated. You just couldn't
be plain old O-negative like the other eight-five percent of
us, could you?" She was teasing him and Remington loved
playing with her like this.
- "I see that you have also given this subject considerable
thought. Oh, Laura, four years ago I would have never dreamed
that I would be talking with a woman about having a family. I
look at myself and I say, 'you're a different man, old sport,'
and I know that it's true."
- "I appreciate your protecting me Remington. I feel
so like a wild woman right now. I could just jump on you and
attack you because I want you so much. And I know . . . that
it is hard for you to hold back. When I feel the . . . excitement
. . . in you, my legs just turn to jelly."
- "I have tried to hide it from you, Laura, not wanting
to repel you with my . . . urges, but I am only human. I am a
man and I react to you as a man to a woman. Suffice it to say,
it is easier for a woman to hide her feelings."
- "Suffice it to say that I have been as aroused as
you. Recently I've felt like I'm going out of my mind with wanting
you. And, until that night several weeks ago, we seemed to be
just skirting around the issue since coming back from London."
- "That night we were both scared and needing one another,
Laura. I was frightened to death that you could have been killed.
I had no intention of our ending up like that when we went there.
I didn't even have any of those infernal foil packets that I
carry all the time in hope that I'll get lucky with you."
- Remington paused and continued, "You realize that
Daniel was the one who gave me my sex education. He was altogether
practical in his approach. 'Never have unprotected sex,' that
was the mantra he taught me. 'Do what you want with a woman,
but never leave her knocked up when you finish with her.' I have
scrupulously followed that rule since I was sixteen years old.
'If you can't afford protection, you can't afford to have sex,'
(Daniel's words to me when I was a randy sixteen-year-old).
It's my guess that he had had some experience in his life that
had taught him this wisdom and he was determined to pass that
wisdom along to me." Remington tilted Laura's face up to
look into his. "At any rate, there are no seed sown wild
out there, no illegitimate children to pop up one day and say
'Here I am, Daddy.' Children, if they come, will start with you
and me, Laura."
- "Then, that night was the first time you ever had
unprotected sex?"
- "Yes, Laura, for the first time in my life, I forgot.
When I knew anything I . . . I was already . . . we had come
together and I couldn't stop myself. I knew that the damage had
probably been done anyway-no point in locking the barn after
the horse has been stolen, eh? I cursed myself for not having
the presence of mind to hold up and prepare to make love to you.
Later, lying awake I did my calculations and relaxed a little.
You weren't ovulating so I thanked the Lord for that bit of grace."
- "I guess we both lost our heads that night, didn't
we? I never knew that any man could make me feel like you did,
Remington. You were out of your head, totally incoherent . .
. and then I heard you cry out to God when it happened for you."
- "L'exstase, Laura. I was in such an ecstasy."
- "It wasn't just physical, was it?"
- "No, it wasn't just physical, Laura."
- "I always was afraid that if I gave in to you, it
would just be 'physical' for you."
- "And I knew early on that if I possessed you, it
would not just be physical. That terrified me, but I couldn't
help myself. And I found the answer to that question that night."
Remington found himself wanting to talk about that first night,
a subject they had scrupulously avoided discussing since that
eventful evening.
- "You . . . in 'exstase.' You were quite amazing,"
Laura offered.
- "Well, you are the only woman I've ever made love
with whose teeth chatter like that," Remington teased. "Have
you always been a teeth chatterer? I knew that you were pretty
vocal when you got going from our sessions when we came to the
brink, but that was a new experience for me." Remington
grinned, pulling her to him and kissing her forehead.
-
- "And there's the matter of that special gift you
gave when you experienced 'that magical moment.'"
- "That special gift . . ."
- "You came all over me, darling. It was amazing."
- Laura dropped her eyes and shook her head. "I had
never experienced what you call 'that magical moment' before."
- Remington stopped short in his tracks. "You mean
you'd never been, as you Americans say, 'all the way down the
river?' "
- "No, I . . . I never could let go when I got there
. . . to that 'river.' I guess I was always afraid to surrender
myself completely. I couldn't trust. Where you took me, I had
never been before."
- Remington put his hands on both her slender shoulders
and looked straight into her troubled eyes.
- "And Wilson . . ."
- "I pretended and he never suspected."
- "Wilson was even more of a fool than I originally
surmised," Remington said ruefully. He looked at Laura,
understanding her more than he ever had. "Dear Lord, you
were like a bloody virgin that night, weren't you?"
