It's Steele a Possibility
by LoveSteele 1999
(Disclaimer: I
don't own the characters. I do, however, own this story. Scram
thiefs! )
After four years of celibacy, albeit voluntary, one can go a little mad. It isn't every day that a person falls in love with the one person he'll knows he'll spend the rest of his life with. I know that's how I felt when I met Laura.
From the very beginning I knew that she contained within her small frame all the ingredients, for lack of a better word, that I desire in a woman. She's quite remarkable, actually. Besides her outward beauty, and that is nothing to overlook, she has something within her that no other woman I've ever met has possessed. Perhaps it's her strong will to do what's best, or her zest for life that attracts me to her the most.
I know that something incredible, earth shaking even, would have to keep me here all these years, especially since we haven't exactly hit it off romantically. Oh, I know that's not exactly the case. We seem to fit well together as a couple, but we have yet to explore that certain... facet of the relationship... much to my dismay.
I understand her hesitance, but at the same time it's painful to know that she doesn't trust me enough, yet, to show her the true depth of my feelings. The truth of the matter is that I could never leave her, would never leave her. The last thing in the world I would want is to hurt her like her father has, like other men have. It's no wonder she's as scared as she is. And, it's not like I'm Mister Dependable. My past is full of holes that I'm not too willing to share with her.
It isn't that I don't want her to know certain things about my past... it's just that reliving those things in order to explain them to her would be too painful. Most of my past is buried so far down that I'm afraid I would overwhelm her if I started digging. Then again, I could relieve some serious pressure off of myself and at the same time show her that I'm willing to talk about anything, as long as she's willing to not judge me about it. I know that's not really fair to say about Laura, but what man in his right mind would want to admit to living in the places I have and knowing the people I've known?
Somehow, I think she's already imagined the worst about my past. Truth is, I haven't killed anyone and I don't have a wife and kids stashed away somewhere. I've always been proactively avoiding putting someone in the same situation I was in as a child. I've never been ready to commit my life to one person before Laura, and I am... was, extremely frightened about being a father. I've always been careful, and where Laura is concerned, I will be just as careful with her. Lord knows, the last thing we would need is to start a family a little too soon. Not that I don't want a family with her some day. I do. Just not today, or the near future.
Which brings me back again to sex. What is it with us that keeps us apart? Sometimes I wonder if there's something besides my past that keeps her away. I'm positive she's attracted to me. At least, I'm almost certain of it. She seems to be. I think. But, I'm reassured by the fact that Laura can't lie to me very well, so I know that the times she's told me I'm not half bad have been honest. And, she's not the type of person to get caught up on looks, good or bad.
Anyway, she's going to be here any minute. What am I going to say? "I think it's time we got past this little road block of ours?" Oh sure, that'll make her feel comfortable. Might as well drown myself in some cologne. She already knows that I can make any dish that's edible, so a romantic dinner won't do the trick. In fact, I've ordered a pizza from the local place around the block to be delivered in about half an hour. I'm not a pizza hound, as it were, but I hope Laura will find a little amusement at the gesture. Normalcy is the key word here.
The videos I've rented are ready to go, so the entertainment is covered. Still, I don't know what to say. If she wants me to cover my past before we finally cross that line, we'll be here until the 90's. Yet, I know she needs something from me to reassure her. I just don't know exactly what that is yet. And, I can't just ask her what that is. "So, what do you need me to say to you before we go to bed together?" She'd lay me flat with a left hook. Not exactly the way I want to end up on my back...
Oh, there's the door now.
Right on time as usual. Icy calm... it's just another
night with Laura. Another night trying to move the relationship
into the other room. I'll just open the door, take a little
time to judge her mood and play it from there. No problem.
Hell, you never know with her, maybe she'll already have
decided to jump my bones tonight. It could happen. Maybe.
The End