- "I was about to tell you not to . . . to wait for
me, when it happened, when those spasms started in my belly,
when those blue and white lights started exploding in my brain.
You said, 'Let me take you there, let me take you there.' I remember
thinking to myself 'Oh, Laura, this is what everybody talks and
writes about.' And then it was like I was on a roller coaster
. . . at the highest point, with the bottom suddenly dropping
out, and me careening out of control in surrender to you."
- "That's when your teeth were clattering so, darling.
You were fluttering like a butterfly in my arms and there was
this marvelous flood of sweet essence that I have rarely experienced
with a woman." Remington smiled at her, in total wonderment.
"You called me 'Remy' for the first time."
- "At that moment I didn't realize what was happening
to me. My body . . . my flesh just . . . I lost all control
and surrendered and it just happened." Laura's eyes filled
with tears as she recalled the moment.
- "You were ejaculating, darling, that marvelous gift
that comes with complete surrender in some women. It is a special
gift of your lovely yoni."
- "Yoni?"
- "Your pudenda, that place of ultimate pleasure between
your thighs . . . eastern practicers of tantric sex call it the
yoni. It's a beautiful word to describe a beautiful place."
- "I was at peace, like I was floating in your arms.
And then you began to ejaculate. I felt every single spurt. You
were calling on the Lord and in such an ecstasy. Your semen was
like a powerful drug that I had been craving, washing over and
through me. I could smell the scent of fresh wheat grass, the
scent of your semen all over me."
- "There is one school of medical thought that teaches
that the semen of a woman's consort has a decided salubrious
effect on her physical and emotional health." Remington
stared at Laura, captivated, marveling at the keenness of her
analytical mind even in these most intimate matters between them.
- "I had never felt such peace. I learned the meaning
of surrender that night. Before then, it was just a word."
- Remington hugged and kissed Laura. He was amazed, thankful
that he had been the first one to fulfill Laura as a woman, thankful
that their feelings about that night had been so similar.
- "So you're truly a grown up lady now, my darling
Laura. I dare say you know what life is all about."
- "Yes, and it was wonderful."
- "And, for your information, I have never left a woman
behind. A gentleman never leaves his lady behind like that. It
would be a crime. No woman I was ever with accused me of leaving
her ungratified, not even the common whore picked up in the street.
She deserves that measure of respect. But I gather that is what
happened in your previous . . . encounters?"
- "Yes, that's what happened."
- "You have been so cheated."
- "I thought something was wrong with me. I pretended
to experience it, you know . . . all of it, but I was always
afraid that my . . . my partners somehow knew. I thought that
it would be the same with you. I didn't know what you would do
to me, how you would unlock everything that has been pent up
inside me all this time."
- Remington tipped her face up toward his and bent to kiss
her tenderly upon her mouth.
- "I always knew that you were vital and passionate,
and the gift of yourself you gave me that night was beyond my
wildest dreams. It was so very special to me. I . . . think that's
why I became so angry in that encounter session when you said
'I want more . . . than a roll in the hay.' It was so much more
than a 'roll in the hay' to me. All I could think of was that
night we first had intercourse . . . how wonderful it was . .
. how deep our feelings were . . . how we cried together that
night, how you wakened me in the middle of the night and made
love to me again and then how we wakened and made love in the
early morning light again, how complete and beautiful it was
for us. I was hurt, thinking that somehow you took what we had
shared as a common, ordinary thing."
- "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking about that night. Or
maybe I was, but I just couldn't believe that you felt as deeply
for me as you appeared to. I'm so insecure, Remington. It was
awful of me to speak so thoughtlessly."
- "You have no need to feel insecure about your sexuality,
Laura. You gave me the most incredible sexual experience of my
life that night," Remington said softly.
- "And the next day I felt like a truck had run over
me. I hadn't been with anyone in such a long time, and you are
so generously endowed. I had never experienced anything like
having you inside me, dear Remy."
- "Forgive me, Laura. Please forgive me. It was like
I was havin' a virgin. You were so tight and then suddenly you
just took me . . . and I was in paradise, babe. And then when
you ejaculated . . . all that lovely sugar everywhere."
Remington smiled down at her, his voice tender.
- He drew her so close that Laura could feel his heart beating
in his chest, and when she looked into his eyes, into the deep
flush of desire that was upon his face all his emotions were
there for her to see . . . nothing hidden, nothing held back,
as his nostrils flared wide passionately.
- "Oh, my God!" she said.
- "Yes, Laura. It's true. I don't know how to tell
you how deep my feelings go. I hope that you understand what
my lips are unable to vocalize. Laura, Laura, I need you so much.
I think about being with you constantly. I am so, so deep into
this with you. I beg you to understand how, how deep my feelings
are for you."
- "I do. I do, Rem."
- Remington caught her face up to his with both his hands
and kissed her lips again frantically, desperately, as if he
wanted to literally inhale her.
- "Forgive me, darling, I am in pathetic shape here.
I need you, Laura. God knows I need you," he murmured.
- They held each other tightly for a long time, reflecting
on what had happened to them as the tide continued to surge in
upon the sand near their feet.
- Finally Laura broke the intense feeling of the moment
and giggled girlishly in his arms.
- "You do know that you were unforgettable, Remy. You
are the most beautiful naked man I have ever seen in my life.
And you enjoyed exhibiting yourself to me that morning, didn't
you?"
- Remington feigned total innocence but his laughing eyes
betrayed him. "I have no idea what you are talking about.
You knew all that there was to know already. We had touched each
other just about everywhere in our previous passionate moments,
and when that night was over, there were no mysteries of that
sort remaining, were there?"
- Laura smiled and put her arm around his waist. "But
you had never 'posed' for me."
- "I wasn't 'posing,' love. I have no embarrassment
about my nakedness when I am with you. I just don't."
- "Well, you are quite a sight, Mr. Remington Steele!"
- "I gather you approved of what you saw?" Remington's
lips puckered in that way that always melted Laura's heart.
- She recalled the sight of him as he had walked away from
their bed that morning . . . the beautiful leanness of him, his
muscular hips and limbs adorned with silky black hair. And then
he had turned to face her with no trace of self-consciousness
as he revealed his nakedness completely to her. That is when
she had blushed and pulled the covers over her head.
- "I think the operative description is 'well-hung.'
At least that is what Bernice would have said." Laura's
cheeks colored and she dropped her head in embarrassment as Remington
grinned and could not help but preen just a little.
- "Come here, woman." He lifted her face up so
he could meet her eyes and kissed her soundly, gripping her hips
and pinching her repeatedly, bringing forth squeals of surprised
delight from Laura. "And what do you think this is, lass?
This is what is called "great arse" where I come from."
Then his voice softened and was husky with emotion. "It
will take us a lifetime to explore this, Laura, and I am sure
that you will, like finest wine, never lose your mystery."
Remington's cobalt blue eyes saw only Laura now as he took her
hands, drew them up to his lips and kissed them.
- "Remington, I have something to give you. You remember
I crumpled and threw away my letter to you that day just before
the gazebo crashed with us?"
- "Yes. How could I forget?"
- "Well, here is the letter, or the substance of the
letter I wrote. I think this one says the same thing as the original."
Laura produced a neatly folded piece of paper from her jacket
pocket and gave it to Remington.
- "You're not going to take it back again?"
- "No, I'll not take it back." Laura's eyes told
Remington Steele that she meant those words with all her heart.
- He unfolded the piece of paper and began to read.
- What qualities come to mind when I think of when I
think of you, Remy? I think of your eyes, deep and blue as the
ocean, the marvelous fresh taste of your mouth, the way your
body moves with the elegance of a cat on the prowl. I love your
spontaneity and willingness to accept impossible challenges.
And I love your patience with me while I have struggled with
giving myself to you these past three and a half years. I know
that most men would have moved on to someone else long ago, but
you are still with me-waiting for me. You have become my strength,
my protector, and my lover. You are my knight in shining armor.
- Remington's eyes flooded as he read the last line. He
was completely overcome by Laura's declaration.
- "What can I say, Laura, except that . . ." Remington
choked back a sob, and Laura, seeing the tears filling his eyes,
took him into her arms and held him tight around his waist.
- "Oh, Laura, what is to become of us?"
- Remington kissed her again, a kiss that started with a
tender exploration, but escalated to a passionate searching when
Laura quickly responded to the pleasures of Remington's lips
upon hers. Their mouths opened and as they continued to taste
each other, Remington's mouth ravished Laura's with kisses so
ardent, so intense that Laura surrendered her mouth completely
to his, flinging her arms around his neck as he easily lifted
her up against his vibrating flesh.
- "Remy. . ." Laura gasped, as she felt his heart
beating wildly close to her own.
- "My God, woman!"
- Groaning in agony for more of Laura, but knowing that
they should go no further, Remington slowly released her, letting
her slide slowly back down to rest her feet on the sandy beach
and then smoothing her damp sea swept hair with trembling hands.
- "Laura, my bonnie lass. . . my sweet bonnie lass,
I never stood a chance once you began to trifle with me,"
Remington murmured, taking her palms to his lips and kissing
the inside of her hands, inhaling the fragrance of her, the scent
that was so familiar to him as "Laura."
- They stood together on the windswept beach without speaking,
just gazing into the depths of each others eyes for a very long
time. Then they walked slowly, hand-in-hand, across the beach
to the Auburn and started the drive back to Los Angeles.
- As they rode along the sexual tension that existed between
them only intensified. The sight of Remington behind the wheel,
his hair blowing in the wind was irresistible to Laura.
- She reached over and took his hand.
- "I don't think I can endure this, Mr. Steele. I
must be ovulating to be in such need of you today."
- Remington glanced at Laura and he understood what she
was feeling. The sun was setting over the ocean and there were
still a couple hours more of driving ahead of them. He pulled
over at the next scenic overlook high above the Pacific. The
next instant they were in each others arms.
- "Laura, Laura," Remington murmured as he kissed
her lips in one hungry kiss after another. "I can't get
enough of you, woman. I can't get enough."
- Remington moved out of the driver's seat and lay between
Laura's opened knees in the small car. Laura's skirt slipped
up above her thighs and Remington pushed aside the scant panties
she was wearing so that he could touch her intimate parts and
soon she was gasping in ecstasy.
- "Remy . . . Remy . . . We do need each other."
- Remington pushed up her soft sweater and released the
clasp on the front of her bra and kissed her breasts over and
over as Laura released his turgid parts from the soft jeans he
was wearing and squeezed his length as he groaned helplessly.
He was warm and slippery with his essence and he seemed to be
literally growing in her hand.
"Laura, we are about to make a mess here if we don't stop.
I can't protect you from me today."
- "Remy!"
- Laura squeezed his erect member several times in rapid
succession and he cried out and was gone. He reached for his
handkerchief to catch his semen.
- "So . . . sorry . . . sorry, Laura."
- "It's all right . . . all right."
- "Damn! No one celebrated getting into the Millionaires
Club in this car."
- Laura started to giggle and then Remington began to laugh.
Remington buried his head in Laura's bosom and they tried to
recover their composure as he covered her face with kiss after
kiss.
- "This is where we are now, woman. We cannot go on
like this. Let me take care of you in a proper place. This
Auburn is the only thing that prevented us from consummating
our relationship again at this very moment."
- Remington kissed Laura and they tried to pull their clothes
together before he started the car and headed the rest of the
way back to Los Angeles.
- Laura couldn't stop thinking about-about them. She knew
that he was only trying to protect her and it had been so difficult
to get out of that car and walk away from him that
- Friday night and go up to her lonely loft.
- Remington did not dare go in with her. He was so close
to the edge. He was in such need. He came home to his apartment
and suffered that night. It wasn't just physical. That eventually
took care of itself one way or another. It was psychical, emotional.
Remington had never felt such emotional need for a woman. He
had the memory of their coming together those few times when
they had given in to the powerful need in them, and that was
all he had. He knew what they had both been missing for so long
and that it was different from anything he had ever experienced.
- Laura felt the same thing. She was so lonely for Remington-the
need, the wanting to feel the warmth of his body close to her,
to hear him talk to her, to feel him touch her. She tossed and
turned all night, unable to sleep. Suddenly she was so completely
vulnerable that she didn't care. She got up Sunday morning and
took her temperature, established that she was no longer ovulating,
paced and paced trying to decide what to do, and then her feet
just led her to Remington's apartment.
- When Remington opened his door and she was standing there,
it was all over.
- "Remington, I-I had to come today. I had to come."
- Remington closed the door and they stood stunned at the
sight of one another. Remington was unshaven, haggard from his
sleepless night, his cobalt blue eyes languid with desire. He
wore soft denim jeans and his plaid linen shirt was completely
open, revealing his handsome chest adorned with silky black hair.
Laura, her hair down on her shoulders, in a cream-colored soft
silk shirtdress with its bias-cut full skirt falling almost to
her ankles, seemed so tiny and defenseless in comparison with
him that Remington's heart skipped a beat. Her whole demeanor
toward him was different-all the defenses, all the resistance
blown away. Remington would never forget the way she looked
that day . . . so beautiful, her expression so open with no attempt
to hide the yearning that had brought her to his door.
- "Laura?"
- "I think that we have some unfinished business between
us," she said softly.
- "Are you sure, Laura?"
- "Dear God, yes! Yes! Rem . . ."
- Laura's eyes told the whole story and Remington caught
her up into his arms, kissing her over and over, groaning his
passionate need for her as she surrendered completely to his
embrace. There was no will in her to resist him anymore, no restraint,
no holding back that afternoon as Remington lifted Laura in his
arms and carried her to his bed.
- In the middle of the evening after they had made love
several times, Remington held Laura tight and begged her, "Laura,
please don't let me get accustomed to this. I will not be able
to live without it. Oh God, I will never have enough of you.
Have mercy on me, Laura, and marry me. Laura!"
- Remington's agonized cry for mercy was what finally helped
Laura to bring that tryst to a close. She had wakened past midnight
in his arms, her legs still tangled in his, her own heart beating
in rhythm with his and she knew that what he had said was true.
Coming together physically and yet not being able to come all
the way into the relationship was not the answer. Her heart was
his but she was still so afraid-afraid of ultimate rejection,
afraid of waking up one morning and finding him gone from her
life, from her bed.
Laura stirred in Remington's arms. He wakened instantly, drawing
her close to him but when he realized that she was putting emotional
distance between them again, he released her.
- "You want to go home, don't you?" Remington
said the words simply and quietly.
- "Oh, Rem, I am so sorry. I-I should have never come
over here if I weren't able to, to. . ."
- "To accept me totally, to be willing to be my wife
. . . That is what I want, Laura. I don't want you to ever leave
me."
- Laura started to cry and Remington held her tenderly as
she cried and cried.
- "What is wrong with me, Rem? Tell me, what is wrong
with me? Why can't I just move forward? What is holding me back?"
- "Probably a variation of the same thing that makes
it so hard for me to tell you the words that you want to hear.
But you know how I feel for you. The words are just locked inside
me, Laura. They have been in my heart for such a very long time.
One day they will come out."
- Remington kissed Laura, opening her mouth up to his again,
possessing it again, and his tender feelings mingled with her
own fiery passions overwhelmed her and she responded, yielding
her mouth completely to his. They clung desperately to one another
giving in to the need between them once again and Remington got
onto her again and gave himself to her. They cried out as they
made love, holding nothing back. All of Laura's inhibitions
were blown away and she cavorted with Remington like a courtesan,
holding her legs open for him, offering herself to him and he
took all of her. Neither of them was able to quell the passion
that had now come to full bloom in them and this day and night
as they lay together it became futile to try as their physical
and emotional need eclipsed everything else and they made love
again and again with abandon.
- Hours later Remington awakened Laura was gone.
- Laura didn't want to go, but she felt it was not fair
of her to stay. Remington was ready to move on to marriage and
she wasn't. But the physical need she had for him was so intense.
She could no longer hold Remington off when she needed him so.
She was devastated and miserable with herself when she left
early that morning. And she was angry-angry with herself for
not being able to be what he wanted her to be, angry with herself
because Remington had asked her to marry him and she had refused
him, totally unprepared for him to be more ready than she to
move on to marriage. They had awakened everything that they
had been struggling to keep under some semblance of control for
such a long time and now they were completely vulnerable. Remington
couldn't think of Laura without feeling it in the pit of his
stomach. Till then he had always been able to contain himself
but he found himself holding on by just a thread of self-control.
And Laura had felt the heat of her own passions to a degree
that it frightened her. She had completely lost control of their
situation.
- * * * *
- Remington didn't come in to work till noon that Monday
and he wakened in such a melancholy mood that he almost didn't
come into the office at all. Then he saw Laura and all his emotions
rushed in upon him again . . . sadness, need, anxiety for her.
- "What is the matter with you, Laura?"
- "You don't need to concern yourself. I'm just not
feeling well."
- Remington was instantly seized with remorse and came from
behind his desk to apologize to Laura. He was gallant to a fault,
and he had not intended to cause her any harm in their vigorous
amorous interlude together.
- "I am very sorry, Laura. I fear that we both got
somewhat carried away. I don't know what to say other than I
am very sorry that you are not feeling well, and I . . ."
- "You don't need to say anything else, Remington.
You said it all last night."
- "I did ask you to marry me and you refused me. I
have never asked a woman to marry me before, Laura."
- His eyes told her that he was being absolutely truthful
with him. She was the first.
- "That was in the heat of passion. You didn't mean
it."
- "I didn't mean it! I have never proposed to any
woman in or out of the heat of passion! Woman, are you insane?
Are you truly and certifiably insane?" Remington was rapidly
becoming totally exasperated with Laura.
- "No, I am not crazy! At least I don't think so."
Laura was defensive and then backed off that declaration.
- "Well, here we are in the light of day-fully clothed-two
rational human beings who obviously care for one another. Will
you marry me, Laura Holt?" Remington's blue eyes were clear
and resolute as he spoke firmly to Laura.
- "I can't marry you now. I just can't. I'm scared."
- Remington Steele took both Laura's wrists in his hands
and pulled her up against him. Laura almost swooned when she
felt his flesh harden up against hers.
- "But you want this. You need this as much as I do,
Laura. This is not a game. I am a man, Laura. This is not Wilson,
or-or Milton, or some college professor you are vamping. This
not Marty Klopman, or some other juvenile heartthrob. This is
me, Remington Steele, or whoever the deuce I am, and I will not
be played with, toyed with! You weren't too frightened of them,
I dare say. What is the matter, Laura? Are you afraid to have
dealings with a real man?"
- Remington's grip on her was viselike, and she could not
move. She had never been as aware of his superior strength as
when he held her at that moment.
- "Oh, God, I can't think, Remington, when-when you
hold me so close."
- Remington released her wrists and gently pushed her away
from him.
- "I'm sorry, Laura. I-I just thought that the day
we became lovers would be the happiest day of my life and I realized
last night that that wasn't what I wanted at all. I want so much
more than that, Laura. And for some strange reason I thought
that you wanted more than that as well."
- "You know that I want to be with you. I-I don't understand
you. You come on to me all the time and then when we finally
get to some place with that, you say that it is not enough for
you. I need time. I just need time."
- "Time? Time? We have had so much time, Laura. Lord,
we should not be having this conversation. I think that I am
going to go home for the day-if there is no case pressing. I
am getting the roles mixed up a bit here. You just call the shots.
When you want me to be Remington Steele, private investigator,
you let me know. And when you want me to be your lover, your
Remy, you let me know that too because I can't keep straight
who the devil I am supposed to be."
- Remington walked past her and out of the office. He had
to be alone. He was torn between her rejection of his proposal
and her acceptance of him as her lover, and he had to find someplace
to sort it all out.
- He got in the Auburn and just started driving. He drove
back up Highway 101 along the ocean nearly as far as they had
been at the "Sensitivity Spa." He had to clear his
head. It was very late when he got back to Los Angeles and he
came to Laura's loft. He had to see her. He was in agony to
be with her.
- It was nearly midnight when Laura slid back the heavy
metal front door to open her apartment to Remington Steele.
He was exhausted physically from the long drive and emotionally
drained from the turmoil in their relationship. His finely tailored
look was in some disarray, but Laura only saw the anguish in
his eyes.
- "I have no where else to go, Laura. It's only you
I want. It's only you I need." His voice caught in his throat.
"Take your time. Do whatever you want to do to me, Laura.
Just don't take us back to where we were before. I need you too
much, woman." His blue eyes were full as Laura took him
by the hand and led him up to her bed.
- "Sit down and let me help you, Rem." She knelt
in front of him and after removing his shoes and socks, gently
rubbed his feet. Laura took his jacket and hung it up and then
she undressed him, acutely aware of his sexual arousal.
- "I'm sorry, Laura. I want to hold this back, but
I can't."
- "Here now. You just get into bed. It's going to be
all right."
- "I need you, Laura. Please forgive me my . . . state
of . . . of excitement. I've lost control, Laura. I struggle
constantly to hold myself back, but I need you so much right
now, babe. I can't give this to some whore in the street. This
belongs to you."
- "I know, lover. I see. I'll take care of you."
- He lay there and Laura made love to him. He was in such
pathetic shape that night. He had been left in such a quandary
after Laura refused to marry him. He had always fantasized about
that moment-about him asking and her accepting-that he had been
traumatized when she rejected his proposal.
- Laura caressed his excited parts with both her hands and
Remington groaned out his gratitude as she got onto him and took
all of him right up to the hilt and began to rotate upon him.
Remington's tears flowed as she gave herself to him.
- "Yes! Yes! Oh, God, yes, woman!"
- Remington wept silently the whole time they made love
that night. Laura had never been with a man who cried while making
love before. She was so touched-tasting his tears like that
when they kissed. When they came to climax together, he just
groaned and groaned.
- "Laura! Laura! Oh, God, I . . . need you so, woman!
I need you so!" As he felt that moment of pure relief
in his gonads as the ejaculation started to come on him, he began
to tremble all over in the throes of ecstasy.
- "Remy, it's all right . . . it's all right! Oh,
Remy!"
- They both lost vision as they reached the apogée
together and Remington's body shook with wracking sobs when it
happened for him.
- Laura lay in her bed wide awake after Remington had finally
fallen asleep. He was exhausted emotionally and when they finished
making love he was exhausted physically as well. She had never
seen him so shattered as when he came to her that night-his passions
raging out of control, but his feelings so raw that he was almost
on the verge of breakdown. She finally realized just what a
toll their protracted courtship had taken upon him, a man who
had never had to marshal his passions to conform to a life of
celibacy before. And she had never realized how deep his feelings
went for her. The talk of marriage had frightened her because
it represented everything that would take away her independence
as a woman. And yet, she had to face that she was no longer independent.
She had to have him in her life.
- In the early morning hours, Remington wakened in Laura's
bed. He was completely wrecked emotionally by what the two of
them were going through and he knew that if he did not get a
grip on himself, he would have a nervous breakdown. He looked
at Laura sleeping next to him and his eyes filled. This was
what he wanted to experience every morning of his life. He knew
that now. There was no question in his mind.
- Remington eased naked from Laura's bed. His nerves were
so shattered that his hands shook, but he found his rumpled suit
and shirt and underwear and got dressed. He would go home and
try to sort himself out. Tomorrow would be Tuesday and there
were clients to deal with, an agency to be run.
- Laura heard him ease the heavy door closed behind him
when he left her loft and that is when she began to cry and sob
in her bed.
- "What am I going to do? Oh, what am I going to do?"
she cried, wrapping herself in the sheets that still held Remington's
scent.
- She cried and cried until it seemed there were no more
tears left in her and then she felt so sick that she got up and
gagged and vomited till she was exhausted completely and just
fell back into bed. When she got up and tried to prepare for
the day, she showered and dressed like she was in a trance.
She was as confused and conflicted as she had ever been in her
life. There was only one thing that she was sure of and that
was that she could not give up Remington. The man who had lain
between her breasts and been completely one with her earlier
was going to be the defining relationship of her life.
- She had to talk to someone and finally she remembered
that Mildred was an early riser.
- "Mildred, it's me, Laura Holt. I . . . I really
need to talk to someone this morning before work. Could we get
together and talk this morning before work. It's a personal
matter. I just don't know who to talk to about this, but I think
that I could benefit from talking to a woman who is more experienced
in life than me."
- "Sure, honey. I have been up since five a.m. Come
on by and we can have coffee."
- Laura drove up to Mildred's cottage a half hour later
and gratefully accepted the steaming cup of coffee that Mildred
gave her when she sat down at her kitchen table.
- "Well this is an unexpected pleasure, Miss Holt.
I get up so early and often would like someone to chat with."
- "I don't know how enjoyable this chat will be, Mildred.
I am in need of some womanly advice and you are the one that
I thought of."
- "Is this about you and the boss?"
- Laura nodded.
- "Let me try to explain. These past few weeks have
been very difficult for the two of us. Perhaps you heard us
yesterday morning. We should have kept it down, but we were
both so upset."
- "I heard you having a row, but you couldn't hear
what you two were having it out about."
- "Mildred, during the Premium Insurance case, Mr.
Steele and I had intercourse for the first time. When they blew
up his apartment and tried to blow up mine, you know we spent
the night at the Downtowner Motel. I was so terrified . . .
and he was there for me . . . and it happened so naturally for
us. It was unlike anything I had ever experienced. I . . .
I never really had orgasm before, Mildred. I couldn't let go
. . . not with anyone. And with him it was perfect . . . blinding
lights, crashing cymbals, and all the rest."
- "I sensed that it had happened for you two. When
I saw Mr. Steele that next day, he was so relaxed. And his demeanor
with you was completely different. I was very happy for both
of you."
- "Well, we were both stunned . . . and I knew that
I wanted to be with him, but he said that he was going to give
me time to decide when it would happen again for us. During
the Platinum Airlines case it all built up in both of us and
he wanted me and I wanted him so . . . and we got together again.
And when he was laid up with his leg, we were very bad that
day, Mildred."
- Laura blushed as she remembered that day and then she
started to cry silently.
- "So you two have been pretty busy, honey. What seems
to be the problem now?"
- "I'm sick, Mildred. My nerves are so jangled that
I literally threw up earlier."
- Mildred touched Laura's arm gently trying to calm her.
- "Last week at the Sensitivity Spa when we were pretending
to be a married couple, we had a terrible fight. We were doing
one of the exercises they had for couples and suddenly it was
as if we were really a married couple doing it. I accused him
of not advancing in our relationship because he . . . he has
never said the words 'I love you' and, and . . . well, he became
indignant. He said I was living in the past, reliving the problems
my parents had that led to them divorcing. He accused me of being
uptight, unreasonable, of living in the past. It was horrible-it
all came out in front of everyone at the spa-total strangers.
I have never seen him so angry and I said terrible things.
I told him I was better off without him, before he came into
my life. I just wanted to hurt him back." Laura broke down
in tears.
- "We didn't touch each other for the next two days.
He wouldn't talk to me. But then the last day, after the case
was solved, we made up. We wanted to get together but Mr. Steele
knew I was ovulating and didn't want to chance my getting pregnant."
- Mildred was stunned and tried to absorb what she was hearing.
- "He keeps track of you like that?"
- "He always has . . . ever since he has been here.
He knows when I have my period. He can tell me when it is coming.
He's that kind of man. He has my personal calendar in his head.
And he knows what to do for me . . . massaging my legs and back
when I have cramps, making one of his special teas for me when
I have nausea. Wilson used to disappear when I had my period,
but Mr. Steele lies across the foot of my bed watching the old
movies channel when I don't feel well."
- "That's amazing, Miss Holt. Do you realize how amazing
that is?"
- "Well, we decided to come on back to LA and Saturday
night we went to our respective apartments. But I couldn't sleep.
I needed him, Mildred, in the worst sort of 'woman needing her
man' way. On Sunday I took my temp and when I realized I wasn't
ovulating any longer, I went over to his place. We had sex,
Mildred . . . a lot that day . . . all day long. He asked me
to marry him. He begged me to marry him. But I couldn't say
'yes.' I wanted to but I couldn't. I had to leave him there
and go home. I want him as my lover but I'm not ready to marry
him. I'm afraid that either he will tire of me and leave me
one day, or that my life will be so completely absorbed in his
that I will not be my own person any more."
- "So where do things stand now, Miss Holt?"
- "That was the argument you heard us having yesterday,
Monday. He was hurt and angry that I had turned him down. He
asked me again . . . to marry him and I still couldn't say
'yes' to him. That is when he stormed out of the office and
went off somewhere.
- "He told me that he had been driving up Highway 101,
trying to clear his head, but he couldn't. He came back to me
late last night and I have never seen him in such a state . .
. of need. He was so miserable and he needed me. His body was
very . . . aroused . . . like a man, you know."
- "I know, Miss Holt."
- "He said that he didn't know what to do with himself.
He said that he couldn't give what he had to some whore in the
street. He said that he doesn't care, that he just wants me
on any terms. We made love last night. Mildred, he sobbed in
my arms when . . . when it happened for him. Then very early
this morning he got up, put his clothes on and left the loft
without saying anything. I just lay there in my bed and cried
and cried. And then I got sick to my stomach. I threw up and
threw up. I don't know what to do."
- Mildred sat looking at her devastated employer and wanted
to just take her in her arms and give her a big hug. She was
so mixed-up, the product of a dysfunctional family, the victim
of her own sexual repression now suddenly confronted with the
man who unlocked everything.
- "Miss Holt, may I call you 'Laura' this morning?
I think that you are finally realizing what being a woman is
all about. You have a great guy, your Mr. Steele, but he is
quite a handful. Once you two got past connecting, you know,
he was apparently ready to move on to the next phase of your
relationship. He wants to marry you."
- "I know. He doesn't want to settle for just being
lovers. I never expected him to be the one with the need for
marriage . . . and children. He wants children. He said that
he's known almost from the beginning that he wanted to have children
with me. I thought he just wanted sex."